The Best Goodbye (20 page)

Her easiest targets were men, simply because she could use her body and her looks to reel them in before she offed them. It was easier for her to hit her marks, but she did it with no emotion. I’d watched her do it more than once, and it was intense, the way she killed without even an ounce of remorse.

Last night, she had come to the restaurant to let me know that members of a gang were believed to be coming after me. They had some insider info on who had killed their “brother,” and they wanted payback.

Knowing there was a possibility that my past was coming back to ruin things now was the scariest shit I’d ever had to swallow. If they had been watching me, it wouldn’t take much for them to figure out who Addy and Franny were. I had come here last night to make sure they were safe. When Addy hadn’t answered, I hadn’t left. I wasn’t leaving them alone until Cope and Alexa found the bastards who were looking for me.

Both of them were in town, trailing who they believed was here for me. If Cope had come to see me and let me in on all this shit, then I wouldn’t have Addy upset with me. But he’d sent Alexa while he kept tracking.

Fucking hell. The only excuse I had for Addy was that Alexa was an old friend. Telling her the truth wasn’t something I was willing to do. I’d lose her if she knew. She would take our daughter and run like hell.

And who could blame her?

I looked across the table at my daughter, as she chatted happily, completely oblivious that her mother was ready to stab me with the fork she was innocently eating her waffles with.

“It’s time for you to get dressed for school,” Addy said when Franny got to a stopping point.

“OK, but can Dad take me?” she asked, looking from her mother to me hopefully.

“I’d love to take you,” I said, before Addy could respond. Hearing Franny call me Dad so easily made my chest swell.

Addy nodded. “That’s fine with me. Now, hurry so he doesn’t have to rush to get you there on time.”

“I will!” she said, jumping up from her chair and hurrying back to the bedroom.

I turned my attention to Addy, who was clearing the table before Franny had even completely left the room.

“You’re not even going to look at me?” I asked, needing her eyes on me so she could see how fucking sincere I was about this situation.

“No reason to,” was her response.

“Addy, please,” I begged.

She paused from picking up Franny’s plate and finally lifted her eyes to meet mine. “What?”

I had her attention now, and not fucking it up was more pressure than I expected. It was like I had five seconds to keep her attention, and the heat was on. “When I tell you she’s an old friend, I mean it. She’s in town with another friend of mine. A guy. They’re together. They had some info for me regarding my old job. That’s it.”

I was more than positive that Cope and Alexa had fucked around. So it wasn’t a complete lie. I was insinuating that they were more, but it was the best thing I could come up with, and from the look in Addy’s eyes, she seemed to be buying it, so I kept going.

“I thought I’d see you leave. When I realized your car was gone, I started calling, but then you wouldn’t answer. I was worried, and I wanted to see you, so I came here. Sleeping outside was the only way I could find any peace. I needed to hear your voice.”

“Can I wear this?” Franny asked.

Addy blinked and moved away from the table to turn and look at our daughter. “Yes, that’s good. Why don’t you wear your white tennis shoes with it?”

Franny nodded and hurried back to the room.

“Can I come back here after I take her to school?”

She didn’t look at me but instead stared straight ahead. “I don’t know, Captain.”

“Addy, you’ve got to believe me.”

She turned to look at me, and there was obvious fear in her eyes. She was scared to trust me. “She needs you. I want you in our life. But I’m scared to need you, too.”

I had stood up and started to move toward her when Franny came skipping into the room with her book bag on her shoulder. “Ready!”

Addy went back to cleaning up. “Don’t forget your lunchbox in the fridge.”

Franny ran over to the fridge and got out a pink polka-dot lunchbox, then went over to Addy and wrapped her arms around her waist.

Addy turned and bent down to pull her in for a hug. “Have a wonderful day. Make it matter,” she said.

Franny nodded. “I got this,” she assured her mother. They released each other, and Franny walked over to me. “Let’s go.”

Addy’s gaze met mine, and she gave me a simple nod. That was all the encouragement I needed.

I had done it again. I had jumped to conclusions. I didn’t let him explain. When had I stopped trusting? When had I gotten so negative? I asked myself these questions and more while I cleaned the kitchen and took a shower before Captain returned.

The fact that he had slept outside simply because I wouldn’t answer his calls was proof enough that he cared and I was being an asshole. After all this time, I was still so incredibly jealous and insecure with him. I didn’t want to be that way. He never gave me a reason not to trust him, back then or now. I had to stop it.

By the time I was out of the shower and dressed, Captain was knocking on my door. I had some apologizing to do, and this would be the last time I did this. Next time, I was asking him if I saw something, not sulking and getting upset.

When I opened the door, Captain walked in, his gaze intent on me. “You gotta stop doing this to me, Addy. After everything that’s happened over the past two days and everything I’ve said to you, I would think you’d know where my head and my heart are. Where they have always been.”

“I know,” I agreed.

He opened his mouth to say something and stopped when my response sank in.

“I won’t do it again,” I assured him.

He took a step closer. “I don’t like thinking you’re upset with me.”

I took a step back, not sure what he was doing. But he took another step, closing the distance. “Can’t love anyone but you.” His frown faded into something deeper. Something intense.

My heart squeezed at his words, and it was hard to think of anything else. When his hands wrapped around my waist and tugged me close, I went willingly. This was my River. The boy who stole my heart and never gave it back.

“Come here,” he said softly, before his mouth pressed against mine.

I slipped my hands up his chest and held on to his shoulders while standing on my tiptoes. It was as high as I could reach.

“So tiny,” he murmured against my lips, then picked me up and walked us over to the bar. He set me on it so that my mouth was level with his. “I always wanted to hold you close and protect you. I couldn’t. But God, I wanted to. I failed you so many times. For ten years, I was empty . . . broken.” He stopped and closed his eyes, then took a deep breath. “I thought I’d lost you. I lived without you, fighting demons I couldn’t kill.”

I moved my hand to touch the side of his stubbled jaw gently. “I’m here now. No more demons to fight.”

I watched his throat as he swallowed hard and gave me a small nod, but there was something in his eyes that worried me. Before I could look closer and figure out what was wrong, his hands tightened their hold on my hips, and he tugged me closer to him. “I need you,” he said in a soft growl.

I needed him, too. I had needed him for ten years. In many ways. But right now, I knew that the way he meant was the way I needed him the most. I would always need him this way. Just him.

Lifting my legs, I wrapped them around his waist.

“Let me take you to the bed,” he whispered, as he kissed my ear.

“No.” I shook my head. “Do it here.”

He stilled, and I ran my hands underneath his shirt to feel his muscled chest.

“On the counter?” he asked, pulling back just enough to lock eyes with me.

I nodded, biting my lip because I’d never done something like this before. I wanted to. I wanted to know what wild, uninhibited sex felt like. I was a grown woman and a mother, but I’d never experienced such things. Things I only wanted to experience with River.

His hands clasped my thighs and jerked me close enough that I could feel his erection pressed between my legs. My clit pulsed with excitement. This was real. Not my fantasy. It was better.

With a low growl, his mouth covered mine again, and I held on to his sides, feeling his muscles flex under my touch. The smell of his skin was intoxicating, and I felt light-headed from inhaling so quickly, trying to get more of him. I loved having him cover my body with his. I loved feeling like we were connected.

It wasn’t until he whispered “Lift your arms” that I realized he was taking my shirt off. I obeyed, quivering with excitement. When his hands covered my breasts and squeezed their fullness, I couldn’t keep from moaning. It felt so good. The ache in my nipples shot straight to my core, and I could feel the dampness in my panties. It was like he was slowly lighting a firecracker; at any moment, he would touch the right spot, and I’d fall apart.

He unhooked my bra with one hand and slowly pulled it away, dropping it to the floor. “So fucking beautiful,” he murmured, his eyes taking in my naked breasts. My nipples were so hard I was afraid if he touched one, I’d come. Not that I didn’t want to have an orgasm, but how pathetic would I look if I did?

His hands moved to hold them, and he brushed his thumb over the sensitive crests. I never wanted this to be over. Being touched by him this way was enough. More than I could have hoped for.

He kissed his way down my neck, and I leaned back, arching my neck so he could have more access. I wanted his mouth everywhere. Taking me to places I’d never been and places I just wanted to be with him.

Finding the strength to take this slowly was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I didn’t want to take this slowly. I wanted Addy naked and wrapped around me while I buried myself so deep in her that I got lost. My body trembled when I thought about how that was going to feel.

Life without her had been hell, but having her now, I realized I’d found my heaven. I’d made it through. Losing her now was impossible. I’d never make it. She wasn’t the kind you could survive losing twice.

Sliding my hand up her inner thigh until I could feel the dampness of her panties, I held my breath.

“Please, now,” she said, her nails biting into my arms. “I want you inside me.”

Inhaling deeply, I could smell her arousal, and my cock throbbed. “Off,” I growled, as I lifted her ass to tug her panties down her legs and toss them onto the floor.

Her hands were shaking as she worked on the button of my jeans. As much as I wanted to watch her undress me, all I could think about was how hot she’d felt when I’d slid my fingers over her.

I helped her unfasten my jeans and push them down my hips.

“I’m on the pill,” she said, touching my lower stomach with reverence. “Can we . . . do it without a condom?”

I knew I was clean. I kept myself checked, and I had been sure to check myself out after the relationship with Elle ended.

I held her legs open wider and went from watching us slowly come together to looking into her fascinated face, as I slowly moved to enter her. I had touched her. I knew how tight she was. It was all that was keeping me from slamming into her with the need clawing at my body.

Her loud gasp was followed by her hands tightening around my arms and her eyes flaring hot with excitement. Sliding into her was another level of pure bliss. A low groan broke from my chest, as her tightness squeezed me with each inch that I sank deeper. Addy’s legs gripped me tightly around the waist, and the panting noises she was making only made it hotter.

“You’re so fucking tight,” I said through clenched teeth.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking up at me with concern in her eyes.

I lowered my mouth to touch hers. “Don’t apologize for being goddamn perfect, Addy. You feel so good I’m close to going crazy.”

She let go of my arms and slid them around my neck, and her mouth made a small “oh” the second I was completely buried in her. “Oh, God,” she said, clinging to me while pressing her bare chest against mine.

“That’s it.” I closed my eyes and let the completeness of the moment sink in.

When I rocked my hips back, she made sexy little sounds that made my balls clench tighter. I was going to explode way too soon if she didn’t stop with the sexy shit.

“Feel good?” I asked her, needing it to feel good to her more than anything else.

“Yes, oh, yes, so good,” she said into my neck, where her face was now tucked. Her tongue came out and took a small lick against my skin.

Our bodies began to move in perfect rhythm. Her skin pressed against mine, and her tightness squeezed my cock with each throb and pulse. I knew the moment she came, I would be finished. I’d never be able to hold out on finishing with her.

Her hand slid down my chest and rested on my abs. She looked down to watch us just before her body stiffened and began to tremble. Lifting her head, she looked up at me. Her mouth was slightly open, and her eyes were closing. The hand on my abs fisted as she cried out my name. Not Captain but River.

And with that, I followed her over the edge.

•  •  •

Two hours later, I held Addy in her bed while she slept. After I’d recovered in the kitchen, I had carried her in here, and we’d made love again. This time, slower and more thoroughly. I had managed to let her get off twice before I went with her. She had then closed her eyes and curled into me before drifting off into an exhausted sleep.

Something else I had missed. Holding Addy while she slept had been a part of my life. It was what helped me sleep at night. Without her in my arms, sleeping had almost been impossible for years.

I stared at the ceiling. My past was back to haunt me, and it wasn’t leaving. I had to face it and find a way to keep Addy, too. She and Franny were my life. I had promised myself that I was done with killing. But if someone threatened what I loved most, I’d remind them who they were dealing with. I’d do anything to protect my girls.

My phone vibrated on the table beside me. I reached over for it gently so as not to disturb Addy.