The Best Goodbye (9 page)

“She do something wrong? She’s a really good, genuine person, Captain. Great mom. And a single mom, at that. Never been married.”

I wanted to be alone so I could call DeCarlo. But I had one more question. “How old is her daughter?”

“Nine.”

Fuck me.

When we got home and I saw that Captain’s truck wasn’t in the drive, I knew it wouldn’t be long before it would be. I took Franny over to visit with Mrs. Baylor and explained that I would be having company later, making sure that Franny could stay until I came for her.

Mrs. Baylor had looked concerned, but then I was battling anxiety, fear, and uncertainty so fiercely that hiding it was impossible. Getting Franny safely tucked away and dealing alone until Captain showed up was best. I had to come to a decision.

Captain knew something. He was connecting the dots. It was very likely he did recognize me but hated me so badly that he had let me leave. But I knew enough about the man he’d become to know he was going to want more answers. I expected his questions sooner rather than later.

I hadn’t been back at the house for an hour before his truck pulled into the driveway. When I heard the crunch of seashells under the tires, I knew without looking that it was him. I waited at my kitchen table while he made his way to the door.

His footsteps stopped, and he waited a moment before he knocked. This was it. Time for the truth. I’d deal with the consequences and keep Franny as protected as possible.

Standing up, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my beating heart, then took off my glasses and laid them on the table. There was no point in wearing them now. When I came here, I knew this day would come. I’d prepared for it several times over the past year. But I realized now that you could never truly prepare for something like this.

Our past wasn’t normal, yet neither was the way I loved River Kipling. He’d been my anchor in the storm until I had needed to break free to save him. And I had. Because I’d loved him that much.

As I opened the door, every memory I had of River flooded through me. Every good moment, every life-changing moment, every time he had made me feel safe. I owed it to that boy to answer to this man. To give him the truth. All of it.

Eleven years ago

I sat curled up on my bed while tears silently slid down my cheeks. My stupid, freckled cheeks. I hated having freckles. I hated being short. I wanted to be tall and tan, like Delany O’Neil. Then maybe River would look at me the way he looked at her.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to fight back the image in my head from today. River was supposed to be waiting for me to walk me home, but he wasn’t there yet. I figured since I’d gotten out of class early, I could go find him and meet him on his way out. I wanted to tell him I passed the history test he helped me study for.

It hadn’t been hard to find him. He had Delany O’Neil pressed up against his locker, his hands on her breasts and his mouth glued to hers. I even saw a glimpse of her tongue—or his, I wasn’t sure. It was hard to take it all in when my heart exploded into a million pieces in my chest.

Delany had her hands tangled in River’s sun-kissed locks that I always wanted to touch but never did. Her leg was sliding up to his hip, and when he moved a hand to grab her thigh, I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I covered my mouth to silence my cry and turned and ran home.

The house was empty. I was thankful I didn’t have to worry about a beating or punishment just for being alive. My room was the only comfort I wanted. Locked inside, alone. Me and my heartbreak.

I knew River liked Delany. I’d seen him watch her when she walked by. He was beautiful, and it was only a matter of time before she turned his way. He’d be in love with her soon. He’d want to be with her, and I’d be left here alone.

At least I wouldn’t have to worry about him getting hurt or having to see his mother act crazy. He would get a break from that when he was with Delany. I’d just need to learn to live with it and survive it while he was gone. It wasn’t like I’d have him around to protect me forever.

The doorknob turned, and I jumped before the banging began. “Addy, are you in there?” River’s voice was panicked. I hadn’t told him I was leaving, but I figured he’d forget about me with Delany latched onto him.

“Yeah,” I croaked out, wincing at the sound of my own voice.

“Shit, are you OK? Why did you come back without me? Did she hurt you? Fuck, Addy, open the door.”

He was worried about me. He was always worried about me. I was his burden, and I hated that even more than I hated my freckles. I sniffled and wiped at my face, knowing it was going to be red and splotchy.

“Please, Addy. Open up,” he begged.

I stood and went to the door, wishing I didn’t have to face him. I could still see his hand on Delany and his tongue in her mouth. Cringing with jealousy and disgust, I opened the door.

River shoved inside before I could get it all the way open. “What happened?” he asked, cupping my face and studying it closely for any signs of abuse.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, and stepped away from him, knowing where those hands had been so recently. “You see, I’m good. You can go.” I pointed to the door without making eye contact with him.

“Like hell you’re good. You won’t even look at me, and since when do you kick me out of your room? Addy, something happened, and I want to know who the fuck I need to beat up.” He was always ready to save me. The short, freckled best friend who was in love with him.

“No one. It’s not what you think. I’m just emotional,” I admitted. I walked back to my bed to sit down.

“You’re never emotional. Something’s wrong. Tell me.”

He didn’t realize that he didn’t really want to know what was wrong. He thought he did, but he really didn’t. How would he handle it? I wasn’t a girl he could avoid. I was in his house. Living the same daily hell he was. “Would you trust me if I told you that you don’t want to know this, and you can’t fix it?” I asked him.

He shook his head no. “I want to know what makes you cry, because I know I can fucking fix it.”

Sighing, I pulled my knees up under my chin and turned my head away from him to stare at the wall. We would do this all night. He wouldn’t leave until I told him. He’d know if I lied to him, because he could read me too well. In so many ways, we were similar. Telling him was going to hurt us both. But he was my best friend, and if I was going to have a hard time adjusting to this, then he should be prepared. I doubted this was the last time I would curl up and cry over him and Delany. Or some other girl.

“I saw you with Delany,” I whispered. As soon as I said it, I wished I hadn’t. I hoped he hadn’t heard me. When he didn’t respond, I thought maybe I had a reprieve and he had missed the admission. Closing my eyes tightly, I held my breath.

“That’s why you’re crying?” he asked, too gently, in a tone that told me he cared. It only made me feel worse. He would hate to think he had made me cry. I’d been selfish to tell him. “Addy, talk to me. Is that why you left school without me and why you’re crying right now?”

River was fifteen. He was popular at school, and although he didn’t play sports (once again, because of me), people still loved him. Was it so wrong that I’d fallen in love with him, too?

His hand touched my arm, and I jumped, but I wouldn’t look at him. I felt so guilty. It was my fault he didn’t play sports, and now I was making him think he couldn’t date or I’d cry like a baby.

“I’m sorry. Just ignore this. I swear I’ll never react this way again,” I said, with as much conviction as I could. I wanted him to believe me.

“Answer me, Addy. Are you crying over what you saw? Me and Delany?”

I shuddered, hating to hear her name with his. But she was tall and beautiful and popular. They made sense. They fit.

River sat down beside me, keeping his hand on my arm. “That’s it. That’s why you’re crying. Because you saw me with Delany, and it upset you.”

He wasn’t asking questions now. He was stating what he’d figured out from my silence.

“Why does that upset you?” he asked. His voice was a low rumble as he moved closer to me and his thumb caressed my arm. “You’ve always talked to me before. Don’t stop now. I need you to tell me, Addy. Please. Talk to me.” The desperate plea in his voice was my undoing. I was hurting him, and he didn’t deserve it.

I turned my gaze to his, and my eyes held more unshed tears. “I’m sorry. I . . . I know we’re friends, and I know you would do anything for me. So this is unfair, and I don’t want to tell you, because I don’t want you to feel bad for me.”

River didn’t move. His eyes pleaded with me to continue, so I did.

“I was jealous. It was hard to see . . .” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “I didn’t want . . . I don’t want . . .” I closed my eyes. I couldn’t say it and look at him. “I don’t want to hurt our friendship, but I’m in love with you.” There. I had said it.

Before I could think of anything else, River’s hands were once again cupping my face, but this time, it was different. There was an intimacy to it that didn’t come when he was checking me for bruises. “Look at me, Addy.”

Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared into his. There was so much emotion there. I wasn’t able to read him and know what he was feeling.

“I’ve been in love with you for a while now. I just didn’t think you felt that way about me.”

“What?” I said, confused.

He gave me a grin, then moved in closer. “I’m in love with you. You’re all I care about.”

Frowning, I looked down and tried to move my face away, but he held on to me with a firm yet gentle touch. “I saw you caring a lot about Delany.”

“No, what you saw was me being a guy. I didn’t think you felt more than friendship for me, so when Delany came on to me, I took the chance. I don’t love her. She loves herself enough. She was just a distraction.”

“What?” I repeated. “You . . . you touched her breasts and her thigh. I saw your tongue in her mouth.”

River winced as if that pained him. “I hate that you saw that. But I’ll never do it again. I swear to God. If you love me, Addy, then I’m yours. I’ve been yours for years.”

She wasn’t wearing her glasses, and without those large frames covering her face, I could see her eyes clearly. Eyes that had haunted me for years. She had changed her hair color, but that was Addy’s face. Just the grown-up version. How had I missed it?

Because I hadn’t believed she was alive. I’d never looked at her hoping to see Addy.

“Addy,” I said, simply needing her to assure me that I wasn’t hallucinating and this was real. She was real.

She stepped back from the door so I could come inside. “River,” she replied simply, and that was the only answer I needed.

All the questions I’d had on my way over here, when I was still afraid to believe that Rose was Addy, vanished. I couldn’t form words. The best thing I could manage was “How?”

Addy closed the door once I was inside and turned to look at me. “How what? How did I find you?”

Find me? She’d been looking for me? It had been ten years. I shook my head. Yes, I wanted that answer, too, but first . . . “How are you alive?”

She frowned and studied me a moment, as if my question made no sense.

Did she not think that would be the first thing I’d want to know? Fuck, I’d thought she was dead for ten years of hell. If I’d had any idea she was alive, I’d have come after her. Found her. I had that kind of power with DeCarlo. Finding her would have been easy, but I’d seen what my mother had done to her.

“I don’t understand the question. I left without a word because I was protecting you from your mother. From me and the fate you’d be handed if I stayed. I saved us both, really. Why would you think I was dead?”

“Why would you leave? You knew you didn’t have to save me. I kept you safe, Addy, not the other way around. And I thought you were dead because my mother came home with a gun in her hands and blood on her clothes. She admitted to killing you and throwing your body into a lake, but she wouldn’t disclose the exact location. You never came home. I hoped she was lying, but you never came back. You never contacted me. I went to the police, and Mom was arrested and sent to a mental hospital, where she eventually took her own life. Fuck, Addy, I had every damn body of water in a hundred-mile radius dragged as soon as I had the money and power to do it. I wanted you properly buried.” My heart was pounding in my chest as I let the memories and the pain wash over me. But seeing her standing here was almost too much.

“The blood was mine,” she said quietly. But I knew that already. The cops had confirmed it. “She checked me out of school that day. I had asked the office to please call you to the office, but she’d been on her best behavior and explained that she didn’t want you disturbed because of my doctor’s appointment. So I went, although I knew there was no doctor’s appointment.

“She took me out of town and parked at the back of a parking lot at a bus station. Then she asked me how many times we’d had sex. I didn’t want to tell her. That crazy look was in her eyes, and I knew if I told her, she’d lose it. So I said once. She hit me across the face and busted my lip. Then she asked me again, and I told her three times. She hit me again. Then she asked me again. This went on five times, even though my answer stayed the same. I was bleeding badly by this time, and she shoved money at me and told me to get on a bus and leave and never come back. That I could be pregnant with your brat, and I wasn’t going to taint her name and yours.

“She said what we had done was dirty, and she wouldn’t have it. If I didn’t leave, she’d send me back into the system, and if I was pregnant, they’d take my baby away from me. My period was late. I hadn’t told you because I wasn’t sure if it was a concern yet, but hearing her tell me I’d end up losing not only you but our baby was enough to terrify me.