The Best Man (20 page)

Oh, she thought she was different since returning from her experience in the tsunami, but she wasn’t. Not really. She was more brittle. But the same ole determined Kate was there, hiding behind that calm face she wore.

Luke slammed his fist against the steering wheel. He wanted to help. He wanted to make things easier for her. If her father had lived, he might have told the man what he thought of him for denying his daughter’s offer of love. But that time had come and gone. Her father died of a heart attack, at home, alone. Just as he’d lived his life.

Luke didn’t want Kate to suffer like her father had. He wanted to shake some sense into her, and tell her to stop hiding behind that mask she wore.

But he would be a fine one to offer advice. He’d known her a year before his former classmate from college had invaded her life. He had done nothing back then. Just as he had done nothing tonight.

Luke spewed a shuddering breath and blinked against the lights of an on-coming car. He had done something when Joel returned from Thailand without Kate. But that was why he was holding back now.

He had lost control.

He’d risked his job and his life, to search for Kate after the tsunami disaster. He had torn through red tape that threatened to keep her whereabouts from him. He had needed to search for Kate himself. Breaking rules hadn’t mattered to his broken heart. And in the end, his efforts had meant nothing. He’d lost control. Taken risks. For what?

He had returned home without Kate.

He had failed her.

He wanted to keep that part of his life away from her. That obstacle kept him for telling her how he’d felt about her from the first time he saw her. But he never wanted Kate to know he had failed her.

Having her think he was no better than Joel tore him apart. With that thought racing through his head, Luke checked on-coming traffic, then whipped the car into a U-turn. Tires of his BMW squealed against the pavement, matching the turmoil in his head.

Fueled by a fire burning in his gut, Luke pressed down on the gas hoping, praying, he wasn’t too late to help Kate. He wasn’t like Joel. He had failed to find Kate in Thailand…but he’d searched until he was ready to drop. And stayed in the country as long as his visa allowed.

True, he’d returned home without finding her. But she was here now, and something was wrong. She had looked pale and was sitting in the darkened car. Kate wasn’t careless.

Something was troubling her so much she didn’t know what she was doing. He intended to find out what. Offer his help.

Arriving at her apartment, Luke parked among the late night pizza lovers’ vehicles and stomped up the metal stairs running up the side of the building. He didn’t like Kate living in a place this accessible to trouble makers finding their way up the stairs. He’d tried telling her that but her stubborn determination ignored his warnings.

He knocked on the door. When she didn’t respond, he knocked louder. When she still didn’t come, he called her name. “Kate! It’s me. Open up.”

Kate’s pale face appeared in the small opening the security chain allowed. “Luke?”

“Let me in.”

“What are you doing here? I told you, I’m too tired to go for coffee.”

“Open up, Kate. We need to talk.”

She stepped back, and held the door open. A long white terrycloth robe covered her from shoulder to toes, adding to the pale tint of her skin, except for the red blotches around her eyes. Had she been crying?

“What are you doing here, Luke?”

“Something you said brought up questions.”

“At this time of night?” Kate attempted a humorous note. “Can’t this wait until tomorrow?”

Luke moved past her and dropped in the first chair he came too, making it clear he was staying. “What upset you tonight at the Center?”

Kate curled up in the corner of the run-down sofa two feet away, and carefully pulled the robe around her so that even her toes were covered. “What makes you think I was upset?”

“You didn’t look right.”

“What? You expect me to refresh my make-up before I go to the Crisis Center?” Kate’s chest puffed out, drawing his attention to her breasts above the belted robe. The wide round collar gaped open, revealing cleavage Kate’s conservative office wear concealed. “Since you sound like the Fashion Police, Mr. Sterling, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I make a point of not refreshing my make-up before I go to the shelter. I-many of those women are sporting black eyes and bruises. I don’t want to make them feel worse about the way they look.”

Luke studied her for long seconds. She was still pale. And it wasn’t just the lack of make-up. Her skin looked drained of all color under what remained of the tan she came home with.

“Commendable, but that’s not what I meant.”

Kate’s mouth twisted in a grimace. “What did you mean? I’m tired, Luke. I want to go to bed.”

“Is that an invitation?”

Kate’s dark eyes darted to his and widened. Luke saw a mix of emotions in their chocolate depths, and almost lost his last ounce of control. He wanted to pull Kate in his arms and tell her everything would be all right, except Kate wouldn’t admit anything was wrong.

“You wish,” Kate said, her lips tilting in a near smile. For a second, emotions glimmered in her eyes, then the dullness returned. Her hands twisted in her lap. “Why are you really here, Luke?”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

Kate’s mouth dropped open. Her squinting eyes and the contractions of her smooth throat as she swallowed repeatedly, told him she intended to deny any problem. He was steeling himself to wait out her denial when he saw tears fill her eyes.

“Kate! What’s wrong?” Luke landed beside her on the lumpy sofa, and reached out an arm to pull her close.

Kate held up a staying hand. “Okay…I’ll tell you. L-let me get a glass of water.”

Luke sprung to his feet. He needed to do something. For a second there he’d almost exposed his deep feelings. Kate wouldn’t thank him for revealing his emotions. In fact, he was almost certain she would kick him out the door. After studying her reaction to her former husband these last few weeks, Luke knew she didn’t trust easily.

He understood. He held his emotions tight to his chest. It was instinct, meant to protect him from getting hurt, but instead of keeping him safe, his actions had lost his first chance with Kate.

When she first joined the law firm, he hid his reactions to her. He’d worried that her father, as senior partner and mentor, would play favorites when his estranged daughter came to work for him.

From his point of view, Luke would have done everything in his power to earn the respect of a daughter he had left behind. But Kate’s father never showed any hint of emotion when dealing with her.

By the time Luke realized Kate’s presence didn’t threaten his desperate need to achieve, he’d had another reason to keep his distance. He’d concentrated so much attention on the interactions of father and daughter, he hadn’t realized thoughts of Kate filled his head day and night.

Luke took a short tumbler out of the cabinet, because that was the type of glass Kate preferred, and reached for a second glass for himself. He knew Kate’s habits, her dislikes. He knew which item she would pick from a menu.

He knew which shoes she would have on when he saw her outfit for the day. That intense awareness of another person scared him. He had retreated, and struggled to gain control of his run-away emotions where Kate was concerned. Before he found a comfort level to deal with of his feelings for Kate, Joel had arrived on the scene.

“Drink this.”

“I’m sorry, Luke.”

Luke resisted the urge to sit beside her and moved to the chair facing her. But the tone in her voice caused his stomach to roil as he asked, “For what?”

Kate took a long sip of water then looked at him over the rim of the glass. “For making you worry.”

Luke’s fingers tightened around his glass and he poured water down his throat to defeat his need to hold her. “That’s what friends are for.”

He wanted more than friendship from Kate. He’d faced that fact not long after Joel swept her off her feet. But he hadn’t said anything, thinking he was acting in her best interest.

That was the reason he couldn’t reveal his feelings for her now. After her brush with death, Kate had goals she wanted to accomplish. He understood. He wanted her feel the success of success. Wanted her confidence validated and her sense of worth restored. He wanted to help Kate live her dreams.

Even if they weren’t the same as his dreams.

He took another gulp of water. “But tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll stop worrying.”

Kate shrugged, causing her robe to gap open as she set the empty glass on the end table at her elbow. “It’s silly,” she sighed as her words spilled into thudding roar of the jute box music from the shop below. The constant vibration of sound was like living near the ocean and having the roar of the waves in your head all the time. “I over-reacted. Maybe the director is right. Maybe I am too worn out to deal with their problems.”

Luke’s brow wrinkled. “The director upset you?”

Kate sent him a startled look. “You thought it was one of my clients? Why would you think that?”

Luke went on alert. His eyes dropped from her glance as he shifted in sagging cushion of the worn chair. “That’s all that made sense to me?”

“Did you hear something?” Kate sat forward on the edge of the sofa. Her dark eyes studied him with an alertness she hadn’t shown when he first arrived.

“No,” Luke crossed a leg over his knee and plucked at the crease in his dark gray pants, “but that was the only thing that made sense.”

“Why do you say that?”

Luke hesitated, realizing his knowledge of her reactions might be revealed in the next few moments. Relief and a sense of fear fought for release inside him. He squared his shoulders and prepared for Kate to discover how much he watched over her. “When you left the office, you seemed okay.”

Ouch! Not the brave declaration of his emotional involvement he’d intended…but he’d done a complete about face in case Kate wasn’t ready to hear the truth. He’d chosen caution instead of a strong declaration of his feelings. Where was the force when he needed it?

Kate expelled a sigh. “You’re right. It wasn’t a client.” Her fingers pleated the robe’s thick belt. “The director implied I wasn’t doing a good job?”

“Has she lost her mind?”

Kate shrugged. Tears clogged the back of her throat. She recalled the initial shock when the director as good as told her she wasn’t good enough. Words too much like the way she’d felt as a child...and even in her marriage. Pain surged over her. Rejection flared in her chest.

She at glanced at Luke. Seeing the fury on his face eased some of her pain. “She…wants more successful attorneys.”

“Excuse me? After you’ve practically lived there, helping any way you could, she’s rejecting your help?”

“She thinks the Center needs to attract more well known volunteers.”

Luke surged to his feet and paced in the confined space behind the chair, feeling the weight of his wish come true. Kate would stop going to the Crisis Center. She would be out of danger. He could relax his guard and know she was safe.

But at what cost? His comfort came at the cost of immense pain. He could see the strain lining her face. He wanted her safe...but he wanted Kate to be happy. How did he balance the scales? What did his relief matter when she was suffering? His issues weren’t important. Kate’s goals were. “I’ll talk to the director first thing in the morning.”

“No.” Kate sat upright as she squawked that one word. She eased back against the sofa and shrugged. “I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted.” She made a snorting sound and struggled for a lighter tone. “I get enough of that at work.”

How could she reveal she’d seen the relief in his expression when she’d told him what the director said? How could she explain that much as she needed to prove herself, she didn’t want to worry him? If he asked for an explanation, what would she say?

Putting herself out there, exposing her emotions for Luke to accept or reject demanded more courage than she had right now. She was still working on her self-confidence in personal relationships. She’d made progress. Now, she didn’t expect rejection with every encounter.

But the director’s word had been a blow. One she could deal with, but it still hurt, knowing she’d given her all to helping out at the Center and it wasn’t enough. She’d never been enough. Much as she loved life and enjoyed her work, she always felt she was clinging on by her fingernails.

Except for now...seeing Luke’s rapidly changing emotions, knowing he’d made a special trip to check on her, gave her a rush of warm feelings she never wanted to lose.

She took a shuddering breath and swallowed, not from disappointment, but from the rush of longing threatening to astound her. Having Luke in her apartment, knowing she was nearly naked under the robe, brought memories of their night together back in full force. She’d vowed she wouldn’t think about that night. Promised she wouldn’t remember Luke’s touch...

But all she had to do was look in his eyes. Or stand close enough to him to smell his aftershave and feel the heat from his body. Or see his one-sided grin. Or notice his long fingers as he passed her a document or glass of water, and she was lost.