The Best You'll Ever Have (15 page)

Even the uterus and vagina remain, albeit undeveloped, becoming the “prostatic utricle” also known as “uterus masculinus” or male uterus. It’s is a small pouch of would-be uterus and vagina about a quarter of an inch long invisible to the eye because it’s located in the center area of the prostate. The G-spot morphs into the prostate gland. But since the prostate has had more attention and produces a specific fluid, the G-spot is also known now as “the female prostate” because it turns out that the ejaculatory fluid of both sexes is the same. In fact, female “paraurethral glands” and ducts are 20–25 percent lighter but function the same as the ducts and glands that make up the prostate, producing the same fluid.

To stimulate the G-spot, as described in chapter 3, the owner needs to be aroused already. Same thing with the P-spot. But, unlike G-spotting, P-spot stimulation can be achieved externally. Get it? From outside the body. No penetrating of orifices necessary. Need I spell it out even more clearly? You can get at the prostate without having to insert a single fingernail into a man’s ass. WHEW!! I’m sure you’re feeling much better about the whole enterprise now.

Consider the similarities between
the G-spot and the P-spot:

Both are the size of a walnut and are made up of
textured erectile tissue that swells with arousal.

Both are located between the bladder and the
penis/clitoris.

Both are wrapped around the urethra.

Both produce ejaculatory fluid.

Both are pleasure centers with nerves connecting
to the clitoris/penis.

Both respond to direct stimulation by producing
intense orgasms.

The prostate, as mentioned above, is blanketed by highly sensitive nerves that are the basis of all male sexual pleasure. Get at those nerves with massage and it’s like mainlining erotic heroin. Fortunately, the prostate rests directly on top of the perineum. Another p-word, the perineum is a band of flesh that runs from the base of the scrotal sac to the anus (in fact, this stretch of sensual highway is often called the “taint,” as in, “it ain’t the balls and it ain’t the butt”). Women have one, too, running from the vulva to the anus. The perineum has plenty of nerve endings of its own for everyone, so rubbing the area on a man is a two-for-one deal, stimulating the perineal nerves directly and the prostate indirectly.

For an outside job: go straight to the perineum. Make circles with your fingers on that smooth area. Feel for a small indentation under the skin about three-quarters of the way down from the scrotum. The prostate is right above that dent.

Lubrication is always a handy helper, especially in this event. For one thing, men don’t self-lubricate the way women do. And for another, in all sexual matters, friction is not your friend. Use lubrication made for sex though. Hand cream, Vaseline, and baby oil can lead to vaginal irritation or infection and/or degradation of a condom, which defeats the purpose. For a run-down of good lubrication options, go to chapter 6.

After you’ve lubed up, start with the circular motion on the perineum (gently yet firmly). Press upward (slowly yet purposefully), and you can feel the prostate itself. But don’t focus exclusively on the “prostate above” dimple mentioned here. The whole area is a hot patch for men, a red-hot one. Don’t press too hard though. You’re not massaging his strong, beefy shoulder muscles or his strapping manly legs. This is a delicate little gland and area and needs to be handled with care and respect. Combine external P-spotting with a hand job or blowjob and you’ll make a friend for life.

For more direct, and therefore more intense, P-spotting, it takes an inside job. Those willing to go for a more direct route will have to venture into uncharted waters and penetrate their boyfriend’s body, but not very much. The prostate is not, of course, inside the rectum. It is very near the rectal wall (just like the G-spot is on the other side of the vaginal wall), on the downward stomach side. You can feel it pretty easily two or three inches in (reachable with even the most lady-like index finger). The walnut shape is distinctive. Texturally, it’s softer—more sponge than shell.

Nuts and bolts approach details: lube up (a lot) his anus and your finger. Have him lie on his back. Sit between his legs. Slowly insert finger. Very slowly. Palm up so you can hook your digit toward his stomach side. Experiment with gentle circles and up-down strokes. See what your partner likes. You can use a latex glove or not, but be sure to have cut nails and lots of lubricant. No lubricant equals no fun. I simply cannot stress enough the benefits of lubrication. Combine internal P-spotting with a blowjob or hand job and you’ll have a slave for life.

That Is, If He’s Willing

All well and good, you say. I’d love a man-slave for life, you say. But meanwhile you may be thinking, “My guy would never let me near his butt. No fucking way.” A lot of women have said this to me at Salons. “I accidentally got near his butt once and he freaked out,” one confessed.

There
are
a lot of scared guys out there. They don’t always know what’s good for them. Any sudden movements in that area can certainly make a guy freak out. Men tend to have three main barriers about any kind of tush activity:

FEAR OF PAIN

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

FEAR OF LIKING IT

Start with the
ass
umption that you and he have nothing to fear but fear itself. All mental barriers can be dismantled with open and honest conversation. And I’m going to tell you exactly how to converse with him for his own benefit. He’ll want to thank me later. He can send an e-mail to [email protected].

BARRIER NUMBER 1: Fear of Pain BARRIER NUMBER 1: Fear of Pain

Many men have had only one previous prostate experience. That involved a doctor, rubber gloves, and a cold examining room. About as far from erotic as one can get. And since he wasn’t getting any pleasure from the exam, he probably resisted the intrusion, and that might equal pain on insertion. Any woman who’s had a decidedly unsexy, uncomfortable time getting a pap smear can relate. Just the word “speculum” can make a woman close up tighter than a fist.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to drive home the point that you’re not giving him a health check, the bed is not an examining room table, your womanly touch is not that of a hairy-handed doctor. You will be gentle and caring, not medical and mechanical. There will be no snapping of rubber gloves, only the soft panting of hot and heavy lovemaking. Go slooowwwly. And ask repeatedly in the hot and heavy spirit of the moment if he is okay as you progress.

BARRIER NUMBER 2: Fear of the Unknown

The fear of the unknown includes fear of pain, but mostly it’s just not knowing what to expect. Your guy may believe that prostate massage is kinky, dirty, awkward, gross. His hesitation is similar to ordering a strange sounding dish at a restaurant; will he like it or be disgusted by it? He just doesn’t know, and, frankly, neither do you. Of course, most of his reluctance is specifically ass related. Consider if you said to him, “Let me rub you in a new spot between your toes. I read in this awesome sex book that it will drive you crazy.” How fast do you think his shoe would be off? Make the comparison to him. Remind him of the first time he tried sushi. The first time he snowboarded. Only the brave are rewarded in this world. That includes you too. Your intrepid sense of exploration may inspire him. Your enthusiasm (if it’s genuine) will be contagious. Someone else’s confidence and assurance may be all he (or you) needs to let fun override fear.

BARRIER NUMBER 3: Fear of Liking It

“If I like it, does that mean I’m gay?” You know that’s what he’s thinking. Any interest in his own ass, or even your ass, might convince an unworldly man that he has latent homosexual tendencies and that he’d rather not go anywhere near that bend of thinking. He will drop the subject summarily and refuse to discuss it. Examine the twisted logic in this double whammy of shame: he’s afraid of liking something that might mean he’s gay, but he’s afraid to admit those fears because the notion alone might lessen him in your eyes. Would you want to “make him gay” by probing his prostate? No, but we’re not talking about rational thinking.

It may sound ridiculous, but some men are very hung up on their masculinity. “Butt Touching + Liking It = Gay” is a deeply rooted equation for many American men. Even though very enlightened men know rationally that this is bullshit, some can’t help where their minds take them.

Just to be sure everyone’s on the same page here, touching yourself or being touched anywhere on your body does not affect which gender you prefer to be touched by. There aren’t parts of your body that will make you more interested in sleeping with the same sex if they’re stimulated. Lesbians give oral sex to other women. Are you a lesbian for liking it when he goes down on you? Gay men give blowjobs. Does that mean he’s gay for liking it when you do it? Every part, zone, spot you’ve got should be enjoyed. Same for him. No one “goes gay” from his own happy nerve endings. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, but it doesn’t happen by flicking a switch.

P-spotting for His Health

This last argument might convince him. According to the Prostatitis Foundation, prostate massage “has the effect of getting rid of built-up pus and dead cells, and shrinking the gland, relieving symptoms” of many inflamed prostates. This method was used pre-1960, before antibiotics were widely administered, and this method is still practiced with success. So not only can a P-spot tweak maintain a healthy prostate, it may cure an inflamed one too.

Communication

Convincing him to try something new brings up an even larger subject: how to communicate effectively with your partner about sex. As a blanket statement, reading this book will probably make you a lot more educated about your body, his body, sexual adventure, and response than he is. No one likes to be talked down to. So when you bring up things you’ve learned, be sure to blame me for everything. Show him pages from the book. Leave the book in the bathroom where he’s sure to peek at it.

Also, as mentioned previously, be assured that men like it when you talk about sex. They like how it sounds; they like to imagine doing what you’re discussing. Hearing you use key words is probably one of his fantasies (hint: those words are not “stop,” “ouch,” and “headache”). When you decide to launch a conversation about what you’d like to try and why, keep the tone enthusiastic, with the honest innocence of nasty fun.

You’ve probably heard not to bring up wild new tricks when you’re already in bed. True, that might throw him off his stride, making him wonder if you hate what he’s doing
right now.
Outside-the-bedroom talk, simply because it’s not in the sex chamber, has an extra erotic flavor. I like to have these conversations in the kitchen over breakfast. Start the day with a healthy appetite and let it grow until nighttime when talk can turn into action. If breakfast is too much, do it while having dinner. Come to think of it, talking about sex while eating may be the sexiest combination of all, with moving mouths and savory tastes. Ah, yes. I may have to stop writing now and meet a man for dinner…

Where was I? Yes, the reciprocity of sex talk. It’s wonderful to be able to talk about it. It’s even more wonderful when you can listen too. You’ve got to be confident enough to listen to what he wants to say. This is the hardest part of communicating for most people. If you don’t create an atmosphere of receptivity, your partner won’t be able to reveal things to you for fear that you will judge or dismiss him. This is true when you have the third-date sexually transmitted disease discussion (which I sincerely hope you have/will have before sleeping with anyone), and it’s true later on when you talk about fantasies, P-spotting, and beyond. Show your openness by shutting up when he talks and by nodding and smiling to encourage him. He should do the same for you. Don’t interrupt him or wave off his concerns. Listen, smile, and nod, and then you’ll get your turn. If you show him courtesy, he’ll hand it back to you, and then some.

Minds Wide Open

Men and women—people I hardly know—tell me their most intimate secrets. They sense that I have an open mind and that I’m not going to reject them or judge them. If you let go of feeling threatened and focus on being interested in what your partner wants or thinks about (which I’m sure you are), he’ll sense you have an open mind too. The more open the better. For sex, and love.

There were so many things I wanted to do with my wife but I just knew
she wouldn’t be interested, that she would think I was deviant and
weird. Maybe I am. I know how scared I am. But that didn’t change
what I wanted to do with her. I got obsessed with my ideas and wanted
to do them with anyone after awhile. Finally, after fourteen years of
being married to her, I did do these things with someone else and it
was such a relief. I realized that I can’t be me in my marriage and
we’re getting a divorce.
—Mark, 42