The Big Fat Truth: The Behind-the-scenes Secret to Weight Loss (18 page)

Then the instructor says, “Okay, great. Everyone with the ice and the rag, move it to the man across from you. I’m going to count backward from 10, and when I get to zero, you lean over and hit the guy across from you as hard in the face as you possibly can. Knock him out cold.” The situation is now reversed. They were going to get punched in the face, but now they’re the aggressors. They’re the ones allowed to throw a punch, and they’re excited about it. Why? Because a minute ago they were going to be the victim, the person not in control of what was about to happen to them. Two scary words here: “victim” and “control.” Which is better? To wallow in being a victim or to get mad and do something about it—to take control?

Who’s the Boss of You? You!

Struggling today. Wanted a Diet Coke, but resisted. Held a cookie in my hand today for Emma (she had an end-of-soccer-season party). Thought about biting it but didn’t because that cookie isn’t worth the pain I have been enduring. Emma offered me a piece the size of a very small crumb. She said that I could only have a tiny piece because cookies have a lot sugar (she’s five). Had a great workout this a.m. in my yard with my girl Peggy. This afternoon I burned about 500 calories raking leaves. Learning to exercise when stressed instead of eating.

—Christina, posted on
The Revolution
Facebook page

The instructor never actually lets the men hit each other. He is just trying to get across this message: Is it better in life to get hit or to be the one throwing the punches? Don’t take this too literally. I’m not telling you to go out there and start acting like a jerk. What I
am
telling you is to take control of your life. If you’ve been getting metaphorically punched in the face for years, maybe it’s actually starting to feel good. Think back to what I said about failure being your happy place. I think there are other happy places—and that you’ll find them if you just put yourself in charge of your own life.

Your mission now is to start being the puppeteer, not the puppet. Being in control of your life is powerful. It’s sexy. It’s exciting, especially if you’ve felt out of control for ages. I say “felt” because don’t tell me that you don’t have control over your life, because you do.
I can’t help it
. I hear that cop-out every day, and I’m not sympathetic. Many people—and many overweight people especially—genuinely believe that they are not in control of
any
aspect of their lives. They can’t control what happens to them at work, how much money they make, how their family treats them, and, above all, they can’t control what they eat.

I don’t buy it. In fact, I think it’s complete BS, because everyone has a choice. You can choose a better way. You have power that you have not yet put to work. Fear is in the way. Remove the fear, and amazing things start to happen.

Trina, a woman we had on one of the shows, was a perfect example. Trina was a grown woman, in her forties, a nurse, married with two kids. And yet her mother ruled her life as if Trina was still a fourth grader. Her mother would drop in at Trina’s any time she wanted, showing up sometimes at 11:00 p.m. to do her laundry. Did she call first? No. Of course, she didn’t call first. And her mom was mean, too. “What makes you think they’ll pick you for the show?” she said to Trina. “They’ll never pick you.” What do you think Trina did every time her mother finally went home? If you said, pull out the carton of ice cream, you’re right.

“Trina,” I told her, “you have to create some boundaries, set some rules.”

“But she’s my mother!” Trina would argue. “I can’t do that.”

Ask and You Shall Receive

So today we are at the mountain, right, and I’m driving myself crazy because every time I go there, I have a tradition of enjoying a hot chocolate and sitting in the cold air by the outdoor firepit and enjoying the beautiful view. I finally decide I’m just gonna go ask the hot chocolate girl if she has anything that I can drink. (I don’t drink coffee.) I told her I was on a mission to lose weight. She was so nice and went out of her way to start pulling out packages and reading labels and what not.

Anyway, guess what? I got to have my moment by the fireplace! She made me a “Vanilla Steamer.” It was a cup of nonfat milk: vanilla-flavored, sweetened with Splenda, and cinnamon. OMGosh, it was so good. And I didn’t feel guilty.

So, the point is . . . don’t be afraid to ask people to help you. Sometimes, they are more than willing to do it.

—Shannon, posted on
The Revolution
Facebook page

“Okay, Trina, then you will always be 300 pounds and unhappy. Your lack of boundaries is bad for you, bad for your marriage, bad for your kids, and bad for your family as a whole. What person in her forties is still at the mercy of her mom? What husband would even allow that?”

It took months of cajoling, but finally Trina read her mother the riot act. She set boundaries for when her mom could come to the house, and she changed the lock and didn’t give her a key. And what do you think happened? Her mother actually listened to her—and Trina started losing weight in a big way.

Knowing that you can make a decision and stick with it is empowering. You don’t have to start taking control of everything tomorrow; I’ve seen people start taking control in small ways, then work their way up to being the puppeteer in much more consequential ways. Say, for instance, that you go out to dinner with your spouse, who orders dessert for the two of you. You can sit there and dig in, all the while listening to your inner voice shame you for doing so. But what if you cut the dessert in half and say, “Honey, here’s yours,” take one bite of your own portion, open up the salt shaker and pour salt on top. It’s drastic (and, okay, a little gross), but it’s taking control of your environment. You can no longer say, “I can’t help it, dessert was thrust upon me.” Own it! Be proud that you took control. Even brag about it. Again, it’s all about the brain game. Your subconscious is not aware you used salt to destroy the dessert. All it knows is that you kept your promise not to eat it. Do that a few hundred more times and you win.

Trina:
Before

Trina:
After

Look, I know it’s hard to have restraint. For instance, there is no way that anyone can sit with a package of Oreos in front of him and eat just one. It’s impossible. I can’t even do it. They’re scientifically engineered to make you want more, and you can’t beat science. If you eat one cookie, you’re going to have another one. Maybe you don’t even like Oreos, but I guarantee that there’s something out there that’s your Oreo.

But, once again, wrestle that temptation to the ground. If you want an Oreo, go get one. Go the vending machine, buy the little package of cookies for $1.25, open it, eat one, then dump the rest in the garbage or give them to someone else. This might sound like a minor act of resistance, but it will make you feel powerful and in control. Being in control is like a having a super power.

I know what you’re thinking: “That’s so wasteful.” And not living up to your potential isn’t? Which is the bigger waste? One package of $1.25 Oreos or not living a full life? Don’t start about starving kids in Africa—that’s another problem entirely, which eating more than your share of sugary foods is not going to solve. In the long run, wasting food at these moments is a better option than endangering your health.

You’re going to find that when you begin to assert yourself some of the things you thought were impossible to control really aren’t that difficult. One of the things that made it difficult for Raymond to have a healthy lifestyle was his work hours. Raymond worked the night shift and slept during the day, a schedule that he said was not conducive to working out (
excuse!
). But after he got back from Boot Camp, he pressed for better hours—and he got them. Why? Because his bosses valued him more than he had previously valued himself. When he finally put his foot down and said, “I work days, or I need to find a new job,” they realized they couldn’t lose him. Alert! This was after going through Boot Camp for three months, where he was taught to place a high value on his well-being. He put the work into himself
first
, then starting demanding better in his life. And he earned it. Don’t just wake up tomorrow and demand things. Earn the right to demand better.

The lesson here is that, when both Raymond and Trina at long last laid out the boundaries that worked for them, both boss and Mom agreed to the terms. So ask yourself, are you, like Raymond and Trina were, selling yourself short? If you don’t hold yourself in high value, how do you expect other people to?

Sometimes, you can feel so beaten down by failure and people saying “no” that you give up asking. Don’t. Get out there and start asking for the changes you need to support the lifestyle you desire. You won’t always get exactly what you want, but the point is you need to find out. Don’t admit defeat before you even know what you’re up against.

When you start feeding your emotional and psychological needs rather than your stomach needs, the universe has a crazy way of correcting all the wrongs. Work hard, get healthy, and make good choices, and rewards usually follow. But the number-one thing you need to focus on is consistency. Show up to the gym every day no matter how you feel. Eat the right foods even when you want to cheat. Repeat these “good” behaviors until they just become “normal” behaviors. Be a robot. Get your mind and body following one message: Today we get stronger, smarter, fitter, healthier! Repeat and repeat and repeat.

People are always worried that they’ll be embarrassed if they tell others that they’re trying to lose weight. Guess what? They already know that you’re fat. Not only is there no shame in admitting you’re trying to slim down but it’s
imperative
that you tell people. In fact, the more people you tell, the more likely you are to succeed. Silence will be your downfall; speaking out about what you’re doing is your insurance policy. It’s your pixie dust.

Let me explain. One thing I hear all the time is, “Yeah, of course, you have a great success rate on your shows—the cast gets trainers and nutritionists and all kinds of people to help them, something the average person cannot do.” True. But I also know lots of people who hire trainers and nutritionists and all kinds of people to help them, and they still don’t make a success of it. What our cast members have that works better than all the diet and fitness experts in the world is millions of people watching them. That’s the pixie dust, the magic potion that makes the pounds disappear. Nobody wants to fail while millions of people are watching. The television cameras keep our shows’ participants honest (the opportunity to win $250,000 on
The Biggest Loser
doesn’t hurt either).

So how do you replicate the all-eyes-on-you experience of a reality contestant? You create your own pixie dust at home by making sure you have an audience. Post your pictures and intentions on Facebook. If you’re really brave, you’ll get a shirt made that says “I’m going to lose 100 pounds this year” and invite people to ask you about it. Talk about it to anyone who will listen. If that’s too public, call a select group of friends and family to tell them, or join (or start) a weight-loss support group. Consider approaching someone in the gym who looks like he or she might be a good mentor. It doesn’t matter how you get the word out. Just let what you’re doing be known.