The Black Album (6 page)
Riaz’s sermon above is interrupted by a brick crashing
through the window and grazing Tahira’s forehead.
Hat instinctively guards and comforts Tahira. Riaz is
shocked. A stream of rubbish bags and bottles,
accompanied by chants of ‘Paki go home’, follows.
Chad rushes out, brandishing a cleaver, followed by
Shahid. A Young Man with two others can be seen with
bricks in their hands. The two racists scarper at the
sight of Chad, while the Young Man is momentarily
too stunned to move. Chad floors him and is about to
hack at him with the cleaver when he is stopped by
Shahid
.
Shahid
(
to Chad
) No, Chad! No!
Young Man
(
spits at them
) Paki! Paki! Paki!
Shahid
(
to the Young Man
) What the fuck has this family ever done to you? Have they come to your house? Abused you? Thrown stones? Did they make you live in these stinking flats?
Young Man
(
grows more venomous
) Paki! Paki! Paki! You stolen our jobs! Taken our housing! Paki got everything! Give it back and go back home!
Chad
Come here again and I’ll hack your head off in the halal way!
He swings his cleaver down powerfully and the Young
Man scarpers
.
(
To Shahid
.) Thanks, brother. If you hadn’t held me back, I might have done something powerful, you know.
Riaz comes up behind the boys, with Tahira, Hat,
Brownlow in tow
.
Riaz
It takes courage to hold back. In the fierce heat of battle, you kept your head, Shahid. The true mark of a leader.
Chad
He a lion – my lion!
Riaz
(
complimenting Shahid
) Sher-e-Khan! Come, come, we must eat to mark the occasion!
Chad
(
to Riaz
) Shahid’s ammi sent some pakoras, brother.
Riaz
What better at this moment of triumph!
Chad
(
offering Shahid’s pakoras
) Right tasty, these aubergine pakoras.
Riaz
(
taking a pakora
) Nothing ever compares with mother’s cooking, eh, Shahid?
Shahid
She used to make them for Papa.
Chad
(
handing Shahid a plastic bag
) For you.
Shahid
What is it?
Chad
Look.
Shahid
(
extracting a white cotton salwar kameez
) It’s beautiful.
Chad
Yeah!
Shahid
For me?
Chad
Course. Put it on.
Shahid
Now?
Riaz
Yes, yes, come, Shahid – Tahira will turn her back while we help you change.
Shahid changes, helped by the others. Chad fits a
white kufie (Muslim prayer cap) on him as the final
act
.
Hat
Brother, you look magnificent!
Shahid
Thanks, Hat.
Chad
How d’you feel?
Shahid
A little strange.
Chad
Strange?
Shahid
But good, good.
Chad
What do you think, brother Riaz?
Riaz
(
complimenting
) Now our Shahid Hasan looks a proper Muslim saint! Do you see, Tahira?
Tahira demurely offers Shahid the pakoras
.
Tahira
May our very own Sher-e-Khan continue to show wisdom and strength!
Riaz
Have some, to mark the occasion, from the hands of your own sister.
Shahid
After you.
Hat takes a pakora from Tahira, followed by Riaz
.
Hat
These pakoras are better than my dad’s! (
To Tahira
.) Hey, you think they like spinach for Popeye?
Chad
You a fool, yaar, if you think saag will give you strength like Shahid’s!
Tahira
That inborn, cos he is a Hasan, like the Blessed Martyr’s son!
Riaz looks at Tahira, then at the pakora
.
Riaz
(
to Shahid
) Your ammi made these?
Shahid
Yes.
Riaz
Are you sure?
Shahid
The only thing Zulma ever cooked was Chili’s … you know what.
Riaz
(
expansive
)
Mash-a-Allah!
This is a miracle. The mother of Shahid Hasan is blessed! Chad, look, look at this.
He holds out the pakora on his palm for Chad and the
others to consider
.
Chad
What am I looking at, brother? I mean – it’s a very well-made pakora.
Riaz
Can’t you see – there, running along the length of the pakora – from right to left. Tahira – can you see it?
Tahira
Yes! I can make something out – dark – coming through the batter.
Riaz
It is
aliph
– the first letter of the holy language in which our blessed Koran is written. We have been granted a sign! Through Shahid here.
Shahid
What sign, Riaz?
Riaz
(
urgent
) Dr Brownlow – we have a miracle in our hands! Allah has sent a message.
Shahid
Is the message to carry on the vigil?
Riaz
The racists all know now what to expect if they continue to abuse our friend.
Shahid
They might return with greater force.
Riaz
Then we shall be ready for them,
insha’Allah
. But news of this miracle will bring many more people to our side for the great work yet to come. The Iranians will hear of this. And then all will see how we stand strong when the wrathful sword of Allah slices through the air of injustice Mussulmans breathe everyday in this country.
Shahid
I have to go – family business …
Riaz
(
expansive
) Of course, of course. Take Tahira with you. We will make all preparations to unveil this miracle before the unbelieving world. Chad, inform Moulana Darapuria we must meet urgently.
Shahid puts his jacket on and rushes out. Tahira
follows him out. Strapper is lounging by the door
.
Tahira
Where are we going?
Shahid
Personal business – family, you know. I’ll be back soon.
Tahira
But you mustn’t be alone at this time.
Shahid
I will be all right.
Tahira
I’m really not afraid.
Shahid
But I’d be afraid for you.
Tahira
(
simpering
) You are a true Hasan!
Shahid ushers her back in and walks off, followed by
Strapper
.
Strapper
I could fix you up, you know.
Shahid
I’m not buying anything from you.
Strapper
Why not? I fixed you up at the rave, didn’t I? Weren’t my shit the best you had? Straight up, we got suppliers that don’t do dirty.
Shahid
Listen, I got no charity, okay?
Strapper
Zakat
.
Shahid
What?
Strapper
That’s what them Muslim brothers call it, giving charity to the needy.
Shahid
You don’t look needy to me and I’m not in the giving mood.
Strapper
Stop running from your own – they’s the only ones to depend on, when the shit hits the fan.
Shahid
I’m not running from anyone. Except you.
Strapper
No need to insult, Paki.
Shahid
I’m not a Paki!
Strapper
Course you are. We all are, those who’ve been left behind.
Strapper runs off, as Shahid heads to Deedee’s. Music,
as he rushes through a wintry London night
.
Deedee’s house. Deedee has prepared a candlelit dinner.
Shahid rushes in
.
Shahid
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Beat, as Deedee looks at how Shahid is dressed
.
Deedee
In your pyjamas already?
Shahid
You don’t know what’s happening out there – urgent brother business! Chad was this close to carving some serious meat.
Deedee
No surprise there – he wanted to chuck a bomb on his parents. That’s after he met Riaz, of course. Changed his name from Trevor Buss to Muhammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah.
Shahid
What? Chad?
Deedee
He was brought up by white foster-parents. Foul-mouthed and racist to everyone but their son. No wonder he became a shooter. Riaz took him under his wing. Insisted everyone call him by his whole new name, even when playing football. His mates got fed up shouting, ‘Pass the ball, Muhammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah – on my head, Muhammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah.’ So he became Chad.
She offers some wine. Shahid makes a face
.
Are there any pleasures you don’t eschew? Or is it only salted lassi you drink?
Shahid
What about fighting racism?
Deedee
Is that what you think Riaz does?
Shahid
He is pure of purpose and risking his life guarding the flat of a persecuted couple right now.
Deedee
Riaz denounced his own father for drinking alcohol and praying in his armchair and not on his knees. He made you wear that, didn’t he?
Shahid
What’s wrong with them?
Deedee
Didn’t take you for a disciple.
Shahid
Can’t I admire him for his courage?
The doorbell rings. Deedee opens the door to Chili
.
Chili
What are you called when someone’s asking?
Deedee
Deedee. Deedee Osgood.
Chili
(
kissing her hands
) Tell me, Deedee Osgood, is my baby bro safe in your hands?
Deedee
(
appraising him
) You must be Chili.
Chili
At your service.
Deedee
One Hasan at a time is more than enough.
Chili
Are you sure?
Deedee laughs
A woman’s laugh – better than any rush known to man.
Deedee
Quite the priest. I can’t imagine you giving a sermon.
Chili
I could be a very Jesus in bed.
Shahid
What you doing here, Chili?
Chili
I was concerned, bro. Thought that bad posse might have messed with you.
Deedee
They have.
Chili
(
to Shahid
) Just say the word, and Chili will have a friendly chat.
Shahid
I’ll take care of myself.
Chili
Just take her in your arms. Want me to demonstrate?
Deedee
I’m not clean enough for him. I’ve become a sort of pork chop.
Chili
But his knees used to go weak at the sight of a bacon sarni. (
To Shahid
.) If Papa were alive, he’d have a fucking heart attack seeing you dressed like Ali Baba.
Shahid
That’s who we are, bro! (
To Deedee
.) We don’t sit swigging wine all evening!
Deedee
What alternative are you offering?
Chili
And you two not even married yet …!
He picks up a beer and leaves. Pause
.
Deedee
It’s very original, the way you weave Scheherazade into your story.
The Arabian Nights
in Sevenoaks. No one’s written like this about England – you have a voice and a future, Shahid.
Shahid is speechless
.
This is the new literature – when stories from elsewhere slice into conventional England. Rushdie showed there’s a gap in modern writing that can only be filled by stories like yours. You could be the real deal. You could be published by Faber and Faber and go to literary parties, accompanied by me.
Shahid
Yeah?
Deedee
If you don’t get distracted.
Shahid
You look ravishing, you do.
Deedee
Thank you.
Shahid
Deedee …
She slips his kurta off and sits him on her sofa. Puts on
some music and starts applying make-up to turn him
androgynous, à la Prince. She talks as she works
.
Deedee
London was full of Arabs in the seventies. They thought they liked girls. Didn’t treat us badly but wouldn’t talk. So we’d sit in their apartments all night, snorting coke and waiting to be pointed at … Happiest day was being accepted for university. My old man said someone common like me didn’t deserve an education … Met Brownlow there. Off to picket lines, demonstrations and Greenham Common – activists together … When I think about how far I’ve come, I’m proud of what I’ve done.
Shahid
Why are you sad, then?
Deedee
Am I?
Shahid
A little.
Deedee
The price might have been too high … I gave up the possibility of children for what?
She invites him to parade
.
Shahid
Now?
Deedee
There’s only now. Let’s see how well you know your Prince.
He parades to music from Prince’s
Black Album.
Shahid
(
with a flourish, quoting Prince’s songs
) Aw! Lovesexy! Baby I’m a Star!
Deedee
Still like Prince? Your friend Chad?
Shahid
U Got that Look …! Na – he’s Rockhard in a Funky Place.
Deedee
(
joining in the game
) I knew him with a Raspberry Beret on his head.
Shahid
(
concerned
) Condition of the Heart?
Deedee
No. Sign o’ the Times. Purple Rain. He was a One Man Jam!
Shahid
Hot Thing! That’s action to the max. Like when you were on picket lines.
Deedee
Our cause was clearer then. We questioned. All authority. Religion.
Shahid
(
jibing
) Now you teach post-colonial literature.
Deedee
Thatcher’s worn everyone down. (
Defiant
.) So let’s just Dance to the Music of the World!
Shahid
You Can Be My Teacher, driving a Little Red Corvette!
Deedee
I Wanna Be your Lover!
Shahid
Let’s do Le Grind!
Deedee
Let’s Go Crazy!
They dance
.
Shahid
Can’t stay tonight.
She stops
.
Deedee
Why?
Shahid
Brother action, you know.
Deedee
No, I don’t.
Beat
.
Shahid
Riaz has seen a miracle.
Deedee
Fuck!
Shahid
Can’t you just make me come?
Beat
.
Deedee
You know what you want – that’s something at least. Would your friends say you’re a hypocrite, coming here for a fuck after God’s shown Riaz a miracle?
Shahid
I do want to be with you.
Deedee
There’s quicker ways to get relief.
Shahid
Don’t put me off, Deedee.
Deedee
Why not? Do you really understand what’s going on with Riaz?
Shahid
Please, Deedee …
Deedee
You want me – fine. What’re you going to do for me?
Shahid
What do you want me to do?
Deedee
Thinking for yourself will be a start. He’s using you for his own ends.
Shahid
Aren’t you?
Deedee
You came to me with your writing, remember? Do you want Riaz to destroy your creativity?
Shahid
Why do you assume he’ll do that? He’s given me his poems to work on.
Deedee
I don’t trust him.
Shahid
You don’t like him.
Deedee
He’s dangerous.
Shahid
He needs me – I’m going back.
He picks up his jacket and exits
.
Deedee
(
shouting after him
) You’ve got to decide, Shahid – who really are your people?
Interval
.
