The Blessed (23 page)

“I don’t know,” Lacey whispered. “How could I know?”

Sister Drayma was only a few steps away. Her frown was fierce as she called out to them. “Sisters, what is the meaning of this?”

Neither Aurelia nor Lacey turned to look at her. Instead their eyes were locked on one another, and all at once tears appeared in Aurelia’s eyes to match Lacey’s. She reached across the row to lightly touch Lacey’s hand. “I am sorry, Sister Lacey. The sin is not yours. It has never been yours. Please forgive me.” Then a tremble shook through her as she sank down between the strawberry rows.

Lacey sprang up and across the row, but she couldn’t catch her. She sat down in the dirt beside Aurelia to lift her head and shoulders up on her lap. “Aurelia. Are you all right?” The woman’s eyelids twitched but didn’t open. Lacey loosened the strings of the woman’s cap and slipped it off to begin waving air with it down toward her face.

“Was she having a vision?” Sister Drayma asked. The crossness in her voice was gone, replaced with a hint of awe. Angel visions obviously took precedence over duty.

“Perhaps. She seemed not herself,” Lacey answered.

Other sisters were clustering around them now, all the baskets forgotten for the moment.

Sister Drayma asked, “Was it that angel again? Esmo something.”

“She didn’t call any names,” Lacey said. “It might be no more than the sun too hot. We need to fetch her some water.”

“The sun is hot on us all and none of the rest of us are falling prostrate in the patch.” But Sister Drayma looked around and ordered a young sister who wasn’t much bigger than Rachel to bring a dipper of water.

Rachel. Lacey had to take charge of this confusion to make sure Eldress Frieda’s promise wouldn’t be taken from her. That might happen if Sister Drayma decided Lacey was the reason for the disruption in the strawberry patch instead of Aurelia. After all, nobody expected Lacey to be seeing any angelic visions. Least of all Lacey.

But maybe Aurelia was being visited by angels. Or thinking she was. She hadn’t seemed herself. Lacey pulled up the corner of her apron and gently wiped the dirt streaks off Aurelia’s damp cheeks. And she had pleaded for forgiveness there before she’d started playing possum. She knew her words wounded Lacey.

Lacey could forgive her. That was easy enough with her head lying in Lacey’s lap and her face as pale as the sliver of moon that sometimes hung in the sky during the daylight hours. But why had she said them? Why did she or this angel keep saying Lacey had no daughter? If angels were love, as Aurelia claimed, those angels would know that love was a bond as strong as any forged by blood. And how could the Shakers not believe that when they spoke continually of love without the strictures of the natural blood relationships? If Sister Drayma had told her once, she’d told her a dozen times that all were of a family in the village. All in union. All loving one another as their Mother Ann and the Christ directed.

Sister Betsy got back with the gourd dipper of water, no more than half full since she’d spilled much of it in her haste to bring it. Lacey raised Aurelia’s head and Sister Drayma tipped the dipper up against her lips. The water dribbled out the corners of her mouth and down on her dress.

“It might be well to carry her to the infirmary,” one of the older sisters in the circle around them suggested.

“She will be heavy,” another spoke up. “We should call the brethren to help. They could bring a stretcher.”

“First let me try to give her another drink,” Lacey suggested. Aurelia’s eyelids were twitching again. Lacey thought it might be according to whether Aurelia liked the idea of being carried to the infirmary how soon she decided to let them open.

Sister Drayma handed over the dipper. With no warning of what she planned to do, Lacey threw the little amount left in it directly into Aurelia’s face. The woman gasped and jerked straight up from Lacey’s lap. It appeared angels didn’t care a whole lot for water.

23

“Perhaps you could fetch another dipper of water, Sister Betsy. I think Sister Aurelia could use that drink now.” Lacey held the dipper out toward the young girl, who took it with a notable lack of enthusiasm. She didn’t want to go off to the water pail at the end of the patch and miss whatever was about to happen with Aurelia who was looking mad as a wet hen. An apt description, in spite of the fact there couldn’t have been more than a cupful of water in the dipper that Lacey had splashed on her face. Aurelia swiped at a few wet strands of black hair falling down on her forehead and snatched her cap out of Lacey’s hands.

“Sister Lacey, that lacked kindness.” Sister Drayma frowned.

“Yea, you are right, Sister Drayma.” Lacey was ready to make amends. “I should have dipped the corner of my apron in the water and brought our sister back from her faint more gently.” Without looking at either Aurelia or Sister Drayma, Lacey cast her eyes down at her empty hands, but she could feel Aurelia’s angry stare. “But our sister is back among us in body and spirit now and can perhaps walk on her own feet to the infirmary while the rest of us continue in our duty of picking berries.”

“There is good sense in what our sister says.” One of the older sisters clustered around them spoke up. “The berries do not jump into our baskets on their own, and Sister Aurelia has no need of us all attending to her. Come, Sisters, back to picking before the rain that might come in the night sours the berries in the patch.”

As the older sister turned back to her row, she caught Lacey’s eye with a quick smile that flashed approval. All the other sisters except Sister Drayma and the little sister holding the dipper reluctantly followed the older sister back to their deserted baskets.

Lacey didn’t allow any hint of an answering smile to slip out on her face as she gathered her courage to look straight at Aurelia. She wasn’t anxious for another confrontation with the sister’s angel. “I beg your forgiveness, Sister Aurelia, for the way I splashed the water in your face. That was wrong of me and did not show proper thought or consideration. Will you forgive me?”

Perhaps Aurelia heard the echo of her own words before she fainted in Lacey’s words now. Whatever the reason, her face softened as she wiped her face with her apron before saying, “Yea, it would be sinful to withhold forgiveness in the face of your confession of wrong.” She positioned the white cap on her head and tucked her hair up under it.

“Very well, Sisters. That is good.” Sister Drayma slapped her hands together and then pointed Sister Betsy back to the water bucket. The child went willingly enough, since the drama seemed to be at an end with the forgiveness words.

Lacey got to her feet and brushed off her skirt. Aurelia made no move to follow Lacey to her feet but stayed on the ground between Lacey and Sister Drayma.

“Come, Sister Aurelia. Let us help you up.” Sister Drayma sounded more concerned than impatient as she reached down toward Aurelia. “You can lean on me as we walk to the infirmary. Sister Lacey will fill your basket.”

“You can’t expect her to fill her basket and mine as well,” Aurelia said as she took Sister Drayma’s hand and got to her feet. She staggered back a step and Lacey put her arm around the sister’s waist to steady her.

“I will work double quick,” Lacey said.

“Perhaps you can.” Aurelia looked at Lacey so long that Lacey was beginning to worry her angel was coming back to torment the both of them. But then she went on. “You seem to be gifted at taking over the duty of others.”

“What duties are those? Other than the picking of these berries.”

“Don’t keep pestering Sister Aurelia with questions.” With a stern look toward Lacey, Sister Drayma stepped to the other side of Aurelia. “You can see that she is weary.”

“Yea.” Sister Aurelia leaned away from Lacey toward Sister Drayma. “It is true that though the visitations of the angels leave me joyful of spirit, they also empty me of strength and leave me with tremors outside and in.” She held out her hand to show how her fingers were trembling. She covered her hand with the other and pulled it back against her waist.

Lacey watched the two women move away, stepping carefully across the rows to do the least damage to the strawberries. Once at the edge of the patch, Aurelia leaned against Sister Drayma as they headed toward the middle of the village where the infirmary was located. With both her Shaker guides gone, Lacey was alone for the first time since she had put on the Shaker dress.

Of course she wasn’t really alone. Plenty of other sisters were scattered about the strawberry patch filling their baskets, and the little sisters were up and down the row collecting the filled baskets and offering drinks of water. But no one was in her ear. No one was preaching the Shaker way to her or instructing her on the proper way to pick strawberries, as if that was something that took teaching.

The silence was good. Being alone was good. She thought a moment about leaving Aurelia’s half-full basket and stepping across the rows out of the patch the same as Aurelia and Sister Drayma had. She could keep walking until she found Rachel, and then together they could leave this strange village behind.

They won’t let you take Rachel.
The words slammed into her head. True words she had no way of changing.

Lacey bent back down to the strawberry row. She could pick double fast. Miss Mona had always told her she was quick about everything she did. Or maybe it just seemed so to Miss Mona, who at times was too weak to comb out the bed tangles in her own hair or even take the caps off a handful of strawberries for her morning’s breakfast. They’d never tried to grow their own strawberries. The little patch of garden ground where Lacey planted the corn and beans and potatoes was too small. None of that precious space could be wasted on strawberries.

But this or that churchwoman had brought fresh-picked berries by at times, along with the sugar cakes to eat with them. Lacey missed the churchwomen. Her hand stopped in mid-pick at the thought, and she shook her head a little at her contrariness. Back at the preacher’s house, she had at times thought those very women were the bane of her existence, but that was before Sister Drayma and Aurelia’s angel started pushing the sin words at her. Miss Sadie Rose’s unsought advice seemed sweet in comparison.

Then again without Sadie Rose and the other women’s gossipy talking, she might never have spoken vows with the preacher. They might still be living unbothered back at the preacher’s house with poor Preacher Palmer in his own pulpit armed with the word of the Lord instead of shaking and quaking and falling apart here in this place.

A sigh swept through Lacey down to her toes. She couldn’t figure everything out. Certainly not angel visitations or the way Preacher Palmer was acting. Or even her own mind that hopped about like a grasshopper on a hot cookstove. Worry could do that to a person, Miss Mona had told her once. She’d said it was all right not to know all the answers and it was proper to leave some things up to the good Lord. That he could take care of the things Lacey didn’t understand. What she was supposed to think on was what she could figure out. Like filling up her basket with strawberries. Like thinking on seeing Rachel. Like praying about those other things so maybe the Lord would open up her own understanding.

Praying. That was what she ought to be doing right at that moment while she was pulling off the strawberries. The berry picking occupied her hands, but not her head. She could ask the Lord to help her make sense of Aurelia and her angel talk about sin, but yet she edged away from offering up that prayer. She couldn’t seem to keep her mind focused on any prayer. It seemed so useless. She couldn’t get out of being married to the preacher. She couldn’t get out of this village. At least not without giving up Rachel. What was the use of bombarding the Lord with requests for things that couldn’t happen?

Don’t think of prayer as a wish list to hand up to the Lord. You’ll be robbing yourself of Spirit power if you do that. Prayer is more than a list of things you get in your head and think you want.
Miss Mona’s voice echoed in Lacey’s ears plain as if she was standing right beside her.
Prayer is for asking the Lord to help you deal with whatever befalls you. And plenty is going to befall you. It befalls us all. But the Lord is only a prayer away.

A prayer away and yet Lacey couldn’t seem to get past
Dear Lord in heaven
before the prayer words evaporated out of her head like water in a hot frying pan. She’d made the mistakes. She’d have to live with them. Of course she could surely find a thankful word for Eldress Frieda giving permission for her to see Rachel when the day’s work was done.

She didn’t stop and close her eyes. She didn’t lift her face to the sky or hold her hands up in supplication. She just kept picking off berries as she whispered, “Dear Lord in heaven, thank you for your blessings.” Even to her ears the words sounded like something she was throwing out in the air with no more thought or feeling than speaking about the color of the strawberry in her hand. A person had to be open to prayer.

Maybe that was the sin Aurelia’s angel kept seeing in her. But then she’d said it wasn’t Lacey’s sin. Lacey dumped another handful of berries into the basket. It was almost full and she stood up to rest her back as she waved at one of the little girls to bring a new basket. She watched the child walking up the row toward her. Not Rachel, but with the same bounce to her step. And the joy awoke in her again over the prospect of holding Rachel against her bosom once more. She pushed Aurelia’s confusing words out of her head. Maybe angel talk was just something that Lacey would never understand.

At the evening meal Aurelia’s place was empty at the table. Lacey wanted to ask Sister Drayma about her, but no words were permitted in the eating room. And afterward, Lacey had to hurry to meet Eldress Frieda. She didn’t want to be late.

The eldress was waiting in the hallway and led the way out the door and down the steps. She didn’t speak until they were walking along the path toward the Children’s House. “I am told the angel came to speak to you again.”

“To me?” Lacey whipped her head around to look at the eldress.

Eldress Frieda met her look with a deep calmness. “No one else was nearby.”

“Sister Aurelia was there.”

“Yea, but she was the instrument to deliver the message.” Eldress Frieda was silent for a few steps before she went on. “Do you fear the angel’s message? Does it disturb you?”

“The thought of an angel coming down out of heaven to talk especially to me worries me some,” Lacey admitted.

“I suppose that might be the normal reaction of one of the world. But here you should feel blessed to be so selected by the angels.”

“Selected? I’m not sure what you mean by that.”

The eldress smiled over at her. “Worry not, my sister. It is good to be selected. To be thought of as worthy of singular attention to bring you into our fold. Mother Ann must have some special work in mind for you once you embrace our ways. Once you become a covenanted Believer.”

Only barely did Lacey bite back the words denying the possibility of that ever happening. She was but a few minutes from seeing Rachel. Not the best time to slap the eldress in the face with contrary words. Instead, Lacey bent her head to stare back down to the pathway to hide her total disbelief. But the eldress must have caught a glimpse of her face anyway.

“You think that can never happen,” the eldress said with the sound of a smile in her voice. “I once felt something the same.”

“You did?” Lacey didn’t try to hide her surprise as she looked back up at the eldress.

“Yea, it is so. I came into the Believers much as you. At the bidding of my worldly family. Not to this village but to one in the East.”

“You were married?” Lacey’s surprise grew.

“Nay. I did not have the sin of matrimony to shake from me, but I had dreamed of that being my way along with many other worldly thoughts. I refused to bend my spirit to the Shaker way. I resisted our Mother Ann’s sweet love.” All trace of a smile disappeared from the woman’s face as she sounded almost sorrowful as she confessed. “I had a stubborn will.”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“I harbored that sinful desire for many months, but such is not so easy to do when there is none in the world to take you in. I was yet young. Only fifteen at the time. I might have slid down the slippery slope and been sucked into the miry pits of sin if a man of the world had sought my hand.” Eldress Frieda looked up toward the treetops. “I am eternally grateful Mother Ann protected me against my own sinful lusts by enclosing me within a loving community of Believers. By the time I turned twenty-one, my heart and my will had changed and I was ready to step into the life of loving service and peace Mother Ann had ready for me. In time she opened the way for me to come to this western village that has been my home for so many years now. A good home.”

“Did she send messages in visions to you?” Lacey was almost afraid to ask the question.

“I was visited with dreams. Such can be visions. There is evidence of that in the Good Book.”