The Book of Mormon Girl (21 page)

What kinds of conversations has the book elicited? What would you say to readers who have their own personal stories that they want to share but are concerned about how people might react?

I’ve gotten lovely mail from young Mormon women especially, who tell me that my story has helped them feel less alone. That’s deeply satisfying to me, especially because I remember how alone I once felt. There were so few books in which I found anything that resembled or spoke to my own experience. When I was very young, there was, of course,
Marie Osmond’s Guide to Beauty, Health & Style
, but Marie was way out of my league! In college, I found environmentalist Terry Tempest Williams’s book
Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place
, in which she talks about how her family’s Mormon faith taught her to question authority. That made an impression on me. One of the greatest lessons I have learned in writing
The Book of Mormon Girl
is that admitting our own differences, vulnerabilities, and struggles can be a powerful act. Of course, you might feel afraid or ashamed. Courage doesn’t mean being free from fear; it means learning to work through fear and speak even when we are afraid. I believe that when we do so, we give others the courage to speak more honestly about their own vulnerabilities and struggles as well. No one should be the only one who feels like she has ever made a mistake or struggled with her ideals or taken a path different than the one expected of her. Our stories can shelter and keep each other company as we learn from our experiences.

In
chapter 11
of the book, you describe some profound disagreements you have with certain actions of the LDS Church, but say that you are not giving up. How do you reconcile these conflicting emotions, and what steps are you taking to change the faith from the inside? What advice do you have for others in similar positions?

Change tends to come very slowly to the LDS Church. There is a strong sense of respect for authority and hierarchy; more orthodox Mormons might say that real change can only come when top church leaders direct it. But I have also seen many remarkable changes happen among rank-and-file Mormons over the last decades. Mormon scholars and historians have done valuable research into Mormon history that acknowledges the human side of our tradition, including its human flaws. Mormon feminists, gay and lesbian Mormons and their families and allies, and Mormons who may not be literal believers but still cherish the faith have also reached out to one another and offered support and companionship. I am very proud of the brave gay and lesbian Mormons—even students at Brigham Young University—who have found the courage to share their stories. Their courage lights a way to greater compassion and understanding within our faith community.

Throughout the book, you talk about things that you wish someone had told you when you were growing up. What do you think the most important lesson is, for young Mormons but also for any young reader?

I always think back to the story of Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon faith. When he was just fourteen years old, he harbored deep questions about the religions available to him. None felt right, and he read a scripture in the New Testament that said, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.” And he did. Joseph Smith went into the woods and prayed for guidance. That is the story of how Mormonism started—it all started when a courageous fourteen-year-old followed the questioning, seeking spirit inside of him. There is a powerful lesson there for all of us. Don’t be afraid to ask big questions. Don’t be afraid to trust the leadings inside of you. That’s the way to truth.

What are the biggest difficulties in raising your children in an interfaith household? What are the biggest rewards? Do you have any advice for people in a similar position?

The biggest difficulties so far are very practical ones: we’re busy! We’re busy doing two sets of holidays! We’re busy doing two sets of everything! I know that more serious challenges may lie ahead. Many Jewish people especially have real reservations about raising children in two faith traditions, and I want to acknowledge the seriousness of those reservations. But it was simply impossible for me not to give my children a Mormon faith education, and it was equally impossible for me to deny them a Jewish education, identity, and connection to their Jewish ancestors. David and I tell the girls that being members of an interfaith family means that they have to learn twice as much as the other kids. Religion is about responsibility to a community and a tradition, and we’ve got to be doubly responsible. David and I have also learned that as interfaith family parents we have to take full responsibility for our children’s spiritual education. We can’t simply rely on a single institution—be it a church or a synagogue—to teach them. It has to start at our dinner table. We try to infuse our daily lives with a living sense of these two religious worlds—their joys, their demands, their struggles, their foods, their humor, their values. It is up to us.

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Copyright © 2012 by Joanna Brooks

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This Free Press trade paperback edition August 2012

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ISBN 978-1-4516-9968-5            
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