The Boy I Loved Before (8 page)

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Authors: Jenny Colgan

BOOK: The Boy I Loved Before

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âFuck knows. My job is gone.'

âReally? I think Flora Scurrison, Teenage Accountant has something of a ring to it.'

âMy flat too.'

âOh, your little flat. I'm so sorry. Have you spoken to Olly?'

âGod, no. I'm just so relieved somebody recognises me I hadn't thought about it.'

âWow, he'll be thrilled to get some nubile littleâ'

âDon't be disgusting. And don't be stupid. If I'm going to be a nubile little teen I'm definitely going to be after Jamie Theakston or Gareth Gates or someone, anyway.'

âYou're joking.' She stared at me suddenly. âYes, yes, of course.'

As she stared at me, Tashy's face started to crumble.

âTash. Tash, what's the matter? What is it? Why were you on the bench?'

She let out a familiar Tashy wail. âI don't knooow!'

âIt's not Max, is it? Please, don't let it be Max.'

She looked up at me, tear-stained, as I beckoned over another couple of Mojitos.

âMaybe,' she said quietly. âIt's just nerves. I don't really want to talk about it.'

âI'm sorry,' I said. âI promise I didn't bring about an inexplicable cosmic phenomenon just to bother you about your wedding.'

She studied my face for a bit. âIs that an enormous spot you've got brewing on your forehead?' said Tashy.

I rubbed it crossly. âStop changing the subject.'

âSo, what's the matter?'

Tashy shrugged. âIt's daft really. When you're younger, you think, oh yeah, I've got tons of friends, it'll last for ever. Then you grow up, and everybody's working and so busy and settling down, then tons of people move out of London to have babies and you never hear from them ever again. Ever. Like they've been eaten by polecats. So, then you wake up one day and you think, God, I've got a problem, who can I call. Then you realise that your partner, your life, the person you're meant to spend your life with â you can't talk to them.'

âYou can talk to me,' I said gently.

âI have a teenage soulmate,' said Tashy. And she rubbed fiercely at her wandering mascara. Then she leaned forward. âThis time,' she pointed at me, âdon't marry someone just because they're nice to you when you're thirty-two.'

âTashy, I just look younger, I'm not retarded. And there are worse things than marrying a nice man,' I said.

âI know. Oh, I know how lucky I am. I know. I know,' she said. Then, in a smaller voice: âI don't know if I can watch him eat a boiled egg every morning for the next forty years.'

âEvery morning?'

âHe makes it perfectly. Then he lets out this ridiculous sigh through his teeth, like: “Ahh. Egg. Jolly good.” Then he breaks the shell very carefully, and nibbles round the top bit with his teeth. Yeeugh. Like a little rat.'

âHmm. Do you think just the riot squad, or are we going to have to call “S.W.A.T.”?'

âYes.'

âTashy, that's nothing. You've just got wedding nerves. Everyone says the first year of marriage is by far the worst. You have to wrestle each other into submission, then after that it's completely fine.'

âYeah, they say that, but they don't tell you what to do if you feel like kicking his head in when you see its bald top shining over the top of the
Telegraph.'

âLook, I remember you,' I said. âYou were so bloody excited about getting married. You were ticking a box. There's nothing wrong with Max. OK, he's a little bit boring, but you were OK with that, you really were.'

I didn't remember Tash being this bad the first time round.

âYes. And you were doing so much better with Olly. Now you'll probably run off with Jamie Theakston or something.' She let out a huge sigh. âEvery day you get older, there are fewer choices. That's what getting older is. A daily diminishment of options.'

I stood up to go to the toilet, but the room was swaying.

âI feel sick,' I said.

âWhy?'

âShit â¦ I mean, I feel so pissed.'

âYou've had two and a half cocktails.'

âOhhh, Tash â¦'

âFuck. I don't believe you have the drinking capacities of a teenager.' Tashy started to laugh.

âOh, come to me, lovely fresh liver â¦' I started to sing.

âShit.' She put her drink down. âThis really isn't funny.'

âIs everything alright here?' The smooth maitre d' came over, pretending to be polite whilst fixing us with beady little eyes. âAre you together?'

âWe're just leaving,' said Tashy firmly, standing up and dragging me with her.

âYeug-bleh,' I said.

Tashy took the hood of my anorak firmly and marched me to the door.

âHff-nng mnay,' I dribbled at her, staggering up the stairs, which she eventually managed to correctly interpret as âI don't have enough money for a taxi', and stuffed a couple of tenners into my pocket.

âCall me tomorrow,' she said. âDon't worry, we'll work something out.'

âBlergff.'

âTake her home,' she said to the cabbie.

âWill she be sick?'

âNo!' I said. I wanted to say, âActually, in no sense in my real life could I get inarticulate on two Mojitos, but clearly I have a very different body going on. It's all a misunderstanding I'm sure can be worked out by some practice.'

âGet her in then.' He looked disapprovingly at Tashy. âNext time, leave your babysitting charges at home.'

Through the back window I watched Tashy staring at the retreating vehicle, then remembered nothing else until I woke up outside the front door of my parents' house. Not noticing all the other vehicles lined up outside, I blearily lurched inside, with the exaggerated gait of someone trying to pretend they're not pissed. My parents were standing, staring at me. Next to them were the next-door neighbours, other people from down the street, and two policemen.

âOh my God!' screamed my mother. âOh my God!'

The policemen looked at each other.

âThis,' one said to my dad, âis why we don't come out to over fifteen-year-old cases till after twenty-four hours.'

But my dad was already rushing towards me.

âWhere the hell â¦ ? You stupid, stupid little cow â¦'

He dragged me up and enfolded me in his big arms. My dad hadn't hugged me like this in â God, so long. It felt good. I nestled into him, smelled his familiar smell, of properly ironed shirts and bread, before he left and started to smell of aftershave and conditioner, if I got close enough to smell him at all.

âJesus. The stink off you,' he said.

âOh my God, is she drunk?' said my mother.

âA sixteen-year-old girl drunk,' said one of the policemen to another. âWhat an extraordinary event. Shall we head off and see if we can find any pigeons in Trafalgar Square?'

âPerhaps there might be a bear in the woods who needs our assistance in a toiletry matter,' said the other.

âShe was gone
all day,'
said my mother, tearfully trying to justify herself to the policemen. âShe didn't go to school. If something had happened you'd have had to read a poem at her funeral and get an OBE.'

âYeah,' said the policemen thoughtfully.

One came over to me. âYou're too young to drink,' he said.

âNot in a restaurant,' I said, wobbling.

âWho took you to a restaurant?' barked my mother.

âDon't worry your mother,' the policeman told me. âDo you hear? Be careful. There are lots of bad things out there. I know you think you're an adult, but I can assure you, you're not.'

âExcept in the eyes of the law,' said his colleague. âOh, no, forget I said that.'

âDon't you have a phone?' he said.

âYes,' I said, staring at the ground. I was definitely sobering up a bit. I had kept the phone switched off all day, terrified that someone I didn't know might call me and ask me something I was completely unaware of.

âDidn't it even cross your mind to phone your mum and dad to tell them where you were?'

Um, of course not.

âNo,' I said. âI'm sorry.'

âThe young today,' said the second policeman, who looked about twenty-two. âSo selfish.'

âForgetful, not selfish,' I said. âIt's not easy being sixteen. Growing a lot, you know. By the way, I am so hungry. Is there anything to eat, please?'

âHuh,' said my mother. âEat! It's a good crack round the ear you're needing.'

âDon't say that in front of a policeman, Mum.'

âThis is serious, Flora Jane. Have you any idea how frightened we were? All those stories? Miss Syzlack phoned us after registration this morning. You didn't turn up the whole day. You never miss school.'

I must have done, surely. I couldn't remember. Was I really that much of a goody-goody? No wonder everyone had hated us.

âYour mother's been driving up and down the streets looking for you,' said my dad. âWe've had the whole neighbourhood out.'

I felt bad. They really were flipping their lids. Indeed, the people from the street were now hovering in the sitting room, looking awkward. Their promised evening of excitement was turning into a dull domestic.

âNow, you can talk to me, darling,' said my mum seriously. âHave you just been to have an abortion?'

âMum! There's nine people here!'

âYou can tell us, you know. We'll support you.'

âThat's nice to know, but trust me, if I needed an abortion, number one, I'd make my own decision, and number two I would never, ever tell you about it. And I certainly wouldn't be drinking alcohol afterwards. Or standing up, in fact.'

A complete and deadening silence fell over the room.

âQuick, Martin. Um â¦ a burglar!' said one policeman to the other, and they left hurriedly, followed by the rest of the street.

âGo to your room,' said my mother. âI can't even look at you at the moment.'

This was my mother? For a horrible, heart-stopping moment I felt like saying, âWell, see if you want to look at me when he disappears with Superbitch Stephanie and it's your turn to beg for help.' But, oh goodness, she looked so fragile. Her arm was reaching out as if she wanted to lean on my dad for support, but couldn't bring herself to.

âOK,' I said contritely. âCan I have some dinner?'

âYou've been to a restaurant and now you want to eat?'

âUm, let's not concentrate too hard on the restaurant,' I said. âJust an omelette? I'll make it myself.'

They both started laughing.

âGod, that's the first smile I've had all day,' said my dad and, too late, I remembered I learned to cook when I went to university.

âI mean â¦ a cheese sandwich of some kind.'

âWhere were you?' said my mother, getting up with a sigh.

âI went into town to see a friend.'

âA male friend or a female friend?'

âA female friend.'

âWhat's her name?'

âTashy.'

I watched them closely, hoping they'd say, âOh, Tashy', but they didn't. They had no idea who she was at all.

âAnd where did you meet her?'

I couldn't explain this. How could I? And I was very, very weary. I wondered if the teenage truculent secret weapon still worked, because I didn't know what more I could say.

âAre you going to run my life for ever?'

My dad came and stood over me. âIf you're going to go out with complete strangers and get pissed illegally, young lady, then yes, we are.'

âIt was just a drink,' I said sulkily. âI just wanted to see she was all right.'

My parents looked at each other.

âWell, if you won't tell us where you were â¦'

âI can't,' I said. There was no way I was going to start telling them anything. They'd have me committed. Hadn't they seen
Girl, Interrupted?