The Boyfriend Dilemma (21 page)

“I've handled this really badly,” she sighs. “There were so many signs and I just tried to ignore them…”

“It's all right,” I say. “It's not your fault. You thought it was the best thing for us…”

She shakes her head. “I need to contact Jacqui, who sent me that reference. I can't understand why she was so positive about her. Oh, sweetheart,” she adds, hugging me, “I feel terrible, you know? I was too preoccupied to check her out properly.”

“Stop blaming yourself, Mum,” I say.

She pulls back to study my face. “Forgive me?”

“Of course I do! There's nothing to forgive.”

We fall into silence, then she adds, “Now, up to bed, love. It's awfully late.”

It's Annalise I'm thinking about as I clean my teeth upstairs. What made her take an au pair job when she obviously doesn't like kids? I don't get it at all.

Ben creeps into my mind too. I know he's fifteen but I hope someone's with him in hospital. I know I'd want Mum or Dad to be with me. I splash my face with water and pat it dry with a towel. And that's when I see it – a little flicker of orange, swimming around in the loo.

So it's not true that fairground fish are weak and die quickly. Fanta has swum back up. He's survived.

Chapter twenty-eight

I'm meant to be good at putting outfits together. But today, I can't get it right. I try on skirts and shorts and about thirty different tops, while Amber perches on the edge of the top bunk, watching intently as if she's at a fashion show.

“That looks nice,” she offers as I check my reflection.

I glance down at the flowery top, the patched denim shorts and the purple tights. “Nope.”

“It does, honest!”

But the clothes are already off and I'm pulling on jeans and a plain red T-shirt. “That's boring,” Amber remarks.

I sigh heavily. “Yeah, I know.”

“You can't go on stage in boring clothes. No one will
notice
you.”

I turn and smile at her. “Maybe I don't want to be noticed today.”

She wrinkles her freckly nose, not understanding. “Why are you doing it then?”

“'Cause Zoe is.”

“Is Zoe too scared to sing by herself?”

“Um … I don't think so. But it's what we agreed – that we'd do this together. And I can't let her down.”

Amber stretches the elasticated necklace she's wearing and lets it go with a ping. “You're nervous, I can tell.”

Of course I am. It's been two weeks since Ben's accident, and Zoe and I have spent every spare moment practising our song. It doesn't matter that we didn't audition – the boys heard us practise for the auditions loads. They're all back together again, as a band: Kyle, Danny, Jude and even Harris, whose contribution still seems to be standing there, looking all thoughtful and telling them what he thinks.

Hell, the jeans and T-shirt will have to do. I pull a comb through my curls and march out of our room. “Can't wait to watch you singing,” Amber yells after me.

“Don't put me off, OK?” I call back, running downstairs, realizing I should already be at the Acorn. The boys are there, and Zoe and I had promised to help them set up.

“Layla?” Mum calls from the kitchen. “Something's arrived for you…”

“What d'you mean,
something's arrived
?”

“Look,” she says, handing me a squishy Jiffy bag. It hasn't come in the post – not on a Saturday afternoon – and anyway, there's no address, or even a surname. Someone's just written “FOR LAYLA” on the front. Mum grins, clearly as intrigued as I am. “It must have been hand-delivered,” she adds. “I went out to put some newspapers in the recycling bin, and there it was.”

Weird
.

“You didn't see who put it there?”

Mum shakes her head.

“And no one knocked?”

“Not that I heard. Aren't you going to open it, then?”

Amber appears as I peel off the tape. I never get parcels apart from at Christmas and birthdays, and for one horrible moment I wonder if it's someone's idea of a joke. But when I peer inside, there's a small bundle of peacock-blue fabric in there. I pull it out and hold it up. “It's the dress from the vintage market!” I gasp. “I was trying it on and…” I tail off, deciding to spare her the details. There are some things she's better off
not
knowing.

“It's lovely,” Mum murmurs. “Did someone buy it for you?”

“Honestly, I've no idea…” I gaze at the dress, noticing that the rip's been fixed with perfect tiny stitches.

“Was it Zoe?” Mum suggests.

“No, she wasn't there that day…” So who
was
it? Could it possibly be someone who wants to say sorry for lying, for pretending to be someone he's not? We've heard that Ben's out of hospital now, recovering at home. I assume that means he's still at Mary's… Conscious of Mum and Amber's eyes boring into me (can't a person get
any
privacy around here?), I peer into the empty Jiffy bag. Only, it's not empty. There's a small square of white paper – a note that says, “GOOD LUCK WITH THE SHOW.” And that's it. With a grin, I hurry back up to my room, pull off my boring old jeans and T-shirt and slip on the dress.

This time, the zip doesn't stick. In fact it fits perfectly, like it was made for me.

 

Zoe is already at the Acorn when I arrive, and the band is setting up. “I love your dress,” she exclaims. “Where'd you get it?”

“It just arrived,” I say, and fill her in on the mysterious package.

“So who
was
it?”

“Honestly, I've no idea!”

“Well, it's gorgeous,” she says, looking great herself in a cherry-red dress with a hint of sparkle. She hardly ever wears a dress, so she's definitely made a big effort today. When I catch her glancing at Kyle, I smile to myself. There's something between them – a kind of spark. How would I feel if Zoe started going out with my brother? I knew she liked him ages ago, although she kept saying I was out of my mind to even
think
it. But now there's no pretending…

“You two look great,” he says, coming over to fix up the mics. Only, he's really talking about my best friend, and that's fine. I mean, for a big brother, he's not so bad.

“Are we going to run through the song?” she asks, looking flustered now.

“No,” he replies, “there isn't time. What we were thinking is, we'll play our songs, and then the other singers can come on and you two'll be last … does that sound OK?”

“Fine,” I say, trying to sound casual, as if I do this kind of thing every Saturday night. He wanders back to his drum kit.

“Weird, isn't it?” Zoe murmurs. “I mean, all of this was Ben's idea and he's not even here.”

I nod. “I'm sort of glad.” I catch Jude's eye as he tunes his guitar in the corner, and he smiles, making my heart flip over. “That Jude's playing again, I mean,” I add.

Zoe giggles. “Bet you are…”

“Stop it,” I snigger, glancing at the rows of empty chairs and wondering if anyone will actually turn up tonight. No, better not think like that.

“Feeling nervous?” Jude is at my side now.

“No, I'm OK.” I laugh. “Well, yeah, just a bit. How about you?”

“I'm fine,” he says, green eyes shining. “Er, no – actually I'm bloody terrified.” He laughs and sweeps back his light brown hair. “It'll be all right, though. It's all about raising money, isn't it? It's a good thing we're doing…”

“Well, I hope so,” I say as CJ wanders in, arranges herself in a chair on the front row and starts tapping away on her phone. Harris is positioned at the door, ready to sell tickets, and Zoe and I take seats at the side of the stage. CJ's mates have arrived in a sniggering group, and now parents are drifting in too, filling the empty plastic chairs and facing the stage expectantly.

There's Danny and Jude's parents, looking all excited and waving at their boys like they're in a school nativity. I catch Jude's eye and he laughs. He thinks
his
parents are embarrassing? Wait till my family turns up. Gran will probably start showing everyone her feet.

I look down at my dress, then back at Jude. And all of a sudden, I realize – of course, he was with me that day, goofing around and trying on hats at the market. I point at my dress.
Did you…?
I mouth across the stage.

His shy smile says it all.

“Thank you,” I call across at him, although I'm not sure he hears me because the theatre's filling up, with only a few empty seats left. Hang on … where's
my
family?

“Layla,” Zoe whispers at my side. “
Look
.” I follow her gaze to where her mum and dad have arrived together.

“They're both here!” I exclaim. “I thought they didn't have anything to do with each other?”

She shakes her head in bewilderment. “God knows what's going on.” They don't exactly look relaxed as they find spare seats, but they're here, with Matty, who grabs the chair between them. It doesn't look as if they'll ever get another au pair – not after Zoe's mum tracked down Jacqui, who'd supposedly emailed that glowing reference, and found out that Annalise had written it herself. Annalise hadn't even worked for Jacqui. She was just a family friend. I can't understand how anyone can spout so many lies…

Now Mum, Dad, Gran and Amber are all hurrying in – the last people to arrive, of course. There's lots of shuffling as people move up so they can all sit together, just in time… The lights go down.

There's a short speech before the band starts playing. It's given by the man who's something high up in the running of the theatre – the one who used to tell me and Zoe off when we giggled during choir practice. But I don't know what he's saying now. I'm too nervous to take anything in. This isn't like singing in the choir, or the concerts at school, when I always felt fairly confident. Today, somehow, the stakes feel much higher. Zoe glances at me, and I try to give her a big, brave smile, but it falters.

“We'll be all right,” she whispers. “Remember what Jude said about why we're doing this…”

I nod and glance up at the ceiling. It's all cracked and there are mottled stains where water's seeped through. “We can do it,” I whisper back.

“Sure we can.”

The band launches into their first song. I'm glad Kyle persuaded the boys to do this after all, when it became clear that Ben would no longer be part of it. They sound confident and together, with only the occasional wrong note, which no one notices anyway as Jude's voice carries the song brilliantly.

In fact, I'm so transfixed by watching him perform that my nerves float away. I'm fine. I
can
do this. They perform three more songs, then Jude announces, “As you know, we have some guest singers tonight…”

First up is Jessie, her golden hair gleaming under the lights. “Go, Jessie!” someone yells from the front row. The band plays quietly, allowing her voice to shine out. She's nervous, and her voice wobbles a bit, and when the song's over her face is awash with relief. More singers follow, everyone receiving a huge burst of applause. I feel proud, being part of this, and I haven't even done anything yet.

CJ is onstage now, looking a little out of place in her khaki shorts and an old grey T-shirt that looks too small for her. But as she hits her first note, the whole theatre is awestruck.

“She's amazing,” Zoe whispers, and I can only nod in response.

At the end of her song, everyone leaps up onto their feet. I'm clapping madly, and I scan the audience for her parents or her big sister Toni. But none of them have come.

Finally it's our turn – Zoe and me. My stomach performs a somersault as I stand up and walk towards one of the mics. I glance around at the band, then at Zoe, and back over my shoulder towards Jude. He raises a brow, in a
you-can-do-this
kind of way. I blink down at the shimmering blue of my dress, then at my family. Mum, Dad and Gran are all smiling, waiting. Amber's home-made necklace glints under the lights. The song begins, and our voices ring out – clear and perfectly in tune, like it's just the two of us practising harmonies on Zoe's balcony.

I glance towards the back of the theatre, where a boy has appeared – a boy with a wide, wide smile and his arm in a sling. He stands there for a moment, taking it all in, as if he really shouldn't be here at all.

Then he's gone.

Chapter twenty-nine

We see Ben one more time as we're making our way into school on a bright, sunny morning in May. He arrives with a smart-looking woman with her light brown hair coiled neatly into a French plait and a man in a dark grey suit with shoes so shiny they look fresh out of the shop.

“Just a minute,” Ben says, breaking away to join me and Layla as we step through the main door. The man and woman follow close behind.

“Are you starting back today?” I ask. “I thought you were moving somewhere else.”

“Um … yeah, I am. Just have some things to pick up from my locker.” I nod, trying not to study his face. But it's impossible not to. It's a beautiful face, though it doesn't cause my heart to race now. Not because of the scar, a barely-there comma across his cheek – if anything, it makes him more interesting. No, I mean because I'm over him now. My crush faded. In its place, my old one for Kyle has resurfaced, like fish legend Fanta. In fact, it's more than a crush.

Sometimes it's just the two of us – Kyle and me – but mostly we're in a big gang with Layla, Jude, Harris and Danny – even CJ sometimes, and Charlotte, the girl who moved into Dean House. As well as the park, we also hang out in the tree house in her garden. It has a proper window now, and a carpet. If people think my house is posh, it's nothing compared to her place, which is all done up now and looks amazing.

Of course, none of this would have happened without Ben. In science, we learned about catalysts and how they change things, make things happen, just like he did.

“Are you going back to your old school?” I ask as we make our way towards the lockers together.

“No,” he says. “I've persuaded Mum and Dad to let me go to a kind of arts and music school.” He smiles bashfully. “Um … that's true, by the way.”

“You mean, you'll get to play guitar all the time?” Layla asks.

He laughs, aware of his parents, growing impatient a couple of metres away. His mum rolls her eyes and his dad checks his watch, even though there's a huge clock on the wall beside them. “Not exactly. There'll be a bit of maths and science and stuff, but hopefully it won't get in the way too much.”

“Benedict?” His mum's voice cuts through the noise of everyone pouring into school. “Could you hurry up and get your things, please?”

“Benedict?” I repeat, trying not to smile.

“Er, only my parents call me that,” he says quickly. “Anyway, better go.” He strides towards them, looking back just once. “I meant to say, your mum did a great job,” he adds.

“She's the best,” I say, not caring who hears – not even CJ, who's running into school now, her regulation grey skirt worn with bright red non-uniform tights. She looks good – quirky and different. I think she's copying Layla's style a little bit. She hasn't called me Cow Face since the auditions, and she's said she might even join the drama club that's starting up at the Acorn, once the renovations are finished.

Jude strides in as the bell goes, his rucksack slung over his shoulder. He grins and waves, and I catch CJ glancing at him before hurrying off to class. I think she's always liked him. Maybe that's why she was mean to Layla and unpegged that tent. Anyway, Mum said it's good to try and forgive, and I have, definitely.

People do things for reasons – just like Ben.

He's gone now, and the bell has rung. Mr Saunders, our science teacher, smiles as he walks past Layla and me. “Are you two going to stand there all day dreaming?” he asks.

We laugh and follow him to the classroom, ready to start a new day.