Read The Bride Experiment Online
Authors: Mimi Jefferson
The Bride Experiment (21 page)
Chapter 39
James had spent the last three weeks in Mexico watching Pastor Benjy, Kenneth, and the other men minister to the inmates in the prison. He stayed in the background, listening and taking notes.
The night James spent in the prison changed the negative atmosphere. The guards reported that the inmates rarely had fights anymore. They read their Bibles daily and eagerly waited for Pastor Benjy and his crew to present their lessons each day. The guards were so impressed with the inmates, even they became interested in learning more about the Bible too. Pastor Gonzales volunteered to come on the weekends and teach them separately.
Each evening, after the men spent the day ministering, they would prepare dinner together. Then they would play basketball, video games, or dominoes. James would spend most of his time on the sidelines, barely touching his food and making excuses not to play the games.
Pastor Benjy asked James if he wanted to discuss the night he spent in the prison any further. James declined. Pastor Benjy told him if he ever wanted to talk, he was available. That's how all the men dealt with James. They never pressured him; they just let him know the door was open if he ever felt like walking through it.
James tried really hard not to like them. After all, he spent his life not liking Christians. He told himself they must be a bunch of uneducated idiots, but he found out all of the leaders on the ministry team had advanced degrees and professional positions. Then he decided they must all be homosexuals; but after watching them around women, and listening to them talk about women, he realized that didn't fit either.
Kenneth often found a way to insert Lila's name into the conversation. Everyone was starting to tease him about it, but instead of getting defensive, Kenneth would simply keep talking. He explained he had treated women so badly in his past, he didn't think God would give him a good one again. He told the group he intended on making Lila his wife. Initially he was bothered that Lila had a child, but after getting to know Jasmine, he could see she was not a liability but an asset to be treasured. He often referred to the two of them as “my girls.”
Suddenly James had an image of Alexis in his head, not as a little girl, but as a grown woman. She was beautiful, long, and elegant like a ballerina. Then James saw Morris, all grown up and a foot taller than himself. He was in a football uniform, proudly displaying James's last name on the back of his jersey.
Kenneth walked into James's bedroom doorway. Looking at James's surprised expression, he said, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.”
James let his forehead fall into his hands; then he squeezed long and hard, like he had a migraine. “No, man, it is no problem. I was just thinking about my kids.”
Kenneth started pulling imaginary lint off his suit and casually said, “I never heard you talk about your kids before. How old are they?”
Kenneth and the other men had attempted to get James to open up and talk, but James had refused each time. He didn't want to be their next project. Several times, he had seen them walk up to an inmate, and they would get the inmate talking about something particularly worrisome in his life. Within minutes, they were pushing Jesus down his throat. Sometimes the prisoners would even start crying. At the end of the day, they would talk about how many conversions or potential conversions they had that day.
James knew they were each waiting to have one of those tear-jerking and life-altering conversations with him. James hadn't made up his mind about Jesus. Yeah, this group of guys was different from any of the Christians he had met. Yeah, they seemed authentic and even likable, but he wanted to explore the world's major religions. If there came a point where he did become a Christian, he wouldn't be crying and running to the altar like some weak-minded woman.
Not telling their ages, James stood up and looked at Kenneth, eye to eye. “What brings you around? I thought we were just chilling today. Did something change?”
“No, no, I was just going to pick up some groceries for dinner tonight. I wanted to do something special, since we are leaving in the morning. I heard you telling Pastor G you were some sort of grill master.” James recalled the conversation. Pastor Gonzales was trying to get him to talk. James was careful to keep the conversation related to food.
Kenneth went on with his pitch. “Besides, you barely eat what we cook. I was thinking we could pick up something more to your liking. . . . So you wanna ride?”
“It's not that complicated. I'm just not a big fan of Mexican food,” James lied. He had barely been eating and playing games with them because, as the days went by, he was starting to like them. If he had started sharing meals and playing games, he might have let his guard down.
James went on, “I'm more of a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy.”
“You aren't the only one. I could use a nice New York strip myself, along with a roasted sweet potato and a spinach salad, with cherry tomatoes and goat cheese, tossed in a simple lemon vinaigrette,” Kenneth admitted.
James perked up. He hadn't had a good steak in months. “I'm in. I'll go with you. I have a rub I put on all my steaks that will make you sing. I just hope I can find all the ingredients at the store.”
James saw the smile spread on Kenneth's face and immediately wished he hadn't let his emotions show. He would have to be extra diligent to make sure he didn't share anything more with Kenneth, no matter how much he pried.
His kids were his business.
His
kids? This was the first time since learning Alexis and Morris were not his that he thought of them as his kids
.
James could feel the peace flowing through his body. Morris and Alexis were not liabilities, but treasured gifts.
His
kids? This was the first time since learning Alexis and Morris were not his that he thought of them as his kids
.
James could feel the peace flowing through his body. Morris and Alexis were not liabilities, but treasured gifts.
They were barely out of the parking garage before Kenneth attempted to get James talking. “What are your plans when we get back to the States?” Kenneth asked.
“I have no clue.”
“You know the thing that really jumpstarted my spiritual growth was when I decided to write letters to all of the women in my life that I had done dirty,” Kenneth offered. “Pastor Benjy did an entire series on honoring the women in our lives. It made me realize that I had some wrongs I needed to make right. It really helped me deal with my past. So how about writing letters to Joan and Raquel?”
James was surprised to hear their names. Kenneth and the other men never appeared to know his story, and he never mentioned it to them. He also never bothered to tell Kenneth he'd known his girlfriend, since she and Joan had been close friends for years.
“I'm surprised to hear their names come out of your mouth,” James stated.
“We have been praying for you, asking God to give you wisdom about what to do when you get back.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that.”
“We have a position available at the church. It's a security position. Pastor asked me if I thought you might be interested.”
James's voice got higher. “Churches need security?”
“You ever heard the saying, âThe devil comes to church every Sunday'? Well, it's true. There are people who come to worship and fellowship with other believers, but there are also people who come to steal anything that is not nailed down. You would be working closely with several other men in the church. By the way, Pastor Benjy encourages everybody on staff to come to church and Bible Study regularly. So, are you interested?”
James was shocked. Pastor Benjy was really going out of his way to help him. He felt himself want to cry, but he wasn't about to let one tear fall. He simply said, “Yes, I'm interested.”
“Cool. I'll let him know.”
The entire time he was in Mexico, he had tried not to think about what was happening back home. Both Raquel and Joan had called him repeatedly, but he refused to answer the phone. He just didn't have words to explain everything that was going through his mind, and he didn't want to risk saying something he didn't mean. But with letters, maybe he could get his point across. He tried to imagine what the first conversations would be like when he arrived home.
Before long, he knew Kenneth was right. He definitely needed to write letters.
Chapter 40
Raquel closed the Bible that Joan had given her, and for the first time in her life, she stared at the sky, the clouds, the birds, and listened for the wind. Each day, the inmates were allowed one hour to exercise outside. For the last few days, Raquel had used this time to read her Bible and think. She sat on the concrete pavement, while the other inmates used this time to gather in small groups.
Raquel had just finished reading:
The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.
Psalm 19 was quickly becoming her favorite.
She closed her eyes and pondered a God so big that He spoke and the world appeared. Within seconds, she started to feel fuzzy all over, like she was getting one big invisible hug.
“You have a visitor.”
Raquel stood up and looked at the guard suspiciously. There was no need for her attorney to visit her. “Are you coming or what? You need to hurry up. Visiting hours are almost over.”
Raquel followed the guard, wondering who would be there waiting when she arrived. Her visitor stood up when she walked into the room. He had clearly lost weight, and his beard, which was always perfectly shaved, was overgrown. But his eyesâthose sleepy eyes that she had fallen in love with back in the eleventh gradeâwere bright and welcoming.
He reached his hands out to her. She willingly accepted his embrace. She put her hands around his waist and sank her head deep into his chest and cried. He cried too. He tried to speak; then she tried to speak, but the words couldn't break through the constant tears.
The guard came and broke them up. She reluctantly let him go. They were only allowed to hug at the beginning and end of the visit. They took their seats across from each other.
“I almost didn't get in here. Apparently, visiting hours are almost over.” James tapped his foot nervously.
“James, there is something I need to tell you.”
“Me too. Actually, it's something I wrote.” James pulled the letter from his pocket and gave it to Raquel.
She looked at it first. “You want me to read it now?”
“Please go ahead.”
Raquel started to read the letter silently:
Raquel,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every lie I ever told you. I'm sorry for the horrible way I treated you. I'm sorry for cheating on you. I'm sorry for not being the man you deserved.
I have learned that I can't expect forgiveness unless I, too, forgive. Please forgive me, Raquel, and, in turn, I promise to forgive you. Instead of dwelling on the past, I'm moving forward. No more part-time fatherhood for me. I'm going to get our children around positive people who not only claim to be Christians, but are living according to the Bible.
I'm going to make sure they know all about you; how hard you worked for them, the gentle way you took care of them. How in spite of your busy career, you made sure their needs were met. I will bring them to visit you often and I'll make sure they always know who their mother is. I'll never allow them to hear anyone speak negatively concerning you. They will hear words of forgiveness and grace.
I know this is going to sound crazy coming from me, but I have found some comfort in Christianity. No, no, no, I'm not turning into some “no drinking, no dancing, no fun” Bible thumper. But a little while ago, I was ready to kill myself, and I had the pills to prove it.
But now that I have been reading the scriptures and hanging out with some authentic brothers, I don't find myself dwelling on taking my life. This hope is coming from somewhere. Just between me and you, I believe it's coming from Jesus.
This road isn't going to be easy for us. We have both made choices that we are going to have to live with for the rest of our lives. However, I'm going to be encouraged, and I want you to be encouraged too.
I learned a scripture this morning. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy is coming in the morning.” The morning is coming, Raquel!
I found the necklace Morris made for you on the first day of kindergarten. I want you to wear it. It's in a circle. In a circle, there is no ending and no beginning. I want you to remember that you are loved with a deep, enduring, everlasting, no-ending type of love.
James
They talked a few more moments; then James put the necklace around her neck
.
After a quick hug, the guard led her away.
.
After a quick hug, the guard led her away.
Joan popped a bag of popcorn and logged on to her favorite social networking site. It was one in the morning, and even though she was exhausted, she couldn't sleep. She had too much on her mind.
She spent the entire day getting ready for Alexis and Morris to arrive the next day. Her spare bedroom was all decked out with a princess bedroom set for Alexis. Joan didn't know if James Jr. was more excited about sharing his bedroom with his big brother, Morris, or the new bunk beds she had purchased.
Then there was the phone call she received from Harris. Although he wasn't going to propose to Tisha for several months, he wanted to get prepared to purchase an engagement ring. Harris needed to make sure he could afford to get Tisha exactly what she wanted. It took Joan only a few moments to text Harris a link to a Web site with a picture of Tisha's dream ring. It was something the best friends had discussed many times. Harris ended the call by asking Joan not to tell Tisha. Joan was happy for Tisha, but she was sad for herself.
She typed her password on her laptop and waited for her page to come up. Darren had posted a picture of himself getting baptized, while his little girls and their mother looked on. Janet posted pictures of her newborn baby boy. Joan laughed out loud. There were at least seventy of them. The first-time parents had documented every detail of his birth.
Joan was looking for photo paper to print out pictures of Janet's baby, when she noticed a letter somebody must have slipped underneath the front door. As soon as she opened it, she recognized James's handwriting :
Joan,
I know it seems weird getting a letter from me. I've been so distant lately. I'm sorry for so many reasons. I'm sorry for the lies, the other women, for not being the man you needed me to be. I'm sorry for all the confusion, strife, and tension I brought into your life. Please forgive me; I didn't know what I was doing. I was trying so hard to act like a man, but I only ended up acting like a fool.
You know you have affected me more than any other woman I have ever met. I admire the way you never allowed me to knock you off your feet. You never lost yourself. Deep down, I always knew you were too much woman for me to handle.
You proved it to me so many times, just like the last time we were together. Your body was screaming “yes,” but you refused to obey it and kicked me out.
It was Jesus, wasn't it? That's how you overcame temptation. I have met a lot of women, people in general, who claim to be Christians. You are the only one I'm completely sure about. You are the real deal, and I want you to know that kicking me out that day was the best thing you could have done for me. You let me know that God was real, and even though I chose to ignore it at the time, it was a life-changing moment for me.
That's why when I was contemplating killing myself, I couldn't get to you fast enough. I could see that God had changed you, that you knew Him intimately and could tell me something about Him.
Thanks for introducing me to Pastor Benjy. I don't have words to describe what the last few weeks have been like. But I'll say this, instead of wanting to kill myself, I want to grow and learn. While my mistakes are many, I know that I can be a blessing to the world. (Well . . . maybe.)
I knew women were powerful, but I really had no idea how much so. A woman who is serving God in word and action is impossible to ignore. The world would be a better place if women realized they have the power to influence men to straighten up and act right.
I was on the crooked path, but God used you to lead me to the straight path, and I will be eternally grateful. I wanted you to read this letter before I saw you. I talked to Raquel and she told me what you agreed to do. I'm in awe of you, Joan. Now that I'm back, I know there are a lot of decisions that need to be made.
Pastor Benjy offered me a job, and my neighbor across the street has been calling me like crazy. He wants to buy my house; there's something about needing it for his business. I have a funny feeling and sneaky suspicion that everything is going to be okay.
James
Joan went to her bathroom and turned on the water, making it as hot as she could stand it. She stepped into the shower and allowed the water to hit her face. The rushing water made her remember something one of her college professors used to say: “Life isn't about surviving the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain.”
Joan couldn't explain why tears started to fall from her face. She dipped her head into the warm water and smiled. “Lord, I finally learned how to dance.”
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