The Bright Side (47 page)

“Hmmm.
”

“It never crossed my mind that he was going to propose, I swear to God it didn’t. We’ve only been together for six months. So up we went, anyway, up the stairs out of the Metro station and
Jackie
… it doesn’t matter how many times you see it, the Eiffel Tower is something else altogether. First time I saw it, which was thirty years ago – Jesus Christ, thirty years – I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought it was going to be like the Statue of Liberty, which is just, you know … so what?
It’s
a
big
statue,
whoop-de-doo.
But the Eiffel Tower is amazing, really, really amazing. You don’t appreciate how massive it is until you’re right up next to it.
”

“Suppose not,” I said, just for the sake of saying something. I was beginning to regret letting her go first
.

“We walked around for a while, sat on the grass for a while, watched the light-show – they do this amazing light- show on the hour, the whole thing
fizzes
, it’s gorgeous.
”

“Hmmm,” I said again
.

“And
then
I
said
we
should
go
up,
you
know,
get
the
view. But
David
wouldn’t.
He
doesn’t
like
heights
of
any
kind,
it’s not
just
the
flying
thing.
And
I
got
kind
of
stroppy
because
it had
been
his
idea
to
go
over
in
the
first
place
and
what’s
the
point,
I
thought,
if
you’re
not
going
to
go
up
the
bloody thing?
So
we
got
into
a
kind
of
a
row
about
it.
There
were
all these
other
couples
walking
around
cooing
at
each
other
and there’s
me
and
him
with
our
hands
on
our
hips
having
a
right old
go.
Well,
I
was
the
one
having
the
go,
really,
he
was
just standing
there
looking
lost
and
befuddled.
Then
I
said, ‘What’s
the
matter
with
you?
You’re
being
really
odd.’
And that’s
when
he
did
it.
Dropped
to
one
knee
and
all,
started fumbling
around
in
his
pocket.
You
know
what?
I
still
didn’t get
it.
It
sounds
ridiculous,
doesn’t
it?
”

“A wee bit,” I said
.

“But it’s the truth! I was staring down at him, wondering if he was having some sort of fit. Then he produced the little box and opened it and said, ‘Will you please marry me?’ I said, ‘Will I please
what
?’ It came out kind of sarcastic, but I didn’t mean it that way. He said, ‘Uhhh …’ – this big long ‘Uuuhhhh …’ – and then he said, ‘Marry me?’ I nearly asked him to say it again. But I didn’t. I just said ‘Yes, I will.’ Then I dragged him to his feet and we had the best kiss of my life, which is saying something.
”

“Wow!” I said
.

“I haven’t even started yet!” she trilled
.

Jesus
Christ
, I thought.
She
hasn’t
even
started
yet
.

Fifteen
minutes
later,
Nancy
had
filled
me
in
on
every detail
of
her
remaining
time
in
Paris.
The
Louvre
was “breathtaking”.
Versailles was
“stunning”. The Champs- Élysées
was
“thrilling”.
I
almost
told
her
that
I
knew
all
of this
already
because
I
was
fortunate
enough
to
own
a television
set.
But
I
didn’t.
She
was
excited,
which
was
perfectly
understandable,
and
that
was
all
there
was
to
it. Still,
I
could
have
done
without
the
unnecessarily
(and
for Nancy,
uncharacteristically)
graphic
descriptions
of
their weekend
bedroom
activities.
Truth
be
told,
I
became
quite angry
as
she
launched
into
her
third
–
third!
–
tribute
to David”s
“tenderness”
and
“attentiveness”.
For
once
in
our relationship,
I
was
all
too
aware
that
in
little
more
than
a decade’s
time,
Nancy
would
be
a
pensioner.
And
besides,
try as
I
might,
I
couldn’t
help
but
conclude
that
she
was
being insensitive.
I
was
glad
I
had
come
out
without
my
watch because
she
would
undoubtedly
have
caught
me
looking
at it
–
several
times.
Although
the
story
of
the
trip
to
Paris seemed
to
last
almost
as
long
as
the
trip
itself,
Nancy eventually
came
to
the
bit
where
she
and
David
parted
at
his house
in
Maynooth
.

“I cried again,” she said, “which isn’t like me at all. But I’m just so upside-down. In a nice way though.
”

“Good for you,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. “I’m so glad for you. Couldn’t be happier. Now –
”

“Let me ask you something, Jackie. And I want an honest answer.
”

My finger tapped on my thigh. “What?
”

“Do you think I’m too old to get married in a church?” “No, of course I don’t!
”

“Neither does David. But I do. I mean, look at the cut of me.” She ran her hands through her long grey hair which, in all honesty, could have done with a snip. “One of the wee shites at the end of the street calls me ‘The Witch’.
”

“Well, I presume you’d be getting your hair done for it …
”

“Yeah … Yeah, maybe you’re right.
”

“Of course I’m right. Just don’t go to the muppet who did mine. Now –
”

“But it’s not just the hair though, is it? Can you see me in a white dress walking up an aisle? I’m not exactly Cameron Diaz in general, am I?
”

My voice rose. “What is it with you and Cameron Diaz all of a sudden?
”

She groaned. “David fancies her.” “I’m sure he does. So what?
”

“All right, even leaving looks aside – we don’t know all that many people. I’d be surprised if we could rustle up a guest list of more than, what, thirty?
”

“And?
”

“It’s going to look stupid, isn’t it? Thirty people in a big church?
”

“So don’t get a big church. Get a little church.
”

“It’ll have to be
very
little. We’ll have to get married in a shagging tree-house.
”

“What’s the alternative? A registry office in a health centre? Tripping over sick people on your way to the altar? Oh, excuse me, there wouldn’t be an altar, would there? Tripping over sick people on your to
the
desk
?
”

“Less hassle …” Nancy mumbled
.

“Yeah, less hassle and less special. Get married in a church, for God’s sake. No pun intended.
”

“None taken.
”

“You’ll always regret it if you don’t.
”

She
mused
for
a
moment,
then
broke
into
a
smile.
“You’re
right.
You’re
right.
Aw,
Jackie,
what
would
I
do
without
you?” She
leaned
in
for
yet
another
hug,
which,
frankly,
I
cut
short
.

“OK then,” I said. “That’s that. Listen –
”

“Then there’s the reception,” Nancy said, biting a fingernail. “That’s a nightmare in itself …
”

I didn’t hear what she said next; I didn’t hear it because of all the blood that was suddenly rushing about in my head
.

It
was
almost
a
quarter
past
six
by
the
time
she
finished.
I knew
that
because
when
she
finally
tapered
off,
she
looked at
her
watch
and
said,
“Jesus!
It’s
almost
a
quarter
past
six!” “Good
God,”
I
said,
just
to
emphasise
that
yes
indeed,
we had
been
talking
about
her
wedding
for
the
guts
of
an
hour
– or
rather, she had. I’d contributed
precious little, apart from an
occasional
“Yeah,
I
agree”,
the
whole
point
of
which
was
to
hurry
things
along
(it
hadn’t
worked,
obviously)
.