The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) (8 page)

“No, one
, because it’s not dead just painted black. Two, it wasn’t here when I went to the shower and when I came back my door wasn’t closed properly. Three, well, this isn’t the first message I’ve gotten since Dillon died. Since he’s not around, I think I have another problem.”

I finally look at him and he doesn’t look at all pleased by my sarcasm. “Don’t be a smartass. Who knows about all this? "I shake my head because
, until recently, no one knew until Jake saw the note. “Fine. What other messages?” I pull myself together before trying to speak.

“He may not have finished the job but I will.” His eyes turn f
rom rage to fear. He goes to put his arms out for me but lets them fall back to his side. “I found the note in my dorm while you were all in the hospital. I thought someone was just screwing with me but now I’m not so sure.”

“Bec, you can’t stay here tonight
. Come back to my place.” A part of me wants to jump to that offer but I shake my head.

“That’s not a good idea
, Keegan, and you know it.” He looks worried but then smirks. “Either go to your brother’s or you are coming home with me, good idea or not.” Keegan has always been sexy but this attitude is something he never showed me. He treated me like a fragile doll and I guess with good reason but he’s got me so worked up. He’s just looking at me now. I stir at the way he’s looking at me, trying to think of anything else but his hands on me.

“I’m going to call Drake and Charlotte to come get me. Drake isn’t t
oo happy with you so it’s probably a good idea if you leave first.” He nods and I make the call. They tell me they will be here in 10 minutes. I tell them nothing about this.

“Keegan
, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to freak out. I will tell them if it happens again.” A lie. I know if I don’t have to tell anyone, I won’t. It’s time I handle things on my own.

“I won’t keep this secret forever
, Bec. If I think they need to know, I will tell them and you can be pissed at me all you want.”

I thank him and wait for him to leave. He walks over to the door but stops at my dresser. There is a picture of him and I just before Christmas. We look so happy
as if we don’t have a care in the world. Things had just started to get good for us then. “We look happy.”

I walk up and take the picture from him. “We were
, Keegan. Remember we were friends too. That’s not going to change.”

I look at him to see he is staring at my necklace. “I must have loved you to give you this. It’s my grandmother
’s.”

This is news to me. I go to take it off but he stops me. “No, I want you to have it. I gave it to you for a reason obviously.” I shake my head and try to get it off again. “Things have changed
and this should be with you for someone you spend your life with.”

“We don’t know that this isn’t still going to happen for us
, Bec. So please keep it.” He goes to the door and opens it slightly before stopping. I see him struggling with his emotions but when he speaks, I am stunned.

“All the shrinks say it’s my brains way of dealing with it all. I may not remember you in every aspect. But I remember your smell, the way my body reacts when it touches you. I know it wants you; a part of me does too. This is just so fucked up. God
, they said it wouldn’t be damn easy but, damn it, they never told me it feels like I was having my heart ripped out every time I have to walk away from you.” With that, he pulls the door the rest of the way open and leaves me sitting here thinking.

Who the hell is that? How do I love him already? My new Keegan
, all screwed up, not knowing which way to go.

“Becca
, are you alright?” I look at Drake, who came up to get me while Charlotte waits in the car.

“I just need to get back to the hospital
. Jake’s probably is wondering where I am?” By the look on Drake’s face he’s probably called Drake a number of times already. “I went for a walk and I just lost track of time.” He nods at me and grabs me for a hug. I feel him tense and I realize the rose is still on my bed. I pull back and he’s staring at it. I pull back and follow his line of sight to the rose. “I have an admirer.” I was trying to play it off as a joke but I can tell he’s not buying it. Drake doesn’t want to call me out on it right now. However, I know he will be keeping a closer eye on me from now on. To be honest, that’s probably a good thing. Someone is definitely after me or, at the very least, trying to scare me into leaving. They might just win and get what they want. I might just leave Lakehead.

“Drake
, have you ever regretted something that you could still change?” He looks taken aback by what I’ve said but I wait for his answer.

“Becca
, I regretted how I treated you, and how I went out of my way to make your life a living hell.” I just nod because I know he means this. I say what I’ve been thinking since I was in the Netherlands.

“I regret coming to Lakehead.” I hear him gasp and I look away from him.

“So what are you going to do?”

I take a deep breath and try to keep my voice as
calm as possible. “I’m going to finish this year, but next year I will start applying to art schools in Europe.” I feel Drake’s hand on my shoulder and I know he’s trying to comfort me. “Don’t tell anyone please, Drake. I only told my parents I’d do my two years here so then I could go to art school. This is what I planned to do before any of this.”

When we get back to the hospital
, I give both Drake and Charlotte hugs, but tell them to go off and enjoy the night. I make my way to Jake’s room and I find Alec in there. “Jake, man, I don’t know what’s going to happen with Becca. You and Keegan are my friends but she’s my sister. I won’t make the same mistake again. I will protect her above all. So remember that.”

I make a loud noise as I open the door they both look at me and I just smile. “Hey
, Alec, what are you still doing here?” It’s late and he’s usually gone by this time.

“I was waiting for you
, Becca. Where did you go?” I walk up and give him a hug, squeezing him tightly.

“Went for a run.” I started running again after the accident to clear my head so he’s not going to question me. “Well
, I will let you two hang out. I’ll see you in the morning.”

As soon as Alec is out the door Jake is moving over so I can climb in with him. “They told me I could leave tomorrow morning.”

I look to Jake and give him the biggest smile I can. “Jake, that’s great! I can’t wait to get back to the dorms.” He looks saddened by my excitement.

“I’m not going back to the dorms, not yet anyway. I will stay with Alec for a bit. Easier to have everything I need like an adjoining bathroom and my
own shower.” I didn’t expect to have to go back to my brother’s yet. Charlotte is staying in my room, not that I wouldn’t just room with Jake. “I will still see you all the time.” Just like that, my heart drops and my whole body goes tense. I look to him for clarification, anything to tell me he’s not saying what I think is.

He doesn’t say anything else he just looks at me. I give him a hug and kiss his cheek
, holding in every tear that wants to erupt from my body. “I’ll see you later Jake.” I go to walk away and he tries to grab for me. “I better get home, it’s getting late. I have classes in the morning. When you get out, let me know if you need any help.” I turn my back to Jake and the tears begin to fall.

“Becca, please just stay, just for tonight.” Those words break me. He’s ending this. I don’t know what changed between our last talk and now but he’s made up his mind.

“No, Jacob, I need to go home. One more night won’t change this. It won’t make this feel any less than it does now. Right now, it’s killing me so thanks but no thanks. Goodbye.” With that, I’m out of the door and running down the halls, trying to get as far away from this place as possible.

I get outside and call a cab. While I wait
, I replay things over and over, trying to figure out if I was misunderstanding Jake.
He doesn’t want you to stay with him, Becca.
The cab pulls up and I hop in without worrying about it. I am trying to keep it together the entire way home to my dorm, alone. As soon as we pull up, I toss some money on the seat and take off to my room. I rush past Jake’s door and slam mine, causing the wall to shake. I peel off all my clothing, trying to get the smell of Jake off of me. I pull my PJs on and don’t bother locking my door. I wish whomever it was that wants to hurt me would just do it already. I’m not playing this game anymore. I climb into my bed and fall into a sleep I hope I never wake from.
Trees, dirt, and the smell of burnt rubber begin to fill my head. My eyes blink open and I see my surroundings. I’m on the road where I was just a few short weeks ago. I see the car mangled and the air is filled with silence. “Becky.” I turn to see both Dillon and Michael standing there staring at me. Dillon looks like he did before we started dating. He appears normal.

“What’s happening?” I look to Michael
, who is now walking towards me.

“Bec, this is what you do.” I’m confused and I’m sure he can tell by my face. “You cause damage where ever you go.”

I begin to sob at his hateful words and I can’t even speak. I just keep shaking my head no. “I died because of you. Because you were selfish, and then you drove Dillon insane. Then you did the worst thing possible.”

“NO!” I scream at them.

“Where are Jake and Keegan? They couldn’t be safe around you either, could they, Becca?”

I’m trembling when I get my next words out. “Where are Keegan and Jake? What did you do to them? Don’t hurt them!”

Dillon looks at me with sadness. “Becky, we wouldn’t hurt them. They left on their own, remember?”

Flashes of my conversation with Jake and the heartbreak of it come crashing down. Keegan not having his memories of the last year and a half. I look to Dillon and I see sadness.

“Keegan doesn’t want to remember you and Jake can’t be around you, Becca. They are gone and you’re alone. Why would they want to be around someone who’s only going to get them killed?”

“I would never hurt them! I love them. I wouldn’t let them get hurt!” I’m screaming and I feel like I’m being shaken. “You’re a
killer, Becca. You may not have done it yourself with me, but you did kill Dillon and you will get them killed.”

I scream and feel like I’m being pulled away from all this.

“Becca, wake up!”

I feel the pull getting stronger and before I know it.

“BECCA!!!” My eyes spring open and I see Drake looking at me. “Did you take anything?”

I shake my head and the sobs begin to burst out of me. “Drake.” He grabs me and gives me a hug.

“Jake called me, Becca. You should have called Charlotte or I would have stayed with you.” I pull away, shaking my head. “No, Drake, no more of this. I’m not going to be this broken girl anymore. I need to start to put back together the pieces of my life and I need to be able to do it alone. It’s time for me to handle my own shit and fight my own demons.”

Keep busy. That’s my thoughts these days. Waking up to Drake trying to take care of me gave me this kick in the ass I so desperately needed. I have slept soundly by myself for five days. Well, soundly might not be the right term. I’ve been taking my medication for sleeping. So I don’t wake anyone screaming but it doesn’t stop the nightmares. Jake has been home at Alec’s place for all of those nights. I haven’t been there and I’m not returning anyone’s calls except Charlotte. Alec is of course panicking that I’m going to take off. Charlotte told him I’m not leaving and she’s right. I’m not leaving… yet. I grab my bag from my desk and head out into the world I’ve been trying to evade.

Walking to my class
, I wish I could say it was getting easier to be here. The truth is that each day I walk around here, it is killing me. I’ve begun to hate it here. I don’t talk to anyone. I stay away from the group. To be honest, I haven’t spoken to anyone. Jake hasn’t tried to come see me either. I was hoping he would come around but he seems to enjoy the distance. Making my way to the library, it has become my safe zone.

“Bec…” I still at Keegan’s voice and turn around. He’s alone at least
, which means this will be less awkward.

“Hello
, Keegan, how are you?” He looks at me questioningly.

“I’m good
,” he responds. “That’s good. I better get going. I have to study.” I turn away and start to my getaway.

“Really
, Bec, that’s all I get?” I don’t turn around, and I don’t stop either.
Keep walking, Becca.
“Rebecca!”

I stop in my tracks and turn slowly
, looking at Keegan. “What do you want from me, Keegan?” I say to him, with tears pooling in my eyes. Keegan looks back and forth down the halls before he approaches me. He grabs me by the arm and starts pulling me out of the school and along the path to our solitude. I haven’t been back here since that night with Jake.