The Bucket List (41 page)

It had been her all along. It had always been her.

He hadn't been with any women since she had got with Nate when she had been on the road with them, and for once in his life he hadn't wanted to.. It seemed such a long time ago now, but that was when he had started losing her. He should have just seen it then, should have seen how deeply in love he was with her. He would have then stopped whatever she'd had going on with Nate before it had got the chance to grow. It would have saved him a lot of heartache.

With another sigh, he walked back into the house. Maybe coming here had been a bad idea after all.

He led Rae down the stairs, her little hand in his as she followed him blindly.

He paused briefly when he saw the hall light on.

"You okay, John?" Rae asked when she noticed.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Why don't you go sit down and I'll bring us some beer and plenty of junk food? Put some music on or something."

"Okay," Rae shrugged.

She'd changed into a pair of sweats and a little t-shirt and scrubbed the make-up off her face, but her eyes and nose were still red from crying. He saw her lips curl into a little smile for him before she let go of his hand and walked ahead.

He watched her walk into the den and the smile left his face. He was pretty sure he'd switched all the lights off and locked the door after Irving, Sara and the Steele's had gone out. Someone was here.

He walked over to the door, and sure enough, the handle turned easily and the door opened.

Only one other person had a key.

Biting down on his jaw and clenching his fists, he locked the door again before he made his way to the kitchen.

And sure enough, he came face to face with the one man who was causing all the misery his dear friend was going through.

The younger man looked shocked when he saw him but he said nothing at all. And he looked absolutely pathetic, like he hadn't slept or eaten in weeks. Or had a good wash. His eyes were bloodshot, he had stubble on his chin, his hair had grown some and was all spiky and messy... and he could smell alcohol on his breath.

He'd been waiting for this moment for weeks, waiting for when he finally got his hands on him and literally kicked some sense into him. But looking at his friend now, all his anger left him. Corey was doing no better than Rae was. It was his fault entirely, of course, through his misguided conviction that what he'd witnessed the night he'd returned to the hospital had been anything but innocent.

When
Irving had finally let Rae get out of bed, she'd seen the now almost empty game room and asked what had happened. He'd had no choice but to tell her why Corey had done that. He'd told her Corey had been jealous of Nate, and the first thing she'd done was try to call him to explain. The bastard hadn't had his phone on since the day he'd last seen them. And of course, he hadn't been accepting any visitors. He'd flat out cut everyone out of his life.

Idiot. Everything would have been sorted by now if he had just come to talk to her. According to the
Steeles, he turned downright nasty if anyone tried to talk about her. Now he had Rae thinking he didn't love her when it was so obviously not true.

"You should have called her," he said.

Corey just clenched his jaw and looked away.

"You've been a prick, you don't deserve her at all," he continued. "I don't know how you live with yourself, knowing how you've treated her. What, was she another one of your love 'em and leave 'em hoes? Did you get with her just because she was dying?"

He knew none of this was true, but he wanted to get a reaction out of him.

And he did.

"She got with me because she thought she was dying," he hissed angrily.

"Oh? Really? She said that, did she?"

"She didn't need to. I know that girl better than any of you. She would have done anything to cheer me up."

"Is that why you have your phone off? Why you won't see anyone? Because you think we're all trying to feed you bullshit?" John asked calmly.

"Because I don't want her to call me and tell me we can still be friends," Corey hissed again. "I can't be her friend, John. It would kill me."

He walked past
Corey to the fridge and grabbed a six pack before finding a bag of potato chips and a box of chocolates in a cupboard.

"She dials your number a million times each day," he said once he was facing his friend again. "But I don't think she's looking to be friends."

He saw a glimmer of something in his eyes but Corey quickly looked away from him.

"She... she's been trying to call me?"
Corey asked.

"Everyday," he confirmed.

"Everyday when Nate wasn't there?" he asked bitterly.

"She hasn't spoken to
Nate since she left the hospital."

There. He'd said it. The one thing
Corey needed to know but had refused to listen to. Little annoying shit. He should have just whipped his butt first like he'd planned to.

"Why?"
Corey asked.

Why? Why? This was unbelievable. How could he be so blind to what was going on around him?

"You'll have to ask her that," he answered.

Corey
shook his head and started walking out of the kitchen.

"I can't... I have to think about it
... "

The moment he said that, music started drifting out of the den. And not just any music, the wailing, broken hearted, 'can't live without you' kind of music. Rae had been playing that song in particular over and over again the past few weeks, so much so he felt like finding Enrique wherever the hell he was and shooting him.

A smile appeared on his lips at the perfect timing when Corey froze in his tracks.

"She's here,"
Corey stated, his eyes glued on the entrance to the den that was only a few feet in front of him.

He couldn't see his face but he could bet
Corey was panicking, telling himself to get the hell out of there, but frozen in the same spot.

"Oh, yeah. Didn't I say?" he smiled.

If there was ever a song that was just right for this situation, it was that. Maybe Enrique had some sort of magic after all.

He waited a moment for what always came around about that part of the song, and he wasn't disappointed.

Her soft cry. Her hurting cry. It was always painful to listen to when he couldn't do a damn thing about it. But this man in front of him could.

He saw
Corey's hand go up to his chest, like he couldn't stand to hear her pain either.

How had
Corey thought he could let go of Rae so easy? They had something many people only dreamt of, how had he thought he could let her go? Even if his fears had been true, even if Rae had somehow chosen Nate, Corey should have fought for her. Instead of running home to mummy with his tail between his legs.

He watched as
Corey slowly inched his way forward until he stood by the door. He could still hear Rae crying softly like her heart was breaking all over again.

Then he walked back to the kitchen and quietly closed the door behind him. He hoped
Corey sorted this mess out, because if he didn't there was no telling he would do to him.

His beer and snacks still in his hands, he went to sit outside. Just in case they did make up. He didn't want any part of that bit.

***

Rae was sitting on a couch with her knees to her chest and her head down. Her hair was in her face so he couldn't see her tears, but he could hear her soft crying. He'd always hated it when she cried but this time... this time was hurting him in ways he couldn't describe.

Corey stood by the doorway, unable to move, unable to say anything even though his head was screaming at him to just walk to her and hold her; to make her tears stop and her pain to go away. What was he supposed to do? He had used up all his strength trying to avoid this very situation; trying to avoid being so close to her. He had to run. He had to get out of there.

But he still couldn't move.

He had hurt so badly the past few weeks, just wishing he could see her again. And she was there, right in front of him... The person who made him whole, the other half of him. How in the world was he supposed to live without her? How would he go through each day away from her and still function like a human being? It would be impossible. He'd surely die.

But what other option did he have? She didn't feel the same way about him. It was
Nate she wanted.

So why was she hurting like this when she had what she wanted? She was supposed to be happy. He had stayed away from her because he had truly believed this. Why wasn't she happy? Why hadn't she seen
Nate since her surgery? Had he finished with her? Had he broken her heart? Had Nate left her in as much pain over him as he, himself, was over her?

Over the past few weeks, his family had tried to tell him something, urging him to just talk to her and clear the air. But he hadn't wanted to
listen, he hadn't wanted to hurt anymore than he'd already been. Maybe they had tried to tell him that she was finished with Nate. Maybe she had tried to call him for the same reason, so that he could come over and pick up the pieces. Which he would have done gladly. He would have done anything to be in her life again.

Rae was sitting there, looking so broken.
Without Nate. Something had happened and that freak was out of her life.

John's words floated into his head and he remembered the brief hope he had felt when he'd heard them.

Had she really said she had only got with him because death had been hanging over their heads? No, but only because he hadn't given her the chance. But what if he had been wrong?

What if he hadn't been wrong about what he'd seen in her eyes when he'd been with her? What if her words had been the truth?

Something else came to him, the words she had spoken after their little fight, when they'd made up on the plane.

"I'll never forget about you,
Corey. You mean everything to me. Whatever happens from here on out, just remember that."

Had she really meant that? Whatever happened, even her getting with
Nate, did he still mean everything to her? If that was true, then had he done this to her? Had he caused all this pain?

Had he been wrong?

No. He couldn't have been. He had given her exactly what she'd wanted. But now, obviously, what she'd wanted hadn't wanted her.

He felt his heart beat louder at the thought. Did this mean he had a chance? She was crying like this over that painted freak, but maybe in time, she would forget about him. Maybe he could wipe
Nate right out of her heart. He loved her more than anything, surely that meant he had love enough for both of them? Ethan had told him to fight for her. He would.

Damn it, he was not going to walk away from her! The hell had he been thinking to believe he could?
Nate could go screw himself! Rae was his. She had always been his. He would stay here and fight for her until she was back in his life the way he wanted her. For good.

Now all he had to do was make her see it, too. She would see how happy he would make her, she would see that what
Nate felt for her would never ever compare to what he felt.

Only he had to do it differently this time. He had to do it right.

"Baby..." he whispered.

Rae looked up straight away, as if he had actually shouted her name very loudly. He could tell she was shocked to see him there, like she had already resigned herself to never ever seeing him again. Those damn tears were still on her face, her sad face with its dead eyes. And his head was still screaming at him.

"Go over there. Get on your knees. Beg, you stupid fuck!"

But he couldn't. He had to talk to her first, to make sure she understood perfectly
who she belonged to.

Quickly, Rae wiped her tears then lowered the volume of the stereo before she looked back up at him expectantly. She didn't say a word.

He swallowed nervously and took a step into the room.

"That's it,
Corey. A few more steps and you could nail that shit right there on the couch."

He shut the voices out. Sex wasn't going to solve the problem. Not this time. In fact, if he'd ignored the voices in the first place, he would have spent more time telling her how he felt, hammering it in, and showing her in other ways what she meant to him. And he would definitely never have misunderstood the signals she had sent to him. He would have seen that she'd been pretending, and then used all his skill to turn really her head.
Nate would never ever have re-entered the picture.

He bit down on his jaw and took another step in.

"Can I come in?" he asked nervously.

Being so close to her was messing him up. His body had been calling for her since even before the surgery; it would have been the easiest thing to do to just show her how he felt. Right there on the couch.
And the coffee table. Maybe even in the next room, on the bar counter...