The Bull Rider's Collection (13 page)

“I didn’t know you were from the area.” Lizzie looked confused.

Angie glanced at Jesse who nodded. “She’s family, too.”

She took two steps toward James. Then stopped when he took two steps backward, glaring at her. Angie turned to Lizzie.

“I’m James and Jesse’s mother.”

JR came and wrapped his arms around James’s legs. “I told you I might have a gramma.”

Dazed, James clutched JR tight to his legs. Letting the little boy’s absolute faith in miracles ground him while the remainder of James’s world collapsed and rebuilt itself.

His mother had returned to Shawnee. Finally.

James sat on a bale of straw with JR perched on his knee. Nearby Angie filled them in on the short version of her life after Shawnee. James had heard a portion of the story months ago, but unlike Jesse, he didn’t believe a word coming out of the woman’s mouth.

“My full name is Lorraine Angelica Chapman Sullivan Dexter. When I left Shawnee and married Dex, I started going by my middle name.”

“How’d you marry someone else?” James head spun. And one thought pierced through the muddle.

Please don’t tell me my mother is not only a runaway deadbeat but a bigamist, too.

“Your father and I divorced a year after I left. Didn’t he tell you?”

“Apparently no one tells me anything.” James glared at everyone except JR. “What, am I so delicate I can’t take the truth?”

“You want the truth?” Jesse asked at the same time Lizzie sputtered, “James, that isn’t fair. You know — ”

“I’m not mad at you, Lizzie.” James sent Jesse a murderous glare and ignored Angie altogether.

“You’re not mad at me, right, Dad?” JR put his arms around James neck and turned his head to face him. “Because I wanted to find you. And gramma.”

“I’m not mad at anyone, JR.” James hugged him. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“Good, because we’re family. Now all we need is Grandpa Bob and we can eat Thanksgiving dinner together and Christmas and my birthday.” Just like that, JR had it all planned.

James shook his head. He didn’t want JR falling for Angie’s bullshit when he knew she could disappear exactly as she had before. His fury centered on a target. He’d known for months that she wanted to talk to him, to explain. He’d put it off, not wanting to listen to her lies. Her truths. He didn’t like the fact that JR was here, but hell, might as well do it now instead of leaving anything more to chance. Chance hadn’t served him particularly well this weekend.

He took a deep breath, asked the only question he could formulate, “Why did you leave without saying goodbye? No cards, no notes, nothing.” Aw, shit. Exactly what he’d done to Lizzie.

“I sent cards.” Angie stepped toward him. “And letters. After the divorce, everything came back return to sender. I guess your dad thought I’d divorced the two of you, too. In a way, he was right. I was young and stupid. I thought he’d be able to give you a better life without me. You were happy here. I was suffocating.”

“We were happy as a family. Once you left, life went to hell. Jesse and I had to raise ourselves. Dad wouldn’t even let us see Grams.” James remembered the days they didn’t see their dad at all. “No wonder we were wild, we never had a chance.”

“Dude, she’s here now.” Jesse, as usual, saw the bright side of things.

“So, what? Forgive and forget? That’s your advice?” James laughed bitterly. “This is coming from the man who knew I had a kid and didn’t think to tell me.”

“James!” Lizzie rose, took JR’s hand and tugged him away from his father. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s see if we can find pony rides or something while these guys sort their issues without you.”

“Lizzie … .” James tried.

“No.” She spun on him, putting herself between JR and the Sullivan boys. “My son is not a tug toy and neither am I. He shouldn’t have to listen to this.”

She turned to march away, only to have JR ask, “What did you mean, we’re not tug toys? Why are you mad at dad and Uncle Jesse? Did Uncle Jesse know about me and not tell dad?”

Grimacing, Lizzie shut her eyes, drew a breath and dropped to her knees in front of JR. “JR, sometimes adults don’t think before they speak, just like kids. It shouldn’t happen, but it does. Right now dad and Angie and Uncle Jesse are talking about things that happened a long time ago before I ever knew them. I don’t understand all of it, so I don’t expect you to. And I don’t think you should hear any more of it when your dad is so…” She hesitated over the word ‘angry’ and changed it. “When your dad is so upset. He needs space to work this out and I don’t think you and I can help him with that.”

“Oh.” JR’s brows beetled then smoothed. “But if we go ride ponies now, we can come back and do more stuff with dad and Uncle Jesse and Gramma Angie when they’re done, right?”

Lizzie huffed air.
No
, she wanted to say.
Then we can go home
. Instead she nodded. “Yes. If your dad and Uncle Jesse don’t kill each other, we can come back.”

“Good.” JR turned to James. “Don’t kill Uncle Jesse before he can teach me to ride bulls.”

James melted. “I promise.”

Satisfied, JR took Lizzie’s hand and the two of them walked away.

Leaving James with his heart in pieces, looking for a way make things whole.

He looked at Jesse. “I don’t like being kept in the dark, dude. I don’t care whose secret you think you’re keeping, if it has to do with me or my family — ” he canted his head after Lizzie and JR “ — you fill me in. Got it?”

Jesse hunched a shoulder. “Yeah.”

“Good. Now you two are settled, can we get back to me?” Angie flipped her blonde hair with a practiced hand. “Aren’t you excited about my news?”

“Seriously?” James returned his stare to his mother. “You want to move home and start being a mom now? What? Too old for chorus lines?”

Angie took a breath. Let it out. “You’re right. I was a terrible mother. I left you and your brother and your father because I wanted to dance. No excuses. I sucked at being a housewife. And then, after a while, I didn’t know how to come back. Even though I wanted to.”

“So now, you want to? You want to be my mother?” James almost spit the word at her.

Angie offered him a crooked smile. “I may not be the mother you deserve, but I’m the one you’ve got. That’s all I can be. I want to get to know you. Your brother and I have been talking for the last six months. We thought being home in Shawnee, maybe you’d open up.” She looked up at Jesse for support.

Instead of leaping into the fray, Jesse took a step back and, for the first time in memory, let James lead.

“This isn’t home,” James said intently. “I don’t have anywhere that’s home. The only good memories I have of this place are the times Lizzie and I were together.” Everything he’d ever asked God for in the middle of the long cold nights when his dad was passed out on the couch and Jesse slept in the twin next to him had come to him at once: his mother came back. He and Lizzie had a son. He had a great job working with his brother. Yet all of it felt wrong.

Be careful what you wish for
.

He shook his head. “I need to think.”

With that he took off into the crowd, feeling like a ten-year-old again. Lost, confused, alone.

Looking for answers and not liking the ones he got.

• • •

After too much excitement, JR had fallen asleep on the drive home. He was ecstatic to have a grandmother. When they’d met up after the pony ride, Angie had promised to come for coffee the next day so she and Lizzie could talk. Get to know each other. Lizzie grinned as she tucked the sleeping JR into bed. Angie would be a different type of grandmother. But for JR, knowing one more piece of his family made him happy. And that’s all she could ask.

She changed into sweats and an old tee shirt. Even without Barb it had still been a wild weekend. She felt bad for James. He’d found out about JR and his mom moving home in the span of forty-eight hours. No wonder he’d seemed shattered and distant when he finally rejoined them after talking with Jesse and Angie — then taken off again almost as quickly when JR started calling Angie “Gramma.”

She put the teakettle on to boil and sat at the table, flipping through her notebook with the ‘to do’s’ for her new life courtesy of her old one. “Mom, I hope you’ll help me through this. I’m praying I can be half the hostess you were.”

“You’ll be better.” Her father’s voice came from the doorway.

“Dad, I didn’t expect you home tonight.” Lizzie stood and headed to the fridge. “Have you eaten?”

“Sit back down. Yes, I’ve eaten. We need to talk.” Bob Hudson sat in his favorite chair at the table and rubbed his hand over a spot in the wood.

“You want a cup of tea? Or I could make coffee.” Lizzie said, puzzled. So many ‘We have to talks’ this weekend. So many surprises that said no one had really talked to anyone else in years. So what didn’t she know about her father? He didn’t look drunk. But if he hadn’t been at the bar, where had he been?

“I don’t need coffee.” He didn’t look at her. “Maybe a shot of whiskey.”

She rose to get it, but he stopped her.

“It was a joke. Really, sit down.” He reached over and grabbed her hand. “You know I loved your mother.”

“You’re upset about the cabins.” Lizzie jumped to conclusions. “I’m sorry, but James was here and fixed the things I couldn’t and — ”

Her dad interrupted, “I’m not mad about the cabins. I think it’s a great idea. I’m glad James helped you and that he knows about JR. It’s about time the two of you made peace with this.”

“Then what do we need to talk about?” Lizzie sipped her tea, wondering if this was how James felt right before he learned about JR. She didn’t like being on this side of the surprise.

Her dad drummed his fingers on the table. “You know Martha, right?”

“Martha Peck? The lady who owns the tilapia farm down the road?” Lizzie didn’t know where this conversation was going.

“We’ve been seeing each other … .”

“You’re dating?” Where had she been?

“You could call it that. She asked me over to help her set up her fish farm and we got to talking. She’s kind of funny.” Bob grinned. “We started doing coffee every morning. And, well, I’ve asked her to marry me.”

“Wow.” Flummoxed, Lizzie sat back in her chair. Probably served her right, since she’d pulled the rug out from under James this weekend.

“Liz, your mom’s been gone eighteen months. Don’t you want me to be happy?”

“No, dad, it’s not that.” Lizzie struggled to put the misunderstanding right. “Of course I want you to be happy. I’m surprised, that’s all. I thought … I thought … . “
That you’d been drinking your life away or going senile
. She bit back a grin, glad to be wrong. “I don’t know what I thought.” She frowned suddenly. “Do you need me and JR to find our own place?” She didn’t know how that would work either financially or in terms of her plans for the cabins, but maybe she could just rent out four of them while she and JR temporarily lived in the fifth.

Shocked, Bob stared at her. “Why would I want you to move? I’m moving into Martha’s place. You and JR can spread out here.” He gestured toward the back yard. “Put in that play area JR’s been asking about. Make the place more kid friendly for your renters.”

“You’re letting me stay here?”

Her father shook his head as though wondering what it took to get through to her. “Of course, Liz, this is your home. Although if he had a bone in his cowardly body, James would man up and figure out a way to help take care of you and JR.” He tipped his chin at the cookie jar. “You got any of those cookies left?”

Lizzie got up, plated her father the last three cookies, and put the teakettle on to boil again. “Doesn’t Martha bake?”

“Well, she does, but don’t mention this when you see her, because she has me on some low sugar diet crap. Says she wants me alive for the wedding.”

Lizzie grinned. Her father needed a strong hand. Martha sounded like the woman for him. “I won’t mention it. I’m happy for you.”

“I hate leaving you and JR here alone. I thought after I talked to Jesse on Saturday maybe his brother would be over here, trying to make up for lost time.”

“Yeah, about that. When did you and Jesse get so close? According to him, he’s known about JR for years.” She stared her father down.

He had the grace to squirm. “Your mother said it wasn’t anyone’s business but yours and James’s and I agreed. Until Jesse heard JR cry one night when we were talking. I couldn’t help that. He used to call every Sunday, to check in. Those boys needed family, even back then.” Bob polished off another cookie.

“I didn’t realize the two of you had bonded.” Lizzie poured hot water over another teabag. The scent of cinnamon filled the kitchen.

“I could talk to him after your mom died. Jesse’s a good listener, that’s why he can ride those bulls the way he does. James was always too hotheaded to handle ’em well. If Jesse didn’t love the circuit so much I might think you fell for the wrong Sullivan boy.” Bob glanced up from the cookie plate. “Your mom was wrong to convince you not to tell James,” he said quietly. “He had a right to know. You had a right to tell him, expect him to be with you, or at least help you out.”

“She said he would just leave again.” Lizzie sank into the chair. “That JR would be better off not knowing his dad.”

Her father’s face twisted in loving exasperation. “Honey, I loved your mother to death, but sometimes she made me mad. She had no right to force that decision on you.” He looked away. “Sometimes I think she did it because she was afraid of losing you. You always wanted to travel, just like those boys. That’s why she talked me out of giving you James’s number when I got it from Jesse that night.”

Lizzie squeezed her eyes shut on a sense of betrayal. Couldn’t change what had happened, could only learn from it and move on. “Whatever she did, I let her. I was scared James wouldn’t want JR or me and that would have been worse than not having him at all.” Lizzie hadn’t admitted the fear to anyone before, even her mother.

“But he does care. He might have trouble figuring out how to do it right, but I saw him with you this weekend. He cares.” Bob finished off the last of the cookies. “I’m going to pack a few things to take over to Martha’s. Will you be okay here alone? I’m only ten minutes away if you need me.”