The Burn (26 page)

Fin nodded.

Derek raised the beer to his mouth. I coulda paid her way, he said, if I’d thought about it, I just never thought about it.

Ye dont. Ye never think about these things.

Naw I know.

Naybody does, no till it’s too late.

I know.

Unfortunately it’s typical.

Yeh.

Fin was watching him. It’s just the way it goes.

I know. Derek paused then smiled. I’m allowed to have regrets but eh? am I no?

Aye but I just mean ye’re bound to think of the things you coulda done, when ye had the chance – ye’re bound to.

Yeh.

It’s natural.

Derek nodded.

I know it doesni make it any easier . . . Fin gazed at Derek and when he didni respond he said: Sorry.

Naw.

No exactly diplomatic but.

Fuck that. Derek sipped at the beer; he smiled suddenly. A thought crossed my mind there at the toilet, apropros of fuck all; I could be a father in two countries, three including Britain. I
mean I’m no boasting it’s just . . . interesting. He grinned: Wee Hannahs running about in foreign countries. Yeh! He glanced at Fin: Must be a good feeling being a father.

No all the time.

Sure.

Sometimes ye just dont feel able to cope. The wife’s pregnant again by the way.

Is that right?

Aye. It’s a pity ye didni have time to come round for a meal or something. Yous two’d get on ye know, I told her about ye.

Ye told her about me . . .

Aye.

No everything?

Fin shrugged.

Well I’m definitely no going round now.

Dont be daft.

I’m being serious, it’s just an embarrassment. Derek shook his head. I wish ye hadni.

Sorry.

It doesni matter. He adjusted the position of his hat then took it off and laid it on the empty seat nearest him.

It was a while ago I told her. She just found it funny.

Yeh, the guy that stole the video equipment, it is funny, funny as fuck.

I’m sorry.

Naw.

Honest, I am.

It’s alright.

I shouldni have.

It’s no a problem.

Sorry.

It’s no a problem Fin it’s okay.

Big mouth.

Doesni matter.

It just came out I mean.

Yeh.

Sorry.

No bother.

Naw, I’m sorry.

It’s me, I’m sorry, fucking hell, I just over-react. It’s a daily occurrence.

I apologise anyway.

I apologise.

Fin chuckled.

Yeh . . . ! So what about Sammy? Ye seen him recently.

I haveni, naw.

Is he still around?

Far as I know. The gallery’s still going anyway.

Him and Isobel still the gether?

They are, aye. Time passes but some things stay the same. She had a show on no long ago, a one-woman. Quite well noticed.

Great.

It travelled.

Outside Scotland?

I think so.

She’s doing well then eh?

Seems to be.

Ah she was always strong but. She went her own way. I used to like her stuff. I used to like to see what she was doing. She could paint. She wasni feart at all. All these browns and burnt
oranges, fucking purple! Derek grinned. Did ye see the show yerself?

I crept in, aye.

What did ye think?

Fin made a movement with his right hand.

Ye didni like it?

Eh . . . half and half.

Derek nodded.

Some of it.

I wonder if it went to London?

I dont know.

Be nice if it did.

Wouldni be that big a deal.

Yeh well . . .

I mean it depends on whereabouts; all these wee galleries they’ve got down there: New York’s the place, that’s where they’re all going – Berlin. London’s down
the table. Second Division stuff. So I hear anyway. Mind you it could be the fucking moon for all I know.

Ho!

No kidding. I finished with that sorta shit years ago.

Yeh, well, so did I.

We’ll drink to it then . . . ! Fin had raised his pint tumbler. They clinked glasses. No surrender!

Fuck sake dont bring religion into it!

The two of them laughed.

Derek said, I was wondering whether to give him a bell?

Sammy?

Yeh.

Go ahead.

Derek gazed across at the bar, glanced at his watch. It was twenty to eight. What time do the pubs shut?

Midnight around here.

Mm.

Give him a phone if ye like.

Derek nodded.

Does he know ye’re in town?

Dont think so, naw.

D’ye no keep in touch?

The last time I saw him was that time with you.

Was it?

Christ Fin I dont keep in touch with anybody – I mean naybody, naybody at all. I dont fucking keep in touch with nay cunt. Derek grinned and shook his head, he lifted the hat from the
chair. The original loner . . . He smoothed down the brim of the hat. This musta been the old man’s, he said, I found it in a cupboard. I dont mind him ever wearing it though. Ye’d
remember something like that eh! He peered inside and picked a hair out from its crown.

One of the three females from the table near the gents’ had gone to the bar. She was leaning her elbows there, propping her chin in the palms of her hands, one leg bent at the knee,
classic pose. Derek and Fin both studied her. Fin smiled: Time for another round.

She’s nice eh?

She is.

She’s no the only one in here. Good pub.

Aye it’s no bad. Better than it used to be. It was a bit of a dive, mind?

I dont, to be honest.

Naybody went here except the fucking hardened drinkers. It was a man’s shop. Spit and sawdust. It’s changed owners a coupla times since. They’re aye trying to yuppify it.
Without total success. So what about the lassie down in England then, been seeing her long?

Nearly six months . . . Derek put the hat back on his head, tugged it down over his brow and folded his arms.

Is it a record?

Ah, fucking record.

Just the way ye said it!

I shoulda brought her with me. I didni ask her but. I seem to be doing everything wrong the now; I dont know what it is.

Ye go through these stages.

Yeh. Derek glanced at his watch. I was thinking about giving her a bell as well.

Ye should.

Ah she’ll probably no be in anyway man she’ll be out somewhere – gallivanting. He smiled, glancing at the watch again. Fucking gallivanting, soon as my back’s turned. He
lifted the pint tumbler and studied it, then drank down the remainder of the beer, passing the empty to Fin who still had some to finish: Did ye no say ye were getting a round in?

I did aye. Fin frowned for a moment: I actually bumped into Sammy a few weeks back.

Did ye?

The Horseshoe Bar; we wereni talking, just hello and that. Fin swirled his remaining beer round the bottom of the glass.

Yous two still dont get on eh?

No really.

Yeh, well.

I find it hard to talk to him Derek, being honest, he’s so wrapped up in his own head. If ye’re no speaking about him ye’re no speaking, know what I mean, he never seems to
hear ye.

Derek nodded.

He’s actually a bit of a prick, ye know . . . Fin swallowed the rest of the beer.

Well he wasni always.

Fin placed the empty tumbler on the table: He is now.

Derek shrugged.

His patter, I canni be annoyed with it – it’s alright if ye’re twenty one but no thirty one. Gets fucking boring after a while.

Fair enough.

A conversation stopper. Sorry. I’ll get the drink.

Doesni matter.

Naw I know ye were good mates.

Yeh, well.

I’m just saying what I think.

Fair enough.

Fin shrugged.

Derek watched him walk off with the two empties, a brief glance here and there as he went. But relaxed. It was his place and he was relaxed. Why not? Glasgow, it was home. But Derek was relaxed
too, he felt relaxed. It was his fucking home as well.

The woman was still standing at the bar, now having a word with the big skinny guy who made her smile at something; she returned to her table carrying a tray.

Life.

There was an empty cigarette packet on the edge of the table. He shoulda brought the pad; he had a pen.

Fuck.

It would be good to get on the overnight train, just draw down the blinds, have a sleep, fucking blank it all out. What did he have to do? No much – he had half-told Marilyn he would go
and see her. He could phone instead, it wouldni matter. Christ he
could
actually shoot off the night; there was still time; a quick taxi up the road and get the stuff packed; fuck sake.

He couldni. It just wasni on.

The sweater the woman with the stretch tights was wearing was wine in colour, almost no bulge at the chest but ye knew her breasts were probably big the way the bulge protruded lower down, her
shoulders hunched slightly. Her and her mates were eating potato crisps. In his experience that’s what women did, they ate potato crisps. How come? Just a fact of life. That’s what they
did. Maybe it was that stopped them getting drunk. Gin and tonic. A different type of drinking they did as well. Altogether different. They were just altogether different. Sometimes ye wondered why
they ever went for a man. They were so beautiful and men wereni. Even the barmaid, probably she was just under pressure. People
are
under pressure. Ye never know what’s going on,
what’s under the surface. Derek slept with this woman a coupla years ago and one night she burst out crying. For no reason. Just life. It was getting to her. He lumbered her from a pub up in
London. She was divorced but she had a boyfriend. She wasni crying about that, being in bed with him. She was crying because of life, the things that happen, that’s what it was, except she
couldni bring herself to tell him. She was really beautiful. She was too thin but and she smoked all the time. Fucking amazing; people; amazing. If Sammy was here just now they’d be moving in
on the three at the table. They would. That’s what they’d be doing. That time they got off with the two lassies at the pictures along Sauchiehall Street. Fucking hell what a night;
paired off in separate bedrooms and the lassie Sammy was with had just come walking in, getting fags or something, no caring, tits bouncing, no even wearing a pair of pants. The men would nevera
done that. No way. No embarrassment. Just so relaxed. How come people are so relaxed? Ye wonder. Had mum ever wanted to get married again? Fucking hell he couldni even remember thinking that
before. Maybe he hadni: maybe this was the first time he had ever thought it. Maybe she had wanted to. Poor mum, poor fucking mum. People’s lives. People’s lives. Fin was back. Derek
smiled and reached for the pint.

Fin said: D’ye ever smoke a cigar?

Naw.

I was gonni get a couple.

I have smoked them once or twice.

Ye dont like them?

No really.

I sometimes get one.

Ye shoulda.

Fin shrugged. One thing that does occur to me. I was thinking at the bar . . . And dont take it the wrong way. Just yer politics Derek, ye know, they’re bound to be different to what
they’d been if ye’d stayed.

Ye think so?

Definitely.

Derek nodded.

The way ye mention Britain for instance.

What about it?

Just that there’s nay separation up here. It’s always Scotland. No just one minute and Britain the next.

What did I say?

Aw nothing really, it’s only the way ye say Britain all the time.

I didni know I was saying Britain all the time.

Aye, I mean like it was one country. See naybody does that here. Naybody. No unless there’s some sort of qualification involved. I mean that includes the fucking Tories, if they say it,
they’re being ironic – or sarcastic, just trying for effect. Ye’ve got to remember when ye’re talking establishment here ye know ye’re talking Labour Party;
they’re the reactionaries, that’s who we want rid of, no the fucking Tories; they dont count.

Derek nodded.

I mean they dont.

Fine.

Folk dont realise that.

Is this a lecture?

Fin paused before saying: It’s no a lecture.

Naw, come on.

It’s no a lecture.

Ye talking about Nationalism? Ye a Nationalist?

Fin sighed. Christ Derek that’s hardly even a question nowadays I mean it’s to what extent. Unless ye’re talking about the S.N.P. Is that what ye’re talking about?

I’m no really talking about anything. It’s you, ye just sat down and started blasting.

Did I?

Yeh.

Sorry.

Ye dont know anything about my politics.

True.

Ye dont. I’ll tell ye something but; see down there, people wouldni know what you were on about. To them Scotland’s nothing at all, it’s just a part of England. No even a
county man they think it’s a sort of city. Yous are all just paranoiac as far as they’re concerned, a big chip on the shoulder.

Oh I know.

I’m talking about the average person. Doesni matter what grade their education is. The average person.

I came on too strong.

Ye did, yeh. I mean I didni even know I was saying Britain all the time!

Fin smiled. Ye were.

I’ll watch it in future.

Fin held his hands up: I submit.

In fact it’s hard to talk politics at all down there. I tend to keep my mouth shut. Unless I’ve had a few. Ye know they dont even know geography. They’ve got this hazy view of
the world. See a place like Inverness for instance, they think it’s near Yorkshire. Next door to Crewe or somefuckingthing.

Exactly. I mean it’s bound to influence ye.

Well I wouldni deny that.

That’s all I meant but Derek, ye’ve learnt to say Britain.

Yeh cause down there it’s England, they dont even say Britain.

Aye. So let’s leave it.

Naw dont let’s leave it.

I think it’s best.

Do ye, I dont.

Fin smiled.

Dont patronise me.

Christ that’s the last thing I’m doing.

Ye dont know a thing about me.