The Cake is a Lie (14 page)

As the group continued to debate how
exactly they were going to split and pour the alcohol into water
bottles, depending on who paid what, I inconspicuously slid one of
the half gallons through my legs and pulled it up behind my
back.

“
Marco, what are you doing?”
Jeff asked annoyed.

“
Who…me? Nothing, I just
forgot something I gotta do… in the Kitchen,” I said innocently as
I back up a few steps towards the door.

“
What are you doing with
that half gal, Marco?”

I bolted halfway down the hallway
before stopping in hysterics and turning around to submit myself.
Jeff and Justyn had come running after me, like police they guided
me back into the room.

Everyone kept arguing and soon one of
the half gallons mysteriously disappeared again.

“
Marco…Do you have one of
the half gals under your shirt?” Jeff asked, way over
aggressively.

“
I didn’t see nothing man, I
did put on a few pounds recently though, thanks for being a d about
it.”

They grabbed me again, but Justyn
laughed.

Finally Justyn took the high road and
said to Jon, “Whatever dawg, I don’t even care anymore, you take
one half gal and me, Marco and Ian will take one.”

“
Thank god.” I shouted,
“What a classy move, this guy man, this guy…” I pointed my finger
at Justyn for emphasis. Jon glared at me.

I immediately reach behind Jeff, where
the half gallons had been positioned to keep me away. Theatrically,
I grabbed one by the long neck, twisted off the top and took a big
swig, as if to say “finally.”

“
So it’s like that?” Justyn
taunted me. “You’re just gonna hit it, no chaser, leaving me your
germs on the top. You think you’re real bad doing me like that huh,
Caldirolis?”

“
Hell ya, I’m bad, you know
I’m bad, I’m real bad,” I said in-between pre-laughs at my own
joke.

“
Well hit it again then bad
boy.”

“
You read my mind Justyn, I
was just about to hit it again. I was just literally thinking, ‘aw
man I gotta get me a taste of that sweet, sweet juice one more
time.’” I swigged the gallon again, longer, longer. I didn’t even
taste it amongst the mixture of embarrassment, excitement and
awkwardness.

“
Check out this goofy
motherfucker,” Justyn said, looking to the group.

“
I just got this
unquenchable thirst, Justyn. Daddy’s sorry kiddos, he’s just got
this real, real bad unquenchable thirst.” Fighting back my laughter
I put the bottle to my lips one more time.

The warmth was coming on strong in my
stomach. Now that phase one was over it was time for dreaded phase
two. That night Ian was throwing the coolest party ever, Jonsen was
coming, Loren and the sophomores were coming. There was only one
problem, I’d promised Avi I’d get him into the party. He’d even
secretly put up money on the half gallon through me.

I followed Ian into his room, he was on
the phone, his phone was blowing up. I waited patiently for him to
finish. I was swaying back and forth, I felt like I just aced five
math finals.

“
Look, Ian, I know you don’t
like Avi, cause he’s kinda nerdy and goofy and people say he’s
gay.”

Ian looked at me like “what are you
talking about?” he didn’t deny it either though.

“
But I PROMISED him he could
come to your party and please man, like please, is it okay if he
comes?”

Ian deliberated.

“
Come one man, please, he’s
funny, he’s like soo funny.”

“
Ya sure.”

“
Thank you. THAnk you.” I
jumped onto him hugging him. He laughed while pushing me off. I
scampered off to find the half gallon again.

I ran downstairs and hopped on top of a
tall stool in front of Ian’s kitchen’s prestige island counter.
Ian’s was a bona fide dream house. Granite counter tops, sheik
furniture and couches, a huge T.V. Two gorgeous upstairs bedrooms.
And Ian’s mom worked nights in the food industry so the entire
castle was left under the supervision of Ian’s brother, Dan, a
senior at Shorewood.

A plate of Ian’s mom’s leftovers was
sitting in front of me, some unbelievably good mushroom dish. I
knew Ian wouldn’t touch it so I started gobbling it down. Ian’s
mom, Betty, liked me. I’d grown on her. Betty was one of those
people that wore their cynicism like a badge and she got a real
kick out of me.

“
This is the best left over
pot roast I’ve ever tasted, Betty, seriously I’m not lying, look at
my face, Betty. This is what perfection looks like.”

“
Uh huh, sure Marco,” she’d
say. She could tell a good, smart positive influence on her son
when she saw it. I was one of his few friends she let spend the
night while she was working.

Across from me, lined up in front of
the fridge, were six inquisitive eyes attached to three pristinely
mannered bodies, standing in their comfort zone an extra foot or
two away from me. Katie, Carol and Kristine. Three of “the
skinnies.” The skinnies were a group of six sophomore girls. As you
might guess none of them were fat, but they weren’t twigs either,
so I didn’t get the nickname. I wasn’t a fan of the label because I
knew girls were especially sensitive to commercialism and
self-image issues. Duncan’s flawless, captain of the cheerleading
team girlfriend refused to take her shirt off during sex. They’d
been dating a year and he’d never seen her breasts. But when
something is said enough times it just is. And they were the
skinnies.

They’d snuck out from Katie’s and
walked nearly three miles to get to Ian’s. They were still wearing
their nice winter jackets. On the other side of me, Jonsen’s
lounging against the counter making margaritas. Katie’s blondish
hair was long and parted across her forehead from the far right
side so it made her look smart and goody-goody. When Carrol wasn’t
laughing and snorting she looked like an Asian queen, long black
shiny hair, skillfully plucked eyebrows and perfect teeth. The only
problem was that she was always saying goofy things, so she was
always laughing and snorting. Kristine’s boyish facial features all
blended together blandly, she was just a plane Jane.
[10]

Everyone was watching me eat. The ice
in the room hadn’t been broken yet.

“
So Carrol,” I started out
in a trickster-ish silly tone.

“
Did you know that Jonsen is
into Asian girls...?”

Jonsen shots me an angry look like,
what are you doing?

I flashed him a reassuring, I got this
look. Jonsen rolled his eyes like oh no, how many times has Marco
given me the ‘I got this’ look.

“
It’s true, Carrol, since
the day he was born. His nurse must have been Asian or
something.”

“
It’s true, I do love
petite… small… Asian girls.” Unashamedly, Jonsen described his
feelings. “I just can’t get enough, they make me goo crazy.” With
this exclamation Jonsen hugged and shook himself like he was in a
strait jacket.

[10] JK Kristine.

Carrol started laughing hysterically.
Katie and Kristine started laughing at how hard Carrol was
laughing–not at my reckless comment or Jonsen’s T.M.I. follow
up.

“
Carrol…Carrol!” I called
her back to attention. “What’s your favorite type of cake,
Carrol?”

Then I waited just long enough for
everyone to be puzzled, but not long enough for her to
answer.

“
Is it white cake Carrol?
It’s white cake isn’t it, Carrol. Admit it.” I got Jonsen on this
one, he broke out laughing. Once I got him, the rest fell like
dominos.

“
I do love white cake.”
Carrol finally answered teasingly.

“
Dude that’s racist, Carrol.
You’re straight racist.” I was in a joke zone at this
point.

“
I’m a quarter Asian, did
you know that? I’m seriously offended right now.”

“
No you’re not.” Carrol
blurted.

“
You wanna know my favorite
desert, Carrol…? My favorite desert is black liquorice.”

“
I didn’t know you liked
Black girls, Marco,” Jonsen interjected in a more serious
tone.

“
Who’s talking about girls?
I’m talking about licorice.”

“
I like red licorice.” Ugh,
Kristine was so not funny.

As I tipped my stool dangerously back I
rubbed my hands over the cold, smooth, marbled texture of the
island counter top. We’d come a long way from the crack shack. They
all headed upstairs but I lingered behind to let shakes of pure joy
jolt through my entire body.

Then something went wrong, standing
around a circle I became unable to pay attention to the
conversation. I got the sensation I was falling as if I was in a
bad dream. I headed for the bathroom. I’m AP’ing, I worried
frantically. I’m missing the party. I couldn’t believe this was
happening. I’m missing the party, I’m embarrassing myself. I rested
my head on the toilet seat and prayed for it to all be
over.

Sleep.

“
Avi,” Was my first panicked
thought when I came to. I tried to move onto my hands and knees but
that made me sick. My head was stuck like a magnet to the toilet
bowl seat. I stared at the likeness of my reflection in the toilet
water. I just don’t want to feel like this, I prayed. The water was
fresh. Where did my vomit go? I thought about how many missed calls
I must have from Avi.

Two weeks ago I’d put up money on a
half-gallon with Ian, Justyn, Jeff and the Skinnies. Katie’s mom
was out of town for the weekend and she was throwing a party. The
only problem was I had to go home after school that Friday, but I
made sure everyone knew that I was gonna call them and meet up with
them later. That evening I called and called, all of them, for
hours, but no one answered. They’d ditched me, it was my
nightmare.

Jeff had sloppily sucked face with
Carrol for an hour. Katie and Ian had held hands for the first
time, Jeff had shot Justyn’s passed out lifeless body in Katie’s
yard with a paintball gun. Jon fell down the ravine behind Katie’s
house and cut open his arm. Carol and Kristine had been the only
ones in the right mind to rescue him. The 110 pound girls banded
together to drunkenly push and pull Jon out of the ravine. The
whole time Carol was yelling about how they needed to pour boiling
water on him to stop his shivering otherwise he was going to get
hypothermia. Jeff passed out in Katie’s bathtub covered in mac n
cheese vomit. Every time I’d heard about the stories the last two
weeks I relived the awful hurt of waiting at home for their call. I
passed out again.

Justyn woke me up shaking my shoulder,
“You okay, Caldirolis? Hey Caldirolis, you okay?”

I nodded my head. Please go
away, I wished. He was standing there with his arm over some
8
^th
grader.

“
You just had to swig all
that alcohol didn’t ya, you just had to be a big man in front of
everybody?” He was clearly drunk. I couldn’t even respond because
thinking made me want to throw up. I waved him off.

“
Aight, we outro,” he said
laughing as they stepped over me.

I drifted off.

I opened my eyes to see a face on the
opposite side of the toilet seat. It was Lena Tamika. For how
ridiculous this was, I took it in stride. It was like Aztecs seeing
boats and white people for the first time. Lena was so beautiful
she was like the exact opposite of Medusa, everywhere she turned
things became more beautiful. She was a junior and her house was a
mansion’s mansion. Whenever someone mentioned her name her house
inevitably came up. She was a good girl, too, with a reputation for
being an uptight Christian. Well, I knew one of her secrets. Duncan
once got an invitation to her mansion through Loren. Duncan
described to me in wonder how Lena gave him a tour of her wine
cellar. They chilled in her basement, Duncan put on a cowboy hat he
found and danced for everyone. Then Lena took Duncan by the hand
and led him outside, behind her shed, which was as big as his
house. There, without saying a word to each other, Duncan became
one with her mouth.

Lena’s arm was touching me, “You’re
really cute.” I was half-conscious. “You’re really, really cute,”
She said again. She picked her head up and forced it over towards
my side of the toilet seat. Her hand grabbed onto my sweater and
pulled me towards her. As she came closer I rolled away in the
opposite direction until I fell off the toilet into the crevice
between the bathroom wall and the toilet seat. She slouched to the
ground after me, finally resting her head on my feet. I passed back
out.

“
You okay?” I woke up to Avi
hovering over me. He must have showed up on his own. I was
surprised and impressed.

“
I’m sorry man, I messed
up,” I forced out quickly. He was alone. He must be so out of
place, who’s he got to talk to? He’s wearing a big bright tennis
team sweatshirt. “I was gonna call you,” He didn’t respond, he
looked at ease but I knew he was enraged. I was able to stand up
just long enough to wobble over to Ian’s brother’s bed and wiggle
in between three other lifeless bodies.