The California Saga (39 page)

Then when everything started happening with Touch and Calico, I got so caught up that patching things up with Shakira was the last thing on my mind. Sometimes I felt so dumb when I thought about the decisions I made. Actually I attributed a lot of my heartache to Sasha. There weren't many things I could say I regretted, but being friends with her was definitely a big, big mistake.

I grabbed my phone to give Shakira a call, but I noticed I had ten missed calls and six text messages from Touch. My radio was turned up so loud and I was so lost in thought, I hadn't heard any of his attempts. Deep inside I wanted to call him back, but I just couldn't allow myself to do it. I truly felt he was probably still fucking with Lisa. Too bad for him he found out the hard way she had a touch of fatal attraction.

I scrolled to Shakira's number in my cell phone. For a moment I contemplated whether I should make the call or not. I felt guilty for letting time get away from our friendship, but I trusted she was the kind of friend who, if we hadn't talked in a while, would just pick up where we left off. With that final thought, I pressed send.

“Hello,” she answered.

“Hi, Shakira. It's me, Jewel,” I said softly, unsure how she would respond.

“It's who?” she asked in a groggy tone.

“Jewel.”

“Oh, Jewel! Girl, I didn't recognize your voice. Is everything okay?” she asked right away. It was amazing how she still could sense something was wrong, even though we hadn't talked in ages. “Honestly, I'm not okay.” I began to cry all over again.

“Aaaawwww, Jewel. What's wrong, honey?”

“It's a long story. My life is in shambles. I just packed up and left Virginia Beach. I've been riding for hours. I'm in your area. Do you mind if I come over just for the night?” I said, just putting it out there. I was so exhausted, I didn't bother beating around the bush.

“Sure. When we hang up, I will text you my address, and you can just put it in your navigation system. I'll be waiting for you. Drive carefully.”

“Thank you so much,” I responded, grateful she was my savior in a time of need. My attention was directed toward my dashboard after hanging up the phone with Shakira. I had fifty miles before empty. I was feeling tired and drained, so I figured this was probably the best time to pull off, get gas, a 5-hour Energy, and wait for Shakira's text.

I stopped at the BP gas station directly off the exit. My stomach had started feeling queasy, so I used the bathroom and grabbed a snack.

Emotionally, physically, and mentally drained from the day, I was totally exhausted and in a daze as I set the pump and got back in the car.

“Get the hell out of the car!” a man demanded, gun in hand.

“What!” I replied.

My head was spinning. I must have dozed off while waiting for the gas to finish pumping.

“Now!” he demanded.

I gathered myself and jumped out the car as the masked man demanded. I contemplated running away but was afraid he would shoot me if I tried.

He immediately started rummaging through my car. He used one hand to snatch my iPod while using the other to keep the gun pointed directly at me.

My hands began trembling, and my bladder was about to burst. I closed my eyes and silently prayed this dude would take whatever he wanted and leave me alone. I didn't want my life to end this way.

I heard another male voice directly behind me say,

“Yo, come on, man. People are coming.” I was relieved that I hadn't tried to run. I probably would have been gunned down by whoever was behind me.

“Shit!” The masked man rushed out my car. He pressed the gun firmly against my temple and down to my neck. “Turn your face,” he said. “Don't look at me!”

I closed my eyes and did exactly what he said. The next thing I could hear was him getting into another vehicle and driving away. I let out a sigh of relief as I opened my eyes to see nothing but his mask lying on the ground. My life had been spared, and he hadn't gotten away with anything but an iPod. I was certain God had left me here for a reason.

Just then I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Shakira's text had come through. I plugged the address into the navigation system and headed down the road to my new life.

 

 

My counselor asked me, “Are you ready to say the sobriety prayer?”

“Yes.” I nodded. This would be the last time I would say that damn prayer and the last time I would see that group. Sad to say, as much I hated that place, I sure was going to miss them, especially my counselor, Frank. He had really helped me get through some hard times. My final night in the center they threw a small party for me. The best part was the confetti cake from Cold Stone Ice Cream Bakery. Even though to this day I felt like I never should have been there, I must say, while there, I learned to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Before arriving at the center, the police force was my life. Working undercover and taking down the bad guys was what kept me going each day. But when I pissed off one of my superiors and they tried to force me onto desk duty, I fought back. So when I got into an accident, they really fucked with me and told the public I had been killed. Then when they saw I wasn't going away, they went on to say I had drugs and alcohol in my system and hid me in a rehab center. Of course I had drugs and alcohol in my system, I was undercover. I had to do what the people around me were doing. That wasn't uncommon in my line of work at all. What it all boiled down to was, they wanted me off the force, and they were going to get me off by all means. I knew the justice system was crooked, but I never expected to be a victim. After all, I was on their side.

As I walked out of the treatment center, I could only imagine my family or anyone at all coming to greet me outside. With my career as my primary focus, I had no time for children, a mate, or even a pet companion. No one would be coming to greet my sorry ass. The one relationship I did have ended when my life on the force began. Every other relationship I had was all related to my work, so none of it seemed real. During my time at the treatment center I realized there was one person who I might have had some real feelings for.

My reality hit me as I got outside of the building. Nothing but the dust from the cab stopping and greeting me. I said hello and hopped in. As I got comfortable, I was hit with a stench of sweat and smoke in the car. That's when I realized I was entering back into the real world after a year and a half in rehab. The ride home was surreal. I felt like the world had already changed so much. In fact, it wasn't the world that had changed, it was me. I was clean and sober. When I arrived home, I was in total shock. As I walked into my apartment, chills went down my spine. It had been so long since I'd been there, for a moment I felt like I was in an unfamiliar place. That feeling quickly went away as soon as I entered the living room. I stared at the countless plaques and honors on my wall. They reminded me of what I used to be. As I went down the row of plaques, it was a virtual walk down memory lane. I thought back to the many cases I had solved and the awards ceremonies.

There were definitely more highs than lows throughout my career, but the most recent and lasting memory was the lowest of the low. I was forced off my case and out of the department.

Thinking of all that went wrong made me feel like a failure. A rush of anger came over me, and I grabbed the largest garbage bag I could find and began to throw all the plaques and awards in there. None of them meant shit at that point.

I'd worked so hard and was so committed to the force, just to have everything blow up in my face in the end really hurt. At first, I wanted to die, but deep inside I knew I couldn't give up so easily. I needed to survive this ordeal, so I could redeem myself. So I could repair my reputation.

The first thing I learned in rehab was that love truly conquers all. From that day I knew I had to go to my special person to confess my everlasting love. The thought of this person was what helped me make it through. Since I no longer had the force to look forward to, I made this person my daily motivation. There was one problem–I had met this person on the job, and we had left on very bad terms.

After clearing my wall of every honor and plaque I'd received, I went into the bathroom. All I wanted to do was take a hot shower and wash away the past. The grime and dirt of my past were weighing me down, and I needed it lifted. I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror. I hated the person I saw. I saw a failure.

Looking in the medicine cabinet, I found a pair of sharp scissors and started cutting my hair then I dyed it platinum blonde. This was going to be a new beginning. I never again wanted to be reminded of who I used to be. Finally after cleaning up all the stray hairs that had fallen in the sink, I took a shower in the hottest temperature I could stand. I stood there watching the past fall away right down the drain. It was a new day. After my shower I headed into my kitchen and opened the refrigerator. The stench of moldy milk, cheese, strawberries, and Chinese food almost made me vomit. Again I found myself grabbing a garbage bag. Just like my awards, I tossed everything from the fridge in there.

It didn't take long for me to realize my whole place needed a thorough cleaning, so I turned on the radio and got to it. I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. When I was done, the place smelled of bleach. I grabbed my bags of garbage and headed to the dumpster. On the way there, I was stopped in the hallway by a voice calling to me from behind. My old self would have been on high alert if someone had called me from behind, but the new me was calm.

“Excuse me,” a familiar voice said. I turned around to see the previous love of my life. I was no longer calm. My heart began to beat hard, and a lump formed in my throat.

“Hey,” I was so caught off guard, it was the only word I managed to get out.

“Oh, that's the best greeting you can give an old friend?” Jamie said to me while we embraced.

I could have stayed in Jamie's arms forever. It had been so long since I'd felt the loving embrace of a mate. I had no idea what to say to him. We stood there for a second until Jamie broke the tension by grabbing one of the garbage bags I was carrying.

Jamie and I had been lovers for three years. It was a typical passionate affair that just lost its passion. Well,
I
lost my passion for it. I fell in love with something new, my job. I just didn't have time for Jamie anymore. My new lover was more exciting and dangerous. Seeing Jamie brought up so many memories, good and bad. All the bad memories had to do with the way I'd treated him toward the end of the relationship. I didn't know any other way to handle the situation than to be a bitch and make him hate me. I was hoping that Jamie wasn't here to bring up old fights and make me beg for forgiveness. “So what brings you here, old friend?” I asked Jamie as we headed to the dumpster together. “You. I've been keeping up with you. I heard you had been in rehab for a while and you were getting out today, so I wanted to be there to welcome you home. I actually went up to the facility to pick you up, but you had already gone.”

“Oh, that was nice of you. I would have never expected to see you.” I smiled at Jamie. The thought that he still cared enough to want to meet me made me happy inside. I guess he had forgiven me for my attitude all those years ago.

“So how are you? It's been so long. Did rehab help?”

“I think so. I've turned over a new leaf in my life. I'm feeling clear and conscious for the first time in a long time.”

“That's great. Rehab did all that?”

“Yep. I learned to slow down and take it one day at a time. If I don't get it done instantly, I won't die.”

“I agree. I haven't learned to accept that concept yet. Maybe you could help me with it.”

Jamie never was the type to wait to see how things would work out when faced with a problem. With the smallest obstacle, he would run like a puppy with its tail between its legs. That's one reason why we never worked out. I loved a challenge and faced them head on, even if sometimes too fast and without thinking it all the way through. It was the only way I knew how to operate. Frankly I thought it was kind of bitch-like to run from your problems.

“Listen, umm, I'm starving. Did you have dinner yet?” Jamie asked with a rub to the tummy.

“What are you in the mood for?”

“Pizza loaded with cheese and sausage,” Jamie said right away.

“I see nothing has changed.” I smiled. “Still the same Jamie.”

“You remembered?” Jamie smiled back.

“How could I forget? Now come on up to my place. Lucky for you, I just finished cleaning my house, so I won't need to put your ass to work.” I laughed.

Jamie said, “I'm guessing your apartment reeks of bleach.”

“Yes, it does.” I giggled. “Guess I'm not the only one that remembers old habits.”

“Some things in our relationship I will never forget,” Jamie said.

We ordered a pizza covered in hot Italian sausage and roasted red peppers. Seeing Jamie again was quite comforting. It was easy to fall right back into a rhythm with him. It was familiar and safe, which was what I really craved at that moment.

After coming out of the rehab center, I thought no one would grace me with their presence. For my whole stay in rehab I thought I was alone, but I had come to accept that. Then out of nowhere came Jamie. I knew one thing for sure, things happen for a reason. I sat there thinking that maybe Jamie and I were supposed to rekindle our relationship, get married, and have a puppy.

We sat there for a good hour just talking and laughing. It was a nice way to reenter society.

“So, what brings you back here, Jamie?” I asked before picking up our plates and placing them in the sink. After Jamie and I had broken up he had moved out of town. He said he had another job in Baltimore, but I figured he was leaving to get away from me. Thinking about it made me feel a bit guilty, but I can't control how other people react.

“I landed a corporate position with a cigarette company in sales and marketing. I couldn't refuse the offer that was on the table. I just moved back. Haven't even been here two days. I'm not even unpacked yet. Boxes are all over my apartment.”

“Knowing how you are, they will be there for a while.” I laughed.

It felt so good to laugh and be at ease, it was easy for me to fall into Jamie arms. It felt so comforting. It turned me on to be wrapped up in another person's arms again.

Even though, I wasn't ready for sex, we did mess around. Jamie couldn't get enough of my clit. Having an orgasm relieved a lot of tension for me. It had been a while since anyone had been down there, besides my own fingers. After we both had our orgasms, I invited Jamie to stay over for the night.

 

 

The next morning I woke up to see Jamie's head on the pillow next to mine. It wasn't until that moment I realized that I'd possibly made a big mistake. I hadn't even been home twenty-four hours and I already had a regret.

This was not the love I'd planned to come home to. It wasn't the thought of reuniting with Jamie that kept me going while in rehab. I wanted to reunite with Jewel. The thought of her was what kept me going.

My stomach started to turn as I thought about how I'd just fucked up. I had to get Jamie out of my house and fast. I needed more time alone to think about what I was doing with my life. What was going to make me happiest? I thought Jewel was going to make me happiest, but now this little encounter had me all messed up.

“Good morning, baby,” I whispered, to wake Jamie.

“Good morning,” Jamie said between yawns.

“Not to rush you out the door, but I've got an appointment I have to rush to this morning,” I lied.

“Oh, no problem,” Jamie said while getting up.

As Jamie got dressed, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I had to make it look authentic. I waited in the bathroom for a few minutes extra to give Jamie some time to get dressed and me some time to get my head straight. By the time I returned to the bedroom Jamie was fully dressed.

“Can I leave you my number?” Jamie asked with cell phone in hand.

“Sure.” I grabbed my phone and entered the numbers as Jamie called them out to me.

“Will you call me later?” Jamie asked before heading toward the door.

I nodded. “Yes.”

“I'm going to be totally honest with you–I want this relationship back,” Jamie said, looking me in the eyes and cradling my face.

That was the last thing I expected or wanted him to say. “Let me think about it. I don't want us to move too fast,” was the best response I could come up with.

I did enjoy Jamie's company, but I wasn't sure I was ready to rekindle what we had in the past. Too much had transpired, and so much time had passed. We were both different people from back then. I was dealing with personal issues, which I wasn't sure I could do if I had to worry about someone else's issues as well. I looked at life through a different window than when Jamie and I were dating.

“Understandable,” Jamie said.

After exchanging a small kiss, we gave each other a big hug, and I watched as Jamie walked through the front door of my apartment. I sat on my couch and tried to figure out why my life seemed to be so complicated. Less than a day from rehab and already I was dealing with drama. I sighed as my thoughts went to Jewel.