The California Saga (41 page)

 

 

Shakira and I spent the morning at Tyson Corner, a mall in Alexandria, Virginia. Our first stop was the M•A•C counter. I could have used some more M•A•C makeup, but I simply couldn't afford it. No Touch meant no money. It was times like these that I hated myself for depending on a man for so long to provide for me. Shakira offered to pay for some items for me in the store, but I refused. She had a little daughter to take care of, and there was no way I would allow her to spend her hard-earned money on me. Besides, this was her first bonus check from her job, and I wanted her to only splurge on herself.

While speaking with Shakira about my situation, I realized it was time I made some changes in my life. I didn't know how, but it was time I figured it out. Back in Virginia, being with Touch was stressful. Not only did I have to put up with his erratic behavior, I had constant irritable bowel syndrome. My stomach was always churning for the worse.

While in DC, I didn't feel the churn at all. I felt relaxed. Everything felt easier. Also, there was no looking over my shoulder and wondering if someone was going to kill me or him first. Some nights, I would catch Touch looking out the window with his gun in hand, waiting and willing to kill anything that moved. I knew this was the life I chose, but it wasn't the way I wanted to live. Now it was time I broke free. I was truly getting too old for the bullshit. Ten years down the road, I didn't want to look back and regret that I'd never made a change for the better.

From the time I reached DC, I'd had my phone turned off, so Touch had no way to contact me. I wanted to be free from the drama, hurt, and pain. To be honest, I had no idea what my next move was, but I was sure it would be a positive one.

Looking at Shakira made me realize what potential I had. I knew if she could do it, I could too. We'd come from the same past and walked the same paths in life.

After browsing the mall a couple of hours, I ended up purchasing a pair of shoes on clearance. For lunch, we went to the Cheesecake Factory. Thankfully, I had a gift card I'd received from my father for my birthday. The total I'd spent for the entire mall day was only thirty dollars and fifteen cents. Being accustomed to spending whatever I wanted, this was a big accomplishment for me, and I couldn't have felt better.

Later that afternoon, we took Shakira's five-year-old daughter, Kelly, to the zoo. It had been years since I was at a zoo, and I was just as excited as Kelly. I always found the animals so exotic and fascinating.

“What flavor snow cone would you like?” I asked Kelly as we walked up to the concession stand. I had a crazy craving for rainbow cotton candy myself.

“Grape, please,” she said with a head nod.

“Sure thing!” I smiled as I ran my fingers through Kelly's long, wavy hair. I wondered if my daughter would have such characteristics. Being around Kelly made me second-guess my life decisions and reassess my priorities. I wondered if I had made different decisions in my life if I would've had a child now. I wanted a baby now, so I could raise it to be a respectful, contributing member of society. I became a little sad thinking that I may never have a child.

Shakira had raised Kelly well and taught her respect at a young age. My eyes filled with tears when I observed the loving bond they shared. The most touching time was bedtime. Shakira would bathe Kelly, and after reading her a bedtime story, they both would get on their knees on the side of the bed and say their prayers together.

I couldn't help but think about what it would be like for Touch and I to raise a family together. My thoughts would start out nice enough. Then I would get a vision of Touch walking around with a gun near my baby, and those happy visions would turn into a nightmare.

When the night hit, it was girl time. Shakira called over a neighbor to babysit Kelly, and we hit the road.

“So what's the going rate for a babysitter these days?” I attempted to start a little small talk after being seated. We were dining at Tuna, a local upscale seafood restaurant.

Girl, I don't know. As long as I continue to reload Suzie's iPod gift card and pay her twenty dollars in cash, she's good for the night.”

We both started laughing.

“Shakira, I'm proud of you,” I had to admit.

“Me?” Shakira said in a surprised tone. “For what?”

“Well, you have got your own place. Your daughter is healthy and happy. You make your own money, and you don't have to depend on a man. All the things I dreamed of.”

“Thank you, Jewel.” Shakira said, tears in her eyes. She then rose from the table to give me a hug.

“Shakira,” I said, surprised at her reaction.

“I really appreciate that, Jewel. You have no idea what that means to me.” Shakira wiped the tears from her eyes. “It wasn't easy. A few years ago, I wanted a change from the drug life. I went back to school to become a dental hygienist, and with the help of God, I landed a job right away. Life is all about balance. I've got my Kelly and my job. We are taking it day by day,” Shakira explained, looking over at the bar.

“You deserve to be happy,” I replied, thinking back to the rough past Shakira had. She was heavy in the drug game because of some shady guys she'd dated, and in order to survive she had to strip.

“And so do you too.”

“Sometimes I'm not so sure if I do. I made my bed, and now I have to lay in it,” I said, full of self-pity.

“That is not true, Jewel. You control your destiny. You have got to find yourself. Let go of the self-pity and bring that confident, outgoing Jewel I know!”

“I guess you're right. I have sort of lost myself. I've gotta find me and find my happiness in the process. Touch has put me through so much. The fights, the cheating, the mental and physical abuse, and prison have all taken a toll on me. If I told you everything that has happened, you would lose your appetite.” I began to tear up. “You know what? The pity stops here. I'm not looking back. I want to look forward from this point on. You're going to be my inspiration.” I was fighting to hold back my tears.

“I believe you will change your life.” Shakira then hugged me again.

“Yes, I will,” I replied, hugging her tight.

“Wow!” Shakira said as she looked toward the bar. “I had no idea dinner was gonna be so emotional!” She gave a grin but seemed a little distracted.

“Shakira, you have been looking at the bar many times. What's up? Is a cutie over there or something?” I asked, no longer able to ignore her constant glares over at the bar.

“Turn around,” she said.

I quickly turned around and scanned the entire bar, but the only thing I noticed was the bartender making a flaming drink.

“There, walking out the door.”

“Who?” I inquired.

“A woman dressed in jeans and a black sweater. She had a haircut similar to Halle Berry. She was dark-skinned and kept staring in your face the entire time she was on her cell phone,” Shakira explained.

“Hhhmm. I don't know anyone that fits that description. Plus, I don't know anyone in this area. Are you sure she wasn't looking at you?”

“No. She was definitely looking at you. Maybe it was a mistaken identity and once she realized you weren't the person, she left.”

We both blew it off and left the conversation at that as we enjoyed the rest of our dinner.

As we walked out of the restaurant, I patted my stomach. “Girl, I'm stuffed. That was some good eating.” Normally in Virginia my stomach would be doing backflips after a meal like that. Not now though. I was feeling good.

“Yes, I'm stuffed too. The food was so tasty. We have to come here more often.” Shakira nodded.

“Where to now?” I asked, yawning.

“Are you tired? I see you yawning.”

“No, the night is just getting started for me. Give me thirty minutes, and I will perk back up. The food has got me sleepy. I have a small case of the
itis
.” I giggled.

“Well, I want to take you to a place called Pink Dices, a new club in the area. I've heard nothing but good reviews. Plus, if you get in before eleven, ladies get a free drink.”

“I'm in! I need a drink, and I love free!” I laughed, giving Shakira a high-five.

“Jewel,” a voice called out behind me.

Shakira and I both turned around wondering who the hell would know me in DC. But when we looked around, there was no one else in the parking lot. I began to develop goose bumps. Both of us wanted nothing else but to get the hell up out of there. Chills went down my spine as I wondered,
Did Touch send someone to spy on me? Has he found me?

Shakira and I darted out of the parking lot. I was so shaken up, I didn't feel like going out after all. My stomach got that queasy feeling I would get back home. My night was ruined by Touch once again. Would I ever be able to live a stress-free life?

 

 

I hope Jewel didn't see me last night
, I thought as I got out of my car. I knew it was likely that she may have seen me because I couldn't stop staring at her. I just couldn't help myself. She was just so beautiful, much prettier than I'd remembered. I wish I could have approached her that night, but the time wasn't right. I needed some time to gather my thoughts and figure out what I wanted to say to her. I was sure that other chick she was with caught a glimpse of me, and she was making my spot hot. That's why I had to dip out so quickly.

Finding Jewel had been much easier than I had anticipated. The first thing I did was to go to all of her known addresses. She obviously was at none of them.

Next, I checked the prison and court records to see if I could find anything out. I saw that her case had been dismissed, and there was no record of her being in prison. So I knew she was still on the outside.

The last thing I did was put a trace on her cell phone. Being an undercover cop, I had associated with many underground types, and the one I needed at the moment was a master computer hacker. He went by the nickname CyberRat because he said he could root around and find any information you needed. It was not even a day before CyberRat came back to me with a general location for Jewel, and more information than I had asked for. He had hacked into her e-mails and found some information pertaining to her looking for employment. I knew this information was going to come in handy. I packed up a suitcase and was headed for DC an hour after I received the information.

Being a cop on a stakeout was one thing, but being a stalker was on a whole other level. I'd made arrangements for Jewel to come into the bookstore, Barnes and Noble, to meet a person named Joel. Because I had access to her e-mails I had replied to her, acting as a potential employer. She answered, and we agreed to meet for an interview. Little did she know, I'd been pretending to be this Joel guy the entire time.

I knew Jewel was about her dollars, and from the sound of her e-mails, her money was getting scarce, so I played on that. I sent her an e-mail guaranteeing her fast money with little risk. I knew it would sound too good for her to pass up.

As soon as I walked in the store, I spotted Jewel sitting at a table in the café. I had come a little early, so I could pick the perfect spot and relax a bit before approaching her, but that plan was out the door. Jewel must have been real hungry for cash to show up this early. Normally, with her attitude and ego, she would show up late, to prove she was in charge.

Seeing her there already threw me off my game. I almost turned around and walked right back out, but

I convinced myself to stay. The opportunity had finally come for me to confess my love. It was what kept me going when I was at my lowest point. I took a deep breath in and walked over to Jewel. I was nervous, and my stomach was turning upside down as I approached her.

“Jewel,” I carefully greeted her. She was taking a peek at the latest
Cosmo
magazine.

“Misty?” she responded, taking off her sunglasses. “What the fuck is this?”

“May I please sit down?” I asked, expecting her to decline and possibly even smack me in my face. If she declined, I was already prepared to beg her to listen.

“What the fuck? I thought you was dead?”

“I'm not. It's really me. The force just made that up to try and get rid of me. I've been thinking of you for so long.” My eyes watered. I was so happy to speak with her. She hadn't ran off or slapped me. I was hopeful that she felt the same way about me as I felt about her.

“Are you fuckin' serious? Fuck that! Get the hell away from me! You come into my life to get me set up with the feds, and I'm just supposed to fuckin' welcome you back? When I saw your face flash on the news with the words, ‘Officer killed in the line of duty,' I was happy that shit happened to you. All the shit I told you, all the times I spilled my guts to my caring nurse, when the whole time you was a fuckin' cop! I trusted you, bitch! You were my best fuckin' friend!” Jewel shouted then stormed off.

I took a deep breath and prayed that the words coming out of my mouth would make her listen to me. “Give me five minutes. That's it. I won't bother you again. Please, Jewel, I'm begging you.” I followed behind her.

Jewel turned around, and I braced myself for a smack to the face, but to my surprise, she said, “You got three fuckin' minutes. Don't waste my time. You've stolen enough of my life already!”

“Well, um–” I began to stutter, but Jewel cut me off.

“Oh, and let me guess–You're Joel. Me trying to make some money was a smokescreen for you. What a fuckin' asshole! Wow, look at the time. I've talked for one of your three minutes. You better hurry up. You may proceed now,” she said, looking at her watch.

I took another deep breath. “You need to know that I have loved you since the first time I saw you. You were lying there in the hospital, and you looked so beautiful even in such a fragile state. It may sound cliché as hell, but it's the truth. I got kicked off the case for you. My colleagues had a hunch I was tampering with evidence to protect you, and they were right. I'll do anything for you. I was offered a desk job, but I turned it down after getting hurt. The bottom line, I've been suspended until further notice.”

Jewel shook her head. “This isn't making sense to me.”

“Jewel, I was tampering with evidence so the heat could come off you.” “What?”

“I couldn't have you doing prison time. I was never going to testify against you or bring evidence that would lead to a conviction because I couldn't bear the fact that it would split us apart. I was falling in love with you. I am in love with you. I risked everything for you. The force is all I had. It was my daily motivation, and I lived to work undercover. Since it's been gone, I've had a chance to realize there is a life outside of that. You're the only thing I've ever loved, other than being an agent. And that's why I'm here today. I need you in my life.”

“So are the police still watching us?” “Yes,” I answered honestly. “That's why they faked my death. Touch and you had to believe I was dead so that they could continue their case. The force felt that you guys would get relaxed and feel like your case was open and shut, and soon let your guards down.”

“Wow!” She looked off into space.

“Although I'm not on the force anymore, I still have a few friends that keep me in the loop. I refuse to let you get wrapped up in Touch's shit. The best thing you could have done was move out. You need to stay away from him. They want Touch so bad.”

“You've lied before, former best friend,” Jewel said. “So how do I know you're not lying to me right now? Why should I trust you?”

“Jewel, I love you,” I simply stated.

“This is a lot to take in. You've deceived me once. I don't know if I could ever forgive you. I didn't even know you were gay.”

“All the signs were there. You just didn't want to notice. After getting hurt, I was placed in physical therapy, and to get through the pain, all I did was think about you giving me another chance. No more lies and deceit, Jewel, I promise. I'm standing here asking for forgiveness.”

“I gotta go,” Jewel said.

It was obvious she couldn't take anymore. It was just too much for her.

“Can I at least give you my number, and maybe you can call me some time?” I asked with my best puppy-dog face.

“I guess,” she responded, pulling out her cell phone.

This was definitely a good start, better than I'd ever expected. I walked out of the store a happy camper. As soon as I got in my car, my cell phone rang. I pressed talk without even looking at the number, excited that Jewel had decided to call right away. I was hoping she had decided to grab a bite to eat and talk about things.

“Hello,” I said right away, expecting to hear Jewel's voice on the other end.

“Hey, baby,” a voice said.

I took the phone away from my ear and looked at the caller ID. That definitely wasn't Jewel's voice. The caller ID said Jamie.

“Hello?” Jamie said in response to my moment of silence.

“Hey, Jamie. How are you?” I said, a little disappointed that it was him instead of Jewel.

“I'm good. Missing you.”

“Awww! How sweet! I'm in the middle of something right now . Can I call you back in a few?” I said, rushing to get Jamie off the phone.

“Sure. No problem,” he said before hanging up.

I really wasn't feeling Jamie, or any man for that matter. Since my time in rehab, I had come to terms with the fact that I was a lesbian. I knew, deep down inside, the other night with Jamie was a big mistake. It was a moment of weakness, a test to see if I was really gay. The only good thing that came out of it was, it confirmed my love for Jewel, and that I definitely liked women. I should have never fooled around with him.

He'd just caught me at a vulnerable moment. Somehow I had to get Jamie out my life and Jewel in it. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but it had to happen.

I pondered this dilemma all the way back to Virginia. I'd driven all the way from Virginia Beach just to meet with Jewel. As I drove, I thought long and hard about my feelings for Jamie and my feelings for Jewel. No matter from which angle I looked at things, it always pointed back at Jewel. For some reason, I just couldn't let her slip through my fingers again.

By the time I'd hit Seven Cities, my mind was made up. I had to get rid of Jamie. I saw no upside to keeping him in my life.