The Carrier (The Carrier Series Book 1) (10 page)

We walked holding hands and talked about our
futures. He asked me why I wanted to be a teacher and what grade I wanted to
teach. I spoke for a long time about the experiences I’ve had working with
children and my hopes for the future. Even though it was painful, I felt
comfortable enough confiding in him the challenges I suffered through last
year.

“Ava, you know I think you are going to be an
excellent teacher. You
are so understanding
, patient,
and so easy to listen to. I know your students are going to love learning from
you.”

“Thank you.” I squeezed his hand. “That really
means a lot to me.”

“And don’t worry about your academic probation.
Sometimes life hands us challenges, but overcoming them makes us feel that much
more proud of our accomplishments.”

I nodded my head and smiled sweetly at him. It
sounded a bit cheesy, yes, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. He was
right. Most of the summer I had wondered if I could actually become a teacher
and Nolan seemed to believe that I could.

I realized I didn’t know much about Nolan’s
plans for the next few years of his life, so I asked him what his hopes and
dreams for his future were, but he seemed to not be as driven as I was. He
mentioned wanting to go to college, but hadn’t applied to any yet.

“But I thought you just graduated? Why didn’t
you choose a college yet?”

“I graduated a year ago but spent this last
year helping my parents out in their online business. I want to go to college
someday, but I’m just not sure I’m ready yet.” Nolan looked down at the ground,
and for the first time since I met him, I thought I spotted a hint of
embarrassment in his face. I didn’t quite understand what he meant by that
comment. College is a time to grow and change and really explore who you want
to be. How could someone not be ready for that?

As he continued, it soon became clear to me that
he really wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his life yet. He was talking in
circles, mentioning he wanted to study law or perhaps spend a year or two in
Africa with the Peace Corps.

It was a definite turnoff. I always thought I’d
end up with someone who was as driven and goal-oriented as I was in my life.

I decided to drop it for now. We were both
young, and although I had known for many years what I wanted to do with my
life, there were plenty of people who take many years to decide. Plus, I wasn’t
ready to break up with him today over his life choices. I craved the way he
made me feel when I was with him. He was like a drug I wanted more and more of.
Maybe I could lead him in the right direction later on.

We emerged from the forest and were standing on
top of a steep hill. Right below us was a sandy beach void of any other humans.
We scaled down the rocky pathway and found a spot in the sunshine to lay a
blanket down. Nolan had packed a delicious lunch, complete with ham and cheese
sandwiches, red grapes, Doritos, and my favorite soda,
Fresca
.

“This is wonderful!” I told him as he fed me a
grape.

While we ate, we watched the waves roll into
the beach, tourists drift by on their pontoons, and a group of drunk and very loud
college kids float downriver in a chain of black inner tubes. Besides the
distractions in front of us, our conversations continued and were meaningful
and insightful all at once.

“Tell me more about your family. You said your
dad was doing some research into your family’s history?” Nolan seemed honestly
interested, and I was happy to share.

I told him what I knew about the
Gardners
—that we have been living in the Dells for more than
a hundred years and that most of each generation’s males were farmers. “My
father, in fact, was the first male in many generations that did not take up
farming.”

“Interesting.
You
know, you should be very grateful that your family has taken the time to
collect those documents and pictures because my family doesn’t know much at all
about our history.” 

“Really?
That’s a shame. Maybe someday you could do your own family research.” He nodded
in agreement.
“I was just looking at some old photos with my father and
found a picture of a special rock from 100 years ago that my family still has!
Can you believe that?”

“Really?
That’s so neat,” he replied truthfully.

The sun was
rising
high in the sky and we were getting pretty hot so we decided to wade in the
cool water. I walked out as far as I could until the water was up to my
mid-thigh. The soft sand beneath my feet felt heavenly. I dipped my hands and
arms into the water as well. “You should have told me to bring a suit. I love
swimming!”

He was about to reply when an Upper Dells tour
boat came cruising around the corner. I could recognize the voice of the guide
in a heartbeat. It was Laura!

“Hey! It’s my sister!
Hi,
Laura!”
I jumped and yelled and waved from the shore.

Nolan joined me waving and screaming, “Hey!”

Laura noticed us over on the beach and we heard
her announce, “Off to your right, you can see my big sister and her boyfriend
enjoying this beautiful scenery. Let’s all wave to them!”

My boyfriend?
My
heart skipped a beat. Yes. I guess he was my boyfriend.

I smiled as wide as the river until I realized
what was about to happen. Laura’s boat driver, Phil, gunned the throttle. “Back
up!” I frantically yelled. The boat’s wake was moving quickly towards us. We
tried to shuffle back as fast as we could, but before we knew it, the wave
splashed onto us, getting us wet up to our chests. We both stood there stunned
and dripping as we heard Laura saying over the microphone, “Have fun, you two!”
and then the boat headed off into The Narrows.

And then we could do nothing but laugh. We
laughed for a full minute before I saw the playful danger in his eyes. He
smiled as he moved closer to me, arms out.

“No! No!” I yelled, half screaming, half
giggling. “Don’t do it!” I backed up towards the safety of the beach, but I was
too slow. Nolan picked me up and gently slammed us both down into the warm
water. We laughed and splashed together in the warm river water. My tank top
stuck to my skin and made a nice bathing suit, but his T-shirt was a little too
baggy and bulky in the water. He took it off and threw it on the beach. The
sight of his muscular body sent warm shivers down my spine. His chest was
smooth and muscular, and before I could think of any ramifications, I traced it
with my trembling fingers. I couldn’t help myself. But I pulled my hand back
quickly when I realized what I was doing and there were several seconds of
awkwardness that followed.

I turned away when I felt my face begin to
flush. “Follow me,” I called cheerfully, and swam off toward the rocky cliffs.

Nolan followed me to the sandstone tower, and
we stood in river water up to our waists touching the soft rock. It was pinkish
and cream-colored and broke easily in our hands. A glance around the side of
the wall revealed a small alcove beyond a huge fallen boulder. Nolan followed
me as I swam around the side of the cliff, and then we scaled a slippery
boulder to enter the cave-like opening. It was a rock room with tall stone
walls on three sides of us and the fallen rock blocking the entrance. Tall pine
trees above us created a canopy of privacy.

The water was deep in this little cave, and
although I couldn’t touch the bottom, Nolan could. He sweetly picked me up by
my hips, and I stopped treading water to put my legs around his waist. I looked
deep into his eyes as I wrapped my arms around his back. He said nothing, but
slowly kissed my lips. Soon the pace picked up, sending my heart beating
wildly, and lighting a fire somewhere below my waist. He kissed me differently
than I’d experienced with him before, caressing my hair and shoulders with his
fingertips as the waves entering the cave bobbed us up and down in the soft
water. It was our own little, incredibly romantic world. A small ray of
sunshine had broken through the canopy of trees above us and shone down upon
our heads as we kissed, the water sparkling around our wet bodies.

“You’re so beautiful,” Nolan whispered as he
kissed my cheek with tiny, soft
pecks
. I smiled and
closed my eyes as he moved down my
jawline
, to the
space right under my ear lobes and down the right side of my neck. Pleasant
prickles soared through my body as he sensuously explored my skin. He kissed
the hollow of my clavicle and then moved my tank top strap down and found the
front of my shoulder with his lips. I brought his face back up to mine with a
gentle lift underneath his jaw and enjoyed the intimacy of our slow, deliberate
kisses. It was tantalizing, and my mind wandered to a scene where I would give
myself entirely to him, but I had been raised a certain way and knew I couldn’t
take it that far. It took everything I had inside me, but I pulled myself away
from him with a breathy moan.

“Stop,” I whined.

“Is everything ok?” Nolan asked between heavy
breaths.

“Everything is more than okay.” I stroked his
hair with my wet hand. “I’m just not ready to go there with you yet.”

I searched his eyes for answers. Was it okay?

“I understand completely. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault.”

“No, I’m sorry for letting my emotions get the
better of me.” He swam, leading me over to a boulder at the base of one wall,
and set me down there. We were both still out of breath. Then he swam over and
took a seat on a boulder near the other wall.

“You really are the most wonderful woman.
The best thing that’s happened to me in many years.”

I melted. I thought guys usually got mad when
their girlfriends denied them. But I felt the same way toward him.
The exact same way.

“Ditto.”

We stared at each other for a few seconds,
trying to slow our breathing. His eyes always said so much to me, and right now
they were forgiving eyes. “We better get out of here and dry off on the beach,”
I suggested.

“You’re right,” he said with a flirtatious
smile.

We swam back around the wall and walked up onto
the sand. Our blanket and things were still on the beach, seemingly untouched.
Nolan bent down to inspect the bag he brought but was taking an awfully long
time looking at the bottom.

“Is everything in there?”
I
asked, a bit concerned.
I craned my neck around. We were still alone.

He took a second and then stopped looking in
the bag. “Yes, everything looks okay to me.” Then he closed up the bag and
said, “Sorry,
hon
, but I hadn’t expected us to go
swimming, so I didn’t bring any towels.”

“Of course.
No problem.”

We
laid
out on the
sand, allowing the rays of the sun to warm us from head to toe. Nolan held my
hand as we stared off into the brilliant, cloudless sky.

I wondered what I had done to deserve the
attention of such a wonderful man as Nolan Hill.

The next week was the Fourth of July. All
guides knew that before we could party that night, we had to work through a day
that was certain to be hell. First of all, the day was crazy busy, which was
both good and bad. Yes, more people meant more guidebooks sold, but more people
also brought more trips with less breaks. You really worked your butt off on
the Fourth of July. And the quality of tourists took a steep nose dive from the
normal crowd.

I never figured out why, but probably more than
three-fourths of the tourists on our boats on Independence Day were
non-English-speaking tourists who would disregard simple onboard regulations
like, “Stay seated while the boat is in motion,” or “Use the garbage can on the
back of the boat.”

Many of these foreign passengers also believed
that since they were speaking a different language, English speakers must not
be able to hear them, so they speak their exotic tongue as loudly as they darn
well please and whenever they want—even while their talented tour guide was
talking. Fourth of July tourists were rude, loud, and messy. I know this is
stereotyping, but this was my fifth summer working for the boats on the Fourth,
and all my research was pointing in the same direction.

By my last tour, I was beat and had very little
pep left in me. And it was on this final trip that a family with small children
decided to simply move seats when their youngest puked all over the floor,
leaving the mess for me to clean up when the passengers had exited the boat.

When my shift was finally over, my hair looked
like a bird’s nest, my shirt had sweat stains in the pits, and I felt like
doing nothing but sleeping. Jack and I slowly took the steps up to street level
and walked together to the parking lot. Nolan was waiting by my car. I told
Jack I’d see him at the party, and then we parted ways. When I got closer to my
car, I noticed Nolan was laughing at me.

“Don’t ask,” was all I could say. He stopped
laughing and pulled me in for a hug before I could say, “Stop! I stink!”

“Wait. Let me just see here.” Nolan took a
whiff of my hair and said, “Yup.
Just as I thought.
You smell like coconuts, and it’s wonderful.”

I didn’t think I had enough energy to smile, but
somehow one showed up on my face. I gave him a quick peck on the lips. “You can
always make me feel better. That’s a sweet skill, you know.” I pulled away from
the hug and looked him in the eyes.

“So, not a great day?”
He
rubbed the side of my arms with his palms.

“I’ll tell you all about it later tonight.” I
walked over to the driver’s side and opened my car door. I tossed my workbag
onto the front passenger seat. “I need a cold shower, and then I might just be
ready to party with you tonight.”

“Sounds perfect.
Come
over to the cabin when you’re ready.” He gave me a kiss and then adorably poked
my nose with his finger. I climbed into my car and drove home.

There was one more thing that sucked about the
Fourth of July in the Dells—the traffic! My normal, five-minute commute turned
into fifteen minutes as I sat at a standstill over the
Kilbourn
Bridge.

When I got home, I stayed to chat with my
parents for a few minutes. My dad was still doing genealogy research on the
couch, so I sat down next to him.

“Hey, Dad.
Have
you learned anything else cool about the Gardner family?”

He shut the book and looked a little concerned.
“Well, only that we’ve had plenty of family members die early on and many ended
up in insane asylums. Sorry, kid, I think we’ve got bad genes.” Then he laughed
rather awkwardly at his own comment.

“Ah, Dad, that’s pretty disturbing, actually.”
I wanted him to explain himself a little more. The thought of having “bad
genes” inside me was making me a little uneasy.

“I’m not sure how to explain it, but from about
1913 to about 1960, several of our relatives died before the age of thirty, and
many others suffered from mental disorders. But after my father died in ’67, I
see a bill of clean health for the
Gardners
. I think
the ‘bad genes’ must have worked themselves out.” He was making some notes on a
legal pad on his lap.

“Huh... I hope that’s true, Dad.” Then I
noticed a note on his paper and decided to ask him a question I never had the guts
to ask before. “What about your real father? What happened to him?”

He inhaled slowly as if the pain was still with
him. “I suppose you are old enough to know the truth.” He shifted uncomfortably
on the couch. “I was born only a few days after my father died from a unique
illness. I was raised by the man you know as Grandpa
Gib
,
who married my mother a year after my father’s passing.

“As I got older, I found out
Gib
was not my biological father, and was naturally curious
to learn more about my real dad. My mother never wanted to talk too much
about it, but she did once tell me that Dad had a strange disease, and she had
been trying to research a cure before he died. From that one conversation,
I could tell how much she had loved my father and how she’d do anything for
him.” He stopped for a moment, and I could tell he was getting a little choked
up.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry, Dad.” I placed a hand on
his forearm.

He put his hand on top of mine and then went
on. “Mom was working nights sterilizing tools at a local medicine lab before my
father died, hoping to come across a treatment for my father’s illness. She was
able to foster a great relationship with all the scientists and doctors in the
county who frequented the lab. One of those men was Dr. Gib. I’m happy my
mother found Gib. He was a great father to me and husband to my mother.”

I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the head.
“Thanks for sharing that with me, Dad. Grandma and Grandpa
Gib
were both amazing.”

I found my mother at her sewing machine in the
spare bedroom. She had spent the day making a quilt for a couple whose wedding
she was attending the next weekend. I told her about my horrible day and my
plans to take the party boat tonight. Mom told me Laura had come home early and
was sleeping in her bedroom. Apparently she’d got a terrible headache at work
and couldn’t even see straight, let alone give a tour.

“Oh no!
Is
she still going to come to the party tonight?”

“She seemed like she still wanted to. I’m sure
after her nap she’ll be feeling better.”

Should I tell Mom that I had been experiencing
some weird headaches too? I decided against it for now. I realized I better get
going, so I showered quickly and changed into jeans and a comfy black tank top.
I grabbed a black
hoodie
as I scooted out the door.

The walk around the block seemed unusually long
tonight. Perhaps I was just excited to be in Nolan’s arms again.

When I arrived at his cabin door, I knocked but
there was no answer. His car was parked in front, so I pushed the door open and
yelled, “Hello?” as I entered. I heard the water running in the bathroom and
Nolan was singing a tune I was unfamiliar with. While he was in the shower, I
sat down on the loveseat by the window. His clothes were laid out on the bed
and the TV was turned on to a country music channel.

Something caught my eye under the bed. It
looked out of place, so I was intrigued. Curiosity possessed me, and I bent
down on my hands and knees and slowly pulled a black briefcase out from under
the bed. I ran my hand over the smooth top. There etched in the middle were the
letters CBB.
CBB?
Were those initials? It had a black
button lock on the front, and I traced the mechanism with my fingers.

My heart raced as I pushed in the button. The
lock popped opened with what seemed like an extremely loud snap. I sat frozen
and scared as I listened to hear if Nolan had heard the click from the shower.
The water was still running, and he was still singing—he hadn’t. I let out my
breath as I slowly eased the top of the briefcase open. My jaw dropped at the
sight inside.

In front of me was probably about twenty
different and expensive looking mechanical gadgets: a tablet, some cell phones,
an MP3 player, and something that looked like a very fancy GPS
device.
There were many tiny machines that I had no idea
what they were for. What was this? Why would he need this gear? Was he
stealing? I picked up one of the items and slowly turned it over in my hand.

Suddenly, the water from the shower shut off.
My heart beat wildly. Clearly this was not meant for me to see. I dropped the
little machine back in the briefcase and then carefully and very quickly shut
it and slid it back under the bed. I resumed my place on the loveseat, all in a
matter of a few seconds.

I couldn’t breathe. My lungs felt heavy and my
heart felt like it had stopped.

“Ava? Are you here?” Nolan’s face peeked around
the open bathroom door. I could tell he was naked, but he hid most of his
muscular body behind the wall.
“Hey, sweetie.
I’ll be
out in a sec. God, you look beautiful.”

The sound of his voice brought such wonderful
feelings to my heart, but I was so confused. Was Nolan really whom I thought he
was?  I kind of wanted to get up off the couch and bolt out of there as
fast as I could, but the logical side of my brain interrupted, telling me that
perhaps there was a very reasonable explanation for the briefcase, and if I
gave Nolan a chance to explain, he probably could.

Nolan emerged from the bathroom wearing a pair
of boxer briefs. He took one look at me and knew something was wrong. “Hey, are
you feeling alright? We don’t have to go to the party if you don’t want to. I’m
more than happy to just hold up here with you.” When I didn’t answer he tried
again. “We could throw in a movie and cuddle up on the bed.” He pointed to the
DVD player near the wall while he quickly jumped into a pair of shorts.

Staying in here with him was the last thing I
wanted. I needed to get out into some fresh air, be around some other people,
and maybe even talk this over with Laura. 

When we arrived at the docks there were a ton
of employees waiting around drinking beer and sitting on coolers. They were
inevitably chatting about their crappy days on the river, and waiting for the
time we could depart. The sun had almost set, and we knew the fireworks would
be shot off soon. We all chipped in a buck for the designated driver and hopped
on board the
Belle Boyd
. A few minutes later, someone untied the bow and
stern lines and we were off. I spotted Laura near the front of the top deck and
left Nolan with Suzanne and Brian near the back of the boat. I needed a little
alone time with my little sister.

“Hey, Laura!”
I
said giving her a hug. “Are you feeling better? Mom told me you got a bad
headache.”

“Yeah.
I
just needed a little nap to sleep that sucker off. So did I tell you Phil let
me dock the other day, and it wasn’t a complete mess? Darren says I might be
able to drive a few
tours
before summer’s done!” She
took a sip of her Diet Coke.
“How about you, sis?
How’s that hot piece of arm candy working out for you?”

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you
about him.”

She smiled, grabbed my far shoulder and pulled
me in for a side-hug. “You don’t even have to say it, sis. It’s written all
over your face.”

Uh-oh.
It
was?
I was trying so hard to hide my new discovery.

“You are totally smitten by this guy! I don’t
think I’ve ever seen you like this before! I’m so happy for you!” She released
me from the hug.

“Oh, right. Yes, I really do like him a lot.”

Should I mention what I found under his bed? Was
it the right time?

I glanced behind me and saw Nolan looking back
with a smile. Oh, that look could melt me. I decided right then and there that
perhaps this was the happiest I’ve been in my young adult life. I needed more
information before I made a premature decision that would ruin my otherwise
wonderful relationship with Nolan. I gave my sister another hug, thanked her
(for what?), and then headed back over to Nolan.

Shortly after we took off, they drove the Belle
Boyd to a spot right under the railroad bridge. It was the perfect place to
watch the fireworks. I glanced to my right and saw Jack and his new girlfriend
looking lovingly into each other’s eyes while holding hands. Jack had been hurt
in love, and at one point had given up on ever finding it again, but he took a
risk, opened his heart and now was happier than I had ever seen him. What would
happen if I let my guard down, too? Could I really find love again? What would
happen if I dropped this wall and let Nolan into my heart, no matter
who
or what he was?

I didn’t know what was going to happen with
Nolan and me, but I did know that I wasn’t ready to let go of it all.

I stood at the rail of the boat looking up into
the sky while Nolan stood behind me. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders
and crossed them in front of me. I grabbed his hands and held on tight as they
rested across my upper chest. He pulled me in so my head and back rested on his
body.