The Castle Cross the Magnet Carter (30 page)

In spite a the periodic too-close booms, B.J. stan there, all mesmerized gazin, little smile on his face. My guess is that's the advantage a deaf. Our ma right nex to him but he got the choice. He can be with her but he also got the grand option a jus goin inta hisself, alone. Erase us all.

 

5

Thirteen hours straight at the mill, I sure make no complaints. Two a the young guys recently laid off. Feel bad but jus prayin them's all the adjustments needs to be made with the buyout. Get home all I wanna do is hibernate like the bear, starvin an too tired to eat. Which is good cuz I notice no sign a supper.

In the guestroom I stare at it.

Oh Randall! Honey I forgot to cook, I'm sorry. I jus got all excited.

I stare at it. Crib.

I
know
I'm jumpin the gun but. Well, waitin for you to get home, workin so late, I couldn't wait no longer. I wanted to see the crib in here! The doctor said. Oh I
know
I'm jumpin the gun but this time I jus feel it, I
know
this baby gonna pull through. Sixt try's a charm!

She kiss me an I kiss her, she smile an I smile. Many a time in the past I think to take a ax to that goddamn crib.

Course I'd asked B.J. to Saturday night supper so it's TV dinners, which he accept all gracious like that Salisbury steak's a T-bone. All the while she reiteratin Buppie's appeal, impressin upon the special importance of attendin the meetin tomorra night with a little one on the way. The part bout the little one she mouth, move her lips but no sound, which mean I ain't sposed to sign that part to B.J. but since she exaggerate her lips enough for me to read then surely he can read em hisself. An Sunday, she go on, You'll have all day to rest up before the gatherin. I don't insert
Rest
up?
Ain't I gotta mow the lawn, yank the weeds?

I ain't got the energy for arguin so while she puttin dirty dishes in the sink I ask B.J. he wanna come.

Pa did it?

Yeah, remember? His robe she threw in with the colors, turned pink.

He grin.

Sunday afternoon I'm clippin the hedges, she comes up. Your mother called. Since you're goin by to pick up B.J. for the meetin anyway she figure she celebrate his birthday a day early, you show up nine instead a ten: she got the cake. I keep workin, don't answer. I know my mother made this plan so if I don't show up early, look like I slighted
him
. Dammit! Clipped a blamed big hole in the hedge.

Benja's there with her brood, runnin aroun like somethin wild an native. An like it ain't raucous enough, B.J. hammerin, mendin Ma's knickknack shelf, here's how he celebrate his birthday. Somethin that seem to come natural to him not long after he gained language: fix-it man.

Where that bruise on your jaw come from? I ask my sister.

Fell. Minutes later she head to the bathroom, return with more cake makeup like that big blacknblue don't shine right through.

She wanna get the kids home an in bed so we get the cake done. Afterward Ma insist on a Polaroid a the whole gang. Then B.J. say he wanna take one with Ma in it. But Ma: No, you're the birthday boy. Thirty-seven-year-ole boy, I think. He insist, an for his shot he put the kids sittin in front an us standin behind: Ma in the middle, Benja on her one side, me on her other. I ain't been this close to Ma in years an I don't appreciate it. Ma put her arm around us. Benja put her arm aroun Ma. My arms hang loose. After the flash I say, Let's go, an I head for the door an lass second I turn to see B.J.'s arm aroun Ma, her with the teary eyes.

Turns out it ain't just a regular ole meetin. It's a rally, cross-burner which always draw a crowd, newcomers as well as the slackers in the general membership. Me an B.J. close, sweatin from the flames. An from the six-pack I got us for an appetizer. The guy railin on an on about job competition an Northern agitators an a course school innegration, I'm signin it all fass to B.J., You gettin all this?

He smile, sign back: Nigger Kyke Nigger Kyke.

More brew at the gatherin so we come back sloshed an stumblin, an I know better n go home to Erma stinkin a liquor. She so happy I went to the meetin, tomarra jus tell her me an my Klux fellas was plannin till the wee hours. I go in with B.J., tiptoe upstairs. My brother had every right turn our ole room inta
his
room but never did. I lay on my twin jus like comin up, he on his. But he don't turn out the light, meanin he wanna talk. My eyelids
heavy,
comin
down

BANG! with the pilla.

I jump awake, stare at him. He got the mischievous grin, I sign, You gonna regret that, son. Grab my own pilla.

You never had to go to the mill.

I stop. He ain't grinnin no more.

After Pa died. Now B.J.'s hans flyin. She never said quit school and go to the mill,
I
went to the mill.
I
make enough to take care of the family,
you
're the one decided you had to quit school and work, I didn't ask you to. She didn't ask you to.

Where
this
come from? Usually B.J. don't overdrink, now I see what happen when he do: his hans get way too damn chatty. An even with that bitta bloodshot, his eyes look pretty sober to me.

They weren't payin you right!
That's
why I went. They were payin you deaf wages! Still do!

I made enough.

For the whole damn family? You think that then you ain't got no math sense.

Blaming her because you dropped out. Nobody but you.

Who said I was blamin her? I don't ever remember discussin this subject with you! Maybe her an I jus don't got nothin in common, maybe people jus grows apart.

He stare.

Well she never stopped me. Did she! She was the mother, she coulda stopped me goin to the mill.

She was mourning, she didn't know what to do.

She was the mother, she shoulda stopped me!

Nobody but you.

Bolt up outa that bed, run down the steps, slam open the damn door. Light click on, I see it from her winda, see she jus woke turned it on, hell with em all. An even in my rage I know I'll do somethin tomarra to make up. Drive by, I won't turn off the engine but she'll come out, Ma come out all hopeful an I'll say I'm goin to the market, you need anything? An she'll smile wide, Aw, I'm all set but thank you for thinkin a me honey! We both know she got B.J. to run to the store for her, the offer jus symbolic an then her an I okay a while. I park a block away an walk so the truck don't wake up Erma, catch me stumblin.

Sleepin with a frown. The daylight she happy hopeful, but nighttime I know the toilets filled with blood rip through her dreamin.

Tiptoe to the nursery, that what she be callin it how long. Three weeks? Two months? All them fertilizins ain't never swoll her belly out a smidge.

Move a chair to the crib. Lean forward, lay my tired head on the side bar. Some people find it hard to believe I got a memory so early, but I recall bein a toddler standin in my own crib, Ma's big face in mine, holdin this stuffed bunny. Her cheeks puckered out, ticklin me, kissin me, an I'm squealin happy, Hey Randall, Ma loves you, Ma loves you.

Spring day. I'm out in the yard an hear, Daddy look at me! My little toddler girl up a tree, twirlin aroun, dancin on a branch. I'll catch ya, sugarplum! In my dream tryin to comfort her, thinkin she's scared but my daughter jus keep laughin an dancin on that branch, happy like the sun.

 

 

6

Here come Deb Ellen in her sofball jersey, white letters on orange, carryin that baby still not a year yet, the other five fallin in line behind. Late June, me an Erma's third weekly shift: zookeepers to the beasts.

Mommy can I have some milk? Mommy I have to go potty. Mommy you kiss my booboo? But like she ain't hearin none of em, her eyes in the meer, make sure her uniform got all the wrinkles ironed out, checkin her teeth for stuck food. Deb Ellen got a thickness, big girl, but don't seem like middle age. She always was athletic so her grown-up stockiness feel right for her. Mommy can I put on your baseball glove? Thank you for keepin an eye on em thrown over her shoulder as she sail out. Mommy Mommy cryin at the door. On the table a ten-spot. We don't ask but Deb Ellen feel better about it: pay upfront.

Yaw want Aunt Erma bake ya some chocolate chip cookies? Holdin the infant, smilin like they's all the angel a angels. Randall, why on't you show em Henry Lee's train?

In the tradition a Henry Lee I got it set up in the basement an some Sundays after walkin Henry Lee I might come home an work with it a hour or two.

What kinda car is this? says A.R., oldest boy, name after his uncle Artie Ray that passed.

LaSalle.

What's a LaSalle?

Manufactured by GM, 1927 to '40. Built by Cadillac. You hearda Cadillac? Well this here's his offspring.

Except for the occasional question, they're quiet, miracle! watchin the trip past the school, the market, roun the mountain, by the lake. Then Erma, Cookies! They all fly up the steps. Cep the firsborn, girl with the long dark hair. Seven an I never see her speak a word besides Stop it or Behave to the rest, seem like she never have play-fun all her own. But the train she can't keep her eyes offa.

How you doin in school, Lou Mary?

She jump a little, like forgot I was there. Guess no one seem to speak to her much. Outa all a Deb Ellen's litter, she the only wheel ain't squeaky.

Fine.

Whatchu think you like to be when you grow up?

She bite her lip. Teacher.

Teacher? That's a good thing. You gotta go to college for that. You plan on goin to college?

Nod her head. Train goin through the mountain tunnel. Sometime I imagine I'm ridin on top, through the blackness, but there's always the hope up ahead, peek a light. Now approachin the crossin, safety stick comin down, bell ringin, always remine me a Henry Lee's penchant for very tragic accidents.

You went to college?

That question catch me off guard. Usually Lou Mary ain't one to speak less she spoke to.

I wanted to go to college. Be a lawyer. You know what a lawyer is?

In court?

Uh-huh.

How come you ain't one?

You like to work the controls?

She nods, eyein me like she ain't sure I really mean it. I wave her over an she come runnin. Laughin, ain't it a delight to see it comin outa that solemn girl!

Lou Mary. You better come on up here fore no cookies left.

My little cousin highly reluctant to leave the train but follow after Erma. I turn it off an come on up, the brats all peaceful roun the table, crunchin, glasses a milk. Cep I don't see that Marky, worrisome cuz lass week he come up missin in action, later I fine my garden hose cut in two.

I go upstairs lookin for the little devil, half scared what I might see. An hear a soun give my belly a ache. There he be in the guestroom, thrustin the walls with the toilet plunger, rings appearin all over the wallpaper. I'ma smack you to kingdom come, boy. He try to fly past me, but on the way I snatch the plunger out his hands, whomp him on his hide. He keep runnin, down the stairs, not even a tear. Ain't even four years old, only Deb Ellen could make em that bad!

You know what that boy doin upstairs?

All innocent, hidin behine Erma, peekin out at me.

Whatever it is, I'm sure you whooped him for it.

Damn right. An I ain't finished. I make a move an he fly out the back door.

When's Deb Ellen gonna grow up, take care a her own?

Lease she ain't screamin at em all the time, like your sister.

Ya gotta
notice
em to scream at em, Deb Ellen pop one out every five minutes an forget about em. An where's Calvin? Prolly enjoyin some peace an quiet, ear glued to the radio, Cardinals game.

She ignore me, all wide-eyed baby-talkin. This argument we have every Wednesday.

Wait till you see that guestroom.

Now her all teary, dammit. My slip: spose ta say nursery. But her hurt feelins can't lass long aroun here, what with one screamin an the other slappin an the firs one bawlin an Erma called upon for arbitrations. Where Marky go? she ask.

How'm
I
sposed to know? I think. Cep I know she weren't askin no question, what it was was
Please
go look for Marky.

How the hell he climb up the tree that high? I sure hope this boy go for sports cuz otherwise all that energy he headed for firs-class lawbreaker. Come on down here, Marky. I ain't mad atcha no more. Come on down to this branch, I'll ketcha from there.

But that boy come flyin down from way up where he be, oh my Lord! I step back fass, I got him! I got him!

You okay, Randall? You okay? Erma in my face. All them kids, why I'm lookin up at em? At the sky?

Now in the car, how I get here? Erma drivin, Erma don't know how to drive! He awake, Aunt Erma, one a them monsters say. Erma turn to me: Randall? I see that Lou Mary lookin concerned, I hope she
do
go to college she
do
become a teacher. I hope she stick it
out
in
school

Cousin Erma, he fallin to sleep again!

You've had yourself a concussion, Randall. I'm gonna stitch you up. And then, Erma, you keep the coffee brewin. Don't let this rascal go to sleep tonight.

Randall. This is Dr. Mattingly.

Mattingly, Mattingly. Somethin in his eyes. Hospital so clean white gimme a headache.

Can you hear me, Randall? It's me, Erma.

Where the kids?

Calvin come an got em. Once the doctor say okay for Marky to go.

What about Deb Ellen?

Said they won six–four. Three a the innins she pitched three up, three down. An there's only seven innins in sofball.

I'm gonna stitch you up now. Keep talkin, Erma. This'll sting a little, Randall.

Somethin familiar. Dimple.

Marky fell an you caught him an you saved his life, but you fell back an banged your head on the groun. He seemed fine an the doctor said he's fine. You saved his little life.

Ouch!

That's one stitch, Randall. There's gonna be six.

We know each other?

Dr. Mattingly look at me. You don't remember? Eighth grade?

I stare.

Earl Mattingly? Practically I whisper it.

He turn to Erma, See there? Can't be brain damage he remember that.

Lookin at me again, then he throw back his head, hollerin the laughter. Close your mouth, Randall! I know what you're thinkin. What turned that bumblehead into a doctor? When I entered the ninth, dumb football player, they all figured at best I'd be on the business track.

Ssssss.

Sorry, Randall, I know that stings. Hey, Betty, why on't you bring some more cotton in here? Earl Mattingly squintin while he work.

Well here's what happened. That freshman year I found myself sittin in your place. Quarterback, away game in Montgomery, somebody sacked me and I saw stars. My concussion was worse than yours, I was told how lucky, the right doctor in emergency, how close I come to permanent mental ramifications. Anyway, I quit the team which I tell you made a lotta people sore, studied night and day and by God by graduation I was the class valedictorian! So now we got that in common!

Aaaaaaah.

Sorry, one last stitch. College, worked my way through the summers, graduated at twenty, then med school, residency. And now here I am back home, M.D. Earl Mattingly cut the thread. Done.

3:30 a.m. me an Erma in the livin room drinkin drinkin. For variety, sometime I say milk, sometime sugar, sometime sugar an milk, sometime cream. Mean I pee a lot, an she even folla me to the bathroom, make me talk the whole time, make sure I ain't dozin. Finally wore out my taste for dairy, this hour jus take it black.

What was it Dr. Mattingly said yaw had in common? Soun like. Victory?

For a second I'm back in eighth grade in our caps an gowns, principal call my name an I take the valedictory podium but jus fore I start, Earl Mattingly stand, announce to the whole world I cheated, copied offa his standards test, he tell that lie then
he
take the podium, make the speech. I go back to my seat an watch him. It's better, I think. His speech is better n mine.

Randall! Snappin her fingers at me. Wake up!

I focus on her. The clock tick tick tick.

Valedictorian, I say.

What's that mean?

As it turns out, nothin.

You know what? I'm gonna give you some grouns a coffee an you gonna chew em up, raw. That oughta keep ya a while.

When you got word to Deb Ellen, her game over?

Still had a innin an a half to go. Calvin tole me the number for the field phone booth, everybody use it for calls.

An what you tell her. I'm hurt? Her son maybe hurt?

Sure. We didn't know about Marky then, yeah I alert her as to the situation, takin both yaw to the emergency. Calvin on his way.

An she play the game out? Jus posepone the matter a her kid in the hospital till the game through?

Erma hesitate.

She was tore up, tryin to decide. The game was tied then, she's the star player, she'da left they'd surely lost. I got her top a the sixt, you know there's only seven innins in sofball. An she call back checkin before bottom a the sixt, before top a the seventh, before bottom a the seventh.

So she never left. Played the game out to the end.

Erma purse her lips.

Knew it! An I laugh so hard one a the stitches near pop out.