The Castle Cross the Magnet Carter (33 page)

You mean checkin if I'm okay so I don't kill myself over my brother actin like a fool in public?

Jus checkin.

Listen. If you all actin the idiots were enough to push me over the edge I'da been dead an buried long ago. I got
plenty
good reasons to blow my brains out, that little drama this mornin don't even make the top two hundred.
Click
.

Randall, there's a customer here insist
you
the one she wanna buy her shoes from. Diane grinnin. That emphasis on
you
she meanin friendly, givin me the pep talk, but we both know a customer requestin me's in the category a
Well guess there's a first time for everything
since thus far I been proven bout the lousiest shoe salesman the world ever known. I follow her out to the floor.

Miz Letterbeck stan there, big ole smile. Oh Randall I heard about the school this mornin. Good for you! We need more young men like you.

What kinda shoes was you lookin for?

You tell me!

Miz Letterbeck is one a them customers most notorious for tryin on a dozen an takin none, especially irritatin given she got money, her husband own the plastics factory. She got the commonest shoe size, 6, so we always got hordes in stock for her. I go to the back an randomly grab a sensible shoe, a high heel, an a sneaker. Come back, slip off her loafers, exposin her seventy-year-ole bunions.

Afraid this all we got in your size today, Miz Letterbeck, I lie, as she stare startled at the selections an I pull my shoehorn outa my pocket. Twenty minutes later she's leavin with her shoppin bag, carryin all three.

 

14

On the roof Deb Ellen an me both in suspenders, her spread eagle like some man hammerin aroun a hole.

I see somethin?

She look at me, then down at her stomach, slightly protrudin.

Fuck, she say. Then sigh. Guess I hoped it go away. Back to hammerin, chucklin, Guess I tried to
help
it go away! Sprintin the high school racetrack, hard-jumpin every step top to bottom. But miscarry don't seem to be in my belly's vocabulary.

I look up an she don't an I see her face red cuz she jus remember who she spoke that word to. Too embarrassed to say Sorry which I sure am sicka hearin anyhow, an to make certain she don't say it I speak next.

I sure preciate this work. All I been gettin at the shoe store's minimum.

Uh-huh. Well that's retail.

Sometimes you make more, commission. But if people ain't buyin. Well times're hard.

When ain't they? Look at these holes! Can't believe the whole house didn't roll out to sea with the firs rain. Toss me more nails?

Times ain't never hard for Calvin an Deb Ellen is what I'm thinkin. I know they don't even need this damn roofin job except she get bored housewifin an Calvin indulge her. But I ain't complainin, half the pay's mine.

Hey we got leftover deer meat from Calvin an his brother's huntin. Wannit? Almost run it over to yaw yesterday fresh, but then I remember B.J. comes by Saturdays an he don't like venison, do he.

I keep hammerin.

Yaw
still
sore?

Hey, we never uninvited him, he jus didn't show up.

Amount to the same thing. You tole me you don't invite him special every time he won't come.

Why I always gotta do that anyway? Always put
me
in the place a expectation, why don't
he
take some responsibility?

Well the time to suddenly
stop
invitin him an wait for him to take the initiative is
not
after yaw jus had a great big fight, cuz it pretty clear the message he got is he ain't welcome.

I hear ya, Deb Ellen, now drop it.

Poundin, half the nails she get in with jus one slam.

You think I was wrong? You think B.J. shoulda done what he did?

You know somethin? I don't get the goddamn big deal. The colored kids learnin beside ours, so what? They play with each other all day excep school anyhow.

I can't believe you said that! You're a mother!

Well I said it. Deb Ellen dip her roller in the tar tray.

Whatta you care? You never liked school no way.
I
dropped out cuz I had to, support the family, but you. An never wanted no kids didja? Jus pop em easy like a gumball machine an after they out in the world you could give a damn!

She look up, her eyes narrowin.

Be that as it may, I don't see what all the goddamn hysteria's for.

The
hysteria
happened
nex
day. Wa'n't
that
fair, a few concerned parents versus the goddamn National Guard! This ain't Little Rock, Prayer Ridge ain't no city! How the hell the blamed government even hear tell of it? Oh guess they make us an example. Glad I wa'n't there for
that,
but I seen my friends from the day before! All in the national newspapers, what the hell you hummin for?

Nothin.
Hum-te-dum.
(An smilin!)
That
was somethin. One damn day
not
borin in this frickin hicksville.

Tell ya what. Benja said all the parents thinkin on private school, put together some new kinda private school affordable for
everbody,
close the damn public school system.

That didn't go over too well in Little Rock.

You got a answer for everthing, dontcha? I'm jus tryin to be a responsible white man! Responsible father. I say father on purpose, wonder she gonna snort at it.

But she jus say We about ready to lay the tar. Take a cigarette break first. That's five, not ten.

We take our five sittin on the roof edge, legs danglin. Deb Ellen blow smoke, then say How you an Erma doin these days?

Fine. Wipe my brow, the sun bearin down hard. Regular. Her all up in arms. I ain't been to church in a couple weeks, I ain't been to Klan meetins, when I'm gonna commit to somethin. Like my one day off I got all the leisure energy to—

I sigh. Open my lighter flame. Close it. Open the flame, close it.

Don't mean to bring up a tender point, but if things don't work out with you all again, you can have this n.

I stare at her.

Your new
baby?

I don't care if ya legally take it. We'll all keep the lie, it never gotta know it was adopted. Or you can tell it the truth, raise it an it call me mom an you uncle. I don't care. Jus too many mouths at our house.

Think maybe firs you oughta talk to Calvin about this?

Deb Ellen blow smoke. Makin love lass summer. Well it always backa our minds but neither of us ever sayin. So Calvin finally brung it up. Here's a plan, in case, he said. An I go, Wow. Why didn't
I
thinka that?

A few seconds fore I can speak. Middle a innercourse, Deb Ellen an Calvin discussin me an Erma's reproduction desert.

That was potential, I say. Now the baby somethin real Calvin might feel different.

She shrug. I'll ask him.

I take a puff, starin at the roof nex door. Which could use some major patchin itself.

Even if he says yes, I dunno how Erma'll feel.

I'll check in with Calvin an letcha know if the offer still stans. This ain't to jinx yaw, maybe things'll go alright this time. Still yours might wanna sister or brother. Or cousin in the house.

Can't be no more jinxin than her tellin every damn body she know. One a my damn co-worker ladies run into her in the supermarket, Erma runnin off her mouth like—

I sigh hard.

Maybe she figure may as well be happy while it lasts. Deb Ellen put out her cigarette, stand up. We get movin now, half-hour lunch at one, oughta finish by six.

I stand up. Deb Ellen go to pour tar in the trays.

What if Calvin say yes but Erma say no. What chaw gonna do?

Deb Ellen shrugs. Guess I jus have to get a extra husband for supplemental income. Or Calvin bring home another wife. An now Deb Ellen all dreamy like. Yeah, that's better, she do the housework, take care a the kids an I get a outside job, full-time. Three of us, guess we need to get a king-size bed. Deb Ellen ponder this, rollin her roller in the tar, her eyes all glinty an a smile. I'll be in the middle.

 

15

It's slow. Eventually Mr. Martin says he got business to attend to, he be back three-ish. He's a mainly easygoin boss but no matter how easygoin the boss it's easiest goin when the boss ain't aroun. Me an Brenda Jean an Diane relaxin with our packed lunches in the back. Today I ended up in Mr. Martin's chair, which he don't mind when he's not here. Well I never actually asked him if he mind but I seen Brenda Jean sit in it before. Then again she been here twenty-seven years an always jump up when he walk in, an he say No, don't get up, Brenda Jean, but she do an he never argue a second time.

I think it's a silly burden, says Brenda Jean, expectin the girl's parents to cover all the costs.

Silly?
returns Diane.
It's a blessed right. There's a reason they call it
holy
matrimony.

I think it's holy crap.

Well then all I can say is good thing you an Leonard didn't have no kids.

Me an Leonard's pretty happy bout that ourselves.

Oh Brenda Jean!

My sister an brother-in-law tearin their hair out makin sure my princess niece get the best dress an best flowers an best dinner, well! Only one more week an it all be over. Nex Saturday's the ceremony, Halloween weekend. Hah! After that—

Ting-a-ling.

Oh!

Brenda Jean fly out the stockroom, onto the floor.

You see that? So anxious to snap up the customer before you or I get to em, she interrupt her own thought.

I chuckle, workin on my lunchmeat an mustard.

You shoudn't let her do that. You got a baby on the way, Randall, you need the money. You need to start makin more commission money, it's not fair you always the lowest an her grabbin all the buyers from the both a us.

Desk phone rings.

Martin's Shoes.

Randall! Glad you answered, honey. I'm in the paint store lookin over colors for the baby's room. Course I won't do pink or baby blue, but I was thinkin a neutral mint green. Whatta ya thinka mint green?

A bottle opener tied to a string hangin from the wall. I pull out my Orange Crush, flip off the top, take a swig.

Honey?

Mint green sounds fine.

I thought so too. Okay. I love you. I'll see you tonight.
Click
.

You on till six this evenin, Randall? Closin? You make sure you step up that last hour, when the Friday after work rush happen. Don't let Brenda Jean take all the customers! You need to step up!

Ting-a-ling.
Diane fly out to the floor. But a second later she back, peekin her head in.

There I go, not even check with you. You want this n, Randall?

I liff my Crush.

Still eatin.

Sure?

Sure.

She disappear.
Ring
.

Martin's Shoes.

You think I'm some nut! I'm gettin mint green cuz mint green can be for anybody, if we gotta change it from a nursery back to a guestroom, mint green for the
guest
room.
That's
why I wanted mint green!
That's
why!
Click
.

Brenda Jean come back a-mutterin. She wanted them damn Espadrilles an not even interested in a thing else, why can't people be more flexible?

I drain my Crush, throw out my lunch wrappins, head to the bathroom. Wash my hands an stare at my face in the meer. If ya get close up, the eensiest little lines. If ya take your fingers through, spot a gray now an again.
Ting-a-ling.
Diane surely got that customer but I better make a show a goin out there anyway.

Walkin through the stockroom toward the floor I see Mr. Martin at his desk, the ting-a-ling was him come back early.

Hi again, Mr. Martin.

Hi Randall. Where ya goin?

Seein if there's any customers.

Brenda Jean an Diane got it covered. Looky here.

Mr. Martin open a file cabinet behind him. Today his wingtips are black an glistenin. Mr. Martin shine his shoes hisself or do a shoeshine boy service him daily? He pull out a graph chart.

Can you read this, Randall?

I think so.

What it tell me. About you.

I swallow.

Seem to say I remain slowest horse in the commissions race.

By several laps.

He starin at me. I look at him. I look down. Practically need sunglasses to look at his shoes.

I already give ya one warnin a while back, but cut cha some slack after your day at the school. I was honored to have you in my employ.
Am
honored. Still. Business is business.

I look at him. Behind him some new picture, him an his wife an kids on a quiet beach. Tanned an smilin.

So this warnin is your second an final.

I let out a breath, hope he don't notice. What he mean to put the fear a God in me actually come as relief, one more day I don't got to go home to Erma with the bad news, watch her face contort up like she the longest-sufferin since Jesus.

Mr. Martin put his chart away, then turn to me, suddenly all bright.

So! Monday. You heard?

I stare at him. I shake my head.

The voter registration. Tuesday's last day, so coloreds thinkin they're sneaky, plannin to show up at the courthouse en masse the 24th. Monday.

Now seated, he peelin a red apple. Mr. Martin's slim, I ain't never seen him have nothin for lunch cept an apple.

All that ruckus at the school. Vital, but some citizens don't realize the bigger issue's the vote, which can impact schools an everything else. Unfortunately I think the school thing kinda wore a lotta people out but we gotta hold strong.

Diane grinnin, rushin past us. Mother with five kids! Hope we ain't outa the saddles.

You count heads, you find more black in this town than white. You know that? Those shacks on the outskirts. An droppin babies every five minutes, fifty-five–forty-five, they outnumber us. Fifty-five–forty-five.

I almost nod my head. Then I almost shake my head. Mr. Martin halfway down that apple peelin one long peel, he ain't lifted the knife.

They vote, they gonna tip the election! You know what could happen that Kennedy gets elected? Integrate everything! And Nixon i'n't much better. Schools jus the start. Water fountains! Toilets! Churches! An they gonna push for it, all of em, even the nice ones. My maid Tory been in the family forty years, raised me. Tory, you want the vote? Yes suh, Mr. Martin. You know that nigger convicted a rape from Avery Junction? Electric chair? When that verdict come down, Tory, whatchu thinka that? That jury wa'n't his peers, Mr. Martin. What! You think colored shoulda been on that jury? He raped that girl! It was
alleged,
Mr. Martin, how she even know that word.
Alleged.
Niggers can't hardly read but they sure know them three syllables, spent enough time facin the judge. Lemme tell you, put black on the jury, oh wonder what
that
outcome be. They all stick together, not guilty! All a black on a jury need's to see's a black at the defendant's table, not guilty!

Brenda Jean flyin through. She was a pill but her husband's a dream! Two pair a Red Wing boots he wants! Two!
That way when the one wears out I have the other.
Gigglin.

The registration board at the courthouse'll tell em no an they'll go home. Simple. We just need some people like you there to make
sure
everything go smooth, but I really don't foresee no trouble. Okay?

My head quiverin, like I jus fell in a vat a confusion.

Sir?

You ain't been to no Klan meetins recently but I excuse it. Know you got to take care a your wife, expectin, I know you had your troubles there in the past. Still, I'm sure you continue to support our cause. You can have Monday off. Spend it at the courthouse.

Brenda Jean's nearabouts fifty an practically skippin, carryin two big boxes out on the floor.

The whole day, sir. That's a healthy chunk outa my paycheck, tell ya the truth.

Mr. Martin's face get twitchy. He don't like what I said, but don't quite know what to do with it neither. He feast on it quarter of a minute.

Awright. I'll give ya minimum for the day.

Thank you, sir! It's just the baby comin an all.

My brown wingtipped are the cheapest in the store, not fine like Mr. Martin's. But a good expert shine spiff em up, bring em back to near jus-new, then maybe the customers see I'm a truthworthy representative. Useta be I coulda got some a my investment back from the deposit on my empty Orange Crush bottle, but these days that offer's been rescinded, bottles been reclassified as garbage. I start to throw it out, then remember one a Benja's asked to save em for a art project.

Bruce already got a customer so I wait my turn. While he's whooshin the shine rag he glance up at me. A fass look I interpret as he seen me aroun many times but never expected a shine be in my budget. Still, he finish his current customer who pay up, then turn to me like I'm a regular ole deservin gentleman. I sit in the chair. Throne! Like I got my subject kneelin before me. I work hard makin myself not grin, this polish jus everyday casual.

Ole Bruce is a professional, fast an thorough. I
do
see a reflection! I'm thinkin soon's I walk away outa sight I'ma take em off, walk in my socks so's I don't scoff em before work tomarra. I know Mr. Martin'll glimpse that shine an be pleased, if there's one thing Mr. Martin notices is everbody's shoes. While I'm searchin my pocket for the dime I see the shadow a the nex customer cast over us.

I get a shine?

Ole Bruce turn aroun, lookin up. A finely dressed colored man. I don't know nothin about fashion but his suit is least as nice as Mr. Martin's best. I have learned a little about shoes, an his we'da sure placed on the expensive shelf. Now Ole Bruce practically scream.

When dju get in? Boy, my sister don't tell me nothin!

They're laughin an chatterin, forgot me sittin here on the throne. Then the fancy dresser finally see me, somethin registerin in him. An I note somethin familiar too. I stand.

I'm sorry, suh, but this my nephew I ain't seen in a couple years. Now that he's a bigshot Chicago lawyer.

Bigshot, the lawyer mutters, all modest.

This is Mr. Roger Thomas, Esquire.

I step back, near drop my Orange Crush bottle.

We know each other. Well, from kids. Hello, Randall.

It's my sister Sally's birthday. I shoulda guessed. Ya come home for your mama's birthday, didn't ya.

Hi Roger.

Good! he come back with even though I ain't asked how is he. Doin
real
good. How're
you,
Randall?

My breathin breathin

Just a visit? You ain't here on no official business?

Roger lets out a big laugh.

If you're worried I'm an
outside agitator
you can put your mind at ease. Family affairs, that's all the interest I have in Prayer Ridge.

You brought the kids? Where's Herman an Georgie?

At Mom's. So's Carrie. You know we're expecting again.

Already?
Boy, yaw been busy! You hopin it's a girl this time?

Here's your dime.

Thank you, say ole Bruce, hardly lookin at me, all distracted with Roger. I notice he didn't say Thank you
sir.

When we were in high school, Randall lent me some of his books. Keep up with the white kids.

He
did?
Ain't that nice.

You
were in high school, I was younger.

Good to see ya, Randall. An like that moment a few weeks ago with Margaret Laherty, I detect a quick glance from Roger, he givin me the once-over an know he don't even need to get the details on how my life turnt out, it all too clear.

My bladder suddenly callin which is unfortunate cuz three doors away already I hear the screamin an cryin from inside my house. An her mother's voice, tryin to calm her down. Can't see now how I'm gonna relieve myself with the toilet apparently fulla my baby, so I head for the woods.

When I'm finished I zip my pants an pick up the bottle. I keep readin it over an over, touchin it, the letters raised in the glass:
NO DEPOSIT NO RETURN
. The wind musta taken a turn cuz deep as I am in the woods, for just a second my ears glimpse Erma's wailin an I crash that Crush bottle gainst an ole elm. I stare at my bloody hand an too late see the red drops stainin my newly shined wingtips.