The Choice (4 page)

The heavy barn door slid open with a rumble. Carrie waited until her eyes adjusted to the dim light, then ran to him.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, folding her into his arms. For a long time, neither of them spoke.

Keeping her head tucked under Sol’s chin, Carrie broke the silence.“I should have been here. We came back late from the market. Maybe if I’d been here, I could have gotten him to the hospital. She didn’t even call for an ambulance.”

“It was just an accident, Carrie,” Sol said, tipping her chin up to face him. “Esther is a lot of things, but she isn’t cruel.” He knew how Carrie adored her father. That was one reason he wanted them to leave before they were baptized. He didn’t want Jacob to have to shun Carrie.

“Neglecting a head injury when someone has hemophilia is cruel.”

“A kick in the head is pretty hard to recover from, bleeder or not.”

“But she didn’t even give him a chance.”

“Aw, Carrie, be fair. From what I heard, it was too late by the time anyone found him.”

She sighed deeply as if her argument had run out of steam. “Maybe you’re right. Dad was unconscious by the time Esther got to him.”

Sol pulled her close to his chest. “Things have a way of working out, Carrie.”

She pulled back from him, a confused look on her face. “What?”

“I’ve been thinking this over. I know how hard it was going to be to say goodbye to your father—”

She tilted her head. “What are you saying?”

“Just that, maybe it’s a sign. That it’s right for us to leave.”

“God gave us a sign to leave by letting my father die?”

Sol put his hands on her shoulders, but she flinched, shrugging them off. This wasn’t going the way he had hoped. He decided to change subjects. “I struck four batters out yesterday and threw a runner out at second base. You know what they’re starting to call me? ‘The Riehl Deal.’ ”

Her eyes widened as if his words had hit her, a solid slap. “Sol, I can’t leave Andy. I won’t leave him with her.”

“You can’t be responsible for Andy for the rest of your life.”

“Maybe not. But I’m responsible for him until he’s grown. I’m his only sibling. We have no one else, Sol.”

Sol felt his stomach tie itself into a square knot. “Carrie,” he said, choosing his words with great sympathy, “we have to face facts. We need to be practical. I can’t take care of a wife
and
a little boy. Especially one with hemophilia. Andy needs to stay on the farm, with his people. They can help him with his medical bills. I can’t do that.”

“I realize that,” Carrie said. “But there’s another choice.”

He lifted his hands, exasperated. “Such as?”

She looked at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You could stay.”

After Sol left with his family, Carrie went back to the house, so exhausted and emotionally spent that she felt numb. She was certain that Sol would think everything over and agree with her. It shocked her to hear him still talk about leaving. Why couldn’t he see it? Remaining in the church was the best choice. The only choice.

When the entire Riehl family came to her father’s funeral on Monday and Sol was absent, she tried not to panic. Then she thought of how he had kissed her in the barn before he slipped back out to join his family, and she knew. It was a goodbye kiss. She hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself, but she knew. Er hat sei verlosse.
He had left, without her.

Carrie didn’t think it was possible that a heart could break twice, in just one week.

One month after her father’s funeral, Carrie thought she might just commit murder. Esther had discovered that Andy had left the gate unlocked, and the sheep had wandered down the road into other neighbors’ fields. It had taken Esther all afternoon to gather them. Afterward, she took a switch from the willow tree and beat Andy’s backside.

When Carrie returned home from the farmer’s market and saw Andy’s bruises, it was like someone lit a match to kerosene, her temper flared so hot and fast. She marched to the barn to prepare the horse and buggy to take Andy to the hospital. She grabbed the bridle and hurried to the stall, clumsily thrusting the bit into the horse’s mouth, her hands were shaking so badly. “Es dutt mir leed,” she whispered, apologizing to the horse, trying to gain control over her emotions.

Later, at the hospital, Carrie sat by Andy’s bedside in the emergency room as a long tube snaked from an IV bag into his vein, filling him with Factor IX to help his blood clot. Mesmerized by the television hanging on the wall, Andy watched it, slack-jawed. The sight made Carrie smile. It felt rusty, that smile, but it felt good.

With Andy occupied, Carrie grew restless and noticed a newspaper left on a chair. She picked it up and automatically turned to the sports section, just as she did every time she worked at the Central Market, scanning for news of Sol. Just last week, she had read that he was the closing pitcher for every game.

As she turned a page, her heart skidded to a stop. There was a picture of Sol, celebrating a win, with his arm wrapped around a girl. An English girl. A pang of longing pierced her heart. Carrie stared at the picture so long that she didn’t even notice Daniel, standing at the door, until he cleared his throat. Startled, Carrie dropped the newspaper.

“Heard about Andy,” he said, pulling up a chair to sit down next to the bed.

Carrie gathered the newspaper and tossed it in the wastebasket. It occurred to her that Daniel had a curious way of appearing out of nowhere. But she found she didn’t mind. Daniel was good at just being there.

A few hours later, after Andy was released, Daniel and Carrie took Andy home. Carrie settled her brother into bed and read until he was asleep. Esther had gone to bed, a relief to Carrie. She still felt a mutinous anger toward Esther for harming her brother. She went out to the front porch to look at the stars and search out the tail of the Milky Way. It was something her father had liked to do. He said it gave him great comfort to see God’s handiwork in the heavens. Sorely missing him, Carrie wished she could borrow some of her father’s faith. Especially now.

The kitchen door creaked open. “Another midnight call?” Daniel asked, holding the door open as if waiting for an invitation.

“No,” Carrie said. “I’m not expecting any calls.” Not now, not ever again, she realized.

He closed the door and stood beside her, arms crossed, gazing at the sky, not saying a word.

“When is your father expected?” Carrie asked, breaking the silence.

“When? Or what?”

Carrie glanced at him, not understanding.

“He’s due on Friday.” Daniel cleared his throat. “But he’s expecting that by now I’ve asked you to marry me.” He kept his eyes fixed on the stars.

Carrie’s eyes went wide with surprise. She opened her mouth but no words came to the surface. Suddenly, an image of Sol with his arm around that girl bounced, unbidden, into her head. She wanted to hurt Sol as much as he had hurt her. What could hurt Sol more than knowing she had married? Without thinking, she blurted out, “Andy comes with me.”

Daniel gave a nod.

Carrie’s mind started to spin. “I’ve started baptism instructions this summer.”

Mattie had persuaded Carrie to take the classes together. Carrie finally agreed, hoping Sol would hear that she was going to be baptized. She knew his mother wrote to him each week. Sol had been right about that one thing; it wasn’t like he was under the ban. His folks were deeply disappointed in him, but they held out hope that he’d get over sowing his wild oats and return home.

Well, Carrie wasn’t waiting for him. As far as she was concerned, he chose baseball over her and nothing would ever change that. “I’ll be baptized in a few weeks. Then I’d like a wedding soon after.” She glanced up at the direction of Esther’s bedroom window. “As soon as possible.”

Daniel gave another nod.

Carrie took a deep breath. “I have to be honest about something. I don’t love you.”

Daniel smiled, a slow unraveling. “Makes things simpler,” was all he said, leaning over the porch railing, gazing at the moonless sky.

Carrie looked at his profile for a long time, trying to understand him. She had a feeling that she never would. “I don’t know how they do things in Ohio, but here, you need to speak to the deacon who will speak to me. About marrying, I mean. He acts like a go-between.”

Daniel straightened up and turned to her, looking her straight in the eyes. He held out his hand. “Deal?”

Carrie’s eyes dropped down to his large open hand and she shook it, sealing the bargain.

Not long after the deacon’s visit, Carrie and Daniel set the day for their wedding. As Carrie pinned the top of her blue wedding dress, she felt as if she might faint dead away, caught in that horrible place between regret and resolution. She wondered how Daniel was feeling right then, if he felt as sick as she did.

She fit the organza prayer cap over her hair bun, tying the strings under her chin, feeling as if her world had just become very narrow and she couldn’t get enough air. For one fleeting moment, as she heard the churned-up gravel made by the arriving buggies, she thought about running away. Finding Sol.

But then she thought about her father. And Andy.

A fierce grief welled up within her, nearly to the point of bursting. One thought spilled into another and soon Sol filled her mind again. Cold fury displaced grief, renewing her determination. She finished tying the cap and smoothed the creases on her apron. Carrie was just about to go downstairs when she heard a gentle knock on the door. She took a deep breath and opened the door to find Yonnie, Daniel’s grandmother.

Soft wrinkles creased Yonnie’s face as she studied Carrie. Then, a satisfied smile covered Yonnie’s face, warm as a summer day. “So. Today is your wedding day,” she said, in a voice tender and shaky with age.

In her arms was a bundle wrapped in tissue. It looked as though it weighed more than she did. Carrie took the bundle from her and helped her sit down on a chair.

“You can open it,” Yonnie said.

Carefully, Carrie unwrapped the tissue and found a quilt inside. “It’s called a Crazy Quilt.” Yonnie’s words were slow and faltering, her voice as thin as a trail of smoke. “It seems more fitting to have brought you a Double Wedding Ring, but for some reason, I felt as if this one was the right one.”

Carrie gave her a sideways glance. She fought a wave of guilt as she realized Yonnie assumed she loved Daniel.

Yonnie pointed to some blue triangles. “I used the scraps from Daniel’s clothes. They’re from his growing-up years.”

Carrie’s chin snapped up. “You made this quilt all by yourself?” “I did.”The strings on her organza kapp bobbed as she nodded. She wasn’t being proud, just stating a fact.

“You’re a fine quilter, Yonnie. It’s wonderful.” Carrie laid the quilt out on the bed, the place where she and Daniel would spend their first night as man and wife. Her last few nights in Esther’s home, she realized, relieved. Last night she had learned that Esther’s eldest daughter and her husband were moving in to take over the farm, dispelling any doubts that she had made the right decision. At least, for Andy’s sake.

Yonnie’s Crazy Quilt was stunning. Deep-colored jewels of purple and green set among bright turquoise. The pattern practically popped in the room against the stark white walls and simple furniture. It snatched Carrie’s breath away, the same feeling she got after the first snowfall each year.