The Christmas Genie (4 page)

Nice wish, huh? If I had all the money in the world, I would live like a king. I could buy every video game that existed. I'd buy all the snowboards and bikes and robots I wanted. I'd buy the Cubs, and then I'd buy all the best players in the game so the Cubs would finally win the World Series. The people of Chicago would love me!

I'd buy my own private jet so I could go wherever I wanted and not have to wait at the airport
and go through security and all that stuff. I'd buy a new house for my parents, because my brother and I have to share a bedroom which really stinks, especially when he snores.

It would be great to have all the money in the world. I couldn't imagine that anybody could come up with a better wish.

Mrs. Walters collected up all the index cards and put them in a big bowl. Hannah was the last one to turn in her card. She just kept writing and writing until everybody started yelling at her to hurry up. Finally she turned her card in. Mrs. Walters swished the cards all around with her hand, closed her eyes, and pulled one out of the bowl.

As it happened, it was
mine
! Mrs. Walters read it out loud to the class.

“That would be cool to have all the money in the world,” David said.

“You could buy anything,” said Abigail. “Anything you wanted.”

“That's the idea,” I said.

“Yeah, let's go with that one,” Matthew said. “What's the point of wishing for anything else? We're ready.”

“So that's your wish?” said Genie Bob. “That was fast. Ya sure ya don't wanna think it over a little?”

“Yup,” I said. “That's what we want. All the money in the world.”

“Is that your final answer?” asked Genie Bob.

“Wait!” said Mia from the back row. “Can I just say one thing? If you had all the money in the world, Chase, a lot of people would want to rob you. Did you think of that?”

“So what?” I said. “If I had all the money in the world, I could build an electric fence around my gigantic mansion. Anybody who tried to rob me would get the shock of their life.”

Mia is a pain. No matter how good things are, she can always find some bad news. That's why Alex and I call her “the wet blanket” behind her back.

“You wouldn't be able to go out in public, you know,” said Mia.

“Who needs to go out in public?” I said. “If I needed anything, I'd send my flunkies out to get it for me.”

“So you would just stay home all the time, Chase?” asked Mrs. Walters.

“Sure, why not?” I said. “My house would have every video game and movie in the world. I'd have a cool game room, my own skate park, a food court, a swimming pool—”

“Even so, I think it would be boring to stay home all the time,” Ashley said.

“You know, it just occurred to me that if one person had all the money in the world,” said Natalie, “then nobody else in the world will have any money at
all
.”

“Well, yeah,” said Logan. “Duh!”

“But if nobody else had any money, you wouldn't be able to buy anything,” Natalie said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“How could a store stay open if they didn't have any money?” asked Natalie. “They couldn't buy any stuff to sell to people. They'd have no inventory.”

“Natalie makes a good point,” said Mrs. Walters. “All the restaurants would have to close too, because they couldn't buy any food.”

“And if you went into a store to buy something, they wouldn't be able to give you change,” Natalie said, “because
you'd
have all the money in the world.”

“If I had all the money in the world,” I said, “why would I need change?”

“The point is, there would
be
no stores,” said Mia. “No McDonald's. No Wal-Mart. No Staples. No malls. No nothing. They'd all go out of business.”

“No Abercrombie & Fitch?” asked Abigail, visibly upset. “No Hollister? No Aéropostale? Where will I go to shop?”

“You couldn't shop,” said Alyssa. “There would be no stores. Chase would have all the money. You'd have to make your own clothes.”

“The whole economy would collapse,” said Mia. “Your money would become worthless pieces of paper. We would have to go back to living off the land, the way people did thousands of years ago.”

“I never thought of it that way,” I admitted.

Maybe having all the money in the world wasn't such a great idea after all. Hmmm, this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought it would be.

“So you've changed your mind, Chase?” asked Mrs. Walters.

“I guess so,” I said.

“Wait a minute!” Genie Bob said. “The kid
had a good wish. You should go with all the money in the world, so I can get out of here.”

“You said we have an hour,” Mrs. Walters said, “so be quiet!”

Bob made a
hmmph
noise and shot a mean look at Mrs. Walters.

“How about just wishing for a pot of gold buried in your backyard?” suggested Alex.

“Then you would have to dig it up,” Ella said. “Why not just wish for a pot of gold in your living room?”

“Let's not be so hasty,” Mrs. Walters said. “Let's see what the rest of you wished for.”

“Fine,” said Genie Bob, looking at the clock impatiently, “Sheesh, I bet Santa Claus doesn't have to put up with this aggravation.”

Mrs. Walters pulled another index card out of the bowl.

“That was mine!” said Abigail, who sits in the middle of the room.

I couldn't believe Abigail wished for a million dollars. She lives in this huge house and her parents give her every stupid piece of jewelry and junk she wants. They must be millionaires ten times over already.

“Well, that seems a little more reasonable,” Mrs. Walters said. “A million dollars is also a lot of money, but it would still leave a lot more money for the rest of the people in the world. To be honest, though, wishing for money seems a bit . . . shallow . . . to me.”

“I'm shallow,” William said quickly. “I wish I had a million dollars. Let's go with that.”

“Great!” said Genie Bob, clapping his little genie hands together.

“What do you mean, let's go with that?” said Hannah. “It's not
your
decision, William! It's
our
decision. We should have a class vote before we decide on
anything
.”

“That makes sense,” Mrs. Walters said. “All those in favor of wishing for a million dollars, raise your hand.”

About half the class raised their hands.

“And all those opposed, raise your hand.”

The other half raised their hands.

“Wait a minute,” Ella said. “If we wish for a million dollars, who gets the money?”

“I do, of course,” said Abigail. “It was
my
wish.”

“I just thought of something. The wish was
for
us
,” Elizabeth said. “
All
of us. Isn't that right?”

“Ya get one wish,” Genie Bob replied. “What ya do with it is your business.”

“It's not fair if we wish for a million dollars and Abigail gets to keep it all,” said Matthew.

“That's right,” said Logan.

“What if we divided the million dollars equally between all of you?” Mrs. Walters suggested. “That would be fair, wouldn't it?”

I rushed to take out my calculator. So did everybody else. 1,000,000 . . . divided by 25 kids in the class . . . equals . . . 40,000.

“Forty grand?” I said, disappointed. “That can't be right.”

“It's right,” Isabella said. “I got the same answer.”

“Forty thousand dollars doesn't seem like so much,” Abigail said.

“What are you talking about?” said Anthony. “You can buy a lot of stuff with forty thousand bucks.”

“You can't buy a house,” Olivia said. “Isn't that right, Mrs. Walters? Houses cost a lot more than forty thousand dollars.”

“That's true,” Mrs. Walters said.

“My parents paid almost a
million
dollars for our house,” Abigail bragged.

“None of us even
needs
a house,” said Isabella. “We all have a place to live as it is.”

“How about a car?” Christopher said. “Can you buy a car for forty thousand dollars?”

“Absolutely,” Mrs. Walters said. “You can buy a very nice car.”

“Can you buy a Lamborghini?” asked Christopher.

“I don't know,” Mrs. Walters said. “I think that might cost a lot more.”

“Then forget it,” Christopher said. “That's the car I want. A Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder. That car rocks.”

“We can't drive for, like, five years anyway,” said Ella. “Why should we want a car?”

“Yeah, what's the point of wishing for something if you have to wait years to get it?” Olivia said.

“Because cars are cool,” said David.

“I don't even like cars,” said Hannah. “Cars cause global warming. Especially those sports cars and SUVs.”

“Oh, here we go,” said Logan. “Save-the-world time.”

“We're not wishing for a car!” Abigail said. “We're wishing for a million dollars. Or forty thousand, anyway. You can buy whatever you want with your share.”

“Hey, would we have to pay taxes on that money?” asked Ella.

“By law, I gotta report all wishes to the Internal Revenue Service,” said Genie Bob. “So the answer to your question is yeah.”

“How much taxes would we have to pay on a million bucks, Mrs. Walters?” asked Josh.

“Gee, I'm not sure,” Mrs. Walters said. “Teachers don't make that kind of money! I would guess it would be around thirty-five percent.”

I didn't have to take out my calculator. Thirty-five percent of a million is 350,000.

“What!?” said William. “Three hundred fifty thousand bucks in
taxes
? That's not fair!”

I took out my calculator again. If you take 350,000 away from 1,000,000, it leaves 650,000. And if you divide that by 25 kids in the class, it comes to 26,000.

“Hey,” I told everybody, “our forty grand just turned into twenty-six grand.”

“Forget it,” Christopher said. “It's not worth it. Let's wish for something else.”

“Yeah, something you don't have to pay taxes on,” said Anthony.

Mrs. Walters pulled another index card out of the bowl.

“Now you're talkin' my language!” William jumped up and shouted. Mrs. Walters told him to sit down and be quiet.

“That one was mine,” Matthew said. “Just think about it. A truck full of Kit Kats, 3 Musketeers, Twix, Hershey bars, Crunch, Tootsie Rolls—”

“That would be cool,” said David.

“I don't particularly like chocolate,” said Elizabeth.

“What?” Logan asked. “Are you brain-damaged? Everybody likes chocolate.”

“Logan!” said Mrs. Walters.

“Well, I don't,” said Elizabeth. “I try to eat healthy.”

“If we had a truck full of candy,” said Mia the wet blanket, “some of it might reach its expiration date before we had the chance to eat it.”

“So we would eat it really fast,” suggested Ethan. “Problem solved.”

“If we ate it really fast we'd get sick,” Mia said.

“And fat,” said Elizabeth. “You know, obesity is a major problem in this country. Diabetes too.”

“Candy rots your teeth,” Alyssa added.

“Not if you brush frequently,” Ella said.

“Maybe wishing for a truck full of candy
isn't the smartest idea,” said Olivia.

“What is the problem with you people?” Matthew shouted. “Candy is the best thing in the world! What else would anyone want? I wish I had a magic candy machine that never ran out of candy, and you didn't even have to put money into it to get the candy out.”