The Christmas Genie (9 page)

“How do you figure that, Mia?” Ashley asked.

“Well, if you had a birthday every day, in one month you'd be thirty years old,” Mia explained. “In two months, you'd be sixty. In three months, you'd be ninety. And you're ten years old now, so that's a hundred. You'd grow old really fast. Chances are, you'd be dead three months from now.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Ashley said. “I just figured I'd get presents every day, people would bake me cakes all the time, and everybody would always be nice to me.”

“Oh, they'll be real nice to you,” said Logan, “especially when you're an old, senile, wrinkled ten-year-old.”

“It was a dumb idea,” Ashley said. “Tear that one up, Mrs. Walters.”

Everybody turned and looked at Isabella. We all knew that had to be her wish, because she loves animals. She always says she wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up.

“Don't you already have, like, a dozen pets at home?” asked Madison.

“I have two cats, a bunny, a parakeet, a hermit crab, two turtles, and some fish,” Isabella said. “But I don't have a dog.”

“So go to an animal shelter or a pet shop and get a dog,” said Ethan. “Problem solved. What's the big deal?”

“I'm allergic to dogs,” Isabella said.

Oh.

“Ah, it's the same old story,” said Genie Bob. “Humans always want what they can't have. If you were allergic to elephants, you'd want an elephant.”

“I would not,” Isabella said.

“Where would you keep an elephant, anyway?” asked Alex. “I guess you could wish for an elephant house in your backyard. But on second thought, you only get one wish. So if Isabella wished for an elephant house, she wouldn't get the elephant. And what would you do with the elephant house if you didn't have an elephant to put in it?”

“I don't want an elephant!” Isabella yelled. “I want a dog.”

“I believe there are some breeds of dogs that people aren't allergic to,” said Mrs. Walters. “You might want to look into that, Isabella.”

“Instead of wishing for a dog, why don't you just wish there were no such things as dog allergies?” Ella asked Isabella. “Then you wouldn't
be allergic to dogs and you could just get any dog you want.”

“Good idea, Ella,” said Mrs. Walters.

“Look, anybody can get a dog,” said Alex. “But nobody can get a
talking
dog. Let's wish for
that
. If my dog, Bella, could talk, I could have a regular conversation with her.”

“Talking animals are cool,” said David.

“I think part of the reason why animals are lovable is because they
can't
talk,” said Olivia.

“Parrots are lovable, and they talk,” said Ella.

“If animals could talk,” Mia said, “some of them would be annoying. Just like some people are annoying when they talk. I don't think I need to name any names.”

“You know what?” Logan said. “
You're
annoying. Why don't you shut up?”

“Would you like to go the the principal's office, Logan?” asked Mrs. Walters.

“No.”

“What if your dog could talk and it told you that it hated you?” asked Ashley. “That would be a royal bummer.”

“I wish I had a
flying
dog,” Alex said. “A flying dog that talked.”

“That would be cool,” said David.

“I wish I had a pet dragon that would take me to a magical rainbow,” said Madison.

“I wish I had a unicorn that would fly me anywhere,” said Natalie.

“I wish I had my own zoo all to myself,” said Isabella. “I could have every species in the world there.”

“Have fun cleaning
that
up every day,” said Alex.

“I wish I was a squirrel,” William said. “I would be able to climb trees really easily.”

“And get hit by cars really easily,” said Alex.

“I wish I was a flying hamster,” David said.

Everybody turned to look at David, because we all had the same question.

“Why would you want to be a flying hamster?”

“It would be cool,” David said.

“Next!” said Mrs. Walters.

We all knew whose wish it was, because Hannah took about ten minutes to write it all down. And she's also one of these people who's always talking about doing good things for poor people and saving the world and stuff.

“That's very altruistic of you, Hannah,” said Mrs. Walters. “Does anybody know what that word means?”

Nobody raised a hand. Not even Ava, and she knows
everything
.

“Altruism means unselfish concern for the welfare of others,” Mrs. Walters told us.

“You mean, like being a sap?” asked Logan.

“No, Logan,” said Mrs. Walters. “I mean, like caring about people other than yourself.”

“I hate to bust your bubble, kids, but that's a multiple wish,” Genie Bob said. “Ya can't just make a list of wishes, put commas between 'em, and call 'em one wish. That's the same thing as wishing for more wishes.”

“You gotta hand it to her for trying,” Alex said.

“Choose
one
wish,” ordered Genie Bob.

“Why?” asked Hannah.

“Because those are the rules, that's why,”
said Genie Bob. “And I make the rules. Sheesh! Nobody ever grants
me
any wishes, y'know. There aren't any perks that come with this job. Boy, I wish I could have just one wish. I would quit this genie gig in a second.”

“This isn't about
you
,” Mrs. Walters told Genie Bob. “My class gets the wish, remember?”

“Maybe you should tackle the underwear problem,” Alex told Hannah. “That seems doable.”

“So, we can have any wish in the world,” said Elizabeth, “and you think we should wish that Hannah's brother would stop throwing his underwear at her? Oh yeah, that makes a
lot
of sense.”

“It was a
joke
!” Alex said. “Lighten up.”

“If I just wish to end poverty in the world, then there will still be people who get horrible diseases,” Hannah complained. “And if I wish that there were no horrible diseases, then there will still be drugs and crime and global warming and all those other serious problems.”

“These are the kinds of decisions that our political leaders have to make every day,” Mrs. Walters told us. “There are a lot of problems in
the world, and we can't solve all of them at the same time, or all of them by ourselves.”

“Why not?” Hannah asked. “I thought we could wish for
anything
.”

“Sorry,” Genie Bob said. “Even in the wish community, life ain't always fair.”

“But I can't decide which one to wish for,” Hannah said.

“Neither can I,” said Mrs. Walters, as she reached into the bowl for the next card.

“That one's mine,” said Madison. “My family took a trip to Mexico last summer, and I couldn't communicate with the people there. Spanish sounds like such a beautiful language, so I wish I could speak it.”

“You know, next year when you kids are in sixth grade you're going to start learning foreign languages,” said Mrs. Walters. “You can take Spanish then, Madison.”

“Yeah, but that will involve a lot of work,” Madison said. “I don't want to spend years. I want to be fluent
tomorrow
. I want to snap my fingers and be able to speak Spanish.”

“Why don't you just wish you could speak
every
language?” said Josh. “I mean, if you're gonna wish, wish big. That's what I say.”

“I'll tell you what I wish,” said William. “I wish we
didn't
have to learn another language in school next year.”

“Yeah, what do we need
that
for?” said Logan. “I'm not going anywhere. I like things right here in the good old U.S. of A.”

“Everybody should speak American,” said Christopher.

“American isn't a
language
,” Hannah said, shaking her head. “We speak
English
.”

“Well, those people in England ripped off our language,” Christopher said. “That's why we had to go kick their butts in 1776.”

I was going to tell Christopher what a dope he is, but I didn't want Mrs. Walters to tell me I need to respect other people's opinions no matter how dumb they are.

“Learning another language makes you a
broader, more interesting person,” said Mrs. Walters.

“I'm plenty interesting right now,” William said.

“Isn't it confusing to learn more than one language?” asked Mia. “Wouldn't you get them mixed up in your head?”

“Oh, no, not at all,” Mrs. Walters said. “There are people who speak dozens of languages.”

“Why don't we vote on it?” asked Alyssa.

“Fair enough,” Mrs. Walters said. “All in favor of wishing to speak Spanish, raise your hands.”

Madison and a few other kids put their hands up.

“All opposed, raise your hands,” Mrs. Walters said.

Most of the rest of us raised our hands. Some kids didn't vote for either option.

“Sorry, Madison,” said Mrs. Walters.

“Yeah!” a bunch of us exclaimed.

“That one was mine,” Ethan said. “If I had a time machine, I could travel back to any period in history. I could meet Abraham Lincoln or George Washington. I could see how the ancient Egyptians built the pyramids. Nobody knows, y'know.”

“Having a time machine would be cool,” David said.