The Circle Eight: Nicholas (10 page)

“You can’t mean we will keep looking forever.”

This was when he told her they only had a week. That he had to go home or risk his family’s ranch and their future. A ranch that supported his entire family.

“We will search until we find her.”
Nick could not understand how those words popped out of his mouth. What was he thinking?

Winnie’s smile was brighter and more beautiful than any sunset that ever graced the eastern sky. And that was why he said what he did.

“I think I love you, Nicholas Graham.”

His gut bounced to his feet and then into his throat. Twice.

He was saved from answering when Ruby came back in the room. “She’s awake and ready to talk.”

Winnie was sad to hear Josie was ill. She and Ruby were good people, even if they worked and lived at a brothel. The girls who worked for them were always treated well and protected. They were an anomaly in a world where women were treated like chattel, sold to the highest bidder. In Winnie’s case, her father had been the auctioneer.

She shook off the dark memories of the man who had both defined and altered her life. He was gone and she lived on. She had much to be thankful for, not the least of which was the man by her side and the friendship of a few select people, two of which were Josie and Ruby.

The twins were hard to tell apart at first. They were nearly identical in looks but that was where the similarity ended. Ruby was a sensual being, her gait and mannerisms, the way she spoke, it all exuded a sexual being.

Josie was sweet and light, someone who spent her life caring for others. She started as a healer for the brothel and then word of her skill with herbs and medicines, and eventually birthing babies, spread.
She was well loved and respected. When Winnie had discovered her pregnancy, she had fled to Espejo as soon as she was able to seek Josie’s help.

Now the healer was sick and
, if her sister was correct, dying. Ruby knocked lightly and opened the door in the corner.

“Here she is.” Ruby stepped inside and
held the door for Winnie and Nicholas. He looked like a cat entering a room full of rockers, twitchy and ready to bolt. Yet he stayed by her side and she loved him all the more for it. A woman nodded at them and left the room, obviously the woman who sat by the dying woman’s bedside, taking care of her needs.

Winnie’s
blurted confession of love had been embarrassing, even more so when he appeared shocked. Ruby had saved Winnie by returning to the room before the awkwardness got worse. Perhaps Winnie had spoken too soon of her feelings for Nicholas. He was skittish when things like love were involved. She could only hope she didn’t ruin any future they had together. Silly, but her emotions were running high.

The smell hit Winnie first. The stench of dying and sickness, a mixture of sour bodily fluids, vomit and a used chamber pot. She breathed through her
mouth and put on her best smile.

However, she couldn’t contain the gasp that escaped when she caught sight of Josie.

The previously healthy and beautiful woman was merely a husk of who she had been. Her beautiful hair had faded to the color of dishwater, sprinkled liberally with gray. Her skin hung off her frame as though someone had deflated her, stealing the life out from beneath her. Her sunken eyes topped cheeks that were gaunt and hollow. She was no more than thirty-five years old, yet she could have been mistaken for someone twice her age.

“Josie.” Winnie’s smile faded. Sadness washed over her at t
he condition of her friend. She sat down on the chair beside the bed and took Josie’s hand, which was as fragile as a bird’s wing. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Josie managed to shrug her slender shoulders. “I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.” Her voice was a papery whisper, her breath hitching on each syllable
.

“Oh, sweetheart, I would have be
en here to help you as you have for countless others.” Winnie’s eyes pricked with tears at the advanced condition of Josie’s illness. The descriptor “wasting sickness” was not nearly strong enough.

“Winnie is here about her daughter.” Ruby wasted no time in getting to the point. It was what made her successful in a world of sex and fantasy.

Josie tried to squeeze Winnie’s hand. “You want to find her.”

“Yes, I do. And this is my friend, Nicholas Graham. He’s helping me.”

Josie’s gaze flickered to Nicholas and then back to Winnie. “I would have done my hair if I’d known a handsome man would visit me.”

Winnie managed a laugh although her heart was breaking for the sisters. “
He is partially blind so don’t worry.”

Nicholas made a noise behind her and she glanced back. He stared at the wall as though it held the secrets to life.

“Can you tell me where you took Grace after I gave her up?” Winnie held her breath while she waited for a response.

Josie coughed, a deathly rattle that shook her entire sparse frame. “What do you remember about the birth?”

“I remember it hurt.” Winnie let loose a hysterical chuckle. “Other than that I tried to not think about the baby other than to close my heart to her.”

“I expected that was the case. You have to protect yourself from more pain.”
Josie sighed. “You aren’t the first or the last woman to give a babe away to give them a better chance in life.”

Winnie took a deep breath before she spoke. “I gave away a piece of myself that day. I never had anyone that was mine, until
Grace. And I turned my back on her. I won’t be whole again until I find her.”

“I hope you do.” Josie’s eyes started to close.

“Wait, please. Tell me what you did with her. What family took her in?”

Josie’s eyes popped back open and in them, Winnie saw something that resembled regret. “You don’t remember anything about her.”

“No, nothing except she was a crying, wrinkled, red baby, breathing and healthy.” Winnie tried to pull up something other than the brief glimpse of the newborn, but there was nothing. She had closed her eyes and refused to look upon the baby that had broken her soul in two.

“Red. Yes, she was that.” Josie reached over with both hands and Winnie braced herself. “
Grace is half-Indian or half-Mexican, I wasn’t sure which.”

A thousand conflicting thoughts slammed into Winnie’s mind. Her daughter was half-Indian
or half-Mexican. A child people would look down upon, a half-breed who belonged in neither world. Abandoned and neglected. Her throat closed up and tears spilled from her eyes. What had she done?

Winnie knew who the child’s father was. Until now she hadn’t been sure since there had been three men she’d been intimate with in the time
Grace was conceived. It appeared the hacienda owner, Velazquez, was the man who had planted the seed. Her father had been trying to swindle the man out of his property and used her to distract him. She turned away from Josie and pressed her arms against her stomach.

Being a whore had brought her nothing but heartache. And now she had brought a child into this world and abandoned her without a chance. She was sick over her selfishness and foolishness. Winnie would never forgive herself.

“I took her to Fuller’s Home for Orphans in Houston. They took children without questions. I didn’t think a family would want her.” Josie sounded as upset as Winnie was. “She was a beautiful child with hair as black as a raven’s wing and dark brown eyes the color of coffee. She rarely cried on the trip there and she slept well even on the first night.”

Winnie took no comfort in the fact the babe was sweet tempered. She likely wouldn’t be now. “I can’t believe I just let her go.”

“You didn’t just let her go. You sobbed hard enough I thought you might hurt yourself, or pop a lung at least.” This from Ruby. “You told me you had no soul left and you wanted to give her a chance to live in a normal home.”

“I threw her away.” Winnie didn’t hear Nick move, but suddenly he was there. His strong arms surrounded her.

She cried silently against his shoulder while the sisters murmured quietly behind her. Winnie’s heart broke for all the mistakes she’d made in her life. She should have kept Grace and done what she could no matter how difficult. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

She hadn’t realized she’d spoken aloud until
he whispered in her ear.

“No, you are far from it, Winnie. Believe me, I know selfish.”

She could barely breathe for the tears and snot clogging her nose and throat. “What if it’s too late?”

He tilted her head back and scowled so familiarly she had the mad urge to laugh. “Too late? Was it too late for you? You escaped from your father and built a life of your own. Hell, woman, you own
a boardinghouse and support yourself. I can’t lay claim to anything of my own except my thoughts and my cantankerous nature.”

This time she did laugh. “I’m afraid I made a mess of things.”

“Nah. We’ll figure it out. Together.”

Her heart clenched hard and the love she had for this man surged through her. He might have been difficult, grumpy and stubborn, but
she loved him. Desperately, completely, always.

“Thank you.” She leaned back and attempted to locate the handkerchief in her reticule without embarrassing herself any further. He saved her again with a clean but serviceable red kerchief from his pocket.

“I’m sorry if I upset you.” Josie interrupted Winnie’s self-pitying ramble.

“No, please don’t think you upset me at all.” Winnie smiled shakily at her friend. “I’m only sorry I asked so much of you.”

Josie’s smile was sad. “I am your friend and always will be.”

Winnie had to dig deep to find courage and fortitude to do what she must, no matter how hard it would be. Finding out what happened to
Grace could shatter her, but she would see it through. “Is there anything else you remember that might help?”

Appearing
nine years after a child was brought into the orphanage anonymously would be difficult to say the least. If she had something to go on aside from the baby being half-Mexican, it might help.

Josie snapped her fingers, barley a whisper of a sound. “Yes, I do. The baby had a
heart-shaped birthmark on her hip. I remember remarking to Ruby about it.”

Ruby nodded. “That’s right. I remember it too.”

Winnie smiled. “Thank you both.” She turned back toward her friends and Nick kept one large hand on her shoulder. “I am sorry to have interrupted your day. I’m even more sorry I haven’t come to visit you in so long.”

There was nothing to be said about not knowing Josie was so sick. Neither sister would welcome or want pity.

“There is no apology required, you know that.” Ruby smiled. “You make sure you come back and see us soon.”

“I promise.” Winnie hugged Josie gently and stood to leave. Ruby kissed her sister’s forehead and walked to the door with Nicholas and Winnie.

Winnie had known Ruby for fifteen years. Seeing the madam again had brought back a wave of memories, ones Winnie had deliberately tucked away long ago. Ruby had been the woman her father sent young Winnie to learn from, on how to please a man. Nicholas would be shocked to know how much Winnie knew but did not acknowledge out loud.

Their shared past seemed like a lifetime ago, at a time when she existed but didn’t live. Ruby showed her compassion
, friendship and, eventually, love. No man could understand the bond between them, only that it was strong and everlasting.

They walked back to Ruby’s room and sat down to talk. The tall woman had lost some of her energy, that which made her sparkle in a room full of lumps of coal.
Infinite sadness painted her features.

“I’m sorry, Ruby. This must be so very hard for you.” Winnie felt her friend’s pain
.

“It
’s harder for Josie. She knows she’s dying and has accepted it. I won’t let her give up, though, and she’s fighting me and trying to die at the same time.” Ruby’s hands fisted. “I can’t give her up that easily.”

Winnie wisely decided not to comment on Josie’s declining health. It was too obvious, and too raw.

“You’ll go to the orphanage and look for Grace?”

“Yes, straight away.”
Winnie glanced at Nicholas, who nodded. “I don’t know how much luck we’ll have but I have to try.”

“It takes balls to
face an ugly past and try to make things right.” Ruby shook her head. “I don’t think I’d have that kind of courage.”

Winnie knew her friend had more than enough courage to face her own past but didn’t believe she ever would. After Ruby crossed a line, she never looked back. Winnie envied that about her friend. Regret had become a constant companion and for once, Winnie was going to do something about it.

“Is there anything I can do?” Ruby was a force to be reckoned with.

“No, you’ve done
more than enough. I know where to start now and I have Nicholas to help me.” Winnie took a deep breath. “I will be back to see Josie. If anything happens before then, please send word to the boardinghouse.”

Ruby’s expression tightened. “I won’t
lie and say nothing will happen. No matter how much I want to control her sickness, I can’t. I’ll send word.” It was a hard admission for Ruby, of that there was no doubt.