The Circle Eight: Tobias (17 page)

God, she’d been
pregnant
.
 

With his child. His daughter. A baby who never stood a chance in the world when his mother had gotten injured and her father hadn’t the courage to face what he’d done. The loss of a child he didn’t know about was as keen as if he’d held the infant in his arms.
 

He wasn’t a prince, no matter what the young Rebecca had dreamed. Tobias was a son of a bitch, literally, and that’s all he’d ever allowed himself to be. She had faced the loss on her own, without the support of her family, and likely bewildered why Tobias had abandoned her. Not that he knew about the baby, but he knew he’d taken her innocence. In the grass. In the dark.
 

God, he was such a bastard.
 

There was nothing he could do to turn back the clock and make the past turn out differently. That didn’t mean he had never wished so hard for something to be undone in his life. Tobias pressed his forehead against the side of the building and wept. Hot tears rolled down his face and before he could stop it, a sob erupted. It echoed in the small building. Another burned its way up his throat. And another.
 

Sharp talons of grief ripped at his heart. He cried with abandon for Pops, for his brothers, for what Tobias done to Rebecca, and for the little girl who might have had her mama’s blue-green eyes. If he allowed himself, he could picture the baby with Rebecca, smiling at him, full of joy and life. It was cruel to allow that image to form, but he did it anyway.
He deserved the pain. It reminded him of what he’d lost and what he could have had if he’d only chased after the young woman who had crawled into his heart.
 

But he hadn’t. No, he returned Rebecca to the Grahams and ran. He’d run from almost everything good and where had it gotten him? In jail for beating three men who had in turn nearly killed him. It was a statement about who he was and what he’d done. A bitter, toxic pill to swallow.
 

Tobias grieved alone, in pain, at the bottom of the sum of his life. He’d done some awful things, and his actions had caused undue harm. He didn’t want to be ashamed of himself but until now, he hadn’t done anything worth a damn.
 

Tobias was a drunk who’d abandoned the one woman who made him want to be a better person, had put his grandfather’s wards up for adoption, and left his younger brothers to their own devices. Not to mention he’d burned the Grahams’ ranch house to the ground, which in turn led to their grandmother’s death. Never mind she was very old and frail. If he hadn’t told his brother to set the fire, she might have lived a few more years.
 

It was a harsh, black look at what he’d done, hadn’t done, and what he failed to recognize about all of it. Tobias was not a good person, although Pops had tried to turn him into one. Perhaps Tobias’s mother had done too much damage before she dropped him on Pops’s doorstep. A terrible mother, she’d more or less ignored him or whooped him. There was nothing in between.
 

Pops had been a gentle man who took in the snarling, feral child Tobias had been. His grandfather had taught him how to eat with a fork, how to wash clothes, how to say please and thank you. He’d shown him what it meant to be a man.
 

Tobias had forgotten all of it in his quest to be miserable. Now it all washed over him like a painful acid bath. He had no one to blame but himself.
 

He could not expect Rebecca to forgive him again. No, he would have to let her go and hope she found a man to make her happy, to have more children who would live. Hopefully his brothers hadn’t given up on him.
 

Tobias might have spent the last twenty years scowling and slapping the world, but now he knew his life would be over if he didn’t change.
 

Grief had reduced him to his basest form. If he were lucky, hope would fill the gap left by the darkness he would have to leave behind. There was no other choice.
 

Chapter Nine
 

September, 1849
 

The crispness of the fall morning greeted Rebecca as she walked down the street toward the general store in Briar Creek. Months had passed since her intense time at The Quad D ranch and she was settled into her new life in town. Away from her family, away from the Gibsons, on her own and loving it. She even had a regular visitor to the clinic now that little Sarah McGinty decided she wanted to be a doctor too. After her broken arm healed, she wanted to learn all she could about healing. Her enthusiasm made Rebecca proud.
 

One glance at the watch pinned to her bodice told her she would be late for the first appointment of the day if she didn’t hurry. There were supplies she had to pick up and she didn’t trust anyone else with their care. Medical equipment was quite expensive, and this particular delivery was dear to her.
 

It was her first stethoscope and she couldn’t be more excited.
 

Since taking over the majority of the patient care in town from Doctor Radicy, she was busy from dawn until dusk, and then some days after the sun went down. She was tired, but it was a good sort of tired. For the first time in her life, she was happy with who she was. It was a heady feeling to be the captain of her own ship, so to speak. While her family had protested, loudly, when she decided to move to town, they had relented and now supported her decision to be there full-time.
 

Doctor Radicy promised her he had written to his colleagues at the medical school he attended to inquire as to whether she could become an actual physician. It was a tantalizing thought, one that skittered round in her head when she let herself think of it.
 

For now, she would content herself with helping others under the doctor’s tutelage. He lived above the clinic in town and was always available to consult on ailments and injuries. She was proud of the fact an entire month had passed since she’d asked him for his opinion. Rebecca had come to rely on her own knowledge, the textbooks she had studied from cover to cover, and her experience with patients. She might not ever have the title of doctor, but she had the skills and knowhow of a physician.
 

Her shoes beat a steady tattoo on the wood plank sidewalk. Briar Creek had grown quite a bit since she used to come to town with her siblings as a child. There were twice as many buildings and even a hotel. The gossip
she heard yesterday was that the livery had been bought by someone new and he would be expanding the services offered. Ocho was happy living there and she wanted to be sure to meet the new owner. That would of course be whenever she had a free moment, a rare occasion nowadays.
 

As she reached into her reticule to retrieve her list of other goods to purchase, she turned the corner and ran straight into a wall. Or rather, a muscled wall of man. She yelped as she flailed her arms, anticipating the pain when her bottom hit the ground.
 

However, to her surprise, she didn’t fall, but her hat landed on her face, blocking her vision. Two strong arms held her in place, allowing her to regain her balance.
 

“Thank you. I am so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going—”
 

Her words died in her throat as she looked in the face of Tobias Gibson. Her stomach somersaulted and her hastily eaten breakfast of biscuit and coffee threatened to make a reappearance. He was hale and hearty, his face clean-shaven, and he had filled out again. His handsome visage stole her breath.
 

Then she remembered how angry she was with him. Fury rushed at her and her throat tightened as dark emotions swirled inside her. She had put this behind her. Had started a new journey on her own, and now he appeared as if nothing untoward had occurred. Rebecca was a Graham and her emotions ran deep. Her temper, however, was Irish through and through.
 

She punched him in the stomach with all her pent-up fury and hurt.
 

“Oof!” He bent over, clutching his torso, and she stepped around him, head held high, and entered the general store. A few folks milled around talking or shopping. She clutched the list she’d written earlier in shaking hands, wondering what had possessed her. Violence wasn’t uncalled for in certain situations but Rebecca wasn’t the sister who generally resorted to it.
 

She couldn’t focus on the words scratched on the paper so she walked around the store, blindly looking at the dry goods. Anger faded to be replaced by shock. Her stomach roiled again and she stopped to swallow back the bile that crept up her throat.
 

What was he doing in Briar Creek? What had happened to him over the last five months? He looked completely healed and more handsome than ever. More so if that was possible. He’d been thin to the point of gauntness, shaking from his need for liquor and lost in his self-pity. Now he was a different person. But so was she.
 

Rebecca couldn’t let his appearance affect her so much. He was nothing to her but a memory. Tobias could not be part of her future. She wouldn’t let him. She couldn’t let him.
 

“Are you all right, Doc?” The storeowner, Mr. Feeney, looked at her with concern in his gaze. The redheaded young man and his wife had taken over for her aging parents. It seemed the entire town of Briar Creek had reached a second generation of owners. It was the way of life, a circle that repeated with each decade that passed.
 

“Y-yes, I’m fine. Just wool-gathering.” She managed a smile, although by Mr. Feeney’s reaction, it was more of a grimace.
 

“I’ve got your special delivery. I’ll go fetch it.” He stepped away, giving her more time to gather her wits.
 

After a few brief moments of peace, the bell above the door rang signaling someone had entered the store. Rebecca knew without a doubt Tobias was there. She stood with her back to the door, taking one shaky breath after another. Her pulse pounded, making her lightheaded.
 

She walked on wooden legs toward the counter, her list forgotten. Tobias’s presence had knocked her sideways and she had to get away from him. She hoped he didn’t expect to speak to her because right then, she could not form a coherent thought.
 

“Morning, Daniel.” His deep voice echoed through her ears and she stopped, flummoxed to see him at the counter speaking to Mr. Feeney. “Do you have that package?”
 

“Sure do, Tobias. Let me get this to the Doc and I’ll fetch yours.” Mr. Feeney held a paper-wrapped package out to her. “Here’s yours, Doc.”
 

Tobias didn’t turn to look at her and she didn’t know whether to be angry or relieved. Perhaps he wasn’t there for her. He obviously knew the storeowner and had been there in town long enough to order something to be delivered. She wondered how long she had been oblivious to his presence.
 

For the second time in less than ten minutes, Rebecca was rendered speechless by Tobias Gibson.
 

“Doc?” Mr. Feeney peered at her with concern in his gaze again. “Should I fetch Doctor Radicy?”
 

She had been standing there staring at both men for at least a full minute. No wonder they thought she needed a doctor herself.
 

“No need.” She took the package from his outstretched hand, her joy in the stethoscope dampened. Her discomfort grew with every second she
was around Tobias. She’d put him in the past and didn’t want him in her future. It wasn’t fair of him to step into her dream life again.
 

What was he doing in Briar Creek?
 

She turned to leave when Mr. Feeney spoke. “Didn’t you have a list to fill?”
 

Rebecca shook her head without stopping her progress. “Not today. I’ll come back another time.”
 

She made it to the door before she overhead them speaking about her.
 

“Doc isn’t usually so off,” Mr. Feeney said.
 

“Maybe she’s having a bad day.” Tobias’s reply made her shoulders twitch.
 

He had no idea what kind of day she’d been having until he appeared in her life again. She closed the door with restraint as she left the store, although she truly wanted to slam it with all her might.
 

Rebecca walked down the street with more urgency than she had ten minutes earlier. The box cut into her hands and she loosened her grip. The stethoscope was too precious to break just because she was shaken by her encounter with Tobias.
 

She decided she didn’t care what Tobias was doing in Briar Creek. She would go about her own business and ignore him if she saw him again. She was strong enough to get through this.
 

She had to be.
 

The last patient departed by three in the afternoon. Her stethoscope had worked perfectly and she didn’t regret a moment of scrimping and saving to buy it. Being a healer was not just what she was. It was who she was. Rebecca had discovered a calmness when she tended to people’s ailments. It was the only thing that soothed her when the stresses of life grew to be too overwhelming. The housekeeper at the Circle Eight, Eva, was a source of advice and she’d told Rebecca long ago to follow her heart, no matter where it led.
 

Eva visited Rebecca every Sunday and they spent the afternoon together. The rest of the family was not happy to lose their traditional enchilada bake on Sundays, but her sister-in-law Hannah was a good cook. Nobody starved and Rebecca got to see her family. Sometimes her sisters or sisters-in-law accompanied Eva. It was a day of women and family.
 

It was Monday and Rebecca needed to see them. Waiting six days would be difficult. She hadn’t told anyone the full truth of what she’d
done with Tobias. Eva didn’t even know. Rebecca felt the need to confess it now, unburden herself of that which apparently still festered inside her, no matter what she told herself. She had not recovered, and as a doctor, she diagnosed a broken heart.