The Click Trilogy (30 page)

Finally, I get a call back from Kevin.  He says, “Guess what?  I’m going to the prom with Stacy.”  I said, “WHAT?!?!”  He replied, “Yeah, she baked cookies for me (!) and around each one was a note asking me to go to the prom with her.”  With tears streaming down my face, I told him that I had to get some homework done and we’d catch up tomorrow.

A half hour later, who should call but Stacy.  She tried to make it sound like she did nothing wrong.  She said, “I told you I was going to ask him if you didn’t.”  It was horrible.  Needless to say, our friendship dissolved.

Turns out she and Kevin didn’t have a very good time.  I think they both ended up getting drunk and puking through the night.

I ended up going to the prom with Mark.  We had such fun.  And he continues to be one of my best buds.  So, again, all’s well that ends well.

From: Shelley Manning – July 20, 2012 – 2:58 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Help me save the Ta-tas

Oh, Sweetie.  That is AWFUL.  And no, I surprisingly had never heard those stories before.  But honestly, hearing these definitely helps put your self-deprecating put-downs into perspective.  No wonder you’ve always knocked yourself – even your knockers.  But remember, I’m your biggest fan and love you tons.

Now to the matter of these childhood foes:

• Eric Phelps sounds like a big dick with a small prick.  I have no doubt he was – even at an early age – compensating for something.  I’m sure we could come up with some form of justified retribution.
  
• And regarding Stacy, what a goddam bitch!  Had I been there, I would have kicked her ass.  In fact, if you know where she lives, I can go do that for you now.
  
• Having to go to your senior prom with Finlay?  That’s the biggest injustice of all.
  

From: Renee Greene – July 20, 2012 – 3:15 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Help me save the Ta-tas

Thanks Shelley.  Thankfully I survived all of these indignities with my humor intact.  And now, looking back, they do make for some hilarious and sympathy-inducing stories.  At the end of the day, I wouldn’t be the person I am right now if not for all of these experiences.  So, it’s all good.  Thanks for the offer to avenge my misery though.  I appreciate it.  I’ve got to run…literally.  I’ve got to get into shape for this breast cancer run.

From: Shelley Manning – July 20, 2012 – 3:19 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Help me save the Ta-tas

Go, go, go!  Talk with you later Sweetie.  Mwah! Mwah!

Chapter 9 – Penis Month

From: Renee Greene – July 24, 2012 – 7:32 PM

To: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, PBCupLover, Mark Finlay

Subject: JURY SUMMONS

Crap!  Just got a jury summons in the mail and I need to report in two weeks.

From: Mark Finlay – July 24, 2012 – 8:15 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, PBCupLover, cassidy

Subject: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Okay, I know this is going to immediately elicit some major eye rolls, but I’ve served on jury duty and really liked it.  It was such an interesting process and knowing that you are doing such an important public service is really cool.

I was on a 30-year-old murder case that was filled with drama.  No, it’s wasn’t someone 30 years old.  It was a case from 30 years ago.  A man had killed someone and his brother rolled on him 30 years later as part of a plea deal on a major charge he was facing.  One of the defendant’s daughters was set to testify.  Her testimony was postponed a day and when she came in, her wrists were all bandaged up from what appeared to be a botched suicide attempt.  It was fascinating.

From: cassidy – July 25, 2012 – 9:12 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Cc: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, PBCupLover, Renee Greene

Subject: Re: JURY SUMMONS

oh mark.  your so amazing.  only you could make jury duty sound so interesting.  even i want to do it now.

h’s & k’s,

cassidy

From: Shelley Manning – July 25, 2012 – 9:15 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc:

Subject: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

From: Renee Greene – July 25, 2012 – 9:22 AM

To: cassidy

Cc: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, PBCupLover, Renee Greene

Subject: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Ooooh.  Sounds very
Law & Order
.  Okay.  I’m in.

From: Renee Greene – July 25, 2012 – 9:23 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Was that eye roll directed to Mark or Cassidy?

From: Shelley Manning – July 25, 2012 – 9:24 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Both!

From: Renee Greene – July 25, 2012 – 9:25 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Ha! Ha!

From: Ashley Gordon – July 25, 2012 – 11:15 AM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, PBCupLover, cassidy

Subject: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Guilty!  Just say that and it will get you out of serving.  Works for me every time.

From: Shelley Manning – July 25, 2012 – 12:15 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Ashley being judgmental without even having all of the information?  Imagine that!

From: Renee Greene – July 25, 2012 – 12:17 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Ha! Ha!  You are on fire with the brutal comments today.

From: Shelley Manning – July 25, 2012 – 12:19 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

I try my best. And you know it’s all in good fun, right?

From: Renee Greene – July 25, 2012 – 12:20 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: JURY SUMMONS

Of course!

From: Shelley Manning – July 28, 2012 – 10:08 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: How goes it?

Hey, Sweetie.  I meant to ask you last night how the training was going?

From: Renee Greene – July 28, 2012 – 10:22 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: How goes it?

Slow.  And I mean that both in terms of my progress and my speed.  ;)

From: Shelley Manning – July 28, 2012 – 10:24 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: How goes it?

Well, I’m just impressed that you aspire to be athletic.

From: Renee Greene – July 28, 2012 – 10:26 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: How goes it?

Let me just say it’s way more like “perspire” than “aspire” but I’m chugging (and panting) away.  Thanks for checking in, though.  You are so sweet.

From: Shelley Manning – July 28, 2012 – 10:27 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: How goes it?

Sweet?  Are you confusing me with…yourself?

From: Renee Greene – July 28, 2012 – 10:29 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: How goes it?

Don’t go getting all modest on me.  Despite the tough exterior, foul mouth, short skirts and lengthy list of sexual partners, you really are – deep down – sweet.

From: Shelley Manning – July 28, 2012 – 10:31 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: How goes it?

Awww.  You sure know how to flatter a girl.    Maybe “sweet” wasn’t the right word to describe you after all.

From: Renee Greene – July 28, 2012 – 10:33 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: How goes it?

Just being honest…brutally honest.  ;)  Gotta run and get to work.  And then gotta run and get in shape.  See you at Flint’s tonight.

From: Shelley Manning – July 28, 2012 – 10:34 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: How goes it?

I love the honesty.  The more brutal the better.  You know I like it rough.  HA!  Mwah!  Mwah!

From: Shelley Manning – July 29, 2012 – 11:02 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: You okay?

I called you at the office today and they said you were out sick.  Everything okay?

From: Renee Greene – July 29, 2012 – 12:25 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: You okay?

I have a major hangover.  My head is throbbing like a preteen heart over the “boy band” flavor of the month.  Ugh!  Why did you let me drink so much?  Actually, I didn’t even drink
that
much.  For someone who weighs as much as I do, can I really be this much of a light weight?

From: Shelley Manning – July 29, 2012 – 12:31 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: You okay?

First, we need to start building up your tolerance more.  Three drinks should not a hangover make.

Second, you do not weigh that much.  So STOP IT!  Sorry I had to yell.  I know that probably made your headache worse.  But, hangover or not, you’ve got to get it through your thick skull that you’re perfect the way you are.

From: Renee Greene – July 29, 2012 – 12:32 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: You okay?

I’m not feeling peppy enough for a pep talk.  I’ll call you later.

From: cassidy – August 1, 2012 – 3:33 PM

To:

Subject: Fwd: Cat Fancy Subscription Daily Deal

heres a daily coupon deal for a one year subscription to cat fancy magazine for half off.  great offer, so check it out.

h’s & k’s,

cassidy

From: Shelley Manning – August 1, 2012 – 4:04 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Cat Fancy Subscription Daily Deal

If she doesn’t stop sending me this cat crap, we are going to have a “cat”astrophe on our hands.  I’m not joking!

From: Renee Greene – August 1, 2012 – 5:15 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Cat Fancy Subscription Daily Deal

Are you paws-itive you weren’t joking, because that was purr-ty funny?

(Sorry for the delay in responding.  It took me a while to think of that reply.)

From: Shelley Manning – August 1, 2012 – 5:19 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Cat Fancy Subscription Daily Deal

I’m not kitten you.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: Shelley Manning – August 2, 2012 – 2:24 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Words to live by

You’re going to love this, Sweetie.  I just got a new boss, who transferred from New York.  His personal motto is Caffeine, Nicotine and Krispy Kreme.

From: Renee Greene – August 2, 2012 – 2:28 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Words to live by

OMG!  I do love it.  How super clever.

From: Shelley Manning – August 2, 2012 – 2:34 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Words to live by

I knew you’d like it.  I think I could adopt that as my personal mantra as well – except for the nicotine part.  You know I think smoking is a nasty habit (aside from the occasional cigar).  Not only does it stink and result in cancer but it causes wrinkles. Wrinkles!

From: Renee Greene – August 2, 2012 – 2:36 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Words to live by

Those are indeed some horrid, horrid side effects.  A new boss, eh?  A new male boss.   So…have you slept with him?

From: Shelley Manning – August 2, 2012 – 2:37 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Words to live by

WHAT?!?  He’s my boss!  No!

From: Renee Greene – August 2, 2012 – 2:37 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Words to live by

It hasn’t stopped you before.

From: Shelley Manning – August 2, 2012 – 2:38 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Words to live by

True.  But, no!  He’s like 50.

From: Renee Greene – August 2, 2012 – 2:38 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Words to live by

That hasn’t stopped you before either.

From: Shelley Manning – August 2, 2012 – 2:40 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Words to live by

True.  Well, I’m just not attracted to him or interested in him.  How’s that?

From: Renee Greene – August 2, 2012 – 2:41 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Words to live by

Okay.  On another note, I’m having dinner with Cassidy this weekend.  Want to join?

From: Shelley Manning – August 2, 2012 – 2:43 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Words to live by

That would be an emphatic “NO!”  As she would say, “your” a glutton.  Gotta get to work.  And by work, I mean actual work.  Onward!

From: Renee Greene – August 5, 2012 – 10:31 AM

To: cassidy

Subject: Fun!

It was great fun having dinner with you last night.  Mu shu with you is time well spent.  We’ll definitely have to hit Bamboo Garden again.  Enjoy your Sunday.

From: cassidy – August 5, 2012 – 12:55 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fun!

it was fun.  i look forward to doing it again soon.

h’s & k’s,

cassidy

From: Shelley Manning – August 6, 2012 – 3:32 PM

To: Renee Greene