The Club Sin Series 4-Book Bundle (26 page)

While some women would think that meant he wasn't that into her, Cora knew better. His touch couldn't lie. The man Aidan was in a scene was unguarded and loved her. Out of a scene, she didn't even recognize him. Sometimes she wished she'd known Aidan before Lily; what kind of man would he have been?

Probably the man Cora wanted.

Though, fair was fair.

If he didn't share, why in the hell should she?

She might support him. She might understand his pain. She might even wait for him to move on from Lily. But she would certainly not be a doormat. She'd made her choices, but that had been on her terms. If that ever changed, things between them would have to change, too.

Aidan might be shadowed in misery, but he'd always been good to her in Club Sin. He respected her. He cared for her. As a Dom, she couldn't ask for anything more. As a man, he needed to sort some stuff out.

No one was perfect, and she certainly wasn't.

Cora watched him standing solidly at the ready. Hell, she was ready, too. “What if I said I have some things in my past, but it's not a big deal and I don't want to talk about it?”
Yeah, that worked
.

“I'd say that's your right,” he said, voice flat.

Perfect
. A little hope, after all. “Okay, then, I don't want to talk about it.”

The sun beamed through the big bay window and lit up the side of his face, detailing the scrumptious curves. He placed his hands in his pockets with a downcast expression. “Fine.
We
don't have to talk about it.”

She curled her finger in her hair. “You'll leave this alone, then?”

“I can't forget what I saw.”

Thirty seconds away from her pushing him out of the house and locking the door behind his sexy ass. She scowled. “Try harder.”

“Impossible.” He rocked back on his heels and his facial features sagged. “I care about you.”

Her heart skipped a beat at the latter. While she could allow herself a smidgen of excitement that he seemed desperate to know more of her, she wouldn't allow that hurt she once felt with Aidan to return. Until he fully opened up to her, she couldn't, either. It was too dangerous. “Might I remind you that our D/s relationship doesn't involve talking about personal problems that extend outside of the dungeon?”

“Things have changed, haven't they?”

No, not enough
, her head said.

But maybe
, her heart whispered.

His gaze softened, voice equally so. “What I saw last night concerns me. The fact that you're not talking about it makes me incredibly worried. Not only as your friend, but as your Dom, I cannot ignore that pain. I don't know how much clearer I can make myself. For things to be
okay
, you need to explain this.”

I can't. You're not ready
.

Cora took a sip of her water, glancing down to her lap. This conversation needed to go away. Pronto. He needed an explanation. Then it could be put to bed. Going with the only thing she could think of, she lifted her head. “Do you still talk to Porter?”

Aidan frowned. “Your ex-boyfriend, Porter Marshall?”

Cora had always thought it was weird that Aidan knew her ex-boyfriend, considering she had never met Aidan before she joined Club Sin. But all the Club Sin Masters had been members of Chains for years, and Porter had known them from there. Considering Aidan had eight years on her, she hadn't come into the lifestyle until she was the legal age of twenty-one to attend a club.

By the time she was a member of Chains, Dmitri had already opened Club Sin. From what Aidan told her, Porter was dating another submissive at that time. But the relationship hadn't lasted. Thus, when a college assignment had brought Cora to Chains for research, she had met Porter that very night. One look into the lifestyle and she never left. It hadn't been only the kink that aroused her—even though that was a part of it. Watching a Dom command a submissive spoke to her soul.

To her, it was like knowing what sport someone would be good at. She knew the moment
she saw a Dom interacting with a submissive that she belonged in the lifestyle. It was an itch almost, a draw to the lifestyle that ensnared her. And she was right—the lifestyle had centered her and made her happy.

Cora nodded. “Yep, that Porter.”

Aidan hesitated, watching her curiously. “No, I'm afraid we never kept in touch after I left Chains.”

Perfect and safe!
“Well, I noticed Presley's collar and that upset me.” Which was a half-truth; she didn't want to lie to Aidan. “That's all it was.”

His head tilted. “You were upset because Porter never collared you?”

“Err…” She nodded.

She couldn't do it—she couldn't open her mouth and tell a lie. Her relationship with Porter had been incredible. She'd learned so much from him in that year they'd dated. He'd shown her sexual adventures she never could have dreamed up. But she would have refused his collar, just as much as he never would've given her one.

By the end of the year of their relationship, they both realized they weren't crazy in love, but were all too comfortable. Their scenes became more robotic; he was a man she cared about without the heat.

She wanted
passion
and
sparks flying
. She never found that in Porter, but she had found that in Aidan. Even still experienced that with him, after their two short years together. That's why she waited. That's why she stayed. “So that's all it was. I was thinking that Porter never collared me and it made me sad for like a second. But I'm over it.”

Aidan watched her intently, his eyes searching hers. “Tell me, then, if you're over it, why was your pain so obvious?”

She took another long sip of water and it slid easily down her throat. When her lips popped off the bottle, she replied, “Because we were talking about my past and I felt something. That doesn't mean I'm weak. Nor does it mean that I'm consumed by pain. It also doesn't mean that there's anything to talk about.” She narrowed her eyes on him. “I don't know how much clearer I can make myself.”

He ignored her use of his words thrown back at him. His gaze hardened. “I know you're not weak, but I also know that pain. I've been there. I've lived it. And I don't want you to feel like this.”

You are still living it!

While his shadowed past raged darkness in the depths of his eyes and spun her into a feeling of breathlessness, his words simply annoyed her. If he didn't want her to feel this way, he needed to face his pain and wake up to what sat right in front of him. She didn't want to have to tell him that—she wanted him to see it for himself. “Please don't let this bother you. You saw something that I didn't want you to see.”

He gave a slow, disbelieving shake of his head. “Sorry, Cora. I'm bothered.”

Later that evening, Cora leaned her hip against the dark wood vanity in her bathroom, which had a pebble-tiled floor and an all-glass shower. Looking into the round mirror, she finished with the last curl in her hair. Her makeup was dark and sexy, and perfect for a night at Club Sin.

Aidan had left her house hours ago, looking tense, and Cora had quivering muscles, too. She had no idea what would happen at the dungeon tonight. Would he get over his questions by the time she got there? Would he let this matter drop? Cora shook her head, snorting to herself.

Yeah, right!

Though the question remained: What would Aidan do next? And what would Cora's next move be to avoid him? She didn't want anything to change. She wasn't ready for that yet—possibly because she had no idea what the outcome would be.

How would Aidan respond if he found out the truth?

She couldn't face that daunting reality of the unknown. Not yet. Cora didn't want to be his damned therapist. She had enough of helping people on a daily basis at work. She wanted to be his girlfriend…his
submissive
.

Was that really asking for so much?

The beep of her telephone had her putting down the curling iron. She grabbed her phone off the vanity.

Coming to CS tonight?

She dropped down onto the closed toilet seat and smiled at Kenzie's text.
Yep. You?

I wouldn't miss it!
A short pause followed, and then another message popped up.
I have to ask—what was with you running out last night? Is everything okay?

Cora had no idea how to answer that. Were things okay? In her mind, she'd say yes. She also doubted Aidan would agree, only making her twitchy. Aidan could be determined when he wanted something. And Cora was unsteady about how to deal with him.

Her fingers worked quickly over the small keyboard, and she replied,
Just some weird stuff going on with Aidan, but it'll be fine
.

Two seconds later another message chimed on Cora's phone.
He looked so pissed after
you left. I stayed far away from him. Actually, everyone did
.

Probably a good move
, Cora wrote.

You okay, though?

Cora smiled. Kenzie was a pain in the ass to Club Sin Masters with her bratty behavior, but to Cora she was a good friend. While Cora was always tempted to analyze the hell out of Kenzie, knowing there was something deeply troubled inside her that made her act the way she did, Cora fought hard not to analyze her friends.

Don't bring work home!

From what Aidan had told her, Kenzie came to Club Sin with the Masters from their old club, Chains, because Dmitri worried over Kenzie's safety. She liked to poke at Doms. Poke the wrong Dom and that spelled trouble.

Cora and Kenzie didn't have the close relationship that she had with Presley, but Club Sin submissives stuck together. Presley felt more like a sister. Kenzie was a loyal friend and a great support to Cora.

She liked Kenzie, brat and all.

I'm all good. Aidan came over today
, Cora texted.

To your house?

Cora laughed, crossing her legs.
Yup
.

Wow. That's kind of a big deal
.

Was it?

Or was Aidan simply concerned about the submissive he trained? Was he more interested in finding out the answer because he knew she hid something from him? It did sound entirely personal that he came to her house, but Cora believed with total certainty that Aidan acted only as a Dom, not as a man who wanted more from her.

Sad, she thought, but true.

He wasn't ready.

Cora texted,
He's just worried, which is ridiculous. I am fine
.

Doms being Doms. They are such nosy buggers. I'm glad you're feeling okay. So I'll see you at the club soon?

Meet ya there!

Cora stood from the toilet and turned off the curling iron. She gave herself one final look
in the mirror. While she thought she looked nice, her blouse and jeans fitting her well, the darkness in her gaze stared back at her.

Those shadows weren't from her troubles with Aidan. It was from her portrayal that it had been an issue with her ex-boyfriend, Porter. Guilt ripped through her, and she couldn't stand it.

She shouldn't have used him as her scapegoat.

Leaving the bathroom, she flicked the light off and entered her living room. She plopped down on the couch and she scrolled through her contacts on her phone until she reached Porter's name. Then she hit the call button.

Two rings sounded in her ear before Porter's low voice hummed through the line: “This is a nice surprise.”

“Hi.” An easiness filled her chest. Porter was her secure place, a friend who always made her feel better. A man who knew her inside and out and who she wholeheartedly trusted. “How are you?”

“Good, as always.”

Porter lived life with his glass half full. Cora had always loved that about him. He was a positive person, and anyone around him seemed to feel that happiness flowing out of him. Heck, it was why she had fallen for him in the first place.

He made her feel good.

“Are you going to Chains tonight?” she asked.

“On my way there soon.”

Cora had met Porter the moment she had gained the courage and first stepped into the BDSM club. She had been at Chains for only five minutes before he introduced himself. She'd gone for research as part of a college assignment, but what she hadn't counted on was how hot the experience made her.

One night there and that'd been it—she had become addicted.

Luckily for her, she had met Porter, an amazing Dom who she felt an instant attraction to. She was a different person then. She wanted different things. While Aidan gave her a passion that set her ablaze, Porter had given her stability. Being with him was safe, and at that time in her life, she had needed that.

She had craved a good man who allowed her to grow. Then her needs changed, and that
ended their relationship. Even when they parted ways it had all been handled with care. They were friends during their relationship, and they were still friends. Time had changed nothing.

“Are you going to Club Sin?” he asked.

“Yup,” she replied. “I gotta stop by work first to check my schedule, but other than that, it's all play tonight.” It was odd sometimes that the one Dom who had opened her eyes to BDSM was no longer at the same club. She did miss seeing Porter on the weekends. “We should do dinner soon.”

“Ah, you miss me that much, do you?”

Cora laughed. “You are entirely missable.”

“Might not want to say that in front of Club Sin Masters,” Porter said, slow and steady. “Knowing them, especially Aidan, I don't think they'd appreciate hearing you pining after another Dom.”

“Oh, please, like I'm pining.” She chuckled with a snort. “Don't go getting a big head.” He chuckled. “So tell me, how is Cora doing?”

“Cora is doing all right.”

A long pause followed. “That doesn't sound good.”

“Oh, it's nothing,” she said, staring at her television, still disappointed she hadn't gotten the chance to relax a little from her busy day. “Just recovering from the long week.”

“Somehow I don't believe you.”

She sighed into the phone. “Somehow you'll just have to.” She remembered her time with Porter. Things were a lot less complicated. But Porter didn't give Cora what Aidan could—that spark of hot passion.

If she had wanted to marry her best friend, Porter would've been that man. But Cora had always wanted
more
, and so had Porter. Dammit all to hell, Cora still wanted that, only she hadn't anticipated how hard it would be to get it. “Believe me, it's all good.”

He gave a dry laugh. “Who are you trying to convince, me or you?”

Cora glanced down to her hands, wanting off this subject. She had explained herself enough to Aidan, and, as it seemed, also to everyone else. She was done explaining herself. “So, about that dinner, can we get together?”

His voice edged with frustration. “Work is insane right now. I'm chasing down a guy cheating on his wife, and the man is beyond careful.”

Porter was a private investigator. Cora always loved hearing his stories about the people who hired him. Some of them were hilarious. Others were sad, with marriages ending over affairs.

When she had dated him, he'd just landed a job with another PI who Porter had respected. He'd done well for himself, and she was proud of him. “Okay, when the schedule clears, give me a call. It's been too long since I've seen you.”

Porter hesitated. “Not that I'm not pleased you want to see me, but can I ask what has brought this on now?”

The question wasn't odd. While she and Porter talked a lot on the phone or through e-mail, usually once a week or so, she had not seem him face-to-face since she'd left Chains for Club Sin.

When their relationship ended, they both thought that it was likely for the best not to confuse things. Now so much time had gone by and she got busy with life and possibly had forgotten how much he meant to her. “Can't a girl miss a guy?”

“Yes, I suppose she can,” Porter replied in a flat voice that told her he didn't believe her. “I'll get back to you on a day that works, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

“Take care,” he said.

“You, too.”

Cora pressed end on the call and her heart felt heavy. Of course, Porter would sense her troubles. Even without the relationship between them, she knew he'd read her like an open book. He had been a big part of her life. And she knew why she reached out to him now—she craved to be around a man that she knew loved her unconditionally. But that was her heart talking. Her head told her that it was her guilt. Perhaps she needed to tell Porter what she'd said to Aidan. To explain that half-lie that she had told.

She shoved the thoughts away. Tonight she had other problems: one big, growly Dom who sought to find answers that Cora knew he should stay far away from. She lifted her chin and reminded herself of the reasons she and Porter broke up.

You wanted passion
.

You craved that spark
.

You found that in Aidan
.

He needs more time and you can wait for him
.