The Club Sin Series 4-Book Bundle (39 page)

“Then what is it about?”

“I failed her,” Aidan admitted.

Kyler gave a firm nod. “Ah, yeah, you did.”

“No, I'm not talking about Cora.” He averted his gaze to the rock. “I failed Lily.”

Kyler hesitated. “Failed her how?”

Aidan cleared his throat against the ache. “I was responsible for her death.” The words slid easily from his lips. A heaviness weighing him down seemed lifted, and breathing became a little easier.

“Lily died in a car accident.” Kyler's voice softened. “How can that be your fault?”

Turning to him, Aidan noticed the wrinkle marring Kyler's forehead. “If only it could be that simple.” If only Aidan could see it that way. If only he could forget the night that changed his life. “I placed Lily in that car. I kissed her good night, and she drove away.”

Silence fell between them before Kyler pressed a hand against Aidan's back. “Fuck, buddy.”

Aidan drowned his sorrows with two big gulps of his beer. The crisp liquid gave a much-needed comfort to his throat. “If she hadn't been working with me late that night, it never would've happened.”

“How can you think that?” Kyler asked, dropping his hand. “The blame is on the drunk driver, not you.”

Logically that made sense, but it never made sense in Aidan's heart. He had replayed that moment thousands of times. He loathed himself every time. “I can't look at it any other way.
Believe me, I've tried.” The image of Lily realizing she was going to die in the seconds before the truck hit haunted him.

He should have been there.

The breeze whizzed by and cooled Aidan's overheated flesh. With a deep, pained breath, he pushed past that memory. He admitted his weakness in the face of what he'd done to Cora. That he owed her.

Christ
, he owed her so much more.

Kyler had been right that night—Aidan had asked Cora to bare her soul. He wouldn't consider himself a man if he didn't do the same. He couldn't live with himself being
that
man. “As a Dom, I failed to protect my submissive.”

Kyler sighed with a thought expression. “Okay, I can understand that. But what I don't understand is how this relates to Cora?”

Aidan shut his eyes as his thoughts shifted to wonder what Kyler would think of him. As he'd done before, he shut his emotions down and, for once in his life, faced his demons. “It's not that I'm so damaged that I cannot love another woman, only always thinking of Lily. Or that I think foolishly in the face of love. I see Cora standing there. I know what we share. I'm not blind to it.”

“While it's good you are finally admitting that”—Kyler sipped his beer, giving Aidan a long look—“I'm also not seeing the problem.”

“The problem is my need to control everything.”

Kyler snorted. “Buddy, you're a Dom—that goes with the territory.”

It did, but that wasn't the problem. “You don't know how it feels to lose control with every sense of the word and to be helpless.” Aidan chugged half of his beer, his chest squeezing to restrain his roar. “I should have been there to help Lily. My submissive died because
I
put her in that car.”

Awareness filled Kyler's gaze and softness reached his features. “Ah, so that's what this is all about—losing control.”

In part, though there was more to it. Sickness twisted Aidan's gut as he dropped his head and looked to the beer bottle. “I failed a submissive once. I lost all control of a world I thought I held perfectly in check. What if I fail Cora, too? I can't…” He swallowed deep. “I can't hold that type of responsibility and go through that again.”

Kyler sighed, placing his hand on Aidan's shoulder. “I hate to break it to you, pal. You're already failing Cora.”

Weight carried into Aidan's slumped shoulders as he retreated inward. “She never said anything before. Of course, I knew we had something special, but I didn't realize she wanted more. I didn't know she'd shut down.” How had he not seen her change? Why hadn't he seen her reaching for more? “And I needed time to process all this.”

“She has shown you,” Kyler said gently. “You were never paying attention.”

Aidan couldn't refute what was right in front of him. Looking back at his time with Cora, he had known she cared for him. He'd never been blind to their connection or that he loved and appreciated having Cora in his life. Somehow he had convinced himself that she didn't want anything more from him. That their D/s relationship was healthy, and he gave her enough.

He'd never been so wrong.

Dullness formed in his chest, a feeling of heaviness at how much she'd shut down because as a submissive she was taking care of him. It wasn't supposed to be that way. He was supposed to care for her. While he did believe as a Dom in an uncommitted D/s relationship he'd done right by her, the problem was he hadn't been giving her all that she deserved.

She'd been by his side and helped him out of a dark time in his life. She'd forced him to live again. She'd made him undeniably happy. But the one thing that stopped him in his tracks was insecurity.

Was he ready to be what she needed him to be?

As a Dom, he wanted to stake his claim on her. As a man, he needed to think before he acted. He couldn't make any more mistakes. Questions needed to be an answered.

Was he good for Cora?

Could he give her all of himself?

Was he able to face love and not fear it could be taken away?

Could he be that vulnerable again?

After a long moment of silence, Kyler asked, “What are you going to do?”

Aidan rubbed his temple. Of all the thoughts racing in his mind, only one stood out as most important. “I have to stop hurting, Cora.” He glanced to Kyler, who nodded in understanding, and Aidan added, “And I need to forgive myself.”

Wake up. Work. Go to sleep. And repeat
.

Cora rolled her eyes at the sad attempt to get over Aidan. She had loved him for two years. That couldn't be undone in the two weeks since she'd last seen him, no matter how hard she tried.

She hadn't asked anyone about Aidan, and no one had offered up any news. As much as Cora wanted to know if Aidan was still going the dungeon, she thought it best she stayed far away from that conversation. Hearing that he played with other submissives would likely make her vomit. And she was doing her best to look at the bright side in her current hell.

One promise she had made to herself was if Aidan's pain ever affected her in ways she couldn't handle, she'd walk away. While she intended to keep that promise to herself, knowing it was for the best, she couldn't have anticipated how hard that would be.

Her heart bled that Aidan couldn't see past his pain. That he couldn't get over the hurt in his life to be happy with her. But she wouldn't bare his pain at her expense any longer, no matter how much it hurt to walk away from him.

Cora was bound to face a shitty time after a long history of great ones.

She'd given herself one week to engage in self-pity. Then she'd picked herself up and gone to the spa. A new flirty haircut with long layers, manicure, pedicure, and skin treatments had made her feel, almost, new again.

At her front door and looking into the mirror on the wall, she applied her cherry-red lipstick. She gazed over her black blouse that allowed a good amount of cleavage in contrast to her skinny jeans. For a night on the town the look worked, especially considering Porter and Kyler had given her only an hour to get ready.

Cora hadn't been the only one missing action at Club Sin. Both Kyler and Porter had spent every night with her on the weekend. Sometimes having a BBQ and beers, or staying at home to watch a movie or going out to the cinemas. Presley and Kenzie had filled her weeknights with shopping trips and girls' nights.

She appreciated her friends more than ever.

When her doorbell rang, Cora tucked her lipstick into her purse. She gave herself another quick look-over. Pleased by her appearance, she turned to the door and opened it. Kyler and Porter smiled at her.

“Hi, boys,” she said.

Porter, looking a bit badass in his dark jeans and button-down plaid shirt that showed off a glimpse of his bare chest, kissed her cheek. “You're looking happy.”

“And hot as hell,” Kyler added.

Kyler wore his typical faded jeans and his navy blue T-shirt stretched over hard muscles. “Thanks.” Hell, she deserved to feel sexy, didn't she? For too long now she'd felt unwanted, and she'd simply had enough of that shit.

Pity parties got old real fast.

She shut the door behind her. “Where are we off to?” Porter had called earlier and told her only that they were heading out and that she was to join them.

Kyler's gaze twinkled, the side of his mouth arching. “It's a secret.”

“Secrets!” Cora exclaimed, bouncing on the high heels of her boots. “You boys know me so well.” They made these past weekends bearable, and she loved surprises. “What are we waiting for? I'm ready to make Sin City my bitch.”

Laughing, they followed her as she marched down the driveway.

At Kyler's black Dodge Ram, Cora opened the door and jumped into the backseat. Porter offered her the front seat on every outing, but he had longer legs. The backseat in the truck wasn't uncomfortable for someone her size, but he'd have been chewing his knees.

The passenger door opened, and Porter's laugh filled the truck. “In a hurry, huh?”

“Damn right I am,” Cora replied. She put on her seat belt, a thousand ideas rushing through her mind at the night ahead. “I'm more than ready to shake my ass on the dance floor.”

Kyler dropped down into the driver's seat. “A good show for all, I assure you.”

Cora smirked at him in the rearview mirror. “Of course it will be. Let me tell you, it was a workout to get these damn jeans on.” Jeans that currently dug into places she'd rather not think about, but hell, her butt looked great.

She bounced in her seat. “Okay, drive, would ya?”

Kyler snorted. “Sounds as if you need to get back into the dungeon, too.” He held her gaze in the rearview mirror, arching his brow. “Bossy little thing tonight, aren't you?”

She lifted her chin. “We aren't in the dungeon, are we?” That was a quirk of being a Club Sin submissive. The Doms who played there didn't want 24/7 submissives. They wanted sexual submissives, but only in the dungeon. Out of the club, submissives had free rein with that type of stuff. Narrowing her eyes, she pointed to him. “Drive.”

Kyler chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Bossy indeed.” After he buckled up, the engine roared to life and he hit the gas.

Cora smiled and glanced out her window, watching Vegas streets pass by. For all the fatigue she'd experienced lately, the adrenaline coursing inside her made her feel wide awake. She hadn't crossed Aidan off the list, not by a long shot. Deep inside her, she still held out hope that he'd come around. She hoped that he simply needed time and then he'd come for her. Maybe that was wishful thinking, even mindless dreaming, since he hadn't reached out to her. But her heart couldn't forget his touch.

She still loved him. She still wanted him. But she could no longer support him and be thoughtful of his pain—not when it hurt her in the process. He needed to realize what they had and that he loved her, and she hoped he realized that before it was too late.

Time was passing.

At some point, her hurt would turn into anger, even she knew that.

Though, she knew perhaps that was her compartmentalizing her feelings and making sense out of all. She had yet to decide if that was pathetic or if destiny was simply a bitch for giving her a taste of happiness and then taking it away.

She stayed silent on the drive, but within half an hour, she was frowning. Kyler wasn't heading toward the strip. He drove in the opposite direction. As the truck turned down Kyle Canyon Road, Cora scrunched her nose.

The road led to Mount Charleston, far away from Sin City…or any city that had a dance club. She nibbled her lip at the high mountain peaks with the sun setting over tall trees. “Either you're driving me out in the middle of nowhere to kill me, or we're going hiking. So you know—neither will make me happy.”

Kyler barked a laugh. “It's a secret, remember?”

Dammit!
Secrets were only fun when Cora had a hint about the plans. She wasn't aware of any nightclubs in Mount Charleston. Unless Kyler had some secret information about a party in the forest. “How about a hint?”

“Dream on.” In the rearview mirror, Kyler winked. “And, so you know, I like you too much to kill you.”

She snorted, folding her arms. “Good to know.”

Another twenty minutes went by and her mind raced on ideas of their plan. By the time the truck slowed, she still had no clue. She bounced her leg over her knee as Kyler pulled into a driveway.

Her eyebrows rose at the beautiful log cabin with a stunning view of the mountains. She put two and two together. “If you planned to take me away for the weekend, you could have said something.” She dragged her gaze from the house to Kyler and to Porter. “No toothbrush means morning breath.”

Kyler stopped the truck and cut the ignition. “That is a problem.” Laughing, he opened his door and Porter joined him outside.

Cora exited the truck, inhaling the fresh air that was different than Vegas, even if it wasn't that far away. It smelled a hell of a lot cleaner and without the cars around it was definitely less polluted. The biggest difference from Sin City was the eerie silence. The only sound at all was Kyler's boots crunching against the small rocks on the ground.

She scanned the area, and the lawn wasn't manicured. It was rustic with a world of charm, growing wildly out control. She smiled; it was perfect. Heck, she could practically smell the campfire and taste the toasted marshmallows.

Cora approached Porter at the hood of the truck, and her ankle gave out as her heel connected with a rock. Looking down to her clothing, she heaved a long sigh. She would've preferred sneakers and comfy clothes while enjoying the wilderness.

As she took in the natural surroundings, she wondered if this was the location of a BDSM play party. She'd heard of resorts that catered to individuals who didn't enjoy club life. Curious to discover why she stood in the smack dab middle of nowhere, she settled in next to Porter and eyed his oddly soft look. “What?”

He smiled. “You've done good, girl.”

“Thank you.”
Weirdo
. “Care to tell me what I'm so good at?”

“I'm proud of you.” Porter took her hand and his eyes warmed. “You made it through all this with your chin high. You were open and honest when you put everything on the line.” He lowered his chin, looking her head-on. “You should be proud of yourself, too.”

The love oozing off him descended into her heart, touching all the places that he and Kyler had bandaged up. “I am proud of me.”

“And so you should be,” Kyler added, sidling up to her with a satisfied smile. “You're an incredible woman, Cora. Never forget that.”

She turned and glanced from Porter to Kyler. These two men had put their lives aside for her. They weren't engaging in anything sexual or asked anything of her. Doms might be arrogant. They might demand submission. But with that trust was a deep care for their submissives. She belonged to Club Sin, and they protected what belonged to them. “You're both a little perfect yourselves.”

They smiled at her.

She tilted her head to the side and spied the mischievous glint in their gazes. “Okay, what gives with all the sweet talk?”

Kyler gestured to the house. “Go in and find out.”

She paused and glanced to Porter, who gave her a quick nod. She looked to the house, and even though it wasn't nighttime, she hesitated. They had driven her out to a log cabin, and by all appearances they intended to leave her. “You're not coming with me?”

The men shook their heads.

“Really?” Cora placed her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes on them. “And why not?”

“Trust us.” Porter waved her on with a grin. “Go in.”

“Yeah, right, like that charming smile is going to work.” Cora snorted and said, “You'll have to do better than that.”

Kyler leaned against the hood of the truck, crossing his arms over his thick chest. “Have we ever steered you wrong?” Cora shook her head, and he added, “Exactly. Go into the house, Cora.” He dropped his gaze to hers, and lowered his voice. “Now is not the time to be bossy.”

Cora studied them. Trust had rested so heavy between them. God, what they'd done for her lately. She might be a tad bossy at times, but she knew when to shut up and listen. She wondered if they'd planned a weekend retreat for her that included massages, pedicures, and breakfast on a balcony overlooking the mountains. “Okay, fine, I'll go.” She looked from Porter to Kyler, and then she pointed. “If I hate whatever you have planned, you'll come back and get me, right?”

“You won't hate it.” Kyler's eyes were half-lidded. “But yeah, I'll come back if you need me to.”

Cora scoffed at his portrayal of indifference.
Bullshit
. But why did curiosity always have to get the better of her? Leaving the men behind, she approached the steps leading up to the big wooden balcony. The log house looked like something out of a magazine. Perfect in every way, with huge windows and large wooden beams.

As she reached the front door, Kyler called, “Don't knock. Go in.”

Cora glanced over the railing. They watched her every move. “You're both acting weird, just so you know,” she called out. Their laughter drifted to her as she approached the front door. With shaky hands, she opened the door.

A play party?

A spa resort?

A bed-and-breakfast?

The moment she stepped into the house, she stilled.

Two things happened.

First, she heard the roar of Kyler's engine outside, indicating he and Porter were leaving. Second, time came to a dead halt. Shadowy gray eyes stared at her, jet-black hair hanging over dark eyebrows, and the hard body filling out his dark gray dress shirt and black slacks rendered her unable to move.

She gulped. “Aidan?”

Resting in a large wooden chair next to a stone fireplace, he grinned. “Hello, Cora.”