The Coincidence 07 Seth & Greyson (15 page)

Seth

I fucked up. Like really,
really
fucked up, worse than I ever have. When Greyson said that he loved me, I freaking panicked and clammed up, my voice catching in my throat as I remembered the last time I uttered those words to a guy.

I love Greyson. Deep down, I think I‘ve known it for a while, just like I know now that I never truly loved Braiden. I fooled myself into believing it was love because he was my first boyfriend. But he wasn’t even that, really. Braiden was just a guy I kissed because I thought he was hot.

Yes, Greyson is super fucking hot, but he’s so much more than that.
So
much more.

God, what the fuck is wrong with me? I told him I need a break when that’s the last damn thing I want. What I
need
is to be with him completely. I’m just so Goddamn scared to open myself up like that again. Everything’s moving so fast that I can hardly keep up. First we come so close to having sex, something I’ve never done before. Then he tells me that he loves me… I feel dizzy just thinking about it all, but a good kind of dizzy. The kind of dizzy that means deep down, I want what he’s offering me.

“Seth, please tell me what’s bothering you,” Callie says, shouting over the music blaring through the club.

We’re in San Diego, of all places. I ended up here when Luke, Kayden, Callie, and I all decided to flee their hometown and take a break from… Well, life. Deep down, though, I know I’m here because I’m running away from my problems.

“I’m fine,” I assure her, checking my messages for like the hundredth time.

Greyson’s hardly texted me since we parted ways, and I don’t blame him. The look on his face… God, that look. It’s what haunts my dreams at night.

I put my phone into my pocket as Luke leaves the table to go get drinks. I’m dying for a cigarette, but the place is solely no smoking.

Callie wrings her hands on her lap then starts picking at her nails. “Seth, you’re not fine.”

I take out my phone again, secretly willing Greyson to text me back, but the phone remains silent. “I haven’t talked to Greyson since yesterday,” I finally give in and divulge. “I think he might be upset with me.”

She rests her arms on top of the table. “Why?”

I shrug. “Because I might have said something mean about our relationship.”

“Like what?”

“Like I wanted a break.” I sigh when she frowns at me in disappointment. “Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t mean it. I was tired and overthinking things and… I didn’t mean it.”

She keeps frowning at me the same way. “Did you tell him that?”

“Not yet,” I tell her, disappointed in myself. Everything had been going just beautifully and I had to go and fuck it up. All I had to do was open my mouth and speak the truth, something I’m usually good at. But nooo, I had to pick that exact moment to become Speechless Seth. “But I’m working up to an apology.”

“Seth.” She lays a hand on my arm. “Since when do you hold things in? You should never do that… it’s not healthy.”

She’s sooo quoting me, which I find both amusing and tragic. How can I give all this fantastic advice and refuse to take it myself?

I look at Kayden, who’s watching us, before snagging Callie’s sleeve and tugging her to her feet. “Come with me for a minute,” I say as I drag her to the bathroom, not wanting an audience when I admit what’s really going on.

I push through the crowd of people and make my way back to the ladies’ room. “Okay, I think I might have messed up,” I spill my guts to Callie the moment the door slams shut.

A few woman are primping like divas in front of the mirror, but they’re all too drunk to care much that I’m in here

“What happened?” Callie asks, reclining against the sink. “Something with Greyson, I’m guessing.”

I nod, rubbing my hand down my face. “I panicked.”

“I’m familiar with the term,” she says dryly. “But what did you panic about?”

“About—” I lower my voice and move aside as the door swings open and a herd of women come stumbling in. One shoots me a dirty look and I return it before fixing my attention on Callie again. “About our relationship.”

“Your’s and Greyson’s?”

“Yeah, I think I’m having flashbacks.”

The women around us are being nosy little biotches, so I grab Callie’s hand and pull her into the handicapped stall. Locking the door, I let go of her arm and rake my fingers through my hair, deciding exactly how much I should tell her.

“Seth, whatever it is, please just tell me,” she pleads. “You know you can tell me anything.”

I pull a wary face, knowing I’m about to make her uncomfortable. “It’s about intimacy.”

She squirms, just like I knew she would. “I can handle it.”

“Are you sure?”

She steps forward, squaring her shoulders. “Yes, I’m your best friend and you can tell me anything.”

Sighing, I pace the length of the stall, restless. “I can’t go through with it…and not because I’m worried about finally going that far. It’s because I keep having flashbacks.”

“About what?”

I stop pacing. “Of Braiden.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?” she asks, picking at the latch on the stall.

“No, it’s not that...” I shake my head, trying to get my thoughts and emotions together. “It’s…it’s about getting my heart broken.”

“It’s going to be okay.” She inches toward me and touches my arm. “Greyson’s
not
Braiden.”

“I know that.” I place my hand over hers. “But sometimes, I find myself going back to that place where I’m lying in the dirt and they’re kicking the shit out of me.”

She pulls me in for one of her teddy-bear hugs. “I know, but sometimes moving forward is the only way we can escape our pasts, right? At least that’s what you’re always telling me.”

“I know,” I whisper, pulling her closer. “And I know nothing bad will happen. Greyson’s not Braiden and he… loves me, but I just keep thinking about that Goddamn day. I was so fucking happy, thinking life was perfect, and then they showed up, all piled into the back of that fucking truck like a bunch of robots following what the other one does. And…” Tears sting in my eyes. “And I can’t stop picturing his face—the hate in his eyes, like he was blaming me for being part of it. I thought I was over it after seeing him on Thanksgiving, but sometimes it sneaks back up on me during the worst fucking times.” Like when Greyson decided to tell me that he loves me.

I pull back, drying the tears with the back of my hand. “Anyway, what I was going to say before I started bawling like a baby was that I was feeling a little scared about moving forward and I might have said some things to Greyson that weren’t very nice.”

“You could try apologizing.” She tears off some tissue from the roll and hands it to me. “Sometimes saying sorry is easy.”

I dab my eyes then chuck the tissue into the garbage. “Yeah, but sometimes it’s not. I’ve tried to say it quite a few times since we’ve been apart, but it never comes out right.”

“But sometimes it is,” she says determinedly, being her little sparkler self.

I can’t help but smile. “Look at you, being all wise.” I slip my arm around her shoulder. “I think it must be from all the time you’ve spent around me.”

She cracks a smile as she unlocks the stall. “It must be.”

We leave the bathroom and go back to the table to drink, but I barely pay attention to anything going on around me. My thoughts are stuck on Greyson and what I need to say to him to make things right.

I think I know. I just hope he’ll give me a chance to say it.

Seth

After a very dramatic weekend wherein Kayden bailed on us to go fix his life, Luke, Callie, and I returned to their hometown and rented a hotel room. Callie is pretending that Kayden leaving isn’t bothering her, but I can tell it is. I’ve tried to talk to her a few times, but she’s refusing to admit how upset she is.

After I change into my pajamas, I check my phone for a message from Greyson. I haven’t heard a peep from him in over two days, and I’m starting to get really worried he might have given up on me. The idea shatters my heart, and the pain is worse than anything I’ve ever felt. I need it to go away, like now.

Before I can back out, I lock myself in the bathroom and dial his number. “Please, pick up. Please, pick up,” I chant as I lower myself to the floor.

When he doesn’t answer, I decide to leave a brief message that will hopefully get him to call me back.

“Hey, it’s Seth.” I roll my eyes at myself and sigh. “Look, I know you’re upset with me and I get it. You have every right to be, but I really need to talk to you, like super badly. And I…. I know I don’t deserve this, but I still haven’t collected on my winnings for that poker game, and this is the one thing I want. For you to call me. So please,
please,
just call me back.”

I hang up and clutch the phone in my hand. One minute later, the ringer goes off, scaring the living daylights out of me.

“Hey,” I hurry and answer, sounding a bit breathless.

“Hello.” Even though he sounds a bit upset, I instantly relax at the sound of his voice.

“I love you,” I blurt out before I chicken out. All the baggage I’ve been carrying around suddenly feels so much lighter. “Oh, this is Seth, by the way.”

There’s a pause and then he laughs. It’s the most wonderful sound in the fucking world. Seriously, music to my ears.

“I know who it is,” he says, sounding less tense than when he answered. “You said so on your message. I don’t know why, though. It’s not like I deleted your number from my phone or something.”

“But you thought about it.”

“I did a couple of times, but couldn’t bring myself to do it… To erase you from my life like that.” He pauses again. “Do you really mean it?”

“That I love you…” I bite on my fingernail. “I really fucking do. I mean it more than I’ve ever meant anything.”

“I love you, too.”

“Obviously. I’m me, aren’t I?” I joke, but there’s nothing funny about the situation. Not at all. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it back at your place… I just panicked and I don’t know… I just needed some time to sort through all the bad crap to get to the good.”

“God, I’ve missed you,” he says. “I wish you were here with me so I could kiss you or something.”

I lean against the door and stretch my legs out. “I wish you were here, too. The good news is that we’ll be back home in four days. Then you can kiss me all you want.”

“Oh, I plan on it,” he says matter-of-factly.

My stomach does that ridiculous dance again as I think about
being
with him. Yes, I’m afraid, but the only way to get past the fear is to face it. And there’s nothing I want more than to be with Greyson.

By the time we’ve finished talking, it’s well after midnight. When I exit the bathroom, brushing my teeth, Callie’s in bed and Luke’s outside smoking.

Callie gives me a strange look. “Something happened.”

I pull the toothbrush out of my mouth, unable to contain my grin. “I called Greyson,” I declare with a mouth full of toothpaste.

“Did you work everything out?” she asks, fluffing her pillow.

Nodding, I head to the bathroom, spitting in the sink and rinsing my toothbrush before returning to the room and climbing into bed with her.

“I told him I loved him,” I say after I pull the covers over me.

“You love him?” Callie pushes up on her elbow and stares down at me. “You never told me that?”

“I know… But I do. Like a lot, a lot.”

“And what did he say?”

“I love you, too,” I grin like a silly nut job.

“Seth, I’m really happy for you.”

“I’m really happy for me, too.”