The Coincidence 07 Seth & Greyson (11 page)

“This way gives it a kick.”

“Like a kick to the stomach, I bet.”

Biting back a grin, he glares at me. “Because of that little remark, I’m so going to make you try it.”

“No way.

“Want to bet?”

“I think the last time we bet, you lost.”

“Not this time,” he says. “Besides, the last time I let you win.”

I choke on a laugh. “That’s so not true and you know it.”

“No, I
know
I know that I’m right.”

“Huh?”

We exchange a confused, intoxicated look and then bust up laughing.

We continue to playfully argue during the drive home. The mood between us shifts, though, after we say goodbye to Jenna and Ari and start up the stairway toward my place.

“I bet it’s nice living here,” Seth remarks as he glances around the quiet apartment complex.

“It’s okay.” I shove the key in the lock. “I feel a little out of the loop, though.” After I unlock the door, I push it open and flip on the lights. “Like all the good stuff happens at the dorms and I only hear about it while I’m in class.”

“Trust me, the dorms are boring,” he says, entering my place. He looks around at the sofa, the flat screen television, and the pile of photos on the coffee table. “This photography thing isn’t just about the scholarship or school, is it? You like, really,
really
enjoy it.” He picks up a picture I took of a garden I passed during my walk to school.

“It’s kind of my version of writing tortured poetry.” I shut the door and slip off my jacket. “It helps me express myself when I can’t seem to verbalize how I feel.”

Seth sets down the photo and reaches into his pocket, retrieving the photo Jenna took of us. He briefly assesses it before placing it down on the table.

“Can I look at it now?” I ask, coming up beside him.

He shrugs, stepping back. “Be my guest.”

As I move forward to look at the picture, he walks around my small living room, checking out my collection of shot glasses, countless pictures, and DVDs. I lean down to look at the photo and smile. We look so into the kiss and all that tension Seth carries is gone. Tomorrow, I’ll make sure to tell Jenna how brilliant she is.

When I stand up straight, I notice Seth is staring at a framed picture of my parents and me near the beach. It was taken on a timer, but turned out to be a pretty amazing photo.

“This is your mom and dad?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah, that was taken on the beach not too far from where I grew up.”

“It’s pretty... And you all look so happy.” He steps back from the picture and faces me. “So, now what do we do?”

I shrug, pretending I have no idea, when really I do. I have tons and tons of fucking ideas of what the two of us could do together.  “We could watch a movie or something.”

Seth contemplates my offer. “I’m down for a movie just as long as it’s a comedy and,” a conniving grin spreads across his face, “You eat my ice cream concoction.”

I make a gag face. “I seriously don’t know if I can do it.”

He rolls his eyes at me. “Quit being a baby.” He swings around me, collects the bag of ice cream off the coffee table, then heads to the kitchen.

I follow after him and when I enter, he’s opening and shutting cupboards.

“Where the hell are your bowls?” he asks through a huff.

I open the dishwasher, grab a large red bowl and spoon, and set them down on the counter. Grinning, he opens the tubs of ice cream and scoops a spoonful of each flavor into the bowl. Once he’s finished, he stirs it around, mixing it all together, and then scoots the bowl toward me.

“Dig in.” He grins.

I frown at the bowl. “I find it kind of twisted that you’re enjoying this so much.”

“I thought we clarified at the art show that it was fun watching you pout.”

I rub my hand across my face and sigh. “Fine, you win this one.”

“And I thought we also clarified at the art show that I win everything,” he says, fully entertained.

Shaking my head, I scoop up a spoonful of the ice cream. Then, holding my breath, I take a taste.

“So?” Seth waits eagerly for me to answer.

“It’s about as disgusting as I thought.” I reach for a paper towel and spit the ice cream in it.

Seth laughs in shock before turning his nose up at the contents of the bowl. “I can’t believe you ate that. That looks so gross.”

I lower the paper towel from my face and arch an eyebrow. “Why are you acting like you never eat this?”

“Because I don’t. I mean, I’ll put it all in a bowl and eat it separately, but I don’t mix it together like that.” He covers his mouth as he tries to silence his laughter. “I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think you would eat it.”

“Now you owe me.” I slide the bowl across the counter toward him. “Dig in.”

His nose crinkles. “I’d rather not.”

I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the counter, pretending to be more upset than I really am. “Then I’m not going to forgive you.”

“Yeah, right. You’re too nice not to.” But he picks up the bowl, dips the spoon into the ice cream, and takes bite. He wavers as he swallows it. “It’s really not that bad. Totally works for the munchies.”

He eats half the bowl while I dish up my own ice cream then we wander into the living room and sit down in front of the shelf that has my DVDs on it.

“So, a comedy, huh?” I skim the titles, searching for one I think would be good.

“I like funny movies. Life’s depressing enough without spending time watching movies that suck the life from your soul.”

I glance up at him and find him staring at his scars again. “Seth… I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I wish you would. I can handle the ugly stuff… I know it exists.”

“Knowing it exists and experiencing it are two different things… it changes you, you know?” When I don’t say anything, he sets his bowl down and sighs. “I’m still not ready to tell you where the scars came from, but if you want, I can tell you a little bit about myself.”

I nod, inching closer to him. “You know I want to hear it.”

He blows a stressed breath as he rests back on his hands. “I used to be this really funny person.”

“What do you mean
used to
? You still are.”

“No, I’m different now. I mean, I’m still funny and everything, but half the time it feels like I’m running on autopilot. Jokes come naturally to me and it’s easier just to laugh stuff off.” He leans forward and rubs his arm. “I didn’t tell my mother I was gay. She just sort of found out after… something happened. She wasn’t happy at all. Told me I deserved what happened to me. She almost threw me out of the house, but after some pathetic begging on my part, she let me stay. Honestly, I wish I could’ve left sooner, but I didn’t have anywhere to go.” He shrugs. “And that’s pretty much the gist of it.”

My heart aches for him to the point that my chest actually hurts. “The thing that happened… does it have to do with how you got the scars on your arm?”

He nods, swallowing hard.

“Did you…” I shift my weight so that I’m facing him. “Did your mom hurt you?”

“No, it was nothing like that.”

I think about asking him if it was the guy he dated. When he briefly talked about him while we were at the Red Ink, I got the sense something bad happened between the two of them.

Before I can say anything, he sits up straight and says, “Can we drop it, please? I’d rather do
anything
else than talk about my depressing life.”

I don’t want to drop it at all. I want to find out who hurt him. Find out what’s causing all that pain in his eyes right now. But I don’t think pushing him is going to help.

“What movie do you want to watch?” I set my ice cream down. “Any one you want, I’ll watch.”

“I’m actually not really in the mood to watch a movie anymore,” he mumbles, staring at the window just over my shoulder.

Figuring he means he wants to go back to his dorm, I start to get to my feet, even though I’m not ready for him to go. “Okay, I’ll walk you.”

“Greyson, that’s not what I meant.” Without warning, his fingers wrap around my arm and he pulls me straight down to his mouth.

I worry the kiss might be a distraction from whatever he’s running from, but I get too lost in the feel of his lips to stop it. I kiss him back, our tongues tangling as he grips at my arms. My muscles flex under his hands and he constricts his grasp.

We kiss and kiss and kiss, just like I’ve imagined doing tons of times. Somehow, we end up lying on the floor, a mess of tangled arms and legs.  I only move back to reach around and tug my shirt over my head. He follows my lead and peels his off, too.

My fingers travel over his lean muscles as he slips his hand across my abs. They tauten as his fingers start to drift downward to the button of my jeans. I realize where this is heading, but I’m not sure I want to go there yet. In the past, I rushed into the physical aspects of a relationship without really taking the time to get to know someone. I probably know Seth better than I know anyone else, but it still feels like there’s so much more to discover.

“I think…” I’m so wound up that I can barely get the words out. “I think maybe we should…”

“Yeah, we should…” Seth breathes between the kisses, grasping onto me tighter.

At first, I think he’s misunderstanding me, but then he pushes away. He rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, gasping for air. His eyes are huge and flooded with panic as he places a hand on his forehead.

I rotate on my side and prop up on my elbow. “Are you okay?”

His gaze glides to me. “I’m fine, I just… I need to take things a little slower.” He sits up, grabs his shirt, and pulls it on. “Can we watch that movie now… or I can go home if you want. I don’t want to be sitting here, bugging you with my awkwardness.”

I reach for my shirt. “Seth, I think we already established that I’m the awkward one.” When he meets my gaze, I wink at him, trying to alleviate the tension in the air.

His shoulders relax as a laugh slips from his lips. “Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. Guess I’ll have to settle for second best, then.”

“Guess so.” I slip my shirt over my head, grab a movie from the shelf, and pull him up. “I know you said you weren’t in the mood, but I promise this is a good one.”

When he gets to his feet, he plops down on the sofa. “I’ll stay for one, but then I should probably head back.”

“Sounds good.” I pop the DVD in and settle on the sofa beside him as the movie clicks on.

Halfway through the movie, Seth dozes off on my shoulder. Instead of waking him up, I grab a blanket from the floor, lie down with him, and wrap my arms around him, simply holding him. I’ve never been in love before, but as the most calming feeling settles over me as I start to fall asleep, I have to wonder if maybe this is it.

Seth

The next few weeks drift by in a daze of autumn colors and new fall wardrobes. Greyson and I spend a lot of time together, studying and hanging out at his place, but I still haven’t introduced him to Callie, nor have we done anything more than kiss. Crossing that bridge means making a commitment to Greyson, which goes hand-in-hand with opening my heart up to him. I don’t think I’m ready for that, especially when I can’t even hold his hand in public without going into a full-blown anxiety attack.

Even though Greyson insists he’s okay with how things are proceeding, I can tell it bothers him every time I let go of his hand, move back from a kiss, or slide away from him in the seat.

“You look sad… What’s wrong? Is it because you have to go home tomorrow?” Callie asks one day while we’re studying in the library.

Thanksgiving is this week, so most of the campus has cleared out. Everyone is excited to be going home for the holidays. Me, not so much. In fact, I’d stay here, but my mother’s forcing me to go back and suffer through a mind-numbing week of Mapleville gossip and family drama.

I force a cheery smile. “I’m fine. I was just spacing out.”

She chews on the end of her pen while eyeing me perceptively. “Seth, I know you love helping me, but I want to be there for you sometimes, too. It feels good when I’m able to help you and makes me feel like less of a taker.”

“Taker?”

“Yeah, the kind of person that’s always taking and never gives anything in return. You’re always giving, giving, giving, and I’m taking, taking, taking.”

“I like giving stuff to you.” My eyes trail over the shelves and front desk of the quiet library before I shut my textbook and fold my arms on top of it. “But if you really want to know what’s bothering me… It’s Greyson.”

She drops her pen on the table and tucks a strand of her shoulder-length brown hair behind her ear. “Are you mad at him or something?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.” I fiddle with the thin leather bracelet around my wrist. “It’s… what happened with Braiden. It’s affecting how I react to Greyson. I know I can trust him, but I can’t seem to let go and be comfortable with who I am when we’re around people.”

She shoves her books aside and rests her elbows on the table. “Have you talked to him about this?”

I trace the thin scars crisscrossing my arm and hand. “No… I haven’t even told him about Braiden.”

“Seth, I know it’s hard to really open up to someone, but,” she slides her arm across the table, grabs my hand, and gives it a squeeze, “It’s like you’re always telling me. You can’t let the past own you. If you want to move forward, especially with Greyson, you’re going to have to start by telling him what happened to you.”

“I know I do.” I free a trapped breath. “But I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Of… opening myself up like that again and getting broken. Besides, Greyson’s so good, you know. He has these really amazing parents who have always been there for him and he’s had a pretty good life. I don’t want to taint that for him by bringing my shitty life into the mix.”

“Seth, look at me.” She tugs on my arm until I finally meet her gaze. What I see startles me. My tiny, shy Callie has turned into an intense firecracker. “You don’t have a shitty life anymore. Yes, shitty stuff happened to you and yes, your mother is a… bitch.” She looks guilty for saying the curse word, which makes me smile. “But you have me, Greyson, Luke, and even Kayden, and we all care about you because you’re a good person worth caring for.” By the time she’s finished, she’s so worked up she’s gasping for air.

I raise my free hand in front of me. “Easy there, my little sparkler, before you explode.”

“I just want you to be happy,” she says, gripping onto my hand. “And I hate Braiden and all those stupid guys that did this to you. You don’t deserve to be afraid all the time. You deserve to be the Seth I get to see and love.”

“I love you too, baby girl.” I smile at her and she returns my smile wholly. “How did you get to be so wise?”

“Hmmm…” She taps her finger against her lips. “I must have had a really great teacher, I guess.”

“Must have.”

“He’s actually the best there is.”

“Sounds like a great guy,” I reply with a hint of amusement. “What’s his number? Maybe I’ll give him a call.”

We giggle then sit back in our chairs. Outside the window, the setting sun paints the sky with pinks and golds.

“What time is it?” I check the clock on my phone then scoot back from the table. “Shit, I was supposed to meet Greyson like fifteen minutes ago.”

Callie stands up and gathers her books in her arms. “You better talk to him tonight; otherwise, I’m going to add it to the list and make you.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” But just thinking about it sends my stomach dancing, and not the good kind of dancing, either. The flailing arms, bobbing head, offbeat kind of dancing. “What about you? Have any plans for tonight?” I waggle my eyebrows suggestively as we exit the library and step outside into the cool fall air.

She casually shrugs, tucking her books under her arm. “I might meet up with Kayden later.”

I playfully bump my shoulder into hers. “You two have been spending a lot of time together.”

She fights back a silly grin. “We’re just friends.”

“Friends with benefits.”

Her cheeks flush as she avoids my gaze. “We haven’t had… sex yet.”

I slam to a halt in the middle of the grass. “
Yet
? That means you’ve been thinking about it.”

Her blush spreads across her face as she stops in front of me and stares out at the street. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

 “But you’ve thought about it?” I try to hide my excitement, but the fact that she’s thought about it means she’s making progress.

“Sometimes… but it seems so… I don’t know. I just never planned on ever feeling this way about a guy.”

“Kayden’s a good guy.” And I mean it.

Not too long ago, Callie told Kayden about how she was raped, and he’s been nothing but kind, considerate and understanding with her. That makes the guy cool in my book, which is a pretty damn fabulous book and kind of hard to earn a place in.

She plucks strands of her hair out of her mouth before looking at me again. “I don’t even know what I’m doing… I mean, he’s so experienced and I’m…” She gestures at herself and shrugs.

“What? Gorgeous? Kind? Smart? Funny?” I slip my arm around her and start toward the parking lot. “Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

She slides her arm around my back and gives me a hug. “You, too.” We break apart at the front of my car and she backs up toward the dorms, pointing her finger sternly at me. “Now tell Greyson. I know it’ll make you feel better.”
I wave at her and climb into the car, crossing my fingers that she’s right.

***

“I can’t believe we’re not going to see each other for an entire week,” I sulk as I rummage through Greyson’s fridge. We’re spending our last night together before we head back to our homes. I grab a beer, bump the fridge door shut with my hip, and pop the top of the bottle. Taking a swig, I shiver from the bitter taste. “You really need to get something besides beer.”

“What? Like those disgusting fruity drinks you were drinking the other day?” he teases from the sofa. He’s got his arms folded and the short-sleeved shirt he’s wearing makes his biceps looking amazing.
“Hey, those aren’t half bad.” I drop down on the sofa beside him and lean forward to glance over the stack of DVDs on the coffee table. “Which one are we watching tonight?”

His eyes are fixed on me, watching my every move so intently that I’m almost afraid to look up at him. “Your pick.”

“Hmmm…” I skim my finger over the titles. “I’m not really sure what I’m in the mood for. Definitely not an action, but that’s a given. Not a romance… not a comedy.”

Greyson lets out a low chuckle. “It sounds like you’re not in the mood for a movie.”

I think about what Callie urged me to do and her promise to put it on the list if I didn’t tell Greyson tonight. I know once the task makes it on the list, she’s going to bug me until I complete it because that’s what I do with her.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I shift my weight and turn in the seat, bringing my leg onto the cushion. “I actually thought we could talk for a bit?”

“Talk about something specific?” he questions. “Or just talk,
talk
.”

I recline against the armrest, trying to get comfortable. “Talk about something specific.”

Something in my tone must warn him that we’re about to have a serious talk because he rotates toward me and gives me his undivided attention. “All right, I’m all yours for the night. Talk away.”

My stomach does the bad dance moves again, and I seriously wish I had an antacid or something, because I feel like I’m one foul taste away from barfing up beer. My gaze falls to the scars on my arm. The tiny white marks seem so insignificant, but I feel like they’re a brand, blazing for the entire world to see.

“It’s about my scars…” I trace my fingertip along the longest one, the one Braiden left when he stomped on my arm, crushing it into the dirt alongside my heart. “And about Braiden.”

“Can I ask… Who’s Braiden?” Greyson questions cautiously.

I summon another breath, and then force myself to look at him. “He’s the guy I used to date.”

He swallows hard, his gaze trailing over my arm before returning to mine, his eyes full of sympathy. A beat of silence goes by, and my heart dances like a lunatic inside my chest.

“I’m not sure how much of the story you want to hear,” I mutter. “I can give you the short version, if you want. It might be easier to take.”

“Easier to take?” He scoots across the sofa until our knees touch. “Seth, I’m not afraid of your past… It just hurts to imagine you being in that kind of pain, that a guy you cared about caused those scars.”

“Braiden didn’t act alone,” I explain. “His friends were there, too. They never really liked me, anyway.”

“That doesn’t make it any better.”

“I’m not saying it is… I’m just saying there were other people there and I didn’t care about any of them except…” I force down the lump welling in my throat and lower my head, staring at my hands. “Except Braiden.”

Greyson cups my face between his hands and forces me to look at him. “What did he do to you?”

The compassion in his eyes makes it easier to open my mouth and spill my soul. If I look too deeply, though, I see something else. Love, maybe. And that… Well, that makes me afraid. Blindly, breathlessly afraid, yet at the same time, I feel completely safe.

“We’d been seeing each other for a few months, using the excuse that I was his tutor to hook up while we were supposed to be studying. Braiden was… Well, he was the popular jock loved by all and completely heterosexual to everyone but me. Even though I hadn’t came out to my mother yet, there were kids at school who realized I’m gay. Word got around that Braiden and I were seeing each other.” I roll my eyes. “Because that’s what happens in Mapleville. When Braiden’s friends found out, they confronted him and he, of course, denied it. They told him to prove it and the proof they wanted was my blood on all their hands.” I shrug because I can’t think of anything else to say. “And there you go.”

“Seth.” His voice carries a gentleness to it, as if he’s afraid I’m about to break.

I realize I’m crying. “Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing.” I reach up to wipe the tears away, but he holds my face firmly in his hands.

“You should never be embarrassed for being who you are.” His words strike my heart, but I nearly fall apart when he wipes my tears away with his fingertips.

“I just want to forget it ever happened… But I have all these scars on my arm that won’t allow it… It’s why I’m so afraid to be with you. Like
be
with you, be with you.”

“God, I hate that they did this to you,” he says as he finishes drying my tears. “I wish I could make it go away somehow. Tell me what to do.
Please
.”