The Color of Us (College Bound Book 2) (28 page)

“Well, his name is Corey. That’s a point against him right there. Unisex names make me itchy. Then there was the fact that he had tiny little arms.” I stood up, holding my arms to my chest and wiggling my hands out in front of me. “He looked a T-rex, Darren. I’m not kidding. You can’t make this stuff up.” I sat back down and took a long sip of my soda through my straw.

Darren watched me with his head cocked to the side. “Seriously, Jules. Are you really making fun of some dude’s small arms?”

He gestured to his lap, and I winced.
Fuckity fuck fuck
.

Darren’s cerebral palsy had left him paralyzed from the waist down. One of his hands was bent at an odd angle with fingers that were usually clenched tightly shut. When he spoke, he could be hard to understand, as the CP affected the muscles around his mouth as well. But how Darren looked and talked never mattered to me. He was the funniest person I knew and he was smart as a whip. He was my friend, and I loved him just as he was. The fact that he had been born with an imperfect body never crossed my mind.

I scrunched my nose and pursed my lips. “I’m sorry you got a bitch for a buddy. If you want to ditch me, I get it.” I had waited a full year to be assigned a Good Buddy from our sorority community service project. My best friends Taren and Lex had been matched with their buddies, William and Stacy, at the beginning of our sophomore year of college. When our senior sorority sister realized there weren’t enough buddy matches for sisters, I was stuck doing paperwork. Finally, right before the start of junior year, I was assigned to be buddies with Darren Hanover.

Darren was my jam. Like me, he was a total flirt. The ladies loved Darren’s banter and humor. I liked that he could laugh at himself and didn’t take anything in life too seriously. Again, just like me. But what I wasn’t sure about was what Darren got out of the whole experience of being my buddy. Most of the time, I had diarrhea of the mouth and no filter. Zero. I usually said the first thing that came to my mind. Nine times out of ten it was borderline rude. The rest of the time it was straight up inappropriate.

Darren shook his head, and his wild red hair flew around him, whipping about in the fall breeze. We were enjoying some time catching up at an outdoor restaurant in College Park. “Don’t call yourself a bitch, Jules. You’re not. You’re just...
special
.”

I snort-laughed and choked on my sip of soda. Special was putting it nicely. Also, it was ironic, because people often referred to Darren, William, and Stacy as special, but not always in a nice way. To me, those three were more real and honest than anyone I’d ever met.

Darren used his stiff arm, his hand curled inward, to drag his bottle of water closer to him. Leaning forward, he drank from his straw. “Have you seen William lately?”

“Yeah, I talked to him a little earlier in the Union before you showed up. He was giving me a hard time for blowing off Corey.”

Darren gave me a knowing grin and nodded. “I like that guy. He’s good people.”

I chuckled and popped a piece of gum in my mouth. I chewed a lot of gum and drank a lot of diet sodas. I was taught early, and often, that pudge was slovenly and unacceptable. I counted every calorie and morsel that entered my mouth. Sure I splurged on junk food once in a while, but most of the time I was disciplined. I had to bank my calories for my favorite indulgence—cocktails. “So true. William rocks. You know who else agrees with that statement?”

Darren shook his head, his eyes bright and curious.

“Stacy McGee.” I giggled just picturing Stacy. Stacy seemed to be a walking, talking rainbow. Her clothes, glasses, purses, makeup, and most importantly personality were vibrant. It was nothing for her to wear six or seven different colors in a mish-mosh that only ended up making everyone around her a little more joyous.

“Really?” Darren wiggled his eyebrows and leaned closer to me.

“Oh, yes,” I lowered my voice as I leaned into him too. “I heard from Taren and Lex that William and Stacy have been hanging out ever since they met at the bus stop a few weeks ago. They talk on the phone all the time. I think they really like each other. There’s one problem, though.”

Darren’s eyebrows bunched together. “What’s that?” Like me, Darren was not in a serious relationship, so we had to settle for gossiping about the relationships of our friends.

“Stacy’s dad outright refuses to let her date. Ever.” I chewed on my lower lip in distaste. “According to Lex, Stacy told her that he doesn’t think people like her should date.” My anger flared at the thought. Judgment came in all forms. There were those who thought people with disabilities, or Down syndrome like Stacy was born with, were incapable of having the same feelings as “normal” people.

People who thought that were nothing but bigoted dickheads.

“Bullshit.” Darren’s face contorted with anger. “Everyone is capable of love. Everyone deserves it.”

“You’re so right, Darren,” I told him, squeezing my hand over top one of his curled fists.
Everyone but me, that is.

Darren looked into my eyes for so long, I had to break contact. I felt like he could read that last thought as it settled itself back into the recesses of my brain.

“Isn’t that right?” he asked, challenging me.

“What?” I avoided looking at him, pretending I didn’t know what he was talking about. I gathered all of our trash and then stood up to toss it into a nearby wastebasket. When I returned, he was still looking at me.

“Have you ever been in love, Jules?” Darren asked as he pushed a button on his motorized wheelchair to back away from the table and led us down the sidewalk.

“Never love, but lots of lust.” I laughed and gently nudged Darren’s shoulder. “That’s the important part, right man?”

Darren rolled his eyes up at me. “Okay. I give up. Who’s the next lust conquest?”

We crossed Route One and headed back onto campus. “The same. Hasn’t changed in almost a year.” I sighed dramatically. “Bass boy. The one who doesn’t know I’m alive.”

Bass boy was my serious crush. A crush who wouldn’t give me the time of day. Hell, he wouldn’t even look my way no matter how much cleavage I flashed. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I was pretty, he was hot. What more was there to consider? I’d made it pretty clear I was a sure thing.

“Jules,” Darren pressed the stop button on his chair. “Why don’t you date someone who
is
interested in you?”

I blew out a breath of frustration. “I’m trying, Darren. I date all the time. They’re just all losers. I won’t waste my time on anyone who isn’t perfect.” I kicked the toe of my shoe against the concrete at my last words. If my mom had taught me one thing, it was to never stop searching for the perfect man.

Darren frowned. “Is your time with me a waste?” His voice was low and when I registered what I had said I felt my stomach roll.

I knelt next to him. “No! I didn’t mean that. You’re perfect just as you are. I love my time with you.”

Darren looked away, and I held my breath. Would he leave too? Of course, he would. That’s what men did. Unless I left them first, of course.

“I think you need to re-examine your definition of perfection, Jules. If you can stop and accept yourself, flaws and all, then you might be able to accept a guy who has a few too.” Darren’s voice was gentle.

I looked into his honest brown eyes and waited for him to say more. That he was irritated with me. That I needed to grow up. That I needed to go. That he needed to go. But he didn’t. He only pressed the forward button on his chair and moved toward the Union.

I walked quickly to catch up with him. As we crossed the mall in the middle of campus, a cute guy in a baseball cap grinned as we approached. In answer, I gave a flirty wave back. He crooked his finger in my direction, calling me over to him.

Darren stopped moving and turned his chair around. I leaned forward to whisper in his ear. “What do you think?” I nodded my head toward baseball cap. “I’d hit that.”

Darren shook his head and smiled at me. “Fine. But this time, actually give him a chance, Jules.” He raised his chin up in a gesture of goodbye and turned his chair back around, moving forward at a fast clip.

I blew a kiss in Darren’s direction. After putting on my best smile, I turned and introduced myself to Mr. Baseball, hoping he might be the one to break my unlucky streak.

***

He wasn’t.

I sipped my Malibu and coke and looked around The Shell. Neither Taren nor Lex had any interest in hanging at the bar with me tonight, but I was with a big group of sisters from my sorority. Our town’s favorite band, Honor Bound, was on stage playing and the place was packed.

Marleigh, one of my sisters who was always up for hanging with me at the bar, sat next to me on a stool. The bartender appeared on the other side of the counter and Marleigh signaled for another round.

“I saw a cute guy walk you home this afternoon. Is he coming here?” Marleigh and I swiveled our stools around so we faced the crowd, surveying the room as we chatted.

“Nope. He had moobs.” I sucked more of my drink down.

“Moobs?” Marleigh asked with her eyes squinted, trying to puzzle out what I had just said.

“Man boobs. I never would have guessed. He had good arms, but I’d bet he’d fill out a B cup better than me. No, thank you.”

Marleigh choked on her drink. “You’re too much, Jules.” She laughed as she hopped off her stool. With her new drink in hand, she moved onto the dance floor.

The band finished their set, and a DJ immediately played a popular pop song to keep everyone dancing. The band was taking a much-needed break, and I watched from my spot at the bar as they set their instruments down. The super-hot, just-not-my-type-with-that-long-luscious-hair drummer handed the very-much-my-type bass boy a bottle of water. I watched him drink, his throat moving as he swallowed in huge gulps.

Oh, dear God. He even swallowed like a sexy beast. Bass boy was my ideal man. Tall, probably 6-foot, lean but built with fantastic arms. His biceps and forearms were covered in colorful tattoos—
so freaking hot
—and his dark brown hair was cropped close to his head.

I made up my mind. It was time to stop waiting for him to notice me. Guys were clueless. Maybe he just wasn’t aware that I was into him. Well, I’d just have to make him aware. Time to kick my flirt into high gear.

I pushed off my stool and walked closer to the stage where the band stood, cooling down from their set. I moved into bass boy’s line of vision, smiling and waving my fingers at him. He stared back, his face unflinching. Then he turned his back on me to talk to his band mates.

He turned away from me. What the hell? Guys never ignored me.

I’d been crushing on Bass Boy for a year, and he couldn’t even give me the time of day.
I don’t think so.

My skin prickled like the hackles rising on the back of a cat. I was looking around for the easiest way to get up on stage and give him a piece of my mind when the drummer’s voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

“You’ve got a groupie waiting to talk to you, Ben,” Luscious Locks said, taking a swig of his water.

Groupie?
Was he talking about me? My fists clenched at my sides, and I couldn’t decide what to do.

Bass Boy, aka Ben, shrugged and ran his hand back over his head. “Can you take care of it for me? I’m not looking to slum around with a girl who probably doesn’t even know my name.”

Slum around?
I halted again, and my stomach twisted uncomfortably with a feeling of shame that I wasn’t used to. And what did he mean about taking care of it? Was he too big of a wimp to turn me down himself?

“Come on,” Luscious Locks said, gripping Ben on the shoulder. “Maybe she likes you for your music.” The words were barely out of his mouth before he started laughing.

Ben huffed in disgust and shook his head. “I’m not interested in girls I meet in bars.” He took another gulp of water and then reached out to push Luscious Locks toward the back of the stage. “Come on, man. I don’t want to stand around talking about other people’s sloppy seconds. I need to get something to eat.”

Is that all I was? Sloppy seconds?

The burn of rejection stung and the harsh truth of his words hit me square in the chest. I stumbled backward on my sky-high heels, trying to shake loose the feeling that I’d just been weighed and measured, only to be found unworthy.

And what was worse, for the first time I was ashamed of myself.

I wanted to leave. I couldn’t stay and party and act like he hadn’t just brought back all my insecurities with one, simple, truthful dismissal. I placed my drink on the bar and hurried toward the exit like my ass was on fire.

Once I was outside, the crisp fall air lashed around me, making me aware of just how much bare skin I was advertising tonight.

Bass Boy Ben. Another man who didn’t want me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and lifted my chin high as I walked down the sidewalk toward the sorority house. Low whistles and sounds of appreciation followed in my wake and with each step I forced confidence back in my spine.

Bass Boy Ben.

Another man I didn’t need.