The Commitment (The Unrestrained #2) (33 page)

Finally, I heard him sigh heavily. "Why didn't you tell me right away?"

"I knew you were jealous. You
told
me you were jealous. I was afraid you'd misunderstand."

He exhaled. "Kate, I can't stop men from hitting on you. But you have to trust me completely and tell me when they do. No secrets. It's absolutely necessary for this to work. I've been lied to. I've been cheated on. I can't have it. I
won't
take it."

"You have to trust me, too."

"How
can
I when you didn't tell me right away? Were you hoping it would never come up?"

"Every time I tried to tell you, you'd do something to stop me. I wanted to find the right time, and well, you read the paper…"

"It upsets me that it was Dave who told me. It hurts that he had to phone me to ask if I'd seen the picture."

I sighed. "I was wrong not to tell you right away. I didn't think it was important. It meant
nothing
to me. If anything, it reinforced why Kurt and I broke up. You have no reason to be jealous."

"You have to understand," he said, touching my cheek. "Your father tried to fix you up with Kurt first, before me. He thought Kurt was just your type. He thought Kurt was
perfect
for you. I was around, listening to him talk about Kurt and how he wanted you to get together."

"What?"

He nodded. "You know, Kurt's a Marine like he was and like my father. A veteran. A pilot. Strong. Intelligent. A bit older than you, but still, closer to your age. He's really good looking, on top of everything. You have to understand back then, I was forced to listen to your father's campaign to get you together with Kurt. He told me all about how he thought Kurt was
perfect
for you and that you'd
love
him…"

I shook my head. "He's not. I
don't
– he's nothing to me. You're
everything
."

"I was like second best to your father," Drake said, a rueful smile on his face. "If Kurt didn't work out, there was always me."

"You're better. A million times better. And I can't believe my father talked to you about setting me up with Kurt. Why?"

"I asked about you. Frequently. He seemed to want to talk about you to someone. He was busy trying to get you together with Kurt when we started to become friends. I figured he didn't consider me because I'm so much older than you."

"I
like
that you're older than me. I've told you that."

"Still," he said, his voice hesitant. "You might not always like it."

I shook my head. "I can't imagine not being with you. Not loving you."

He sighed and played with a lock of my hair. "People stop loving you, Kate. I know."

"Not always."

He looked so sad, so hurt, I felt terrible and tears came once more to my eyes.

"Drake, I'm so
sorry
," I said, my voice breaking. "This is all my fault. I should have told you right away, as soon as you woke up."

He nodded and touched my cheek with his fingers. "You should have."

"Please forgive me."

He forced a smile. "I do." His gaze moved over my face, before finally coming to rest on my lip. "But I'm going to have to punish you."

"What?" I pulled back in shock.

He nodded. "You broke the rules about truth. You
know
you're supposed to always tell me the truth. You are
not
allowed to hide things from me. I
have
to punish you or what kind of Dom would I be?"

"I don't want you to spank me."

"
Kate. You
intentionally
didn't tell me about Kurt. You intentionally deceived me. I asked you if you saw anyone I'd know at the function. You saw Kurt. A lie of omission is as bad as one of commission."

"I don't want you to punish me," I said again, shaking my head, trying to get away from him. "I don’t want you to spank me again."

"It's not about what you want," he said, holding me, preventing my escape. "This is about the rules,
Katherine
."

"That's not fair," I said, afraid of where this was going. "You let the rules fall by the wayside when it suits you, and enforce them when it suits you."

"I'm the Dominant. I'm the Master. It's my prerogative. You should re-read the agreement."

I pushed away from him and finally succeeded in extracting myself from his arms.

"I'll rip the fucking agreement up." I stormed away, tears starting fresh. This was going sour very fast. I was
not
going to let him spank me again. I stopped inside the door to the bedroom. "Look," I said, trying to get control of my emotions. "I
was
wrong to hide what happened with Kurt, but as far as I'm concerned, if you spank me, it will be overkill."

Drake came to me, his arms on either side of me, preventing me from moving. "In case you misunderstood, in our power exchange, I'm the one who decides about punishment. Your breaking the rules about lying was
not
accidental. It was intentional. You have to be punished. I choose the punishment."

He grabbed my arm, then he sat on the bed and pulled me over his lap, one of his legs thrown over mine, confining me completely. I could only wriggle, my arms flailing to try to stop him, but he finally succeeded in controlling me, one hand holding mine.

"You better not spank me," I said, anger filling me.

"You better just take it,
Katherine
. You agreed that I'd punish you if you broke the rules. Did you break the rules?"

I said nothing, frustrated that he was using the agreement against me. Yes, I had agreed that he could punish me, bare-handed spanking me if I disobeyed deliberately.

"Did you
break
the rules?"

I stopped fighting, but I said nothing, furious.

"Katherine, I
promise
you, I've been doing this now for five years. I have more than enough patience to wait for you to reply properly."

"You're very selective about what and when you punish."

"That's my prerogative, as I said and as is spelled out in the agreement. Maybe we better sit down and re-read it. I've been exceptionally lenient with you since we've been together, but there are some things I can't tolerate. Lying is one of the things I
will
not tolerate." His voice was completely calm. "So once more, did you break the rules?"

I was breathing fast, my body tense. He was going to spank me and there was nothing I could do.

Finally, I gave in.

"
Yes
."

"Yes, what?"

His voice was so cool, distant. I had the sense this was the way he was with his other subs. Cool. In control. Calm. Firm. He'd never really been that way with me.

Until now.

"Yes,
Master
."

"Good girl," he said and hiked my nightgown above my ass, baring my cheeks. He ran his hand over them. "So nice and creamy white. It's too bad I'm going to have to make them all
red
."

"You don't
have
to do anything. You're
choosing
to do this."

"Yes, I
am,
Katherine," he said calmly. "A Dom has to have some standards. I've let mine slip with you because I
love
you so much, but if I don't enforce this rule, our relationship is doomed. I can't lose trust in you or this will fail." He leaned down and put his lips by my ear. "I don’t want to lose you." He kissed the skin on my bare shoulder. "I can't lose you."

He sat back up. "So, I want you to tell me what you did wrong. Complete openness Katherine. Complete honesty. No more hiding things from me."

I said nothing, filled with anger, and guilt. I still hadn't told him about the video of him with Sunita or about the rest of Maureen's phone call.

I covered my eyes. "I saw a video of you with Sunita."

I felt him stiffen beneath me, the muscles of his thighs tensing. "
What
?"

"Dawn sent it to me."

Drake breathed in deeply. When he spoke, I could barely hear him his voice was so low. "I told you about our relationship."

"Dawn tried to arrange a meeting between us but I said no.”

His body went rigid. "She
what
?"

“Then, she sent me the video. And because Maureen had said some things when she called that scared me, I…"

"
What
did Maureen say?"

I inhaled. This was it. Now it was all out. "She said you were barely under control. That you had a lot of anger bottled up inside. That I should think of that before I went to Africa with you."

"And you thought watching a video of me with Sunita would help clarify how dangerous I am?"

           
"I'm sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to upset you. I couldn’t believe Maureen  said those things. I was going to tell you, but you weren't feeling well from the shots and then
you were sick…"

I could hear his angry breathing. "That's three things, Katherine. Three things you kept from me." Then, he lay his hand over my ass as if he was preparing to strike.

"I don't want this," I said, knowing that it was futile.

"But you want me to be your Master, Katherine, deep down. I've been a bad Master, not controlling you well enough, or this would never have happened. I won't let that happen again. So you see," he said, his voice soft, controlled. "This is really my fault for letting my control slip. Now, I have to punish you even though I'd rather make love to you. I have to take your anger, so that our relationship's re-established. We'll both feel better when it's over."

"Cut the psychobabble and do it," I said, angry that he was so in control.

"It's not psychobabble and you know it. Remember your safe word."

"I won't use it."

"Tell me what your safe word is."

I shook my head. I wasn’t going to play this game tonight. Yes, I was wrong not to tell him right away about Kurt, and Sunita and Maureen. I didn’t tell him because I was afraid… Afraid of his jealousy. Afraid of his anger – he had gotten into a fight with Chris. Afraid of his being hurt when he was so good to Liam.

 Now, he was trying to go all Dom on me to somehow make everything better.

"It's
red
, Katherine."

I kept quiet, lying there, fuming and scared and sad all at the same time. I wanted to cry and hit him and run away.

"Just
do
it."

He stroked his hand over my buttocks, lingering over the small of my back, then slipping his fingers between my cheeks.

"When
I'm
ready."

"I
hate
you."

He stopped his motions.

"
Don't
say that." He was quiet for a moment and all I heard was his breathing. When he spoke, hurt edged his voice which was barely above a whisper. "Not even in a moment of anger."

I realized how childish I was being. I
didn't
hate him. I hated being in that position. I hated everything that happened from the time I saw Kurt up until that moment. I said nothing, waiting. He did nothing, his hand still on my ass.

We were at some impasse of will, waiting to see who would crumble first.

Then, as if to assure himself, he spoke, his hand moving softly over my skin once more.

"You
don't
hate me, Katherine. You love me.
Only
me. You said so yourself."

I did. Only him, which was why I hated Kurt so much at that moment, because everything was perfect until he came along and screwed things up.

"I couldn’t help it that Kurt was there," I said, my voice breaking. "I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to have to deal with him. It's not my fault."

He leaned down, and tucked my hair behind my ear lobe, his mouth beside my ear, his breath warm on my skin.

"You didn't have to lie about him. You should have told me about seeing Sunita's video. You should have told me Maureen spoke to you about me."

"I
didn't
lie. I was
going
to tell you."

"I have no way of knowing if you would have. Now, because you didn't tell me right away, how can I trust you? Three things, Katherine, that you held back. Three important things."

"You have to
choose
to trust me when I say I was going to tell you. You said that to me once, if I remember correctly."

He said nothing and I said nothing for a few moments. I was getting tired of this whole scene, trying to give in and get this over with so we could move on but there was a part of me that wanted to fight.

I sighed. "I guess I didn't trust you enough yet to tell you. I guess I was afraid of what you'd do. I was afraid of you."

His hand stopped moving at that.

"Why? Have I ever done anything to make you afraid of me?"

I shook my head. "No. But maybe you didn't do enough to make me trust you completely," I said, trying to be as honest as I could. "Every time I tried to talk, you shut me up. You'd go into Dom mode and we'd have sex and that was it. You've been under so much emotional stress and turmoil, I was afraid this would be one more thing to hurt you and upset you. It meant nothing to me so I didn’t feel it should matter to you, but I was afraid it would and I was right. "

"That's exactly why you should have told me right away. I
would
have been upset. I would have been very jealous and hurt. But we would have discussed it, you could have reassured me that what happened with Kurt was nothing, and now, instead of me having you over my lap, ready for a spanking, you'd be massaging me like my favorite slave girl and then we'd be making love."

"You don't have to spank me. It's your choice."

"You took away my choice when you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth right away. It's because I've been too free with you, letting you get away with too much. Not disciplining you when you broke the rules because I enjoy you too much. Now, I have to reassert myself, reestablish my dominance. I
have
to punish you, Katherine."