The Complete Rockstar Series (6 page)

E
llie

W
atching
Adam sing is probably the most sensual thing I’ve ever experienced. His presence is captivating, as if he were literally born to be on stage. His voice draws you right in, both musical and masculine at the same time. Perfect lips caress each note as he strums on his guitar.

Adam’s eyes never stray far from where I’m standing a few meters from the stage. I feel as if I’m the only person in the crowded pub as his heartbreaking lyrics pierce through me. No one here knows what he’s seen and done, how he lives, how much pain he hides inside. The songs that he writes express the hard life he’s had to endure.

“Your boyfriend is jealous of me,” Gavin says, leaning in close so I can hear him over the music. His American accent is such a contradiction, so smooth and beautiful, yet severe at the same time.

I slide my eyes briefly over to the tall, unbelievably attractive blonde man before returning my gaze to the charismatic singer on stage. Gavin is so beautiful it almost hurts to look at him. Men shouldn’t really be allowed to be prettier than you, but Gavin certainly is. Yet he’s incredibly masculine at the same time. “Yeah, we’re just mates, that’s all,” I tell him as I go back to watching Adam.

Gavin lets out a gentle laugh and gestures towards the stage with his beer. “Does he know that?” I pay closer attention, and sure enough, Adam is scowling at Gavin as he sings.

If looks could kill.

I press my lips together determined to ignore Gavin for the rest of the set. Adam and Dax are good. Really good. The large crowd cheers when they take their leave and I realize the conflicting emotion I’m feeling is jealousy. Jealous of the crowd, of the women ogling and quite loudly appreciating Adam’s physical beauty, of sharing him and his music with everyone here. I want to lock him up and keep him to myself.

“Ellie? Did you hear anything I just said?”

“Huh?”

Hawke steps in front of me, waving his hand in my face to pull me out of my thoughts. “Earth to Ellie. Come on, we’re going back to meet the guys.” He laughs and pulls on my arm, tugging me toward the small room in the back of the dark pub. I trip on my own feet and can’t help but giggle at my clumsiness.

Gavin shoves Hawke through the door and we’re all laughing by the time we stumble into Adam and Dax who have beers in their hands and are grinning as they chat.

George is already here, congratulating the guys on their set. Gavin and Hawke join the conversation and all five men are eagerly discussing the music, how to add drums and another guitarist to the mix.

I watch from the edge of the room, uneasy, as another strange emotion washes over me. Loneliness. I’m in a room with five other people and I feel completely and utterly alone. It’s how I felt when Dad lost his job and I left all my friends behind to move to Hackney. Only now the pain is focused on a single aching spot that is piercing straight through my heart.

“Hey sweet girl, what’s with the sad face?” Adam snakes his arm around my shoulders and I can see concern in his bright hazel eyes, the flecks of golden brown in the greenish-gray background shimmering under the lights.

I give him a pathetic smile. “Nothing. I’m great, Adam. I’m just thinking about how your side must hurt. That’s all.”

Adam raises an eyebrow and frowns. “You’re a crap liar, El.” He pauses, studying my face for a moment. “Give me a second, then we’ll go, alright?”

I nod blankly, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to get the hell out of this cramped room. Adam steps over to Dax and says a few words. I worry at my thumbnail, not even realizing that I’m doing it until the metallic taste of blood hits my tongue.

Adam slides his hand into mine, threading our fingers together and squeezing tight, his warm touch instantly calming me. “Let’s go, Sweetheart,” he whispers.

He gives me one of his perfect smiles and my heart speeds up. Falling for Adam Reynolds? Worst idea ever. He’s meant for greatness, I know it. I’ll never have him to myself. I’ll have to share him with the world once they hear his music. This cannot end well.

A
dam

W
atching
the tattooed and pierced Hawke eye-fuck Ellie and the too beautiful, too-tan and blonde surfer Gavin touch her all night was a wake-up call for me. I’m not going to be able to sit back and let some other guy come in and snatch her out from under me. She’s too gorgeous, too caring, too fucking perfect to not want her for myself.

That’s my biggest problem, that she’s too good for someone like me. I’ll drag her into my crap, my brother, my dad, my dead end fucking life. Ellie deserves better, she
is
better.

I walk her back to her flat after leaving the DK and catching the tube to our crap side of town. She let me hold her hand the entire ride home. I knew then, even though I’m probably the worst thing for her, that I was going to try to make her mine.

“Thanks for walking me, Adam.” Strands of Ellie’s long blonde hair blow across her face in the chilly winter night.

I scoff. “El, it’s after midnight, it’s freezing out, and I’m still worried about your safety. Not to mention that I’d be a real prick to let you walk home alone.”

She brings her blue eyes up to meet mine. Even in the dark, I can see a hint of a blush stain her cheeks under the streetlights. I glance down at her mouth and watch, mesmerized, as her lips part just a fraction and her tongue darts out and moistens them.

Unable to stop myself, not
wanting
to stop myself, I reach up and push her hair behind her ear, leaving my hand on the side of her face. “Tell me if you want me to stop.” I lean closer, pulling her gently towards me with my other hand that’s somehow found its way around her waist.

“I don’t want you to stop,” she says, her voice husky with desire.

Those words undo me and the last little bit of restraint I have evaporates. I bring my mouth down on hers and she lets out a tiny moan. It’s hardly loud enough to hear, but that sound marks this moment for me. The moment I begin to fall hard for Ellie Palmer.

She kisses me, hesitantly at first. Then that moan, and her mouth opens, giving my tongue enough room to explore and taste and discover. The kiss is so perfect that I never want it to end, but it’s late, and getting colder every minute.

Reluctantly pulling back, I rest my forehead on hers, allowing us both to catch our breath. The small clouds of mist mingle between us in the frigid air.

“Ellie,” I murmur, her name a benediction for me. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Her eyes close, as if in pain at the thought of parting, but she nods. “Yes, tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I press a kiss to her forehead and another quick one to her swollen lips. “Go inside. I can’t leave until I know you’re safe.”

Ellie takes the last few steps backwards, not turning away until the last second. “Bye Adam,” she says as she opens the door and disappears inside.

“Bye Ellie,” I whisper to myself.

T
urns out Gavin
and Hawke are excellent at their respective instruments. Better than excellent, they’re freaking brilliant. When they jammed with us the first time, it was as if we’d all been playing together for years. We make a great foursome.

“Ellie! You ever going to get your nose out of that sodding book and listen to us play?” I call out to where she’s sitting nearby with her maths book open.

“Adam, stop trying to corrupt me. I have to keep up with school so I can take my A-levels,” she snaps back at me playfully, smiling the entire time. “Just because you’re going to be a huge famous rock star and won’t need to know any of this, doesn’t mean I don’t.”

I shake my head and laugh at her. There are only two things I care about these days, music and Ellie. School isn’t part of my future, I know that, Ellie knows that. In fact, if I didn’t get to see Ellie there everyday, or need to get out of the hellhole I live in for a few hours, I’d probably have dropped out by now.

“Fine, miss out on being a part of history in the making,” I joke with her as I play a quick riff.

Ellie rolls her eyes. “Mighty large head you’ve got there, Reynolds,” she laughs as she turns back to her book.

I shrug, even though she isn’t watching me anymore. Our gig at the DK was popular before, but with Gavin and Hawke playing with us, George has had to turn people away at the door because there’s literally no more room for anyone else inside the tiny pub. We’ve gone from no job and no future, to raking in piles of money every weekend. It’s not enough to get our own flat or make a living, but for me, it’s enough to feed myself and still save money to leave eventually.

“Adam! Are you going to stare at Ellie all day or are we going to practice?”

I look over my shoulder and see Dax grinning at me from the other side of the abandoned basement, ecstatic to be able to embarrass me in front of Ellie. Only, I’m not embarrassed. Even though we haven’t gone any further than some pretty heavy kissing, I enjoy every single second I spend with her. And surprisingly, it’s me who keeps it tame between us. I don’t want to spoil everything by treating her like another easy fuck. The slow burn we’re working up will make it so worth it when we finally get to the physical part of our relationship. For the first time in my life I’m not in it just to get my rocks off.

“Bastard!” I shout playfully back at Dax. “Right, let’s start
Short on Time
from the top.”

We play another hour or so, until Gavin’s phone beeps. “We have to go. My mom is expecting us back soon,” he says as he checks the text message.

“Where’s your dad?” I ask Gavin.

Gavin’s eyes tighten around the edges, it’s subtle, but I swear his nostrils flare a little as well. “My dad stayed back in the U.S. to work, so my mom decided to come here for a year to spend time with her family. She’s from Hertfordshire and wanted to give me a chance to experience England, plus get to know her family better,” he answers stiffly.

“What about him?” Dax jerks a thumb towards Hawke.

“I’m just here for the life experience, you know, an adventure,” Hawke says smiling. “We’re best friends, so when he offered a year in Europe at his rich grandmother’s house, well, I’d be crazy to turn that down.”

Something tells me there’s more to their story than they’re letting on, but I’m not one to pry so I let it go. Dax narrows his eyes apprehensively but turns back to his guitar without saying a word.

I’m packing my gear listening to Dax ramble on about chords and songs and other stuff, when I notice Gavin chatting up Ellie … again. It seems as if every time they’re together and I’m not looking, he’s with her, heads together discussing who the fuck knows what. Not to mention he’s lying about his reason for being in London, I just know it.

“Fuck,” I hiss under my breath. My temper flares and I crack my neck to release the stress. I try not to get angry, and fail miserably, which is crazy. I hate fighting, but all I want to do when I see Gavin fawning all over my girl is to beat the crap out of him and his stupid good-looking face.

Dax notices that I’m not listening to him anymore, and follows my line of sight to Ellie and Gavin. When Gavin puts his hand on her shoulder and laughs, I lose it. I ignore Dax as he tells me not to do anything stupid.

“Hey! What’s all this about? You moving in on my girl? Is that why you wanted to join our band?” I shout as I storm over to the now very surprised, Gavin and Ellie.

“What?” Gavin jerks his head up, the thick lashes surrounding his wide blue eyes flutter in shock. He tucks his slightly too-long blonde hair behind an ear and stares at me open mouthed.

“Adam, don’t do this. There’s nothing going on,” Ellie warns, stepping between me and Gavin when she sees how furious I am. She crosses her arms and her brow pulls down, giving her sweet face a decidedly harsh look.

“That’s a load of shit and you know it,” I snap. “Every time I turn my back, he’s chatting you up or touching you. I’m not an idiot, Ellie.” I grit my teeth, fuming as Gavin and Ellie stare at me like I’m mental.

Hawke and Dax have come over, eyeing me warily, likely intending to jump in if I attempt to pound on Gavin’s stupid, pretty face. As much as I claim to hate fighting, the urge to rough him up is very real, swirling up from inside of me, like a cancer I can’t get rid of. It’s always there underneath the polite and happy surface.

“Dude, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” Hawke says, holding a tattooed arm out in front of me. “He’s not interested in her.”

“Buggar off, Hawke! It’s nothing to do with you!”

“Hey man, don’t be an asshole!” Hawke shouts right back, stepping directly in front of Ellie and Gavin, getting in my face.

“It’s not your fucking fight!” I growl at Hawke. My gaze flicks over his shoulder and I see Ellie, her face now drawn and pale, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Fuck!

“You know what? Fucking forget it!” I spin on my heel and snatch up my guitar case before storming out the door, stopping only to hit the doorframe with an open palm. I really want to punch it, but I can’t risk another injury to my hand.

I’m halfway down the street when I hear Ellie calling my name. Sod off, I’m not in the wrong here. A guy as good-looking as Gavin was chatting up my girl right in front of me and I’m not supposed to be angry?

“Adam! Will you stop?” she pleads, gasping for breath as she runs up behind me.

“Why? So you can make me feel stupid again?” I ask, not breaking my long strides.

“No, Adam. So I can tell you what Gavin is always talking to me about.”

As much as I want to keep storming away, my curiosity gets the best of me. Gavin is hiding something and I want to know what it is. I stop to face Ellie on the narrow street, scowling with my hands stuffed into my pockets. “Fine, go on then. What does Gavin always need to discuss with my girl that involves touching?” I bark out rudely.

Ellie’s sweet face crumples in pain. Now I feel even worse than I did a minute ago.

“He’s gay, Adam,” she whispers, her voice on the edge of breaking.

“What do you mean he’s gay?”

Ellie gives me a look. The ‘
are you really asking such a stupid question’
look and I feel about two feet tall. That isn’t at all what I was expecting her to say. Not even close, but it certainly explains a lot.

“Well,” I huff, “why the hell does he need to talk to you about that? You’re not gay.” My eyebrows shoot up in uncertainty. “You’re not, are you?”

At least some good comes from my complete and utter stupidity, because Ellie bursts out laughing at my ridiculous statement. “No, Adam. I’m most certainly not gay. I would think you could vouch for that.” She hesitates, but continues, “My best mate growing up, before I moved here, he’s gay. Gavin’s been asking questions about him, about his family.”

“Oh,” I deflate. “He doesn’t fancy you then.”

“No. He doesn’t,” she snaps. “You need to apologize to him.”

I step back, shocked. “What? Isn’t he going to be angry that you told me?”

“I don’t think so, but don’t spread it around or anything. His mum and her family know, Hawke knows, I don’t know if Dax knows, but Gavin’s dad doesn’t, or he suspects it and isn’t happy. Gavin has had a tough time. That’s why he’s here for a year. To get away from the pressure to conform to his dad’s ideal. His mum thought it’d be good for him. She doesn’t care if he’s gay. Apparently his dad won’t take it as well.”

“Well why is Hawke here? They’re not… you know, together are they?” I don’t think Hawke is gay, but obviously I don’t know a single thing about who is or isn’t gay.

“No, Adam. They’re not. Hawke isn’t gay. Gavin has alluded to Hawke having some problems back home, like he’s running away from something. But Gavin won’t talk about it and I’m not going to ask. They’re best mates, like you and Dax.” She waves it off as unimportant. “But you, you owe Gavin an apology.”

I sigh and stare at the broken pavement under my feet. “Fine, I’ll apologize to Gavin. Happy?” I’m well aware that I’m pouting like a girl.

“Very.” She steps forward until there’s hardly a centimeter between us. Her breath gently caresses my neck as I reach out and bring her against my chest. “I’m not going to say it wasn’t worth it, to watch you fight for me,” she murmurs, pulling back to tilt her chin up. “It was actually quite sexy.”

When she’s this close, I can feel the heat from her skin, see every tiny freckle on her face, smell the peppermint from the candy she’s been snacking on and the vanilla in her hair. I lean down and kiss her gently, just a brush of lips, not sure if I’m completely forgiven yet for being a jealous prick.

Ellie sighs and her lips part, allowing me access to her delicious mouth. I take advantage, tangling my tongue with hers, tasting and letting the electricity of her touch course through me. Unable to help myself, I put my arm around her waist and pull her tightly against me. The feel of her soft body against mine makes me so hard I think I might lose my mind. I’ve never been this sexually frustrated in my life, but I care about her too much to let it get out of hand.

“Ellie,” I groan between kisses, “we have to stop.” My cock is protesting, pressing painfully against the zipper of my jeans.

“No,” she moans against my mouth and pushes her hips against my hard length.

“Yes,” I gently unwind her arms from around my neck and step back, breathing heavily as I try to control myself and my surging teenage hormones.

She looks devastated by my rejection.

“Ellie, I can’t… I just can’t do this here. On the street. Plus… you’re just not, we can’t…” I stop talking and squeeze my eyes shut, unable to convince my mouth and dick of the truth in what my brain already knows. That she’s too good for me.

She steps forward to wrap her hands in my shirt, yanking my body back against hers. “You can, and we will. Not here, not today, but we will,” she whispers into my neck.

I hug her tight, burying my face in her hair and inhaling her intoxicating scent again. The feelings I have for Ellie are beyond anything I’ve experienced before. She’s not a fuck and chuck or a quick shag, she’s more. The words I want to say are right on the tip of my normally eloquent tongue, but they don’t come fast enough and then the moment is gone.