The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (340 page)

Take this purse of gold,

as a down payment for your help so far,

and I will double it, treble it,

when you help me more. The count is wooing your daughter,

he is laying a lustful siege to her beauty,

he's determined to have her: let her pretend to give in

in the way that we direct her is best.

Now his hot blood will not deny her

anything she asks: there is a ring he wears

that has been handed down in his family from father to son,

for four or five generations since the first one had it:

it is very precious to him; but in his heat

he will not think it is too much to get what he wants

however much he regrets it afterwards.

Widow

Now I see

The bottom of your purpose.

Now I see

what you're planning.

HELENA

You see it lawful, then: it is no more,

But that your daughter, ere she seems as won,

Desires this ring; appoints him an encounter;

In fine, delivers me to fill the time,

Herself most chastely absent: after this,

To marry her, I'll add three thousand crowns

To what is passed already.

You see it is lawful, then: all I want

is for your daughter, pretending she has given in,

to ask for this ring; she should arrange a meeting with him,

at which I will take her place,

she will be chastely absent: after this,

I'll add three thousand crowns to her dowry

to go with what I've already paid.

Widow

I have yielded:

Instruct my daughter how she shall persever,

That time and place with this deceit so lawful

May prove coherent. Every night he comes

With musics of all sorts and songs composed

To her unworthiness: it nothing steads us

To chide him from our eaves; for he persists

As if his life lay on't.

I agree:

tell my daughter how to behave,

so that this lawful deception

looks genuine. He comes here every night

with all sorts of musicians and songs written

to try and persuade her: it doesn't do any good

 to berate him from our windows; he carries on

as if his life depended on it.

HELENA

Why then to-night

Let us assay our plot; which, if it speed,

Is wicked meaning in a lawful deed

And lawful meaning in a lawful act,

Where both not sin, and yet a sinful fact:

But let's about it.

Exeunt

Why then, tonight

let us try our plot; if it works

it means the lawful deed will be wickedly done

a lawful act will have lawful meaning,

neither of us will be sinning, yet the fact will be sinful:

but let's get on with it.

Enter Second French Lord, with five or six other Soldiers in ambush

Second Lord

He can come no other way but by this hedge-corner.

When you sally upon him, speak what terrible

language you will: though you understand it not

yourselves, no matter; for we must not seem to

understand him, unless some one among us whom we

must produce for an interpreter.

 He can only come round this corner of the hedge.

When you ambush him, speak whatever nonsense

you want: it doesn't matter if you don't

understand it; the important thing is that we look like

we don't understand him, unless we produce

someone as an interpreter.

First Soldier

Good captain, let me be the interpreter.

Good captain, let me be the interpreter.

Second Lord

Art not acquainted with him? knows he not thy voice?

You don't know him? He doesn't know your voice?

First Soldier

No, sir, I warrant you.

I promise you he doesn't, sir.

Second Lord

But what linsey-woolsey hast thou to speak to us again?

But what gibberish will you use when you speak to us?

First Soldier

E'en such as you speak to me.

The same as you speak to me.

Second Lord

He must think us some band of strangers i' the

adversary's entertainment. Now he hath a smack of

all neighbouring languages; therefore we must every

one be a man of his own fancy, not to know what we

speak one to another; so we seem to know, is to

know straight our purpose: choughs' language,

gabble enough, and good enough. As for you,

interpreter, you must seem very politic. But couch,

ho! here he comes, to beguile two hours in a sleep,

and then to return and swear the lies he forges.

He must believe that we are a group of foreigners

in the pay of the enemy. Now, he has a smattering

of the languages around here; and so we must all

make up our own language, not knowing

what we are saying to each other; all that matters is

that we look as if we understand: the twittering of birds,

gabbling nonsense, will be good enough. As for you,

interpreter, you mustseem very wise. But hush,

look! He comes, planning to get a couple of hours' sleep,

and then go back and swear to the lies he makes up.

Enter PAROLLES

PAROLLES

Ten o'clock: within these three hours 'twill be

time enough to go home. What shall I say I have

done? It must be a very plausive invention that

carries it: they begin to smoke me; and disgraces

have of late knocked too often at my door. I find

my tongue is too foolhardy; but my heart hath the

fear of Mars before it and of his creatures, not

daring the reports of my tongue.

Ten o'clock: if I stop about three hours then it will be

time to go home. What shall I say I have

done? It must be a very plausible invention to

carry it off: they're beginning to suspect me; and recently

I've been involved in too many close shaves. I find

that I speak too much; but my heart is afraid

of war and everything to do with it, not of

what my tongue might say.

Second Lord

This is the first truth that e'er thine own tongue

was guilty of.

This is the first time your tongue ever told the truth.

PAROLLES

What the devil should move me to undertake the

recovery of this drum, being not ignorant of the

impossibility, and knowing I had no such purpose? I

must give myself some hurts, and say I got them in

exploit: yet slight ones will not carry it; they

will say, 'Came you off with so little?' and great

ones I dare not give. Wherefore, what's the

instance? Tongue, I must put you into a

butter-woman's mouth and buy myself another of

Bajazet's mule, if you prattle me into these perils.

Why on earth did I say that I would

get this drum back, knowing that it was

impossible, and knowing I had no intention of doing so?

I must give myself some wounds, and say I got them

in the adventure: but small ones won't do; they

will say, ‘how did you get away with that?’ and

I'm not going to give myself large ones. So, what

evidence will I have? Tongue, I must give you to

a gossip and buy myself another from

from Balaam's ass, if you keep talking me into such danger.

Second Lord

Is it possible he should know what he is, and be

that he is?

Can he really know what sort of person he is,

and still be like this?

PAROLLES

I would the cutting of my garments would serve the

turn, or the breaking of my Spanish sword.

I wish that just cutting my clothes would be enough,

or breaking my Spanish sword.

Second Lord

We cannot afford you so.

We won't give you that much.

PAROLLES

Or the baring of my beard; and to say it was in

stratagem.

Or I could shave my beard, and say it was

part of my plan.

Second Lord

'Twould not do.

That wouldn't fool us.

PAROLLES

Or to drown my clothes, and say I was stripped.

Or I could throw my clothes in the river, and say I was stripped.

Second Lord

Hardly serve.

That won't work.

PAROLLES

Though I swore I leaped from the window of the citadel.

And I could swear I jumped out of the castle window.

Second Lord

How deep?

From what height?

PAROLLES

Thirty fathom.

Two hundredfeet.

Second Lord

Three great oaths would scarce make that be believed.

You could swear that in triplicate and it would hardly be believed.

PAROLLES

I would I had any drum of the enemy's: I would swear