The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (427 page)

Now, sir, come on: Once more, what was done to Elbow’s wife?

POMPEY

Once, sir? there was nothing done to her once.

Once, sir? There was nothing done to her once.

ELBOW

I beseech you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife.

I implore you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife/

POMPEY

I beseech your honour, ask me.

I implore your honor, ask me.

ESCALUS

Well, sir; what did this gentleman to her?

Well, sir; what did this gentleman do to her?

POMPEY

I beseech you, sir, look in this gentleman's face.

I implore you, sir, look in this gentleman’s face
Good Master Froth, look upon his honour; 'tis for a

Good Master Froth, look at his honor, it is for a
good purpose. Doth your honour mark his face?

Good reason.  Does your honor take note of his face?

ESCALUS

Ay, sir, very well.

Yes, sir, very well.

POMPEY

Nay; I beseech you, mark it well.

No, I implore you, not it well.

ESCALUS

Well, I do so.

Well, I do so.

POMPEY

Doth your honour see any harm in his face?

Does your honor see any malice in his face?

ESCALUS

Why, no.

Why, no.

POMPEY

I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst

I’ll swear on the Bible, the rest of him is as harmless
thing about him. Good, then; if his face be the

As his face.  Good, then; if the rest of him is
worst thing about him, how could Master Froth do the

As harmless as his face, how could Master Frother do the
constable's wife any harm? I would know that of

Constable’s wife any harm?  I would know if that has happened
your honour.

Your honor.

ESCALUS

He's in the right. Constable, what say you to it?

He’s right.  Constable, what do you have to say about it?

ELBOW

First, an it like you, the house is a respected

First, if it please you, the house is a ‘respected’
house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his

House; next, this is a ‘respected’ fellow; and his
mistress is a respected woman.

Mistress is a ‘respected’ woman.

POMPEY

By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respected

By these facts, sir, his wife is the most ‘respected’
person than any of us all.

Person of us all.  [Aside] That fool Elbow thinks we mean suspected of sexual dealings.

ELBOW

Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet! The

Scoundrel, you lie; you like, horrible scoundrel!  The
time has yet to come that she was ever respected

Time hasn’t yet come that she was ever ‘respected’
with man, woman, or child.

To be with any man, woman, or child.

POMPEY

Sir, she was respected with him before he married with her.

Sir, she was ‘respected’ with him before he married her.

ESCALUS

Which is the wiser here? Justice or Iniquity? Is

Which is true here?  The character of Justice or Injustice? Is
this true?

This true?

ELBOW

O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wicked

Oh you villain! Oh you scoundrel! Oh you wicked
Hannibal! I respected with her before I was married

Hannibal—I mean cannibal! To think I ‘respected’ with her before I was married
to her! If ever I was respected with her, or she

To her!  If ever I was ‘resepcted’ with her, or she
with me, let not your worship think me the poor

With me, then your honor don’t think that I am the
duke's officer. Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or

Duke’s poor constable.  Prove this, you terrible Hannibal, or
I'll have mine action of battery on thee.

I’ll my lawsuit for assault on you.

ESCALUS

If he took you a box o' the ear, you might have your

If he hit you, you might have your
action of slander too.

Lawsuit for slander too.  Hah, again, he confused his words.

ELBOW

Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What is't

I swear on the Virgin Mary, I thank you good honor for that.  What do
your worship's pleasure I shall do with this wicked caitiff?

You want, you honor, for me to do with this wicked villain?

ESCALUS

Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in him

It is true, officer, since he has committed some offences
that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him

That you would reveal if you could, let him
continue in his courses till thou knowest what they

Continue in his way of life till you know what the offences
are.

Are.

ELBOW

Marry, I thank your worship for it. Thou seest, thou

By the Virgin Mary, I thank your honor for this.  You see, you
wicked varlet, now, what's come upon thee: thou art

Wicked scoundrel, now, what is about to happen to you: you are
to continue now, thou varlet; thou art to continue.

To continue now, you scoundrel: you are to continue.

ESCALUS

Where were you born, friend?

Where were you born, friend?

FROTH

Here in Vienna, sir.

Here in Vienna, sir.

ESCALUS

Are you of fourscore pounds a year?

Do you make 80 pounds a year?

FROTH

Yes, an't please you, sir.

Yes, if it pleases you, sir.

ESCALUS

So. What trade are you of, sir?

So. What is your occupation, sor?

POMPHEY

Tapster; a poor widow's tapster.

A bar man; a poor widow’s bar man.

ESCALUS

Your mistress' name?

What is your mistress’ name?

POMPHEY

Mistress Overdone.

Mistress Overdone.

ESCALUS

Hath she had any more than one husband?

Did she have more than one husband?

POMPEY

Nine, sir; Overdone by the last.

Nine, sir; She got the name Overdone from the last.

ESCALUS

Nine! Come hither to me, Master Froth. Master

Nine! Come to me, Master Froth.  Master
Froth, I would not have you acquainted with

Froth, I would not have thought to acquaint you with
tapsters: they will draw you, Master Froth, and you

Bar men: they will cheat you, Master Froth, and you
will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no

Be the reason they are hung.  Get away from here, and don’t let me hear any
more of you.

More from you.

FROTH

I thank your worship. For mine own part, I never

I thank you, your honor.  For my own part, I never
come into any room in a tap-house, but I am drawn

Go into any room in a tavern, unless I am lead
in.

In.

ESCALUS

Well, no more of it, Master Froth: farewell.

Well, no matter, Master Froth: farewell.

Exit FROTH

Come you hither to me, Master tapster. What's your

Come to me, Master bar man,  What is your
name, Master tapster?

Name, Master bar man?

POMPEY

Pompey.

Pompey.

ESCALUS

What else?

What else?

POMPEY

Bum, sir.

ESCALUS

Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you;

Truth, and your bum is the greatest, and crudest, thing about you;
so that in the beastliest sense you are Pompey the

So that in the lowest sense you are Pompey the
Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey,

Great.  Pompey, you are partly a whore procurer, Pompey,
howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are you

However you hide it by being a bar man, don’t
not? come, tell me true: it shall be the better for you.

You?  Come on, tell me the truth: it shall be better for you.

POMPEY

Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live.

Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that wants to earn a living.

ESCALUS

How would you live, Pompey? by being a bawd? What

How do you want to earn a living, Pompey? By procuring whores? What
do you think of the trade, Pompey? is it a lawful trade?

Do you think of that occupation, Pompey? Is it a lawful occupation?

POMPEY

If the law would allow it, sir.

If only it was allowed by the law, sir.

ESCALUS

But the law will not allow it, Pompey; nor it shall

But it is not allowed by the law, Pompey; and it will
not be allowed in Vienna.

Not be allowed in Vienna.

POMPEY

Does your worship mean to geld and splay all the

Does you honor mean to neuter and spay all the
youth of the city?

Young men and women in the city?

ESCALUS

No, Pompey.

No, Pompey.

POMPEY

Truly, sir, in my poor opinion, they will to't then.

Truly then, sir, in my low opinion, they will continue then.
If your worship will take order for the drabs and

If your honor would take care of the whores and
the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds.

Their clients, you wouldn’t need to worry about the procurers.

ESCALUS

There are pretty orders beginning, I can tell you:

There are considerable laws starting now, I can tell you:
it is but heading and hanging.

The punishment will only be beheading and hanging.

POMPEY

If you head and hang all that offend that way but

If you behead and hang all those that commit this offense
for ten year together, you'll be glad to give out a

For only ten years, you’ll have to give out an
commission for more heads: if this law hold in

Order for more people: if this law remains in
Vienna ten year, I'll rent the fairest house in it

Vienna for ten years, I’ll rent the nicest house in it
after three-pence a bay: if you live to see this

At the rate of three-pennies a room: if you live to see this
come to pass, say Pompey told you so.

Happen, say Pompey told you so.

ESCALUS

Thank you, good Pompey; and, in requital of your

Thank you, good Pompeyl and in repayment for your
prophecy, hark you: I advise you, let me not find

Prophecy, listen: I advise, you, don’t let me find
you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever;