The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (61 page)

Villains, set down the corse; or, by Saint Paul,

I'll make a corse of him that disobeys!

Villains, put down the corpse; or, I swear by St Paul,

I'll make a corpse of the one who disobeys!

FIRST GENTLEMAN.

My lord, stand back, and let the coffin

pass.

My Lord, stand back and let the coffin pass.

RICHARD.

Unmannerd dog! Stand thou, when I command.

Advance thy halberd higher than my breast,

Or, by Saint Paul, I'll strike thee to my foot

And spurn upon thee, beggar, for thy boldness.

Rude dog! You stop when I order.

Stop pointing your spear at me,

or, by St Paul, I'll knock you to the ground

and grind you with my heel, beggar, for your impudence.

[The bearers set down the coffin]

ANNE.

What, do you tremble? Are you all afraid?

Alas, I blame you not, for you are mortal,

And mortal eyes cannot endure the devil.

Avaunt, thou dreadful minister of hell!

Thou hadst but power over his mortal body,

His soul thou canst not have; therefore, be gone.

What, are you trembling? Are you all afraid?

Alas, I do not blame you, for you are mortal,

and the eyes of mortals cannot bear the sight of the devil.

Away with you, you foul Minister of hell!

You only have power over his mortal body,

you cannot have his soul; so, go.

RICHARD.

Sweet saint, for charity, be not so curst.

Sweet saint, be kind, don't be so harsh.

ANNE.

Foul devil, for God's sake, hence and trouble us not;

For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell

Fill'd it with cursing cries and deep exclaims.

If thou delight to view thy heinous deeds,

Behold this pattern of thy butcheries.

O, gentlemen, see, see! Dead Henry's wounds

Open their congeal'd mouths and bleed afresh.

Blush, blush, thou lump of foul deformity,

For 'tis thy presence that exhales this blood

From cold and empty veins where no blood dwells;

Thy deeds inhuman and unnatural

Provokes this deluge most unnatural.

O God, which this blood mad'st, revenge his death!

O earth, which this blood drink'st, revenge his death!

Either, heav'n, with lightning strike the murd'rer dead;

Or, earth, gape open wide and eat him quick,

As thou dost swallow up this good king's blood,

Which his hell-govern'd arm hath butchered.

Foul devil, for God's sake, go away and don't bother us;

you have turned the happy earth into hell,

filling it with screams and curses.

If you enjoy seeing your horrible deeds,

look at this example of your butchery.

Oh gentlemen, look, look! The wounds of dead Henry

have reopened and are bleeding again.

Blush, blush, you foul twisted lump,

it’s your presence that makes this blood run

from cold and empty veins where there is no blood;

your inhuman and unnatural deeds

have caused this unnatural flood.

O God, who made this blood, revenge his death!

O Earth, which drinks this blood, revenge his death!

Let either heaven strike the murderer dead with lightning,

or let the Earth open wide and consume him as quickly

as you have swallowed up the blood of this good king,

whom his devilish hand butchered.

RICHARD.

Lady, you know no rules of charity,

Which renders good for bad, blessings for curses.

Lady, you are not being kind,

you should give back good for bad, blessings for curses.

ANNE.

Villain, thou knowest nor law of God nor man:

No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity.

Villain, you don't obey the laws of God or man:

there is no animal so fierce that he doesn't feel some pity.

RICHARD.

But I know none, and therefore am no beast.

But I feel no pity, and so I am not an animal.

ANNE.

O wonderful, when devils tell the truth!

Amazing, when devils tell the truth!

RICHARD.

More wonderful when angels are so angry.

Vouchsafe, divine perfection of a woman,

Of these supposed crimes to give me leave

By circumstance but to acquit myself.

More amazing when angels are so angry.

Explain, you heavenly perfect woman,

what crimes I'm supposed to have committed,

so that I can give you proof of my innocence.

ANNE.

Vouchsafe, diffus'd infection of a man,

Of these known evils but to give me leave

By circumstance to accuse thy cursed self.

I will explain, you disease of a man,

the well-known facts of the matter just to

give myself permission to accuse you.

RICHARD.

Fairer than tongue can name thee, let me have

Some patient leisure to excuse myself.

Lady more beautiful than words can say,

give me a chance to excuse myself.

ANNE.

Fouler than heart can think thee, thou canst make

No excuse current but to hang thyself.

Man uglier than the heart could imagine,

the only way you could excuse yourself this is by hanging yourself.

RICHARD.

By such despair I should accuse myself.

If I did such a thing I would be accusing myself.

ANNE.

And by despairing shalt thou stand excused

For doing worthy vengeance on thyself

That didst unworthy slaughter upon others.

And by doing it you would be acquitted

for taking proper revenge on yourself

who unjustly slaughtered others.

RICHARD.

Say that I slew them not?

What if it wasn't me who killed them?

ANNE.

Then say they were not slain.

But dead they are, and, devilish slave, by thee.

Then they wouldn't be dead.

But they are dead, and, devil's slave, you killed them.

RICHARD.

I did not kill your husband.

I didn't kill your husband.

ANNE.

Why, then he is alive.

Well then, he must still be alive.

RICHARD.

Nay, he is dead, and slain by Edward's hands.

No, he is dead, and killed by Edward.

ANNE.

In thy foul throat thou liest: Queen Margaret saw

Thy murd'rous falchion smoking in his blood;

The which thou once didst bend against her breast,

But that thy brothers beat aside the point.

You're lying through your foul throat: Queen Margaret saw

your murderous sword covered with his warm blood;

the same sword that you tried to stab her with,

but your brothers pushed the point away.

RICHARD.

I was provoked by her sland'rous tongue

That laid their guilt upon my guiltless shoulders.

I was provoked by the lies she told,

which placed guilt upon my guiltless shoulders.

ANNE.

Thou wast provoked by thy bloody mind,

That never dream'st on aught but butcheries.

Didst thou not kill this king?

You were provoked by your vicious mind,

that never thinks of anything but murder.

Did you not kill this king?

RICHARD.

I grant ye.

I grant you that.

ANNE.

Dost grant me, hedgehog? Then, God grant me to

Thou mayst be damned for that wicked deed!

O, he was gentle, mild, and virtuous!

You grant me that, hedgehog? Then, may God grant me

that you will be dammed for that wicked deed!

Oh, he was gentle, mild and good!

RICHARD.

The better for the King of Heaven, that hath

him.

Then he'll be well suited to the King of Heaven,

who has him now.

ANNE.

He is in heaven, where thou shalt never come.

He is in heaven, where you will never go.

RICHARD.

Let him thank me that holp to send him

thither,

For he was fitter for that place than earth.

He should thank me for helping to send him there,

he was more suited to that place than to Earth.

ANNE.

And thou unfit for any place but hell.

And you are unsuited for any place apart from hell.

RICHARD.

Yes, one place else, if you will hear me name it.

There is one place, if you will let me name it.

ANNE.

Some dungeon.

Some dungeon.

RICHARD.

Your bed-chamber.

Your bedroom.

ANNE.

Ill rest betide the chamber where thou liest!

May there be no rest in any room where you sleep!

RICHARD.

So will it, madam, till I lie with you.

That's how it will be, madam,until I sleep with you.

ANNE.

I hope so.

That's what I hope.

RICHARD.

I know so. But, gentle Lady Anne,

To leave this keen encounter of our wits,

And fall something into a slower method-

Is not the causer of the timeless deaths

Of these Plantagenets, Henry and Edward,

As blameful as the executioner?

I know this is how it will be. But, gentle Lady Anne,

let us leave off this sharp banter,

and talk more reasonably–

hasn't the person who caused these untimely deaths

of these Plantagenets, Henry and Edward,

as much to blame as the executioner?

ANNE.

Thou wast the cause and most accurs'd effect.

You were the cause and the cursed effect.

RICHARD.

Your beauty was the cause of that effect-

Your beauty that did haunt me in my sleep

To undertake the death of all the world

So I might live one hour in your sweet bosom.

It was your beauty that caused the effect–

your beauty that haunted me in my sleep

making me want to kill the whole world

if it meant I could spend one hour with you.

ANNE.

If I thought that, I tell thee, homicide,

These nails should rend that beauty from my cheeks.