The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (666 page)

Unless this is Valentine.

PROTEUS

Valentine?

Valentine?

VALENTINE

No.

I’m not Valentine.

PROTEUS

Who then? his spirit?

Who are you then? His ghost?

VALENTINE

Neither.

Not that either.

PROTEUS

What then?

Who are you then?

VALENTINE

Nothing.

I am nothing.

LAUNCE

Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?

And nothing is able to speak? Master, should I hit him?

PROTEUS

Who wouldst thou strike?

Who would you hit?

LAUNCE

Nothing.

Nothing.

PROTEUS

Villain, forbear.

You scoundrel, stop it.

LAUNCE

Why, sir, I'll strike nothing: I pray you,--

Well, sir, I’ll hit nothing: please—

PROTEUS

Sirrah, I say, forbear. Friend Valentine, a word.

Man, I said, stop it. My friend Valentine, I would like to speak with you.

VALENTINE

My ears are stopt and cannot hear good news,

My ears are stopped up and cannot hear good news,
So much of bad already hath possess'd them.

Since so much bad news has already taken them over.

PROTEUS

Then in dumb silence will I bury mine,

Then I will relate my news in complete silence,
For they are harsh, untuneable and bad.

For it is harsh, terrible and bad.

VALENTINE

Is Silvia dead?

Is Silvia dead?

PROTEUS

No, Valentine.

No, Valentine.

VALENTINE

No Valentine, indeed, for sacred Silvia.

There will be no Valentine, indeed, for heavenly Silvia.
Hath she forsworn me?

Has she rejected me?

PROTEUS

No, Valentine.

No, Valentine.

VALENTINE

No Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me.

There would be no more Valentine if Silvia rejected me.
What is your news?

What’s your news?

LAUNCE

Sir, there is a proclamation that you are vanished.

Sir, there was a public announcement that you vanished.

PROTEUS

That thou art banished--O, that's the news!—

He means that your are banished—Oh, that’s the news!—
From hence, from Silvia and from me thy friend.

From here, from Silvia, and from my your friend.

VALENTINE

O, I have fed upon this woe already,

Oh, I have found out this terrible news already,
And now excess of it will make me surfeit.

And now too much of it will make me be sick.
Doth Silvia know that I am banished?

Does Silvia know that I am banished?

PROTEUS

Ay, ay; and she hath offer'd to the doom—

Yes, yes; and she has responded to the sentence—
Which, unreversed, stands in effectual force—

Which, if it isn’t reversed, is in full effect—
A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears:

With a stream of melted pearls, which some call tears:
Those at her father's churlish feet she tender'd;

She let those fall at her father’s ugly feet;
With them, upon her knees, her humble self;

With her tears, and on her knees, she humiliated herself;
Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them

Wringing her hands, whose whiteness was so fitting for them
As if but now they waxed pale for woe:

That they seemed to turn pale from sadness;
But neither bended knees, pure hands held up,

But not her kneeling before him, or her pure hands held up to him,
Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears,

Her sad signs, deep groans, nor tears of falling silver,
Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire;

Could break through to her uncaring father;
But Valentine, if he be ta'en, must die.

But Valentine will be killed, if you are taken in.
Besides, her intercession chafed him so,

Besides, her prayer for you angered him so much,
When she for thy repeal was suppliant,

When she was begging for your forgiveness,
That to close prison he commanded her,

That he sent her to a private prison,
With many bitter threats of biding there.

With many terrible threats of remaining there.

VALENTINE

No more; unless the next word that thou speak'st

Say no more; unless the next word that you speak
Have some malignant power upon my life:

Has some deadly power to end my life:
If so, I pray thee, breathe it in mine ear,

If it does, please, whisper it in my ear,
As ending anthem of my endless dolour.

As the last song of my endless grief.

PROTEUS

Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,

Stop grieving for what you cannot change,
And study help for that which thou lament'st.

And think of what you can do about what you’re grieving for.
Time is the nurse and breeder of all good.

Time heals all wounds.
Here if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love;

If you stay here, you cannot see your love;
Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life.

Besides, if you stay you will cut your life short.
Hope is a lover's staff; walk hence with that

A lover’s walking stick is made of hope; walk from here with that
And manage it against despairing thoughts.

And use it against your thoughts of despair.
Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence;

Your letter will be here, though you are away;
Which, being writ to me, shall be deliver'd

Which, if you write them to me, I will deliver
Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love.

To the milky-white chest of your love.
The time now serves not to expostulate:

We don’t have the time now to discuss:
Come, I'll convey thee through the city-gate;

Come on, I’ll take you through the city-gate;
And, ere I part with thee, confer at large

And, before I part with you, discuss in full
Of all that may concern thy love-affairs.

Of everything that may concern your love affair.
As thou lovest Silvia, though not for thyself,

Since you love Silvia, even though you don’t love yourself,
Regard thy danger, and along with me!

Take notice of your danger, and come along with me!

VALENTINE

I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy,

Please, Launce, if you see my servant boy,
Bid him make haste and meet me at the North-gate.

Tell him to hurry and meet me at the North-gate.

PROTEUS

Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine.

Go, man, find him. Come on, Valentine.

VALENTINE

O my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine!

Oh, my dear Silvia! Miserable Valentine!

Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS

LAUNCE

I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to

I am just a fool, you know; and still I have the sense to
think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's

Think my master is a kind of scoundrel: but that’s
all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now

Alright, if he’s only a knave in this one instance. Not a man lives
that knows me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a

That knows that I am in love; but I am in love; anything less than a
team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who

Team of horses will not get that secret out of me; nor who
'tis I love; and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I

It is that I love; but I’ll say she’s a a woman; and what a woman she is, I
will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milkmaid; yet

Won’t even tell myself; but I’ll say she’s a milkmaid; but
'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet 'tis

She’s not a virgin, for she has had children; but she is
a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for

A maid, because she is her master’s maid, and works for
wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel;

Pay. She has more accomplishments than a water-spaniel;
which is much in a bare Christian.

Which is a lot for a mere Christian.

Pulling out a paper

Here is the cate-log of her condition.

Here is the list of her qualities.
'Imprimis: She can fetch and carry.' Why, a horse

‘In the first place: she can fetch and carry things.’ Well, a horse
can do no more: nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only

Can’t even do that: no, a horse can’t fetch, but can only
carry; therefore is she better than a jade. 'Item:

Carry; so she is better than an old nag. ‘Next point:
She can milk;' look you, a sweet virtue in a maid

She can milk a cow;’ you know, which is a good ability in a maid
with clean hands.

With clean hands

Enter SPEED

SPEED

How now, Signior Launce! what news with your

How are you, Mister Launce! What news do you have of your
mastership?

Lordship?

LAUNCE

With my master's ship? why, it is at sea.

Of my lord’s ship? Well, it’s out at sea.

SPEED

Well, your old vice still; mistake the word. What

Well, always with your old bad habit of misunderstanding words. What’s
news, then, in your paper?

That paper there say, then?

LAUNCE

The blackest news that ever thou heardest.

The blackest news that you have ever heard.

SPEED

Why, man, how black?

Why, man, is it so black?

LAUNCE

Why, as black as ink.

Well, as black as ink.

SPEED

Let me read them.

Let me read them.

LAUNCE

Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst not read.

Shame on you, blockhead! You can’t read.

SPEED

Thou liest; I can.

You’re lying; I can read.

LAUNCE

I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee?

I will test you. Tell me this: who gave birth to you?

SPEED

Marry, the son of my grandfather.

By Mary, it was the son of my grandfather.

LAUNCE

O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy

Oh, illiterate beggar! It was the son of your
grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read.

Grandmother: this proves that you can’t read.

SPEED

Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper.

Come on, fool, come on; test me with your paper.

LAUNCE

There; and St. Nicholas be thy speed!