The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (694 page)

I can tell your fortune.

You are a fool. Tell ten—I have pos’d him. Buzz!

Friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do,

Your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we dance ho?

I know you, y’ are a tinker. Sirrah tinker,

Stop no more holes but what you should.

I can tell your fortune.

You are  a fool. Count to ten–that's stumped him. Buzz!

Friend, you must not eat white bread; if you do,

your teeth will bleed terribly. Shall we dance?

I know you, you're a mender.  Sir mender,

don't fill up more holes than you ought to.

GERROLD

Dii boni!

A tinker, damsel?

Good God!

A mender, girl?

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

Or a conjurer.

Raise me a devil now, and let him play

Qui passa o’ th’ bells and bones.

Or magician.

Summon me a devil now, and let him play

a tune on the bells and bones.

GERROLD

Go take her,

And fluently persuade her to a peace.

“Et opus exegi, quod nec Jovis ira, nec ignis”—

Strike up, and lead her in.

Take her away,

and do your best to calm her down.

"I have completed a work that neither the anger of Jove, nor fire"–

start the music, and bring her into the dance.

SECOND COUNTRY FOLK

Come, lass, let’s trip it.

Come on lass, let's dance.

JAILER’S DAUGHTER

I’ll lead.

I'll lead.

THIRD COUNTRY FOLK

Do, do.

Do, do.

GERROLD

Persuasively and cunningly!

Wind horns.

Away, boys!

I hear the horns. Give me some meditation,

And mark your cue.

Exeunt all but Schoolmaster.

Pallas inspire me!

Beautifully and cleverly!

Off you go, boys!

I can hear the horns. Give me time to think,

and look out for your cue.

Pallas inspire me!

Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, and Train.

THESEUS

This way the stag took.

This is the way the stag went.

GERROLD

Stay, and edify.

Stop and learn.

THESEUS

What have we here?

What's this?

PIRITHOUS

Some country sport, upon my life, sir.

I swear it must be some country entertainment, sir.

THESEUS

Well, sir, go forward, we will edify.

Ladies, sit down, we’ll stay it.

Well, sir, carry on, we will learn.

Ladies, sit down, we'll watch.

GERROLD

Thou doughty Duke, all hail! All hail, sweet ladies!

You good Duke, all welcomes! All welcomes, sweet ladies!

THESEUS

This is a cold beginning.

This is a dull beginning.

GERROLD

If you but favor, our country pastime made is.

We are a few of those collected here

That ruder tongues distinguish villager,

And to say verity, and not to fable,

We are a merry rout, or else a rable,

Or company, or by a figure, choris,

That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris.

And I, that am the rectifier of all,

By title paedagogus, that let fall

The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,

And humble with a ferula the tall ones,

Do here present this machine, or this frame,

And, dainty Duke, whose doughty dismal fame

From Dis to Daedalus, from post to pillar,

Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,

And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight

Upon this mighty Morr—of mickle weight—

Is—now comes in, which being glu’d together

Makes Morris, and the cause that we came hither.

The body of our sport, of no small study,

I first appear, though rude, and raw, and muddy,

To speak, before thy noble Grace, this tenner;

At whose great feet I offer up my penner.

The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright,

The Chambermaid and Servingman, by night

That seek out silent hanging. Then mine Host

And his fat spouse, that welcomes to their cost

The galled traveller, and with a beck’ning

Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning.

Then the beast-eating Clown, and next the Fool,

The Bavian, with long tail and eke long tool,

Cum multis aliis

that make a dance.

Say “Ay,” and all shall presently advance.

If you just watch, our country pastime will prosper.

 There are a few of us gathered here

that vulgar people call villagers,

and to tell the truth, and not to lie,

we are merry bunch, or else we are a rabble,

or a company, or metaphorically, a choir,

who will dance a morris dance for your lordships.

And I, who is the director of everything,

a teacher by name, who whips

the little ones with the birch

and the bigger ones with a cane,

present to you this show, this device,

and, sweet Duke, whose splendid terrible fame

has spread around the world

to every corner, help me, you poor well-wisher,

and with your twinkling eyes look clearly

upon this great “moor"–meaning great weight–

and then we add  “is”, and putting them together

we make Morris, and that's why we're here.

The main part of our entertainment, which isn't easy,

I will show you now, though it's rough and raw and confused,

let me explain what's going on to your noble grace,

at his noble feat I offer my entertainment.

This is the Lord of May and his bright lady,

the chambermaid and serving man, who

look for quiet corners at night. Then the landlord

and his fat wife, who welcome for their profit

the weary traveller, and make signs

to the barman to bump up the bill.

Then there's the beast eating clown, and then the fool,

the monkey, with a long tail and a long tool,

along with many others

that make up the dance.

Give the word and we'll start at once.

THESEUS

Ay, ay, by any means, dear domine.

Yes, yes, by all means, dear schoolmaster.

PIRITHOUS

Produce.

Show us.

GERROLD

Knock for school.

Intrate, filii

 come forth, and foot it.

Enter the Dance. Music. Dance.

Ladies, if we have been merry,

And have pleas’d ye with a derry,

And a derry, and a down,

Say the schoolmaster’s no clown.

Duke, if we have pleas’d thee too

And have done as good boys should do,

Give us but a tree or twain

For a Maypole, and again,

Ere another year run out,

We’ll make thee laugh and all this rout.

Come in, boys,

come in and dance.

[Dance]

Ladies, if we have been jolly,

and have pleased you with our music,

say the schoolmaster isn't a clown.

Duke, if we have pleased you to,

and have done what good boys should do,

just give us the tree or two

to make a maypole, and again,

before another year has passed,

we'll make you laugh along with all your company.

THESEUS

Take twenty, domine.—How does my sweet heart?

Take twenty, schoolmaster.–How is my darling?

HIPPOLYTA

Never so pleas’d, sir.

I've never been so amused, sir.

EMILIA

’Twas an excellent dance, and for a preface,

I never heard a better.

It was an excellent dance, and I never heard

a better introduction.

THESEUS

Schoolmaster, I thank you.

One see ’em all rewarded.

Schoolmaster, I thank you.

Somebody see they are all rewarded.

PIRITHOUS

And here’s something

Gives money.

To paint your pole withal.

And here’s something

to paint your pole with.

THESEUS

Now to our sports again.

Now back to our hunting.

GERROLD

May the stag thou hunt’st stand long,

And thy dogs be swift and strong!

May they kill him without lets,

And the ladies eat his dowsets!

Exeunt Theseus and his company. Wind horns.

Come, we are all made.

Dii deaeque omnes!

Ye have danc’d rarely, wenches.

Exeunt.

May the stag you're hunting wait for you,

and may your dogs be swift and strong!

May nothing get in the way of the kill,

and let the ladies eat his delicacies!

Come, we are all made.

All you gods and goddesses!

 You danced beautifully, girls.

Another part of the forest near Athens.

(Palamon, Arcite, Theseus, Hippolyta, Emilia, Pirithous)

Enter Palamon from the bush.

PALAMON

About this hour my cousin gave his faith

To visit me again, and with him bring

Two swords and two good armors. If he fail,

He’s neither man nor soldier. When he left me,

I did not think a week could have restor’d

My lost strength to me, I was grown so low

And crestfall’n with my wants. I thank thee, Arcite,

Thou art yet a fair foe; and I feel myself,