The Confession (45 page)

Signing our groundbreaking Highlands Act on August 10, 2004, one of my proudest achievements. Just two days later, my life would change forever.

Photo 27

With Golan Cipel in 2001

Photo 28

“My truth is that I am a gay American”: August 12, 2004

Photo 29

Signing Executive Order 1000, which banned the practice of pay-to-play from New Jersey state politics

Photo 30

Receiving an honorary doctorate from Kean University with my great friend Ray Lesniak, who helped me get through it all

Photo 31

With Jacqueline
(above)
and Morag, the lights of my life

Photo 32

Photo 33

With my partner, Mark O'Donnell

I wish to express heartfelt thanks to the following for their support and critical encouragement through this process:

For invaluable editorial and research assistance: Billy Baker, Stefanie Cohen, Leela de Kretser, and Cassandra Uretz.

For reading all or parts of the manuscript: Christopher Bram, Suki Kim, Todd Shuster, Jonathan Starch, Barry Yeoman, and Ande Zellman.

For helping reconstruct the memories of my life, and giving me tools to understand their significance: Barry Albin, Curtis Bashaw, Joel Benenson, Tonio Burgos, Tony Coelho, Jim and Lucille Davy, Jamie Fox, Diane Legreide, Steve DeMicco, Kathy Ellis, David Etzion, Kevin Hagan, Dr. Bill Hait, Jeff Huber, Carla Katz, Dick Kinney, Jason Kirin, Helen Lai, Bill Lawler, Kevin McCabe, John “Mac” McCormac, Cathy McLaughlin, Patrick Murray, George Norcross III, Ted Pedersen, Eric Shuffler, Kevin Weber, and my dearest friends, Jimmy and Lori Kennedy.

For chronicling my political life so closely, and not always with rancor, I'd like to thank members of the New Jersey press corps whose work I consulted in creating this account, including John Hassell, Herb Jackson, David Kocieniewski, Josh Margolin, John P. McAlpin, Laura Mansnerus, John Sullivan, Bruno Tedeschi, and Jeff Whelan. Any errors of fact or interpretation, however, are my own.

I would not have the strength to tell these stories were it not for my brilliant psychiatrist Dr. T. Byram Karasu; the staff of the Meadows, especially Pia Mellody; and my friend, rabbi, and mentor, Senator Ray Lesniak. Through Ray I was introduced to the legacy of Bill W. and his worldwide followers, who saved my life.

For making me understand my own struggles in a larger context: Roberta Achtenberg, Richard D. Burns, Kate Clinton, David Dechman, Paul Dierkes, William Eskridge, Matt Foreman, Congressman Barney Frank, Tim Gill, Mitchell Gold, Steve Goldstein, Herb Hamsher, Mark Harrington, Fred Hochberg, Barbara Hughes, Kevin Jennings, Michel Mecure, David Mixner, Robert Remien, Joe Solmonese, Jeff Soref, Jon Stryker, Andrew Sullivan, Andrew Tobias, Urvashi Vaid, Scott Widmeyer, as well as Rev. Bill Tully and the community of St. Bartholomew's in Manhattan, and the Anglican Benedictine Community at the Holy Cross Monastery in West Park, New York, who gave me a loving place to reflect upon these pages.

And for the people who cared for my well-being through this cathartic process: The New Jersey State Police and the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey Police. Cathy Reilly and the staff of Drumthwacket, especially Olga Nini, for reminding me of the good times we shared together. Kean University president Dawood Farahi. The Continental Airlines family. Pat Leone and her staff at Pat's Café in Rahway, who gave me refuge and refills during the early crafting of this book. My brother members of the Hibernians and the Shillelaghs. And Brian Sheafer and the gang at the Rahway YMCA, who kept me sane. Mostly I owe gratitude and love to my family: my mom and dad and my sisters Caroline and Sharon; Kari Schutz McGreevey and Dina Matos McGreevey; and my greatest accomplishments, my daughters Morag and Jacqueline.

A special debt is owed the masterminds who helped put this book together, beginning with the eminent Doug Schoen, whose idea it was; my cherished friend Danny O, who made it seem possible; Ray Chambers, who when I questioned the wisdom of the project invited Deepak Chopra to pray with me; and the inestimable Bob Barnett and Jacqueline Davies for managing the business end. Governor Brendan T. Byrne, Governor Thomas H. Kean, and Tony Cicatiello for their encouragement. For her editorial wisdom, personal decency, and friendship, I owe a great debt to Judith Regan as well as her right-hand man at Regan, Calvert Morgan, whose sharp eye and keen intellect guided me every step of the way. Suzanne Wickham worked tirelessly to coordinate publicity; Donna Lee Lurker and Juliann Barbato, both of New Jersey, provided peerless production editorial support; and Cassie Jones made the whole process work.

For finding a coherent whole in the random facts, feelings, and stories of my life, and for his gift of language, my gratitude to David France, who through the process of writing this book with me has become my lasting friend.

I saved the most important acknowledgment for last: Mark O'Donnell, my partner in life, who has shown me the love I was looking for all along.

—JAMES E. M
C
GREEVEY

Aaron, Michael

Adler, Deborah and Barry

Adubato, Stephen N., Sr.

Ahr, Rev. George (archbishop of Trenton)

Albin, Barry

Amoroso, Christopher

Andrews, Rob

Aquinas, Thomas

Arimente, Ruth

Aronsohn, Paul

Arsenault, Jack

 

Bahr, Morty

balanced budget clause

Baldwin, Tammy

Barak, Ehud

Bashaw, Curtis

Benenson, Joel

Biden, Joe

Booker, Cory

bosses.
See
party chairman (bosses)

Bowser, Robert

Bradley, Bill

Bratton, Bill

Brennan, Shawn

Brillant, Richard

Bryant, Anita

Burgos, Tonio

Burke, Cathy

Burns, Jim

Bush, George W.

Byrne, Brendan

Byrne, Paul

 

Campbell, Bradley

Cannon, Patty

Carlebach, Rabbi Yosef

Carney, Bob

carried shame

Carter, Jimmy

Cashman, Rev. Michael

Casperson, Sid

Catholic Church

Catholic Lawyers Guild

Catholic University of America

Cerria, Phil

Chiarello, Chuck

Christie, Christopher

Chugh, Roger

Cipel, Golan

background of

coming to United States to join JEM

difficulty of finding position for

first meeting with JEM

investigations of

last phone conversation with JEM

lawsuit of

life of, after resignation

McClure's article about

move to Princeton

press and

Record
interview

resignation of

September 11th and

as special counselor to JEM

time spent with JEM

Cleland, Max

Clinton, Bill

Clinton, Hillary

Codey, Dick

Coelho, Tony

Coffee, Dick

Columbia University

compromises, ethical

Corman, Randy

Corzine, Jon

Courter, Jim

Covey, Stephen R.

Cryan, Joe

Cullen, Catherine

Cullen, Frank

Cunningham, Glenn

Cuomo, Mario

 

Dacey, Tim

Dalton, Dan

D' Amiano, David

Dash, Samuel

Davidson, Randee

Davy, Jim

Day, Dorothy

DeCotiis, Michael

Delgado, Lizette

DeLoretto, Mary

DeMarino, Joseph A. “JoJo”

DeMicco, Steve

development issues

Deverin, Tom

Dietz, Chris

DiFrancesco, Donald

diners, New Jersey politics and

Dolan, Rev. Charles

Dolan, Rev. James

Doria, Joseph

Doyle, Frank

Drinan, Robert

Drumthwacket mansion

Dunlap, Rev. Jack

Dwyer, Bernie

 

Ellis, Kathy

environmental policies

Esolda, Michael

Esposito, Mark

Estafraides, Tassos

ethical compromises

 

Fay, Carol

Fay, Jack

Fitzgerald, Brian

Flicker, Kathryn

Florio, Jim

Ford, Gerald

Fox, Jamie

Foxhall, Nene

Frank, Barney

Frankl, Viktor E.

Frede, Ellen

Freeh, Louis

Frelinghuysen, Rodney

fund raising

 

Galante, Bishop Joseph

gay domestic partnership initiative

Gaydos, Rev. Anthony

Genack, Rabbi Menachem

gender identity disorder (GID)

Georgetown University

Giblin, Tommy

Gilsenberg, Herb

Gingrich, Newt

Ginsberg, Allen

Glading, Jo Astrid

Gorman, Thomas

Gormley, Bill

governorship, in New Jersey

Grossman, Steve

Guidette, Chris

 

Hackett, Hugh

Hagan, Kevin

Haig, Alexander

Halper, Mark

Hanley, Frank

Hart, Margaret (paternal grandmother)

Hassell, John

Haytaian, Chuck

Heyl, Doug

Hines, Valerie

Huffington, Michael

Hughes, Richard

Hughes, Sean

Hyde, Edward

 

identity politics

 

James, Sharpe

Janiszewski, Bob

Jenkins, David

Johnson, Lon

Jones, Virginia

 

Kant, Immanuel

Karcher, Alan

Kean, Tom

Kennedy, Jimmy

Kennedy, Lori

Kerry, John

Kirin, Jason

Kirkpatrick, Jeane

Kramer, Orin

Kroll, Al

Kushner, Charlie

Kyrillos, Joseph

 

Lacy, Clifton

Lambert, Walter

Lance, Leonard

Lautenberg, Frank

Lawler, Bill

Lawrence, Brad

Leedes, Richard

Lesniak, Ray

death of Joe Suglia and

Levin, Susan Bass

Levinsohn, Paul

Librera, William

Lieberman, Joe

Littell, Bob

Lowy, Allen

Loya, Jennifer

Lynch, Deborah

Lynch, John

Lyons, Rev. Patrick

 

Maciolek, Gus

Mansue, Amy

Margolis, Jim

Massimino, Joe, Jr.

Matos, Dina.
See
McGreevey, Dina Matos (second wife)

Matthews, Chris

Maupin, Armistead

mayors

Mazza, Rocco

McAuliffe, Terry

McCabe, Kevin

McCarrick, Theodore, archbishop of Washington, DC

McCarron, Doug

McClure, Sandy

McCormac, Mac

McCormack, John

McEntee, Gerry

McGrath, Richard

McGreevey, Caroline (sister)

McGreevey, Dina Matos (second wife)

effect of JEM's coming out on

JEM disclosing affair and homosexuality to

McGreevey, Jacqueline (daughter)

McGreevey, James E.

as altar boy

as assemblyman

at Boy Scout camp

breaking leg and

as campaigner

Catholic Church and

childhood of

college years of

at Catholic University of America

at Columbia University

coming out to Dina and

coming to terms with being gay

confronted by Dina and

divorce from Kari and

early conservative political views of

early friends of

early homosexual experiences of

early identity of

early political career of

early sexual encounters

elected governor

elected mayor of Woodbridge

elected representative to state assembly

elementary school and

as executive director of Parole Board

first confession of

first encounter with Golan Cipel

first job at Middlesex County Prosecutor's Office

first kiss with girl

first race for public office of

first run for governorship

first scandal of

fund raising and

Gay Pride Month and

gender identity and

at Georgetown Law School

as governor

accomplishments of

approval ratings

budget issues

as chief executive

development issues

education policies

environmental policies

executive order banning “pay-to-play” system

first budget of

gay domestic partnership initiative

Golan Cipel's lawsuit

inauguration of

life after resignation speech

life in governor's mansion

moving out of governor's mansion

press relations

property taxes and

resignation speech of

stem-cell research initiative by

at Harvard's Graduate School of Education

high school years of

job at Weiner Lesniak law firm

joining Democratic Party

on joining priesthood

law school years of

as legislative aide in Assembly Majority Office

living with shame

loneliness and

money and

parents and grandparents of

personal life of

politics and

position at Merck

press conference about affair and homosexuality

press relations and

reactions to coming out speech of

recovery process for

second run for governorship

September 11th and

shames of

smear campaigns against

stride of

telling parents of his homosexuality

treatment at The Meadows

trip to Israel

use of word “gay”

work ethic of

McGreevey, James Edward (uncle)

McGreevey, John Patrick “Jack” (father)

McGreevey, Kari Schutz (first wife)

McGreevey, Kim (cousin)

McGreevey, Michael “Mike” (grandfather)

McGreevey, Morag (daughter)

McGreevey, Sharon (sister)

McGreevey, Vernonica Smith “Ronnie” (mother)

as campaigner

McIntire, Rev. Carl

McKenna, Ed

McKeown, Nancy

McLaughlin, Cathy

Meadows, The (trauma and addiction recovery clinic)

Mellody, Pia

Menendez, Bob

Merck & Co.

Meuly, Caroline

Milk, Harvey

millionaire's tax

Mixner, David

Morrone, Fred

Moses, Abba

Murphy, Marianne Espinosa

Murphy, Michael

Murphy, W. Michael, Jr.

Myers, John

 

Nathan, Andrew

National Rifle Association (NRA)

Neglia, Janet

New Jersey politics

balanced-budget clause and

boss system in

diners and

part-time legislature

patronage and

“pay-to-play” system

power of governor in

sex and

New Jersey State League of Municipalities conference

Noble, Elaine

Nolan, Sean

Noland, Kevin

Norcross, David

Norcross, George, III

Norcross, Phil

 

Olden, Charles Smith

O'Sullivan, Terry

Otlowski, George J.

 

Pallone, Frank

Palmisano, Carl

party chairman (bosses)

Pataki, George

patronage

Patten, Ed

“pay-to-play” system

Pedro, John

Pillets, Jeff

Pious, Richard

politics.
See also
New Jersey politics

inauthenticity in

winning and

property taxes

Pyne, Agnes

Pyne, Moses Taylor

 

Rabin, Yitzhak

Reagan, Ronald

Rebeck, Richard

Reilly, Cathy

resignation speech

Rice, Ron

Riley, Clint

Ringwood, Jim

Robert, Joe

Rockoff, Alan

Rodriquez, Idida

Rodriquez, Richard

Rogovsky, Julius

Rollins, Ed

Romero, Oscar, archbishop of El Salvador

Rorem, Ned

Rosa, Myra

Roxy (group leader at The Meadows)

Rubenstein, Howard

Ruff, Charles

Russo, John F.

 

Sabrin, Murray

Sadofski, Joseph

Saia, Timothy

Samson, David

Santiago, Joseph

Scalia, Antonin

Schilling, Warner

Schoen, Doug

Schrier, Jack

Schundler, Bret

Schutz, Agnes (mother-in-law)

Schutz, Kari.
See
McGreevey, Kari Schutz (first wife)

Scorza, William

Seidel, Mike

September 11th, 2001

Sevareid, Eric

shame

living with

Shapiro, Peter

Sheinkopf, Hank

Shuffler, Eric

Silvanus, Abba

Simon, Christine

Smith, Herbert (maternal grandfather)

Smith, Mary Theresa Brown (maternal grandmother)

Smith, Rev. Leslie

Sneck, Bill

Sobolewski, Michelle

Sommer, Bob

Spence, Gerry

stem-cell research initiative

Stravinsky, Igor

Suliga, Joe

death of

Sweeney, John

Sweeney, Stephen

 

Taffet, Gary

Taylor, Charles

Taylor, Telford

The Twelve Steps: A Spritual Journey (A Working Guide for Healing)

Thomas, Bill

Thomas, Regena

Thornberry, BJ

Tietjin, Kenneth

Tishman, Dan

Tittel, Jeff

Todd, Webster

Torricelli, Bob

Trabert, Dick

Treffinger, Jim

Twelve Steps

Twersky, David

 

Venezia, Deborah

Vitale, Joe

 

Watley, Rev. William

Wechsler, Nancy

Weinberg, Loretta

Weiner, Paul

West, Calvin

Whille, Tim

Whitman, Christine Todd

Wilentz, David T.

Will, George

Willis, Catherine

Willse, Jim

Wilson, Edmund

winning, politics and

Wnuck, Billy

Woodbridge, NJ

work ethics

 

Xanadu

 

Yolles, Stanley F.

Yontef, Robert

 

Zeiger, Shelley