The Confession of Piers Gaveston (20 page)

NEWCASTLE
 

Pursued by Lancaster’s army, we fled north, to Newcastle, taking the reluctant, and newly pregnant, Isabelle, and as much treasure as we could carry, with us. Edward was certain we would find supporters there aplenty, ready to rally to our cause, but he could not have been more mistaken.

It was at Newcastle that Isabelle and I reached an understanding. One afternoon when we sat playing chess by the tall arched windows overlooking the sea, she captured my king. She arched her brows and regarded me expectantly, no doubt expecting some insolent or witty rejoinder from me. But I merely smiled.

“I wish you well with him. Time has taught me that often the prize isn’t worth winning.”

Isabelle stared back at me, and I knew then that she understood. And with a nod and a knowing smile she answered: “It is the victory that matters most I think.”

“Then the victory is yours, Madame.”

“Methinks I find it cold,” she said softly, gazing down at the ebony chessman in her hand.

“Allow me, Madame,” I stood and, taking her velvet cloak from where it lay upon the hearth-side settle, draped it round her shoulders. Isabelle looked up at me, our eyes met, and we both knew it was the victory that she found cold; without Edward’s love it meant nothing to her.

In spite of all our difficulties, Edward’s spirits remained buoyant; truly he is endowed with the confidence and hope that is unique only to innocents, fools, and saints. While he plotted strategy, ate heartily, slumbered deep and peacefully, and urged me to be of good cheer—“Love conquers all, and victory shall be ours!”—I was consumed by weariness, anger, and despair. I could neither eat nor sleep. I felt desperate and caged and paced the floor for hours, gnawing my nails. Finally I could stand it no more and lashed out at Edward.

“You would kill me to keep me!” I railed. “Why did you issue that proclamation, Edward? Why? You knew I meant to go away again! Now I am trapped! They would kill me to make certain I could never come back! And it is you, Edward, who has signed my death warrant!”

“It was not a death warrant, my darling, it was a pardon!” Edward explained with an indulgent smile. “It was the only way I could keep you! I love you too much to ever let you go! I am hopeless without you, Piers!”

“Do not lay that charge upon me, Edward!” I rounded on him furiously. “You were hopeless long before you met me! Shall you cherish my corpse as much as you cherish this living body, I wonder? I shall soon be one; it is folly to think otherwise!” With that I turned and headed for the stairs.

“Do not say that!” He called after me. “You know I will not let anyone harm you!”

“Little King, as if you could prevent it!” I said contemptuously from the top of the stairs. “Oh Edward, face the truth for once in your life! If you said ‘Boo!’ to a goose it would not run; it would stand its ground and stare you in the face or else fly up and bite you on the nose!” I didn’t linger to hear his reply, instead I returned to my chamber and slammed the door behind me and flopped wearily onto my bed.

By nightfall I was delirious, writhing and tossing upon my bed, on fire with a raging fever. Over and over again I dreamt of an hourglass, a most peculiar hourglass, as the sands were red. Then suddenly a broadsword would swing out of nowhere, out of the darkness, severing it in half, and at that moment the sands would turn to blood, spurting and spilling out, like a gurgling red fountain. Again and again I saw it. As I writhed upon my sweat-soaked sheets I kept sobbing: “Please make it stop! Make it go away!” In my delirium I babbled prayers to the Lady, called for my mother and Agnes, and screamed that I was burning. I kept seeing Warwick and Lancaster standing menacingly at the foot of my bed with devilish smiles and lighted torches which they slowly lowered and touched to the sheets.

Agnes never left my side, she was always there, applying cooling compresses, bathing my fiery skin, murmuring soothing words, and cajoling me to drink potions. And Edward kept vigil by my bed, every time I kicked the covers off he was there to draw them right back up again. He was so distraught that he summoned Dr. Bromtoft, the best medical man in the North. When he opined that if my fever rose any higher it would be necessary to shave my head Edward became hysterical, threw the Doctor’s bag out the window, gave him two pounds as recompense, and shoved him out the door, leaving me entirely to Agnes’s care. Of course, I am very grateful to him; I would not have liked to regain my senses only to find myself shorn. I daresay there are grounds for calling me vain after all, yet, I beg leave to remind you, I never said I wasn’t!

Soon afterwards my fever broke. Edward was ecstatic and fell upon my weakened body, covering me with kisses until Agnes pulled him off by the tail of his tunic and put him from the room. I was in no condition to be subjected to that sort of thing, she pointedly informed him, she would ask him what he was thinking behaving like that, she continued, only she had known him long enough to know that he seldom bothered to think at all! And if he wanted to make himself useful he could go down to the kitchen and fetch up some chicken broth! Even as Edward uttered an indignant reminder that he was no lackey but King of England by the Grace of God, Agnes slammed the door in his face. I laughed until tears rolled down my face.

For days afterwards I lay weak and helpless as a newborn kitten. But the dream of the dreadful hourglass stayed with me, indeed, it has never left me.

One night when Edward had been persuaded that the danger was past and he could safely retire to his own bed, I was jolted awake by the vivid intensity of the dream. The shattering crunch as the sword severed the two halves of the hourglass, the tinkling of the glass shards as they fell, and the burbling of the sands turned to blood still echoed in my ears. I lay there trembling, freezing cold, despite the fur coverlet I hugged tight about me. My teeth chattered and an icy sweat layered my skin.

“The dream again, my sweet?” Agnes asked, leaving her chair by the fire and coming to cluck over me, bringing a basin of warm water to wash away the sweat then bundling me back into my blankets again.

“Will you get in bed with me?” I asked.

“Aye, of course I will, Child!” She climbed in beside me and I laid my head upon her shoulder.

“I am dying,” I said softly.

“Now, Child, you mustn’t say such things! You’ve been very ill, that’s true, but you’ll soon be yourself again!”

“No, I do not want to!” I said emphatically. “I no longer know who I am, only who people think I am, and I like that person no better than they do! Edward says: ‘They love me not who hate my Gaveston!’ but the truth is that even I hate Edward’s Gaveston! It’s all gone so wrong, as if somewhere along the way a thread was pulled, causing my whole life to unravel, and leaving me with nothing but a bundle of gaudy threads!”

“Aye, Child,” she nodded, “I know! This is not the life you should have had! Be patient only a little while longer and let your body heal and regain its strength. There must be a way for us to get out of England, and we shall find it, then we will start a new life.”

“There is only a little time left to me,” I said quietly. “It is what the dream means to tell me.”

“Not all dreams are omens, Child,” Agnes reminded me.

“I pray this one is not!” I sighed.

“As do I!” Agnes drew me closer and kissed my brow.

I was awakened at dawn by Edward’s screams. He had tiptoed in to see how I fared and was horrified to find me sleeping soundly with my head on Agnes’ shoulder. The way he carried on one would have thought he had found me murdered in my bed! His screams brought the whole guard rushing in with their swords drawn.

A few days later, when I was finally well enough to descend the stairs and sit by the fire in the Great Hall, a messenger burst in. Lancaster’s army was at the city gates!

Edward was instantly at my side, grasping my hands, pulling me to my feet. There was not a moment to lose, we must flee, to Scarborough Castle; there I would be safe! It was impregnable, perched high upon the cliffs with the sea crashing beneath.

“But what of me?” Isabelle cried, following Edward around with a hand upon her belly to remind him of the child. But Edward had not a word or a care to spare for her, and I could do no more than glance back as Edward dragged me up the stairs.

“Forgive me for all the wrongs I have done you!” I implored. But I do not know whether she did; Edward chose that moment to give my hand an impatient tug and I never saw her face again.

We lingered only long enough for each of us to thrust a few things into a leather satchel. As I was leaving my chamber I impulsively turned back and, flinging open the chest at the foot of my bed, snatched up this book and thrust it deep inside my satchel. Something told me I had one chance left. I could not save my life, but I could leave the truth about it behind.

As soon as I stepped out my door Edward was there to grab my hand and drag me outside.

There was a rowboat waiting, rocking in the surf. My stomach lurched at the sight of it. I felt faint, my head throbbed, and stars danced before my eyes. I was on my feet and moving now only through sheer force of will.

“Wait!” I ordered, wresting my hand from Edward’s bone-crushing grasp, and before he could stop me, I ran back and threw my arms around Agnes.

“This is the end! When we meet next it will be on the Isle of Apples!” I cried, ignoring Edward jumping up and down at the water’s edge screaming my name. Mark my words, if somebody doesn’t murder him he is sure to die of apoplexy!

“Oh Child!” Tears prevented Agnes from saying more as she gathered me to her and, for the last time, I lay my head upon her shoulder.

“Piers!” Edward’s voice blared, carried on the wind. “Get in the boat this instant! Piers! Do you hear me? Piers!” With an impatient gesture he ordered the few guards who would accompany us to man their boats.

“Here!” I quickly unpinned my mother’s brooch, the silver crescent moon paved with diamond chips. I pressed it into her hand and kissed her swiftly. “I love you!” I whispered fervently and we embraced one last time. Then Edward was there, demanding to know if I had suddenly gone deaf, tearing me from Agnes’ arms, and dragging me back to the boat even as I would linger and look back.

“Get in!” He pushed me, and before I had time to settle myself he gave the boat a mighty shove, leapt in, and began to row.

I heard a dog bark and turned to see Blanche splashing through the surf, her ruby collar glinting in the sun.

“Stop! If you do not I shall jump out!”

“I believe you would!” Edward grumbled as he let the oars fall idle.

Blanche swam out to us, it was but a little distance yet I feared that at her age she would not make it. Edward divined my thoughts and leaned forward, poised to pounce; he knew I would not hesitate to go to her rescue. At last she reached us and I helped her clamber into the boat. Edward began to row as if his life depended on it while I dried her with my cloak.

Edward scowled when I kissed the top of her head. “I did not know she was capable of such exertion at her age. Yet lately I have learned that age is not always a deterrent where certain activities are concerned!”

I began to laugh then; it was too absurd! Here we were, fleeing for our lives in a rickety old rowboat with nothing but the clothes on our backs, the contents of our hastily packed satchels, and a white greyhound, who had just proven herself still spry at the age of twelve, and he was accusing me of being the lover of my lifelong nurse!

“Laugh if you like …”

“Thank you, Your Most Gracious Majesty, I shall! After all, it is the usual response when someone says something absurd!”

“I know what I saw!” Edward shot back at me. “You kissed that woman! And oh how you clung to her! I was beginning to think that wild horses could not tear you apart!”

“Oh be silent, Edward! You have torn us apart and I shall never forgive you for it! This shall be the first time since I was born that Agnes and I have ever been parted for more than a few hours, she has even followed the army to be with me! And if you truly love me you will order one of those boats,” I pointed to the two rowboats full of guards following us, “to turn back and bring her with us!”

“Never! For a dozen years I have endured the unnatural affection between you and your nurse! It is over now, Piers; you have no choice but to accept it!”

“How dare you? How do you dare? You accuse me of lying with the only person, besides my mother, who has ever truly loved me for myself, and never regarded me as an object of lust, ridicule, or contempt? Very well then, Edward, have it your way as you always do! I already stand accused of treason, sodomy, seduction, sorcery, nepotism, corruption, irreverence, and theft, and have been excommunicated twice, so why not incest as well? For that is how both Agnes and I would regard such a charge! And as you say,” I smiled, “age is no deterrent; I once lay with a woman who was three years past eighty!”

Edward dropped his oars and had to go scrambling for them before the current carried them beyond his reach.

“How could you do such a thing?”

“Hold tight to your oars, Edward. The answer is a simple one, though I do not expect you to understand—I needed the money! What?” I sneered at his astonished stare. “Surely you did not think you were the first to have me?”