The Consequence of Secrets - Part Four: A Priest Romance (5 page)

“So, this is how it ends?” Deacon Salisbury asks when I visit the rectory to collect my things. “You’re just throwing away everything you worked for to be with this woman? What about the youth center? What about your service of God?”

I glance up at him as I throw my street clothes and personal items into a bag. Emma and I have organized to stay in a serviced apartment while we get all of our affairs in order. It sounds funny to think that way – I mean, we started as an affair ourselves – but after her father’s death and the end of her marriage, she has a whole life in Newport that she and Jules need to work through. It’s the awful after where you have to go through the wreckage of what’s left behind of someone else’s life.

She doesn’t want to stay in her own house because of Gabe, and she doesn’t feel right staying in her fathers, or with Jules, and I agree. We need our own space, and I need to pay my own way. I don’t want to be ‘kept’ by her because of her family’s money. That doesn’t feel right to me. So after much discussion, she’s agreed to stay somewhere we can both afford, and the only thing left for me to do is collect my things.

“That’s a very interesting comment coming from the man who married a woman specifically to avoid becoming a priest.”

“Yes. That's exactly what I did. I knew a life of celibacy wasn't for me, so I took a position that allowed me to serve God and be a man to my wife. I didn't take vows and break them. I didn’t lie. I didn’t make promises and break them. Being a priest isn’t some job you can get bored of and leave. But, that’s exactly what you’ve done. You knew the score when you chose this path, Braden.”

My brow rises. “It’s Braden now, is it?”

“Yes it is,” he says, pulling a white envelope from his back pocket and handing it to me. I see the emblem of the Bishop in the top left corner. “Bishop Riley had it sent over to give you if you returned. Needless to say, he’s not very happy about how you went about things. None of us appreciated the photo in the newspapers of you being openly affectionate with Ms. Williams. As you can imagine, it was a bit of a slap in the face when we had all been supportive of you remaining in service after your previous transgressions. Father Matthew can’t even look at you. He feels heartbroken, deceived – we all do.”

With the envelope in my hand, I pull the zip closed on my bag. “I’m sorry, Deacon. Really I am. But, I know in my heart I’m on the path He set me on. I prayed for guidance from the moment I realized Emma needed my help.”

“But you did so by being deceitful,” he argues. “You could have told us what was going on – maybe we would have understood or even helped in some way that didn’t end with you losing your position.
He who conceals his sins does not prosper
,” he quotes to add weight to his argument.

I respond in kind. “
A man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
” I sling my bag over my shoulder, my eyes on him as I shake my head. “Don’t quote the bible at me, Deacon. I know exactly what it says, and I know in my heart that what I did was right, and I’ll not ask for forgiveness for my actions, nor will I lament the fact that I’m being thrown out of the church because of them. Becoming a priest was never a mistake for me, and I will serve Him as he sees fit, and I will follow the path he shows me, and right now, He wants me to walk that path with Emma Williams.”

“What’s it like?” I ask Jules, hitting the button to the elevator with my elbow. Our arms are laden with shopping bags. Jules helped me choose a whole new wardrobe so I never have to wear the clothes Gabe liked me in again – I may set them all on fire in some sort of cleansing ritual to free myself from that old life once and for all… It would be somewhat cathartic to see all that oppressive silk evaporate into ash.

Besides a new wardrobe, we also we picked up some new bedding for the apartment I’ll be sharing with Braden in Middletown. It’s in a large complex with a pool and playground facilities for the children, and basketball and tennis for the older kids. Braden insisted on paying half the rent, so we’ve moved into a fully furnished one-bedroom apartment for just over a thousand dollars a month. It’s tiny and makes me feel like we’re living in a college dorm, but it's clean and quite pretty with sable wood flooring and neutral colored furnishing. The kitchen has a granite counter, as does the bathroom. But best of all, it’s a place where we can be ourselves without hiding, and that’s perfect to me.

Jules looks down and runs her hand over her growing belly. She’s six months along now. I missed out on so much while awaiting my trial. I wanted to be there for her the first time she felt the baby kick. I wanted to hold her hand while she went for her OB appointments. But I missed it all. I suppose it’s just one last gift from my marriage to Gabe…

“It’s like having an alien living inside my body. He never stays still, and sometimes you can see his little foot or elbow pushing against my skin,” she explains, following me into the elevator cabin when it opens in front of us. “But it’s nice too. It feels…I don’t know…right, I guess. I never thought I’d get into this stuff, but Victor has been amazing and we’re learning all we can. I’m actually starting to look forward to being a mom.”

I hit the button to our floor. “I have to admit, I’m kind of looking forward to being an aunt.”

“Oh yes,” she nods. “You’ll be the best aunt, and you and Braden will make amazing Godparents. Victor totally agrees that we should name him Brent after dad, and his middle name will be Enso after Victor’s father, which I’m so glad about because I don’t want a boy called Enso. It sounds like a cleaning product,” she rambles, her hand gently rubbing over her stomach as she prattles on.

“Whoa, stop. Back up a sec. Godparents?”

“What?” She breathes, her blue eyes meeting mine, her expression confused at first.

“You want Braden and me to be Godparents?”

The doors open on my floor and we step out. “Well, of course,” she says, brushing her hair out of her face as we make our way to my door. I unlock it and let us in. “Who else could do that job better than a priest and my sister?”

“Ex priest, Jules. He’s clearing out his drawers as we speak.”

We pile our bags on the couch, a basic overstuffed piece of grey furniture. “Well, if it wasn’t for those silly celibacy laws, I’m sure he’d still be a priest, and really, we’d be honored to have you both guiding little Brent through his spiritual life. He has to carry on the Williams name and become a great benefactor of the church while helping to protect our naval forces, just like his granddaddy.”

I reach into one bag and pull out a soft deep purple throw and lay it over the back of the couch, giving it a touch of personality to its muted tones. “Sounds like you have the little guy’s life all mapped out.”

She shrugs and moves to the kitchen area, pulling two mugs from hooks to make tea. “I feel like we owe it to Daddy. Running the company, I mean. I know we haven’t talked about it, but we can’t just sell it, right? Are you all right with us calling him after dad?” she asks, suddenly looking worried.

Following her into the kitchen, I open the new packet of tea and hand it to her. “I think it’s a fine name, and a fine future. Just make sure you give him a choice though. He may not want the Williams family legacy once he grows.”

She reaches out and takes my hand. “This is why you need to be a part of this. I really have no idea what I’m doing. I’m going to screw this kid up, I just know it.”

“You’re going to be a wonderful mother, Jules. And of course I’ll be his Godmother. I’ll just have to ask Braden before answering for him, OK?”

She nods, sniffing, her eyes glassy. “I’m a mess. These hormones are turning me into an emotional wreck.”

Wrapping her in my arms, I press a kiss in her soft hair, wishing our mother was here to give us advice in this moment. We could do with the wisdom of an older woman. “I’m a wreck too, little sis. But, we’ll get through all of this together. We’ll work it all out.”

Pulling into our allocated car space, I cut the engine on Emma’s Mercedes by pressing the button. It's been so long since I’ve owned a car and now I find they don't even have keys any more – not that I own this car. I don't own much of anything. Pretty much everything I have is sitting in a rucksack on the backseat, and after paying half of Smitty’s failed ‘cleaner’ fee, I’m entering this relationship with Emma with very little to my name.

Getting out of the car, I open the back and pull out my bag, slinging it over my shoulder as I look over the luxury car. I feel a bit like a fake driving it. It’s not mine. Emma is the one with the money and really, money hasn’t meant much to me for a very long time. I’d be happy with a basic car that runs. I’d be happy on public transport. I’m still a little uncomfortable with driving, but lately, circumstances have seen me behind the wheel quite often. My nervousness as a driver is beginning to lessen because I know that I’m no longer that kid on drugs who thought he was invincible. The fragility of life does not escape me. Especially after Emma and I have come so close to losing our lives recently, and the months apart while she awaited trial were excruciating. Life is short. We need to make the most of our time together.

And I need a job. My savings aren’t going to last more than a few months, and I don’t want to be reliant upon Emma to provide for me. I’m the one who should be providing for and looking after her. But, what am I supposed to do? I was a drug runner, and I was a priest. There aren’t a lot of jobs out there with those two vocations listed as wanted credentials.

I pull my keys from my pocket and enter the building, heading over to the elevator bay as I ponder my predicament, trying to figure out what I can possibly do for a living now that my priesthood is officially over. A strange feeling washes over me as I enter the elevator and hit the button for our floor. I notice the checked pattern of the shirt I’m wearing with my jeans, the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. Looking at them, it dawns on me that I’ll never wear my clerics again. I’ll never perform communion. I’ll never officiate a wedding, or a baptism or a funeral. I’ll never hear another confession, I’ll never counsel a parishioner as to how God teaches us to live our lives. It’s all gone.

From my back pocket, I pull out the envelope Deacon Salisbury gave me. It’s still sealed, but I know what it says. It’s the church’s version of ‘you’re fired’, detailing the reasons behind my excommunication. Essentially, I’m being punished for following my heart and the Lord’s guidance.

When I step out of the elevator, I’m staring at the envelope, wondering if I really want to open it and read the official words. I spent almost a decade serving the church, and I’m not sure that I want to have it all ripped away from me via a single sheet of paper. A sheet of paper that will officially send me into the abyss of the unemployed and unskilled.

My stomach twists and turns, my mind focused on my worries as I slide my key in the door. The moment it cracks open, I hear laughter from inside. A girlish giggle that instantly makes my mind feel lighter. I set my bag down on the floor beside the door, the letter from the bishop on the entry table, my keys beside it as I seek out the joy that seems to be filling the apartment.

“You look so beautiful in that, Emma,” Jules compliments her, as I reach the doorway leading to our new bedroom.

Over the bed is a stack of bags and colorful fabric, and in front of the closet mirror, Emma stands in a coral colored dress that has no sleeves, a low V between her breasts and floats down in light material to her knees. On her feet are matching strappy heels and on her skin is a soft glow of happiness that lightens every worry in my heart. It makes me realize that as long as I have her, everything will be fine. We belong together.

“You look like a Spring day,” I say in the doorway, alerting them to my presence. They both turn to me and grin, and Emma turns from side to side, along the skirt to sway with her movement.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” she asks. “I’m just so used to not wearing any color or showing any skin. I don’t want to go overboard.”

“It’s so pretty, Emma,” Jules says, laughing off her sister’s concerns. “This is so demure compared to what most of the girls wear these days.” She turns to me. “Tell her Braden, this is something she could wear to church, right?”

“You look absolutely stunning,” I respond, holding my hands out to her and loving the way she seems to float into them as she places her hands against my chest and smiles up at me. I love seeing her so happy, so light, so free. “So stunning, in fact, that I think it would be a waste to wear this dress indoors. I need to take you out to dinner.”

Her eyes widen and she smiles. “Like an actual date?”

I grin. “Yeah, I think we deserve a date. And in a way, it can be a celebration of sorts. Today, we are officially free to be together.”

She wrinkles her nose slightly, understanding, despite my smile, that this isn’t the easiest day for me. “Was Bishop Riley there?”

“No. But a letter from him was.”

“I’m sorry, Braden, really I am. I know it might not seem much since I’m the reason you can’t be a priest anymore, but I am sorry, I know how much you loved your work.”

“Well,” I smile, tightening my grip around her waist, hugging her tighter. “I love you more,” I say, lowering my mouth to hers and kissing her softly. Her arms move from my chest to slide up over my shoulders and lace behind my neck as she kisses me back.

“On that note, I’d better leave you two lovebirds alone,” Jules says, causing us to break the kiss and laugh.

“Sorry Jules,” I say, feeling bad for getting a little carried away.

“Don’t be,” she says with a wave of her hand as she stands and lifts her bag. “You make my sister happy, and if that means I have to watch a little PDA then I’m all for it. Have a great time at dinner tonight guys. I’ll call you later big sister – your new outfits are amazing. I’ll see you both later.”

She waves over her head as she sees herself out, leaving Emma and I alone in our room. “Now, where were we?” I ask.

She looks up at me and grins. “I think you were about to see how easy it is to take this dress off me.”