The Contender (Wrestling Diaries #1) (5 page)

  “For how long?”

  “Indefinitely.”

  “You just got a promotion. Isn’t that good enough?”

  Shaking my head, I said, “Not compared to this. It’s my dream job, Mesquite.”

  He looked defeated and I hated that I caused that look.

  He sat in the chair across from me. “So what do we do now?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Jamie, you’re not making this easy for me. I want us to be together, but it doesn’t feel like you want it as much as I do.”

  Was he right? I shook my head. No, he was wrong. I wanted our relationship to work as much as he did. But sacrificing my career just to be with him felt like I was cheating myself. I voiced my thought and his entire expression changed. The man I loved now looked at me as if I were a monster. Maybe I was.

  “You wouldn’t be sacrificing anything. We’d be growing our life together.”

  “No, you’d have your career and I’d be the wrestler’s girlfriend.”

  “Jesus, Jamie. You make it sound like this is not long term. Like you’re just my flavor of the week. I love you. I want to be with you. If anything I’m the one who is sacrificing something.”

  His closed his mouth, but the words were already out there.

  “And there it is.” I stood. “Mesquite, I think we should take a break. We both need to figure out things. I’m going to take the promotion and I want to see how it works out. And I want you to do whatever makes you happy. Maybe after some time apart we’ll both know what we want and what we’re willing to sacrifice.”

  Leaving his house was the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done. But I did it. And I’m proud of myself.

August 19

  Him: I miss you. Can we talk?

  I ignored the text. If I answered him now I would cave.

  I missed
him
so fucking much. The pain left in his absence was unbearable.

August 22

  As miserable as I was at home I was equally as happy with my new job. I’d thought the last promotion was good, but this new one was everything. But was it worth not having Mesquite? That was the million-dollar question.

August 27

  I got a random text from Richmond today. I almost didn’t reply.

  Richmond: You should come to the show this weekend.

  Me: ?

  Richmond: He misses you, Jamie. He looks like shit. He’s being a dick to everyone. Just think about it

  Me: I appreciate you looking out for him, but I think we need more time apart.

  Richmond: Just be careful what you wish for.

  I wanted to ask what he meant. His words sounded like a warning? Was it? Was Mesquite talking to someone? I thought about texting LaTonya or Denver, but didn’t. No. I needed more time to figure things out.

September 8

  If my boss doesn’t keep surprising me I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.

  “Another change, Jamie.”

  “Sir?”

  “We’ve decided that you don’t need to come into the main office as much. If you continue traveling as needed then you can work from home. You’ll only need to check in here once every few weeks again.”

  “Sir! Thank you!”

  He smiled. “It’s our pleasure.”

  As he walked me out he asked me if I’d like to join him for lunch. I agreed. Hey, it’s not every day you get news that makes you forget about Mesquite.

  “You’ve gotten thinner,” he explained as we got onto the elevator. “You’re too pretty to waste away from a broken heart.”

  He patted my shoulder affectionately and I had to blink away tears. I hadn’t realized my misery was so obvious.

September 10

  I’m not sure why I waited to text Mesquite. Okay, that’s a lie. I waited because I was scared. Scared of what he’d say to me. Scared that he wouldn’t even reply. Surely he’d reply. Right?

  Me: Hey, I got some good news at work

  Me: I’d like to talk when you get a chance

  Me: I miss you, Angel Eyes.

  He hasn’t replied yet. I hope he does.

September 13

  Every time my phone makes a sound I jump out of my skin. It’s so bad I’ve had to start leaving my phone on silent at work, which then turns into me checking it every three seconds to make sure I haven’t missed anything.

  I haven’t missed anything, though. He hasn’t text and I don’t know why.

September 15

  I emailed him today.

  Hey,

You didn’t change your phone number, did you? I tried texting, but haven’t heard back. If you did change it then you missed my text where I said that I had some good news and needed to talk. And I miss you.

  Love, J

September 16

  I’ve discovered I have a flaw. I can’t stand being ignored. I’m fairly certain that’s what Mesquite is doing to me. And it fucking sucks. How can someone decide that
BOOM
that’s it. It’s over. And not even try to talk to the other person.

  When I told LaTonya my theory she didn’t laugh or say I was wrong. Instead, she said that I needed to come to a show. Her words made me feel uneasy. What was going on with Mesquite?

September 17

  When I called his phone it went straight to voicemail. So I left him one. If he wasn’t ignoring me before then I’m sure he will once he listens to it.

  Hell, I don’t even remember what all I said on it. I really hope this doesn’t end up on TMZ or something. I can see the headline now:
Wrestler’s ex-girlfriend leaves crazy voicemail

  Jesus. I needed to get out of this house and get my mind off him!

September 18

  I went to a karaoke bar with some co-workers tonight. They couldn’t hide their surprise when I agreed to go. Even the boss showed up. He bought a round for everyone and toasted me, saying what a wonderful job I’ve been doing.

  The night was going well. A few guys flirted with me. I got up and sang ‘Ice Ice Baby’ and killed it. Yeah… everything was great until someone changed the TV and I saw his face starting back at me.

  One of the girls who used to sit next to me asked, “Hey, isn’t that the guy who was in the picture on your desk?”

  And that’s when I faked a headache and got the hell out of there. Ugh.

September 22

  I went on my first out of state assignment. The company flew me to Colorado and I couldn’t help but think about Denver, which of course made me think of Mesquite. While I was waiting for my luggage I got my phone out and sent a text.

  Me: Hey are you home?

  Denver: Nope. In LA about to fly down under. What’s up?

  Me: Oh.

  Denver: ?

  Me: I was in your hometown and was going to see if you wanted to grab lunch

  Denver: Sorry babe. Maybe next time

  Me: How’s Mesquite?

  He didn’t reply so I assumed he was getting on the plane. Sighing, I got my luggage and went outside where a town car waited for me. Since Denver wasn’t available to hang out then I’d just have to explore the area on my own. That’s what I needed in my life. To be on my own.

September 24

  From Denver I went to Las Vegas for work. It was strange how I associated airports with Mesquite, but that had been a big part of our relationship. I realized I’d just thought of him in the past tense and my pulse quickened.

  Was he my past?

September 30

  Sleeping in my own bed never felt so good. Sin City is fun, but not for a week. And not when you’re working long hours. At least I didn’t think about Mesquite non-stop. That was a good sign. Right?

October 7

LaTonya came to my house today and I knew right away her arrival was bad news. The moment felt movie-like as she stood on my porch in the pouring rain. I almost shut the door just so I didn’t have to hear whatever news she was bearing.

  “Hey, sorry I didn’t call.”

  I stepped aside so she could enter. “No worries. Is everything okay?”

  She took her drenched jacket off and I hung it on the coat rack for her. Her silence was scaring the shit out of me. What kind of news could she have that would end up being good? A million different worst-case scenarios kept running through my mind.

  “Maybe we should sit.”

  No sentence in the history of words had ever ended well after that statement.

  I voiced my thought and she replied, “It’s bad, Jamie. Sit.”

  We went into the living room and sat on the couch. I felt numb. Why did I feel numb?

  “Has something happened to one of the guys?”

  Sudden deaths were rare, but
did
happen in the wrestling world. Was that why Mesquite hadn’t texted me back? Oh my god. And I had left him that horrible voicemail. What if that was the last thing he’d heard from me?

  She took in a deep breath. “I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. When Richmond first told me I didn’t believe him, but I saw it with my own two eyes.”

  “What is it?”

  “Honey, Mesquite is back with his ex.”

  The air left my lungs in a whoosh.

  She continued, “Richmond saw them together last week and said they looked quite cozy. And then I saw them yesterday. Jamie, she had her engagement ring back on.”

  The ring that was supposed to be in his safe? I shook my head, trying to shake away the awful feeling I felt.

  “Did… did he see you?”

  She nodded. “He asked me not to say anything to you, but I had to. You’re my best friend, after all.”

  My stomach churned and I feared I was going to be sick. I didn’t understand. He said he needed some time. He never said that this might happen. That he might leave me. That I might not be good enough for him after all. Tears filled my eyes.

  “What are you going to do?”

  I grabbed my phone from the coffee table. “I’m going to call him.”

  I dialed his number and it rang once before going to voicemail. Was I surprised? No.

  “Mesquite, call me. I think we need to talk.”

  LaTonya stayed with me for the rest of the evening. When it became apparent that Mesquite wasn’t going to call back we opened a bottle of wine. At least I had a friend who understood that my world was crumbling beneath my feet.

October 9

  “Honey, are you sure this is something you want to do?”

  I tipped the barista and turned to LaTonya. “Yes. I have to do it. It’s the only way I’ll get him to talk to me.”

  We were getting our Starbucks fix before we boarded our flight to Detroit.

  “Richmond said that she’s with him for sure?”

  LaTonya nodded.

  “Good.”

  We sat down at our gate. LaTonya pulled out her phone and sent a text and I allowed myself to get lost in my thoughts.

  This was a suicide mission.

  Once I saw Mesquite and his fiancée together there would be no going back. It would be real and I wouldn’t be able to deny it. But I owed myself the truth.

  I prayed I was strong enough to handle it. That my heart would hold up until I was in the privacy of my own room before I broke down. My eyes watered at the thought.
No!
I wouldn’t cry until this was over.

  My plan was simple. We were arriving so late that the chances of running into him would be slim. Tomorrow I would confront him. And after that… I had no fucking idea.

October 10

  I didn’t sleep at all. I kept tossing and turning, dreading the inevitable.

  Today it would end.

  LaTonya texted, letting me know it was go time. I was to come down to the lobby and face my destiny.

  The journey down was the longest one in the history of elevator rides. People kept getting on until I wanted to scream. Finally, we reached the lobby. Part of me expected to see him right away and I feared I’d run if that happened.

  He wasn’t in the main sitting area, so I strolled to the bar. A few crewmembers sat around a table drinking, but he wasn’t there either. I texted LaTonya.

  Me: I’m down here and don’t see him

  LaTonya: He’s in the restaurant.

  LaTonya: With the bitch.

  Her loyalty made me smile, but I also knew what was waiting for me. I ducked into the bathroom. The woman starting back at me was someone else. Her eyes were haunted and she looked scared. Inhaling, I squared my shoulders. I was the one who wanted to do this. No one was making me. Seeing him with her would only help me heal in the long run.