The Convenience of Lies (19 page)

I know that Ramon won't start acting strange or anything if it doesn't work out, because we always seem to pull through when something uncomfortable happens.

Some butterflies are making an appearance inside my stomach again.

Instantly I remember I leant Ramon my copy of
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
in my attempt to get him to read.

What could Scott be getting at now?

The next day starts as planned for the most part. Once Ramon is over, my sister seems to know what is going on, so she keeps being a brat and knocking on my door and requesting to talk to me. She seems to have perfect timing so that every time I am about to move to the hands-under-shirt step, she interrupts, and it's always with a mundane question like “What do you think of my outfit.”
Hello! The door is closed for a reason!
The first couple times she does this, I ask Ramon if he would like me to continue, worrying that the whole plan is ruined. But, by the last time Rachel interrupts us, I have finally started massaging under the shirt, and Ramon is the one who asks me, “Continue?”
This must be a good sign that he's enjoying what's going on despite Rachel's interruptions
.

I hear Rachel leave for work, and now I know it is safe to move onto my next step. With a surge of adrenaline, the butterflies beating wildly against my ribs, I bend over and kiss Ramon on the neck, right under his hairline. His skin is so soft. I pause, gauging Ramon's response. He doesn't say anything or move, so I kiss him again a couple more times, wondering how long I am going to have to do this for him to respond. As it turns out, I don't have to wait long because he has started turning his head to the side, and I know he wants to kiss me back. I start kissing down along his cheek, and push up so that he has space to turn around. Ramon turns, and kisses me right on the lips. It is the best kiss I have ever received. And really, the first kiss I've ever
wanted
to receive. His lips are so soft and juicy, and he doesn't try to jam his tongue down my throat like Tyler did. His breath doesn't smell bad either. Even though I've been expecting it, Ramon's kiss still startles me. It feels sweeter than I could have ever imagined.

Just as I feel our lips start to separate after our first kiss, he kisses me again, and again. I've been massaging him this whole time. And now, Ramon has started touching me too, underneath my shirt, but with a different touch than I have ever experienced before. He's touching me with a gentle tenderness, like my body is precious, and he's curious to explore my every last curve. I adjust the way I am stroking his body to reflect how Ramon is touching mine. Instantly, I can feel Ramon's response as he takes a sharp breath, his body flinching in delight. I can understand why because my body is on fire with anticipation as well, wondering where he's going to touch next. He touches my butt through my shorts, and even though it is not direct skin contact, I feel my body flinch because it's like his fingers have set off an electric shock through my skin and muscles. He feels under my shirt at my bare shoulders, and I feel myself reaching around and touching his strong back as well. I have slid off to the side of Ramon, but the whole time we are passionately kissing like neither of us ever has kissed before.

Our shirts start to get in the way of where we are trying to touch, and soon they come off, tossed to the floor with little thought. Rather than feeling nervous, it feels more like a relief to be able to touch and love him the way I want, without our shirts standing between us. Ramon nudges me to go on top of him, and I feel myself gasp at feeling his bare torso on my own. He fumbles with my bra clasp, and soon it falls to the side. My breasts brush against his chest. They feel like clouds kissing the top of a mountain.

We pause for a breath, and with both of my breasts nestled against his body, I say quietly in Ramon's ear, “Now would you consider yourself my boyfriend?”

Without pausing, Ramon says, “Yes.” And we continue with our passionate involvement.

We sit up, and Ramon caresses my breasts, cupping them with curious, rough, hands. My whole body is trembling as pleasure reverberates throughout every single nerve in my body.

CREAK!!! The garage door is opening. My mom is home.
Already!?
Even though my door is closed and locked, our mood has been destroyed. It's like we've just fallen from the sky and hit the ground with a SMACK! Ramon shoots up, and I cover myself with the comforter. Frantically, he reaches around on the floor and hands my garments to me. He covers himself back up, and once I am done redressing my top half, I wrap my arms around his neck.

“I need to sneak you out of here,” I whisper to him, our foreheads together. At this moment, I hear my mom go into the bathroom. “Come now; she always takes a long time in the bathroom.”

“Are you sure?” Ramon asks.

“YES. Come.” I hold his hand and lead him out of the house.

We stand by his car to say farewell. The street lamps are illuminating us enough that I can just see his face. We kiss sweet kisses again. A car drives by, its bright lights flashing onto us. We pause, blinded for a second, with his arms around my waist, and mine around his neck, our cheeks pressed together, watching the car pass and pull into a neighbor's driveway.

We kiss once more; Ramon climbs into his car, and drives away down my street.

I watch him leave, thinking that at least one thing went right this summer.

I wander back into my house, wondering what my new relationship has in store for me.

2013

Abusive relationships are much more prevalent than anyone would want to believe. According to
Know More
(www.knowmoresaymore.org), 30% of teenagers report that they have experienced abuse in a romantic relationship, and 20% of young adults between 18-24 have experienced forced sex. The United States Department of Justice (www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm) states that “Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.” And so, it is important that everybody knows what an abusive relationship looks like in order to avoid one.

The best way to avoid an abusive relationship is to proactively look to protect yourself and do your best to get out of a bad situation before it evolves into something worse. Here are some pointers to keep in mind:

• As a baseline, remember that if a guy likes you, he will make the effort to bring you into his life. If the guy is putting no effort into “courting” you, then he is not worth your time or energy.
  
• Listen to your gut feeling. If a guy does or says something that makes you feel uncomfortable or uneasy in any way,
  listen to what your body is telling you
  and act accordingly.
  
• If a guy cannot accept when you tell him “no” to anything (even as mild as going out for drinks or going to a movie), recognize that is a sign that he has an alternative motive. Remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.
  
• Consider the possible message that your outfit could send to a date. While you may want to wear a skirt or dress because it looks cute or because it is hot outside, some guys will not see it this way. Unfortunately, there are guys who will think you are wearing a skirt on a date because you want to have sex and a skirt gives “easy access.”
  
• Certain completely innocent activities will make guys think you want to engage in fellatio, also known as oral intercourse. These activities can range from sucking on a lollipop, to drinking out of a straw, to licking icing off of your fingers. Any behavior that involves you licking or sucking food will be construed by some guys as an indication that you want to engage in fellatio.
  
• Hanging out with a guy in your bedroom can and will send him the message that you are interested in sex. While you may be seeking privacy from your parents or roommates to chat, guys may not see it that way.
  
• Likewise, inviting a guy into your home after a date is virtually considered the universal sign that you want to have sex. Do not invite him in unless this is what you have in mind. This also goes the other way around. If he invites you over to his place after a date, that often means he wants to have sex. Be sure to clarify the parameters of your intentions.
  
• Just because you think a man is much too old for you does not mean a man will think you are too young for him. Fifty year old men have been known to pursue eighteen year old women. Older men can and do see gaining a younger significant other as a prize to be won. That is the whole basis behind the idea of a “trophy wife.” Do not let your guard down around older men, for some of them will attempt to win your intimate affections.
  
• In a similar vein, recognize that while you may not be interested in a guy, he may be interested in you. In these cases, the guy will construe anything you do as a sign that you are receptive to his advances. Be on the lookout anytime a guy may be acting more friendly than average, and in these cases be sure to make your intentions clear.
  
• Keep your eyes on your drinks at all times, and do not accept a drink from a stranger. Flunitrazepam, which is also known as “Roofies” or the “date rape drug,” can easily be added to drinks unbeknownst to the victim because it is virtually tasteless. Only take drinks that have come straight from the bar tender. Do not ever assume that you are safe because you're in a “safe area” or because you are with friends. People have been known to be “Roofied” at Disneyland, one of the last places one would expect that to happen.
  
• Until you say “I do,” do not open a shared bank account with your significant other. There is no easier way to steal money than right out of a shared bank account.
  
• On that same note, never share any of your passwords (whether it be to your Facebook page or to your online banking), and change your passwords if you have shared them.
  
• If your significant other refuses to tell his friends or family about your relationship, or insists on leaving his relationship status as “single” on Facebook, that is a sign that he's not faithful to you.
  

General signs of an unhealthy relationship according to
Women's Health
(www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/) include:

• Focusing all of your energy on your partner.
  
• Dropping friends and family or activities you enjoy.
  
• Feeling pressured or controlled a lot.
  
• Having more bad times in the relationship than good.
  
• Feeling sad or scared when with your partner.
  

There are several types of domestic abuse including physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, economic abuse, and psychological abuse. Each of these specific types of abuse has been described by the United States Department of Justice.

Physical abuse:

• Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc.
  
• Denying a partner medical care.
  
• Forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him/her.
  

Sexual abuse:

• Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent.
  
• Marital rape.
  
• Attacks on sexual parts of the body.
  
• Forcing sex after physical violence has occurred.
  
• Treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.
  
• This IS NOT an all-inclusive list.
  

Emotional Abuse:

• Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem.
  
• Constant criticism.
  
• Diminishing one's abilities.
  
• Name-calling.
  
• Damaging one's relationship with his/her children.
  

Economic Abuse:

• Making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources.
  
• Withholding one's access to money.
  
• Forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.
  
• Pressuring one to spend or “loan” money to the abuser.
  

Psychological abuse:

• Causing fear by intimidation.
  
• Threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends.
  
• Destruction and abuse of pets and property.
  
• Forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.
  

According to
Women's Health
these are signs of teen dating violence:

• Constantly texting or sending instant messages to monitor you.
  
• Insisting on getting serious very quickly.
  
• Acting very jealous or bossy.
  
• Pressuring you to do sexual things.
  
• Posting sexual photos of you online without permission.
  
• Threatening to hurt you or themselves if you break up.
  
• Blaming you for the abuse.
  

Women's Health
continues to say that if you have been abused or attacked, you may feel terribly afraid, confused, shocked, angry, or emotionally numb. Every woman is different, and all these feelings are natural. Experiencing abuse or an attack can lead to serious mental health problems including post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety. Additionally, teenage girls in abusive relationships are much more likely than other girls to become pregnant. Abuse can get worse during pregnancy, and it can harm the baby growing inside you.

Victims of abuse may actually
like
it, or it may
feel good
, which makes abusive relationships all the much harder to recognize. Once the abuse is over, possibly for a long time, the victim will experience guilt or embarrassment because they
enjoyed
the abuse. If you have experienced this conflicting emotion, know that you are not alone.

At times an abuser may be very sweet and affectionate. Do not let these acts of kindness fool you. Abusive relationships often follow a three part cycle:

• Explosion – Outburst of any kind of abuse.
  
• Honeymoon – “I'm so sorry, it won't happen again,” buy gifts, nice dates, etc.
  
• Tension Building – Feeling the need to tread lightly.
  

Many people stay in abusive relationships because of denial. The victim may desperately want, wish, or believe that their abuser is a better or different person or that s/he will “grow up.” Regardless of how enticing this may be to the victim, it is important to recognize this is actually denial. Remember, your emotional, physical, psychological, sexual well-being is incredibly important, and you should do your best to protect yourself despite any possible concerns about hurting your abuser.

Also, as the United States Department of Justice says, domestic violence not only affects those who are abused but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children who grow up witnessing domestic violence are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life therefore increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

If you think you are in an abusive relationship, there are many resources for help. Resources that are listed on
Women's Health
include:

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline
  . Staff is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and offers safety planning and crisis help. They can connect you to a shelter and services in your area. Staff can send out written information on topics such as domestic violence, sexual assault, and the legal system. More than 170 languages are available. You will hear a recording and may have to wait for a short time. Here is how you can contact them:
  
  • 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
    
  • 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
    
  • www.thehotline.org/get-help/contact-the-hotline/
    
• The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
  . Staff is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You will hear a recording and may have to wait for a short time. Here is how you can contact them:
  
  • 1-866-331-8474
    
  • 1-866-331-8453 (TTD)
    
  • You can send them an email and find a link to chat with a representative live online from 5:00 pm – 3:00 am EST at: http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/contact-us
    

Leaving an abusive relationship can be tricky, dangerous, and emotionally exhausting. Here are some tips from
Women's Health
that you can follow:

• Create a safety plan (i.e. where you can go if you are in danger).
  
• Make sure you have a working cellphone handy in case you need to call for help.
  
• Create a secret code with people you trust. That way, if you are with your partner, you can get help without saying you need help (in person, on the phone, texting, etc.)
  
• If you're breaking up with someone you see at your high school or college, you can get help from a guidance counselor, advisor, teacher, school nurse, dean's office, or principal. You also might be able to change your class schedules or even transfer to another school.
  
• If you have a job, talk to someone you trust at work. Your human resources department or employee assistance program (EAP) may be able to help.
  
• Try to avoid walking or riding alone.
  
• Be smart about technology. Don't share your passwords and change any passwords you may have shared. Don't post your schedule on Facebook and keep your settings private.
  

Here are some sources for more information:

• www.knowmoresaymore.org
  
• www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm
  
• www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women