The Countertenor Wore Garlic (The Liturgical Mysteries) (25 page)

"Wow, Bud. You want to tell me what's going on?"

Bud looked up. There were tears on his cheeks. "I guess I'd better tell you," he said. "How'd you know I was here?"

"I'm a detective, Bud," I said, shooting Pauli Girl a look. "We found Flori Cabbage's phone. Your texts were all there."

"Oh," he said.

"No one else here," said Nancy.

"Where's Elphina?" I asked.

"She'll be back in a little while," said Bud softly, his eyes now focused on the table. Pauli Girl flicked her glance toward the back door. I gave a small nod.

"Listen, Bud, I know she's the one who killed Flori Cabbage. I just want to know why."

If Nancy was surprised, she didn't show it.

"We were going to go to Florida," Bud said. "Start a new life. Elphina said she knew some guys who had a house in Pensacola where we could stay for a while."

"Bud, it's never a good plan to run away," I said. "What about your dream? What about college? Moosey? Your mom? Your sister? There are people here that depend on you." I glanced up at Pauli Girl. She smiled a small, very sad smile.

Another tear ran down Bud's cheek. "I know. I just love her. She said we'd be together."

"Well, tell me what happened."

"How did you know?"

"We found the murder weapon," Nancy said, as if this explained it. "The wine opener."

Bud nodded and began his story.

***

"I met Flori Cabbage last week, the week I was on fall break. Well, I'd seen her around, but I never spoke to her. I went into the Appalachian Music Shoppe just to look around and she and I got to talking. Did you know she had a photographic memory?"

"Yeah," I said.

"And that she spoke like seven languages?"

"We knew."

"Well, I told her that I had taken those wine courses during the summer and she said that she'd read this treatise on wine in Paris when she'd been in France on vacation. She said one afternoon, she wandered into the Bibliothèque Nationale and somehow ended up in the manuscript room. She pulled this one folio out, just at random, sat down, and started reading it just for something to do. It was the treatise I told you about, the one by Gilbert Rabelais. It's an amazing document and will set the wine community on its ear when it's published."

"I remember your telling me about it."

"So I met her three or four times after that. Flori said she was happy to tell me what was in the book. She'd repeat whole sections of the text, like she was reading it off the page and translating the French at the same time. It was amazing. I'd record her on my cell phone, then I'd go home and transcribe it. I have it stuck in the car somewhere."

"So what happened on Saturday. A week ago."

"I was at the movie. You asked me to help with the DVD player."

"Right," I said.

"So I was watching the movie and maybe about halfway through, I get a text from Flori. It said that she had something to show me in the sacristy. I thought it was related to what we were working on. You know, the Rabelais treatise. So I snuck down the aisle and into the sacristy. It was that part in the movie where everyone is running around in the dark, so it was easy to do without anyone seeing me. At least that's what I thought."

"How did Flori know you'd be in the church?"

"I guess she knew I'd be going to see
Nosferatu
. She was sort of into the vampire thing. I invited her to come along, but she said she was going to the book signing."

"So someone saw you leaving the movie?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah," said Bud sadly. "Elphina saw me. She was really excited to meet Salena Mercer. She was in line at the bookstore, but after waiting a while, she decided to come over to the church. She got some girl to save her place."

"So she was in the church and saw you get up and go into the sacristy." I said. "Why wasn't she sitting with you?"

"She didn't know where I was. The church was packed and she came in late. She saw me when I got up."

"So she followed you?" said Nancy.

"Yeah. I walked into the sacristy and all the lights were out, but there was one on in the choir dressing room. The door was mostly closed. I thought Flori Cabbage might be there, so I pushed the door open. She was there all right and she had no clothes on at all. She was naked and she smiled and did this!" Bud crooked his finger in a "come-over-here" gesture. "It sort of freaked me out 'cause I didn't know what was going on! I mean, I had no idea. I thought we were friends and that she was just helping me out."

He stopped talking for a moment, then said, "May I have a drink of water?"

"Sure," I said. Pauli Girl went to the sink, filled a jelly jar with some water and set it on the table in front of Bud. He picked it up and took a long swallow.

"I came out of the dressing room," continued Bud, "and like I said, I was pretty freaked. I was just trying to get out of there. I went out the back door instead of the one leading back into the church. When I tried to get back in, it was locked. I had to go all the way around and come back in the front. Then I went back to my seat and sat for the rest of the movie."

"Did Elphina tell you exactly what happened when she found Flori Cabbage in the dressing room?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah," said Bud. He took a couple of deep breaths followed by another sip of water. "She told me that she saw me leave the movie and after a couple of minutes came after me. She heard a noise in the dressing room and got sort of scared, so she pulled out her stun gun. She's got one that looks like a flashlight." He shrugged. "She always carries it."

"Then she saw Flori Cabbage without her clothes and thought the worst," said Nancy.

"Well, by that time, she had some of them back on," said Bud. "Elphina knew I was meeting with her. She said that Flori was after me, but I didn't believe her! She was so mad because she loves me so much..."

"So she zapped her with the stun gun," said Nancy, "right in her neck. Then used the wine opener to finish her off and cover up the marks the stun gun made."

"Yes."

Nancy continued: "Dressed her, dragged her out the back, put her in the hay maze, and stuck a pumpkin on her head."

"She didn't tell me about the pumpkin."

"How'd she manage the rest?" asked Nancy. "She wasn't a big girl."

"She's strong," said Bud. "No kidding. I once saw her carry a full keg of beer up a flight of stairs."

"Where have you two been staying?" I asked.

"In the car. Elphina kept trying to get hold of her friends in Florida, but never did. She finally decided that we should just go." Bud put his head on the table and his shoulders shook.

I gave Bud a minute, then said, "You got a text after the movie was over. Outside on the steps. What did it say?"

Bud didn't answer, but reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and handed it to me. I passed it over to Nancy. It took her just a moment to pull up the text.

"You won't be seeing your slut again. We're both dead," she read.

Pauli Girl bristled. "I hate that Mary Edith Lumpkin," she said.

***

We told Bud he was not to leave the county, and that it would be a good idea for him and Pauli Girl to follow us back into town. They could come and stay with Meg and me tonight. Bud went to the bathroom to clean up. Pauli Girl walked with us to the front door.

"She left when she saw you driving up," she whispered. "Out the back, into the woods."

"Yeah," I said. "We know. Thanks for the text. I won't tell Bud."

"What's going to happen to him?"

"Nothing," I said. "He hasn't actually broken any laws. It's a good thing we got here when we did."

"What about aiding and bedding a fugitive?" Pauli Girl asked, obviously as big a fan of the crime shows as I.

Nancy hid a smile behind a fake cough. "Well, she wasn't a fugitive 'til right now," she said. "He did have knowledge of a crime already committed, but that's not a criminal offense unless we ask him about it and he lies. Then we might have reason to charge him with obstruction. Right now, though, it's all on Elphina."

"Don't worry," I said. "We'll find her."

"I ain't worried," said Pauli Girl, her eyes narrowing. "I'd just as soon stay here. She comes back and
no one
will have to worry about her anymore."

"I know. That's why I want you two to stay with us tonight. We'll take all the vehicles with us."

***

Nancy and I waited by the truck while the two kids got what they needed to spend the night.

"What a bluffer," said Nancy with a grin. "Admit it! You had no idea that Elphina was the murderer when we came up here."

"Well, that's true enough," I said. "I had the thought when I saw the packed car. Even then, I was fishing."

"You're a good angler, Chief."

"You're pretty good yourself," I said.

Chapter 22

Bud and Pauli Girl accompanied Meg and me to church on Sunday morning. Meg had fixed us all breakfast before we left, and we'd dined on homemade biscuits, bacon, apple butter, and various jams that she'd bought at the Ginger Cat before she'd left yesterday.

St. Barnabas was abustle. Moosey came running up to us when we walked into the parish hall and he threw his arms around Pauli Girl.

"Hi, Pauli Girl!" he bubbled. "Hi, Bud. Hey! Lookit what I've got!" He reached into his front pocket and started to pull something out, but Bernadette was right behind him.

"Don't show!" she yelped. "It's for later."

"Oh, yeah," said Moosey, stuffing whatever it was back into his pocket. "Hey! Mama's coming home tomorrow. I like it at the Kentons', but I'll be glad to get home. Hey! Did you feed my turtle?"

"What turtle?" said Pauli Girl. "And stop saying 'Hey!'"

"He's in the toilet in Mama's bathroom," said Moosey. "I put him there for safety."

Pauli Girl made a face.

"I've got to go up to the choir loft," I said. "I'll see everyone later."

***

"I hope we get the rest of this story soon," said Marjorie. She'd gotten to the loft early, as usual. "I'm writing a review. You know. For the church newsletter."

"Endeavor to be kind," I said.

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that. I have my literary standards, you know."

"Yes, I know."

"I went down to the parish hall to get some of that fancy-cat coffee, but they didn't have any," grumbled Marjorie. "They only had Community Coffee. That's okay I guess, but I was really looking forward to it."

"We're having it after the service," I said.

"Ohhh," said Marjorie.

The choir started coming in and filled the chairs one by one.

"I went to my Sunday School class," said Elaine. "Guess who was there? The Congregational Enlivener. Kimberly Walnut was taking him around and introducing him. His name is Nick Duckling."

"I can't wait to meet him," I said, being in quite a good mood after the events of the previous evening. There were still many unanswered questions, but I'd be happy to tackle those tomorrow.

"Hey," said Steve. "Here are the new prayer books. I mean, the
old
prayer books."

"About time," said Marjorie.

"Let's take out our music, please," I said. "We'll go through it, but quite frankly, we may have to be flexible this morning. Kimberly Walnut and Mr. Duckling will be interjecting some fun elements into the service and they've decided that these should be a surprise."

"And our service shall be enlivened," said Elaine.

"Indeed it shall," I said. "Now let's look at that Puccini anthem."

***

The kids, Moosey's Eleven, were sitting third-row center, their Boomwhackers, or rather, their Spirit Sticks, in hand when the service started. Other younger kids had Spirit Sticks as well. Kimberly Walnut had bought fifty of them, and since there weren't fifty kids in the parish, there were a few of the strange instruments left over. It was no surprise, then, to see that all the basses had them squirreled away under their chairs.