The Cradle in the Grave (23 page)

Simon reached into his pocket for the small Ziploc bag he'd brought with him. He held it up in front of Sarah Jaggard's face so that she'd have no difficulty seeing it through her tears. ‘Do these numbers mean anything to you?' he asked.

She dropped her tea in her lap and started to scream.

‘Cream coloured. Sort of ribbed,' I say, for what must be the tenth time. ‘You know, a bit stripey, but not stripes of colour, more like . . . texture stripes.' I shrug. ‘That's the best I can do, sorry.'

‘And you don't remember the numbers?' DC Waterhouse asks. He's hunched awkwardly over his notebook in the middle of my sofa, dead centre, as if invisible people are squashing him in on either side. Every so often he looks up from his note-making and stares at me hard, as if I'm lying to him, which I am. When he asked me if I'd received any other unusual communications, anything that had worried me, I said no.

I should tell him about the second and third anonymous envelopes, but the prospect fills me with dread.
In case he tells me that three is so much worse than one, three constitutes a real risk
. He might look even more concerned than he does now, and the worry on his face is making me feel quite paranoid enough at its present level. Besides, there's no point saying anything – it's not as if I've still got the second card or the photograph to show him.

I wish I was better at self-deception. It's dispiriting, constantly listening to myself calling myself a liar.

‘2, 1, 4, 9—those were the first four numbers, the top row,' I say. ‘I don't remember the others. Sorry.' I glance discreetly at my watch. 7.30 a.m. I need DC Waterhouse to leave, quickly, so that I can get to Rachel Hines on time.

He turns over a page in his notebook and passes it across to me. ‘Could those have been the sixteen numbers?' he asks.

The sight of them makes me queasy; I want to push them away. ‘Yes. I . . . I'm not sure, but I think . . . Yes, they could be.' Seeing him nod and open his mouth, I panic and blurt out, ‘Don't tell me. I don't want to know.'

What the hell did I say that for? Now he'll think I'm scared of something.

He gives me a curious look. ‘What don't you want to know?'

I decide I might as well be honest, by way of a change. ‘What the numbers are. What they mean. If it's got anything to do with—' I break off. I know better than to invite trouble by voicing my worst fear.

‘If it's got anything to do with what?' DC Waterhouse asks.

‘If I'm in danger, I'd rather not know.'

‘You'd rather not know?'

‘Are you going to repeat everything I say? Sorry. I don't mean to be rude, I just . . .'

‘I haven't said you're in danger, Miss Benson, but let's suppose you were: you wouldn't want to know about it, so that you could protect yourself?'

This is what I dreaded; he's making it too real, threatening the sustainability of my denial. Now that he's put it like that, I have to ask. ‘
Am
I in danger?'

‘There's no reason to assume that at this stage.'

Fantastic. That makes me feel heaps better
.

Waterhouse watches me.

I open my ill-considered gob again, to break the uncomfortable silence. ‘The way I see it, if someone's determined to . . . kill me, or whatever, then they're going to do it, aren't they?'

‘Kill you?' He sounds surprised. ‘Why would anybody want to do that?'

I laugh. I'm glad I'm not the only one playing games here. He's told me he's from Culver Valley CID. He hasn't mentioned Helen Yardley, but he must know I know that she was killed in Spilling in the Culver Valley, and that his interest in the sixteen numbers must have something to do with her murder.

‘I'm not saying someone wants to kill me,' I tell him. ‘I'm saying that, if they did, they could do it easily. What am I supposed to do, hide in a bullet-proof bunker for the rest of my life?'

‘You seem frightened,' says Waterhouse. ‘There's no need to panic, and, as I said, no reason to assume—'

‘I'm not panicking about being attacked or killed, I'm panicking about panicking,' I try to explain, fighting back the tears that are prickling my eyes. ‘I'm scared of how scared I'll have to be if I find out why you're asking about the card and the numbers. I'll be in a whole new realm of fear – too terrified to get on with my life, too frightened to do anything but curl up into a ball and die of dreading what might happen to me. I'd rather not know, and let whatever's going to happen happen. Seriously.'

It might not make sense to anyone else, but it makes perfect sense to me. I've always been phobic about hearing bad news. When I was a student, I had a drunken condomless one-night stand with a man I hardly knew, someone I met in a nightclub and never saw again. I spent the next ten years worrying about dying of AIDS, but there was no way I was getting tested. Who wants to spend the last few years of their life knowing they've got a terminal illness?

Waterhouse stands up, walks over to the window. Like everyone who's ever admired the view from my lounge – a greenish-stained light-well wall leading up to an uneven pavement – he makes no mention of the charming aspect.

‘Try not to worry,' he says. ‘Having said that, you need to take a few basic precautions. You live here alone?'

I nod.

‘I'm going to try and organise for someone to keep an eye on you, but in the meantime, have you got a friend you can stay with? I'd like you to spend as little time as possible on your own until you hear different.'

Keep an eye on me? Would he say that if the threat to me wasn't serious?

This is getting ridiculous. Ask him what's going on. Make him tell you
.

I can't bring myself to do it, even though the truth might be an improvement on what I'm not quite allowing myself to imagine. Maybe I'd feel better if I heard it.

Yeah. Course you would
.

‘I'd also like you to halt all work on the crib death murders documentary for the time being, and broadcast the fact that that's what you're doing,' says Waterhouse. ‘Contact everyone involved. Make sure they know it's postponed indefinitely.'

Resistance rears up inside me like a tidal wave. I don't know why I'm nodding mutely like an obedient sap when I have no intention of following his instructions. Either I'm lying again, or I'm agreeing with him because I know he's right in theory, I know that's what I ought to do.

I also know I can't. Can't give up on the film now, can't stop myself from going to Twickenham this morning. Despite the fear and the guilt, the pull inside me is too strong, like a current I have no hope of fighting. I have to talk to Rachel Hines, hear what she has to say about Wendy Whitehead, the woman she claims killed her children. I have to go deeper in.

It's nothing to do with truth or justice. It's me. If I don't see this through, all the way to the other side of whatever it leads to, I might go my whole life without ever fixing on who I am or how I feel – about myself, my family, my past. I'll be nothing – the nobody from nowhere, as Maya so graciously put it, trapped for ever, still tainted. I'll have missed my one chance. That terrifies me more than the idea of someone trying to kill me.

As if he's reading my mind, Waterhouse says, ‘We're having trouble getting in touch with Rachel Hines. Do you have her contact details?'

The police must think the film is connected to Helen Yardley's murder.

‘They're probably in a file somewhere. I think she rents a flat in Notting Hill, close to where she used to live with her family,' I parrot what Tamsin told me. Part of me would like to be helpful and give Waterhouse the Twickenham address, but if I do that, he'll make it his next stop, and I can't let that happen. I can't have him in my way. I'm the person Rachel Hines is going to speak to this morning; no one else.

‘She doesn't seem to be staying there at the moment,' he says. ‘You don't have any other address for her?'

‘No,' I lie.

‘Two new faces for you today.' Proust tapped the whiteboard with a pen. ‘Or rather, one face and one police artist's best attempt at a likeness. The woman in the photograph is Sarah Jaggard. Some of you might have heard of her.'

About half and half, thought Simon. There were as many people nodding as looking blank.

‘She was tried in 2005 for the manslaughter of Beatrice Furniss, the baby of a friend,' said the Snowman. ‘She was acquitted. She has several links to Helen Yardley. One: Helen campaigned, under the auspices of JIPAC, on Mrs Jaggard's behalf. Two: Laurie Nattrass – I assume you've all heard of him – was until very recently making a documentary about three crib death murder cases, two of which were Helen and Sarah Jaggard. Three, and this is closely related to two: Dr Judith Duffy, regular star witness for the prosecution in suspected abuse cases, testified against both Helen Yardley and Sarah Jaggard at their trials. Duffy's on the verge of being struck off by the GMC for misconduct.'

A taut silence filled the room as everyone stared at the face beside Sarah Jaggard's: a sketch of a man with a shaved head and uneven front teeth. Apart from Proust, only Simon, Sam Kombothekra, Sellers and Gibbs knew why his as-yet-unidentified ugly mug was up on the board. Was Simon the only one who objected to being among the chosen people? ‘The home team', Rick Leckenby and a few others had taken to calling them, seemingly without malice.

There was another meeting of the select few scheduled for immediately after the briefing. In Proust's glass-walled office in the corner of the CID room, where everyone else working Helen Yardley's murder would once again be able to see but not hear the inspector consulting his inner circle. It was no way to run a murder investigation.

‘Last Monday, 28 September – so a week before Helen Yardley was shot—Sarah Jaggard was attacked near her home in Wolverhampton by the man whose unprepossessing image we have here.' Proust pointed to the board. ‘Mrs Jaggard has understandably suffered from depression since her arrest in 2004 and is on anti-depressants. On 28 September, she went to her GP for a repeat prescription. On leaving the doctor's surgery, she went straight to the nearest chemist, the Moon Street branch of Boots. As she was approaching the door, in full view of the shop window, a man came up and grabbed her from behind. He put one arm round her neck and the other round her waist, and dragged her into a nearby alleyway. Once he had her where he wanted her, our assailant turned Mrs Jaggard round, enabling her to get a good look at his face, produced a knife and held it against her throat.

‘Mrs Jaggard can't remember his exact words but he said something to the effect of, “You killed that baby, didn't you? Tell me the truth.” Mrs Jaggard told him that no, she didn't kill Beatrice Furniss, to which he replied, “You shook her, didn't you? Why don't you admit it? If you tell me the truth, I'll let you live. All I want's the truth.” Mrs Jaggard told him again that she didn't shake the baby, had never harmed a child and never would, but that didn't satisfy him, and he continued to repeat himself, threatening that unless she told the truth, he would kill her. In the end, Mrs Jaggard became so terrified, and so convinced he was going to kill her if she didn't give him what he wanted, that she lied. She said “All right, I did shake her, I did kill her.”'

Simon saw confusion on some of the faces around him, though a few people were shrugging as if to say, ‘Anyone would say that, if someone had a knife to their throat.'

‘Sarah Jaggard
did not
shake Beatrice Furniss, who died of natural causes,' said Proust, his metal-grey eyes raking the room for signs of dissent. ‘She was being threatened by a madman. A madman who didn't know his own mind, as it turned out, because the minute she lied and said she'd shaken the baby to death, he started to tell her that she didn't. He said words to the effect of, “Don't lie. I told you, I want the truth. You didn't kill her, did you? You didn't shake her. You're lying.” At which point Sarah Jaggard tried again to tell the truth: that she hadn't harmed baby Beatrice in any way, that she'd only said she had in fear of her life. The man got angry at this point—
angrier
, I should say—and said, “You're going to die now. Are you ready?”

‘Mrs Jaggard fainted in shock, but not before hearing a woman's raised voice. She was too frightened to make out what the voice was saying. When she came round to find herself flat on her back, her attacker was gone, and there was a woman standing over her, a Mrs Carolyn Finneran, who had come out of Boots and noticed a skirmish in the alleyway. Hers was the voice Mrs Jaggard heard before she fainted.' Proust paced the room as he spoke: his gang-plank walk, one foot slowly and carefully in front of the other.
If only there were an ocean for him to fall into
.

‘If Mrs Finneran hadn't appeared when she did and scared our man away, it's reasonable to assume Sarah Jaggard might have died on 28 September,' said Proust. ‘In any event, given the link between her and Helen Yardley, that this attack happened a week before Helen's murder is something we couldn't afford to ignore even if we didn't have something more concrete linking the two incidents. I won't keep you in suspense.'

The Snowman stopped in front of an enlarged copy of the card that had been found in Helen Yardley's pocket after her death: the sixteen numbers. ‘Once Sarah Jaggard had been helped to her feet by Mrs Finneran, the first thing she did was reach into her jacket pocket for a tissue to wipe her face. She pulled out more than she bargained for: there was a card there, identical to the one you're all familiar with.' Proust held out his hand. Colin Sellers, standing behind him like a performing seal waiting for his cue, handed him two transparent plastic folders. Proust held them up so that everyone could see the cards inside. ‘Same numbers, same handwriting – though that hasn't yet been officially confirmed by the people whose overpaid job it is to tell us what we already know. Exactly the same layout – the numbers divided into four rows of four horizontally and four columns of four vertically, and nothing else on the card except the numbers: 2,1,4,9, et cetera.'