The Cries of the Butterfly - A LOVE STORY (18 page)

A
nn pleaded with her to give it up. But Mary wasn’t listening. The money was too good and if she had to trade a little flesh for it, so be it. No longer was she going to lead a deprived life, no longer. So what if some sicko beat her up once in a while—it was all part of the game. Ann begged and beseeched, implored and entreated, over and over. But to no avail. She even threatened to walk out on her, but Mary had changed. There was a sudden harshness to her that Ann had never known before. Among the three friends, Mary had been the smallest—barely five feet and not yet hundred pounds—and the meekest, so much so that Ann had always felt fiercely protective toward her. But now...she seemed suddenly so tall.

“I would be very sorry if you leave, Ann, and I would miss you,” she said. “But I must do what I must do.” The flatness of her face, and tone, made Ann shiver.

Things remained strained between the two great friends from then on. They lived together, but hardly spoke. And yet, Ann unfailingly waited till Mary returned home, sometimes past three am. And she saw to it that there was always enough food for Mary and that she ate well. She refused to take Mary’s money anymore and somehow subsisted on the skimpy income of her baby-sitting.

It began about two months later. And it began with a cough. A cough that was sudden, a cough that lasted half an hour. A cough that wouldn’t go away. Ann took Mary to a doctor—forced her when she wouldn’t go but instead insisted on self-medication. The physician fondled her breasts a little, prescribed oral medication and charged a bundle. Things improved for a while, but not for long. Mary now began getting fever, and when she got too weak to move out of bed, Ann got the doctor home. This time he pinched her butt, then poked it with a needle and charged a bigger bundle.

But it didn’t help too much.

Mary got sicker and sicker and Ann got more and more frantic. She quit her job so she could stay home and nurse her friend full time, as Mary refused to be admitted to a hospital. When the money started running really low, she hoicked off things they had accumulated over the past couple of years—the color television, the VCR, the music system...anything she could flog, anything except Mary’s gifts to her, or her gifts to Mary. These were priceless—they represented the bond they shared...would always share, no matter what.

Mary died in her sleep one summer night. She was nineteen. And with her death, Ann was orphaned once again.

For a month, Ann vegetated, in complete shock, unable to express her sorrow. She wanted to holler out, to wail wildly, to weep bitterly. But she shed not a single tear. And the cries of this forlorn butterfly remained trapped in her heart.

Finally, she changed her name. She became Savannah, taking the name of the city where she had grown to be an adult and where she had shared some of the loveliest moments of her life with the person she had loved the most in life...a city that had in the end also taken away all that she’d had. And because her soul burned, and kept burning with a grief that just wouldn’t go away, she became Savannah Burns.

Two months after Mary died, Savannah Burns, once known as Ann, just Ann, took an aimless seven hour flight westward to New Halcyon...desperately trying to shut out her past.

GRANT
Butcher was a troubled man.

He knew something had gone badly amiss with Wolf since that euphoric Sunday, something to do with his recently-fiancée. She hadn’t visited since that day and Wolf had withdrawn into himself. At first, Grant had decided not to interfere anymore. The slightest problem seemed to throw the boy off—he seemed to have no capacity whatever to handle even the littlest difficulty. It was time he was left to cope with his personal affairs.

But then something disturbing had happened.

Late last night, with his wife gone to sleep, Grant had been at his bedroom window, absently looking out into the serene night, thinking about the next day’s schedule. Suddenly, Wolf had appeared in the back garden. For some reason, Grant ducked back, and watched. There was something weird in the boy’s bearing—he seemed to be moving about in a daze, almost as if he were sleepwalking. His hands were pressed to his crotch and his chin was on his chest. Then he stopped walking and a minute later he turned in Grant’s direction and looked up. What Grant saw in Wolf’s eyes sent a shiver of shock through him. How often had he seen that glassy look in the inmates of ‘Addicts Anonymous’, of which he was the chairperson. For the first time in a while now, Grant Butcher was scared...truly scared.

Now, this Thursday evening, Grant knew he
had
to get involved, as much as he was loath to. If what he feared was indeed true (and he shuddered again), it had to be dealt with forthwith, before things went beyond redemption. He would go through Rochelle, he decided. She seemed to be the only one with access to Wolf. But he would have to be careful. He knew how protective she had become of him lately—she turned almost vicious at the slightest hint of criticism of him, no matter where it came from, no matter how justified. He knocked on her door, but her room was clear. He went to the family living room, then to the kitchen.

Estelle told him that Rochelle had just taken Wolf’s dinner to him.

Grant paused outside Wolf’s room and listened. He knocked softly and when there was no response, he quietly turned the door knob.

What he saw sent an eerie sensation twining up his torso.

Wolf was sitting on the bed, cross-legged and humped. A decent stubble had formed on his jaws over the days. Across him was Rochelle, and she was almost hand-feeding him, like a mother tending her child.

***

One
more day to go, Robin told herself, then Saturday.
Then I’ll see Daddy, and Momma too
(well, soon-to-be-Momma),
and I’ll be at the Big House, among the beautiful roses and the swimming pool and the waterfall and pond
. She felt a throbbing joy in her bosom. This was what she waited for all week. This was what kept her batteries charged, what made her work so hard at her studies. A sense of warmth and cheer began to permeate her whole being.

It was nearing eight am and she was at her closet, quietly putting Stripey away for the day, her body masking what she was doing. She needn’t have worried though for the other girls had already left for breakfast.
This can’t go on much longer,
Robin was thinking. Her little boy was growing bigger by the hour and he no longer seemed to appreciate being locked away all day. And yet, there was little she could do. Well, Daddy had told her that she would be coming to live with him very soon, so that would solve the problem. But till then, she would just have to scrape through.

“So big boy, bear it for a few days more, yes? Then you will be free like the wind,” she whispered to Stripey, restraining him from leaping out once more. Somehow she managed to shut the closet door.

“There’s someone for you.” It was a shout from the dorm door and Robin turned. It was her best friend Moon-Moon.

“For me?” She was surprised.
Who? Daddy? Already?
She felt her heart begin to flutter.

“Go to the main office,” Moon-Moon directed. “Then come for breakfast. I’ll wait for you.”

“Yes, thanks.”

.

R
obin came to an abrupt halt at the office door. And she stood there and gaped. Then slowly a smile came to her lips and spread across her face.

“Hi,” Savannah said coming over.

“Hello, ma’am,” Robin replied, suddenly shy.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Sister Toynette said and went out.

“Thank you so much, Sister,” Savannah nodded.

There was awkwardness and Robin was at a complete loss—didn’t know what to say, what to do. This was all so sudden, so unexpected.

“Perhaps we should sit down, uh?” Savannah said waving at the chairs.

“Yes.” She could see Savannah was regarding her closely and it made her even more ill at ease.

“Surprised to see me, aren’t you?” Savannah said after they had settled down.

Robin nodded. She tried to smile.

“Can I spend the day with you, Robin?” Savannah said.

That truly startled Robin. “But...but I have school,” she blurted.

“That’s alright, I won’t disturb you. I’ll just stay and watch unobtrusively. Then after school we can be together and you can show me around and we can talk. What you say?”

Robin found her heart begin to flap again. To spend the whole day with your soon-to-be-mom... Wow, what a fabulous idea! Yet, another part of her—the logical—couldn’t help but wonder why Savannah couldn’t wait. After all, Saturday and Sunday were only a day away, then they could be together all they wanted and with so much more privacy. But then she got it!
Oh, she wants to spend time with me alone!
Woman to woman
. Yes, Robin completely understood that. However...

“It’s alright, I asked Sister Toynette and your Principal,” Savannah said, reading her mind.

A sparkle came to Robin’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Alright. ... Had your breakfast yet?”

“No, I was just going to,” Robin answered.

“Good.” She dipped her hand in a wicker bag she had brought with her. “I’ve made you some breakfast...specially for you.”

“But I can’t!” Robin cried. “My friends are waiting for me in the food room.”

“They can surely do without you for a day, can’t they? In any case, they don’t have you on weekends, do they?” She was smiling but Robin could see her eyes weren’t.

“That’s different. But when I’m here, I must share everything with them,” she said stubbornly.

The woman’s face hardened. But after a moment, she shrugged. “Well, never mind.”

And Robin could tell she was disappointed as she put the lunch box back in the basket.

“I’m sorry,” Robin said, feeling terrible.

“That’s alright, I understand.” She put a soft hand on the girl’s cheek.

.

S
avannah took a deep breath and momentarily shut her eyes. This was going to be the hardest part of the day and the most critical. It was what she had
really
come for. Being with Robin all day was simply preparing ground for this.

It was approaching seven pm and they were seated on a stone bench, some fifty yards from the Home buildings, just the two of them. Savannah had observed the little girl go through her classes. Thereafter, they had got together, and Robin had quickly accomplished her homework, then shown Savannah around the large property. They had chatted, and chatted some more, mostly about school and life at the Home. Finally, and as Robin wouldn’t be treated alone, Savannah had treated her entire dorm to a wonderful early dinner at a restaurant three blocks away. It had all been a part of the game—of gaining the girl’s confidence, and Savannah was sure that by now she had succeeded. In fact, the girl was so stirred she had even called Savannah “Mom” on a couple of unguarded occasions and unwittingly clung to her sleeve as they crossed the streets to the restaurant.

“There’s something I need to tell you, Robin, and I want you to listen very carefully. Okay?” Savannah now said. She didn’t like to do it, but she knew she had to. Her life depended on it.

“Yes,” Robin said, looking up at Savannah with cloudless eyes.

“You know Wolf and I are getting married, right?”

Robin nodded.

“And that he plans to adopt you...to make you his daughter?”

“But I
am
his daughter!” Robin squeaked, as if suddenly struck by a very unpleasant entity.

Savannah let out a slow sigh. “Of course.”
Mary!
“Though, not really. That you know, don’t you?” She saw the girl’s face tighten. “Do you also know why Wolf loves you so much, why he picked
you
of all the hundreds of kids around?”

“Because
I
am his daughter!” she cried. Her face had gone red with defiance.

Easy,
Savannah told herself. “Yes, still...do you want to know the truth?”

She did not, Savannah could tell. In fact, the girl wanted to be out of here. A beautiful day was getting swiftly ruined.

“Robin?”

“Hu,” she muttered stiffly.

“Did you hear what I just said?”

Robin nodded imperceptibly. Color had left her face.

Do it.
“The real reason why Wolf wants you to be his daughter is because you look exactly like his dead daughter, Philippa. Not because you are you. It is Philippa he sees in you, not Robin at all.”

Panic leapt to the girl’s face. She tried to say something, but couldn’t manage. Her eyes began darting wildly, like a trapped fawn desperately seeking an escape from a predator. Savannah placed a hand on her head, but she felt Robin cringe at her touch.

Mary, what am I doing!
Savannah thought. And yet, it needed to be done. She pulled in another long breath.

“I’m sorry, but this is the truth,” she said, toughening herself. “It just is. And that’s not the way you would want it, is it? You don’t want to be loved for someone else, do you?”

In spite of herself, Savannah felt an overwhelming urge to take the girl in her arms, just looking at her. But of course, she did no such thing; she knew she couldn’t. For, she had another duty—to herself. To the person who had known very little enduring happiness in all her almost thirty years. For the first time in her life now, she had a clear shot to that fulfillment, perhaps her only shot, and she wasn’t going to be denied. The little girl was in the way.