The Cruel Twists of Love (32 page)

Chapter 9

        Helen is waiting for Phil at the clinic. He said he meet her here because he was running late. The appointment thankfully was not on time or he would have missed it by now, maybe that the plan Helen thinks. Phil has been trying to get out of this since she booked a session at the clinic. She hears their names being called and sadly gets up alone, maybe if Phil couldn’t ask for help she might still find a way of helping him herself

“Hello I’m Dr Yamins, I thought the appointment was for a Mr
. and Mrs. Taylor?” and spoken with a polish accent and a kind smile and Helen relaxes when she thinks she can talk to him about this

“
Sorry my husband been detained in work”

“
Funny that most husbands never make it in to see me the first time, take a seat and we see what we can do to help him come in next time….” Helen sits in one of the leather seats in front of his desk and he takes the other seat next to her.

“
Much more comfortable this side of my desk, so what the problem your husband having? I take it it’s him because he the no show”

“
My husband, Phillip he sometimes likes to hurt me”

“I take it sexually
, is it with your consent?”

“
Not always, sometimes it’s under pressure and he sometimes likes me to fear him when he makes me do things to him but he has been great since the baby” Helen strokes her stomach tenderly.

“
Was the pregnancy planned?”

“
No, he told me he spiked my food with antibiotics when I was on the pill”

“
He sounds like a very dangerous man Helen, if he wanted to change he be here in this room with you now, he has been raping you Helen and he will manipulate you in any way he can to keep you in control sexually. I will give you a number you can call day or night, learn it by heart because he will take it from you if he can”

“
Can he change with my help?” Helen tears well up in her eyes

“
That the trouble they are the nicest of people when in the honeymoon period but it won’t last. If you strong enough to help him you can but you have to get him to come and seek help here. If he puts you in a position of fear, limit his enjoyment of it by blanking it out anyway you can. No emotion and no enjoyment on his part, no tears and no begging that what he wants” he hands Helen a tissue from the box on his table.

“I promised him I would give him a weekend of anything he wanted, what have I agreed to?” Helen shakes with fear of what Phil will put her though.

“The most unbelievable pain and humiliations someone could endure, if it one weekend he going to squeeze all his pent up feelings into one session you still have the power to say no”

“
He shows shame after” Helen says quietly in defence of Phil.

“
That’s a good sign, but you can never show him fear or shame when he acting out his pleasure, he needs to be deprived off pleasure from these acts and learn to gain pleasure from other things or he never change and that is going to take unbelievable strength from you”

“
What if I’m not strong enough?”

“
Then he will get worse and your life will become a living hell” he puts a hand on Helen shoulder

“
Do you have somewhere to go if you decide to leave?”

“
Yes, I left some money in my old account at my parents house, if I decide to go home but he got my passport and drivers licence” a knock on the door and Phil walks in looking enraged with anger. Helen cowers from his glare he gives her and he comes and stands by her chair

“
Well Helen there hope for him yet, Mr. Taylor I assume?” Phil nods stony faced

“
It’s Phillip please” Phil holds out his hand to shake Dr Yamins hand, but the doctor ignores the outstretched hand and gets up and goes round the desk and sits in his chair

“
Sorry Phillip but I’m in control in this room, sit” smiling warmly and he gestures to the empty chair.

“
We not got long left on our appointment because this was a preliminary meeting but what been discussed so far, I think this will be of benefit to you both. What do you want to gain from these meetings Phillip?”

“I don’t want to lose Helen, but I don’t know how to stop hurting her”

“And you think these meetings will help?”

“
No not really, you are not going to be there when the rage takes over me”

“
How very honest Phillip, that not what I expect from a bully like you, so maybe you do want to change?”

“I never wanted anything more. I need Helen in my life, you see she the only one apart from my neighbour who has ever shown me any love and I don’t want to lose that”

“We will meet once a month sometimes you will have separate appointments because rage is a factor for you and Helen is not going to feel free to talk with you here, is that alright?”

“
Sure I just want Helen happy, will this affect our adoption of my brother?”

“
This is news to me if you could put the child in Helen care solely I will not intervene and I will check up on the adoption. Phillip you need to allow Helen to leave you if she wants to, it will build trust from both of you” Phil smiles at Helen warmly

“I’m a lucky man doctor I do whatever it takes to keep her love”

“Phillip if you could step out a moment, I need to talk to your wife alone while you make another appointment for next week and that will be your first session with me” Phillip looks nervously at Helen and smiles before he leaves the room. Doctor Yamins waits for the door to close before coming round his desk.

“
He wants to change Helen but I suspect its years of inbuilt pain that makes him act like this. If I’m right you going to have to be strong for him, he the weak one in the relationship and he may close up to you emotionally. Not speaking for days to punish you may be a tactic he will use because inflicting pain will make you leave. The weekend you should try to stop, not many will be able to hide their fear or revulsion in what you doing to please him”

“I got a while yet before I need to worry about that, he promised to wait until after the baby’s born”

“Good, we should have made some headway by then so you might not have to. Arguments are going to be a hard one for you as rage is a factor. Put it down on paper how you feel so he can read it when he is calmer”

“
He never hit me when he was angry at me before. He was scared how he felt, but in control of his anger”

“
How mad was he?”

“I thought he would kill me, but he smashed the mirror instead of hurting me”

“So he lied, rage is not an issue for him that a good thing it means it not an impulse but pleasure for him and that can change if he can learn other ways to get his pleasure but remember you can never show him fear, leave or anything you can think of to make him stop without begging him. Bring the man you love to you by persuasion and coxing. Reassure him you love him when he is at his most frightening”

“I think I better go, we meeting his brother today for the first time so Phil’s a little apprehensive”

“Are you sure about the adoption?”

“I will love him as my own, so yes I’m sure”

“I think you make a great mother, but I’m not so sure about your husband yet. The damage may just be too deep but he is willing to try and that’s all any of us can ask for. So hopefully I will see you both, next week” pulling a card from his jacket pocket.

“
This is a helpline you can ring day or night, don’t worry about your passport they sort that out if you need to leave in a hurry, they are also there to listen to you if you want to talk about anything Helen, my personnel phone number is on the back so you can phone me anytime Helen hide it somewhere so he can’t find it don’t phone my number from home it will show up on the records, but the other number you can ring from home because it’s a hidden number” Helen puts the card in her bag’s lining and feeling a little foolish with the cloak and dagger behaviour but she knew it would go missing like a lot of her things since she has been married” Helen shakes his outstretched hand.

“
Why didn’t you shake Phillip’s hand?”

“
He needs to learn not to always be in control of the situation. I took the power away from him when I refused to shake his hand”

“
Thank you for seeing us so quick”

“
My pleasure, please keep the appointment even if it’s on your own Helen” Helen nods and she opens the door.

     Helen looks at Phil
when she walks into the reception room

“
Are you alright Phil?”

“
Yes Helen I’m fine, you are a little pale so you need your iron levels checked when you see the midwife”

“
Don’t worry Phil, it just morning sickness”

“
Is it still bad Helen?” Phil being on nights had missed Helen sickness and Helen was glad because she hasn’t been able to keep anything down in days.

“
The midwife said it perfectly normal but she did some blood tests yesterday and she will phone if anything was wrong”

“
How do you think the meeting went?”

“
Good Phil, I know you didn’t talk with him long but I think he can help you if you let him”

“I’m sorry I was late Helen but I couldn’t miss the operation and I got my placement at the hospital that I wanted. I can start next week so we can book our honeymoon as soon as I’m settled”

“What about your brother?”

“
We work something out or he can come with us if that alright with you?”

“
We see, maybe after the baby though because I have been getting a little car sick”

“
Where have you parked?” heading outside into the warm August sun and a soft breeze blowing Helen hair. It was the first time Helen has worn her hair loose since Carol had shaved the patch of hair on the back. She has missed the feeling of the wind in her hair. Helen still had a short patch of hair but it no longer upset Helen when she looked at it because it was at the back, so Helen stopped fussing over it and trying to cover it up. But Phillip was still upset when he looked at her hair and insisting she cover it up with a plait most of the time.

“
Sorry I caught a bus”

“
Good, then we can go home together because I booked the rest of the day of work, hungry?”

“
Sorry not really, I had a light lunch before I came here” Helen lied

“
You have to have a salad then because I said we meet mum at a restaurant in town” Phillip takes her hand and they walk silently to the car park. And leaving Helen wondering how she was going to get out of eating

          The smell hits Helen as soon as they enter the restaurant.

“Sorry Phil, I can’t” and leaving the restaurant as quickly as she came in and taking deep breaths of fresh air to clear her queasy stomach.

“
Is it that bad?” Phil asks her and he softly strokes her back

“
Sorry I’ve not been able to eat anything in days”

“
Why didn’t you say something?” stroking her face tenderly

“
Have a seat on the bench over there and we come and get you later” Phil watches Helen cross the busy road to the bench and smiles at her affectionately when she opens her bag for her book. He gives her a small wave before he re-enters the restaurant.

          Helen puts the book back in her bag she was not in the mood to read
and she looks around the crowded street, from the stressed and the worn out faces of people going home for the day. The day shoppers have already left and leaving behind the city workers in their suits and the shop workers with the bigger smiles on their faces from the contact they experience in the work place. Helen missed working in a shop there was always something to do with yourself but Phil didn’t want Helen to work anymore. Helen was glad when he relented and said she could get a part time job after the baby was in school.

         Helen spots Phil’s mum in the crowd dragging a screaming child behind her. Helen shocked by the child scruffy appearance. Phil mum had bad skin and greasy hair but her clothes were expensive looking but the child was dirty and had uncombed brown wavy hair that was longer than Helen‘s. If she didn’t know the child was male she would have guessed it was a girl. Helen keeps her head down
when she watches the pair reach the restaurant doors. Phil’s mum hands the child a carrier bag and ruffles his hair playfully. Helen can’t hear what she says to the boy when she makes him sit down but Helen can see the trauma on the child’s face when his mum walks off back the way she came and leaving the child behind. Holding onto his only comfort the bag in his hands and his cries grow louder.