The Darkest Gate (35 page)
Authors: S M Reine
She pushed his arm away. “Don’t use that on me, not when—”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? For what?”
He rested back on his heels with a sigh. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. Things that a thousand apologies couldn’t amend. “For everything.”
“It’s too late for that.” She stuffed the album back in the box and closed it. “Anthony wants to go through what’s left of Betty’s belongings. I should get her purse from Stephanie’s house.” Barely-restrained tears made her voice thick.
“Betty was your best friend. You can cry for your friends.”
“No. I can’t.” He tried to wrap his arms around her, but she shoved him away. “Don’t touch me.” Her chin trembled. She took a deep breath and furrowed her brow as she concentrated on the wall. He could feel her fighting to hold onto her composure.
“It’s okay.”
James embraced her again. Her attempts to fend him off were much feebler the second time. She finally buried her face in his neck.
The pain poured out of her. The fear of being found. The horror of what Mr. Black had done. The loss of Betty.
Her thoughts faded and out of his mind.
Why Betty? Alain didn’t feel enough pain when he died… I hate this… hate everything…
He thought Elise would feel better once she cried, but he was wrong. Instead, her sorrow reached new depths to fill every crevice of her heart and mind. It was almost too much for him to take.
He pressed his lips to her brow. “It will be okay,” he murmured against her forehead.
Elise thought that his breath was too warm in the summer air. The angry murmur of her thoughts latched onto it, seeking something she could control. He heard it, and she knew he heard it. James also knew the question she would ask a moment before she said it.
“What
is
this? What happened to us?”
He had been wondering the same thing since they returned from the city. None of his books talked about such a phenomenon, but he had a theory.
“When I died and you resurrected me, I think it… changed us. We’re somehow trapped in an active bond—a permanent piggyback. I’ve tried to end it several times, but it’s like we’re stuck.”
“Great. Just fucking great. Betty’s death is my fault. Your death was my fault. This…
thing
… is my fault.” Her mind had gone distant, retreating into a dark recess of memory. “I pushed Anthony away when I saw the gun. Alain wasn’t even aiming at him, but I moved to save my boyfriend instead of Betty. If I had gone for her…”
“Then Anthony might have been the one to die.”
“I should get away from him. I’ll kill him next.”
“You didn’t kill Betty,” James said, smoothing a hand down the back of her neck. Her skin was feverish from crying. “Listen to me. You didn’t kill Betty.”
Her chin trembled. “I might as well have.” She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “God, it hurts. How do you feel like this all the time? How do you handle so much emotion?”
“What?”
“This is yours,” she said with a hard sniffle. “This… crying thing. All this grief. This is your weakness, not mine.”
He took her hand, and he could feel it from her perspective as well as his own. James didn’t just feel the supple leather of Elise’s gloves. He felt the roughness of his skin, too. “Have you considered that you might not be getting it from me? You loved Betty. It’s natural—not weak—to grieve for those we love.”
Elise dropped his hand. “This isn’t me. It’s not.” She swiped the tears off of her face and straightened her back. “I’m going to help Anthony make arrangements. Betty wanted to be cremated, so there’s…” She swallowed. “And I’m going to Craven’s. They need help, now that the owner is gone.”
“What’s going to happen to the city without the Night Hag?”
“Reno survived without an overlord’s help for years. But the threat of her presence kept challengers out, and I killed the only person who might have taken up the line of succession. Now it’s going to get messy. There will be territory battles.”
“You can take time to grieve,” he said.
Elise stood and hugged the box to her chest. There was one other box, too. That was all that remained of Betty’s life—two banker’s boxes in a half-empty apartment.
He followed her to the front door.
“I don’t need time,” she said. Her voice was dead again. The tears were gone. “What would I do with time? Wait for Him to find me? Throw myself on the floor and cry? Waste my time wishing that Betty hadn’t…”
Her lips sealed shut before the last word could emerge.
James reached for her again, but she pushed away from him, opened the front door, and stepped onto the stairs.
She glared at the horizon. The tops of the casinos downtown were visible just over the trees. There was no sign of the city mirrored above—not so much as a waver in the air.
“Let me help you,” James said. “Please.”
Elise shook her head. “I can’t handle this. Any of it.”
She walked down the stairs, and James watched her disappear into the blazing sunlight.
A
N
OTE FROM THE
A
UTHOR
I hope you liked this book! It took awhile to get it
just
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Six Moon Summer
.
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